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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Too late to contemplate a water birth at 38 weeks?

30 replies

iamwhaticallpregnant · 27/01/2013 10:06

Hi everyone.

I have a little bit of an issue with childbirth - that issue being terror.

Because of this i haven't really given much thought to the labour other than I am open to all forms of pain relief and want my partner there. I avoid all programs about it and haven't read a lot about it other than the stages of labour and the signs of it starting. I am on a need to know basis.

Please don't ridicule or tear into me - but my biggest issue regarding labour is the exposure that is required - It is just the way I am. I am mortified at the idea of being naked, people (plural) seeing down there and my partner seeing me like that. In my head I just wanted the least amount of exposure possible so to be propped up in a bed with partner at the head end. I wanted to retain as much modesty as possible - which you might laugh at, but it is just the way I am. I am incredibly private, shy and embarrassed when it comes to being naked or exposed. I am the type who never gets changed in front of other people or would need to rev myself up for months to go to a smear test. I am anticipating replies of "YOU WILL NOT CARE!! YOU WILL NOT CARE!!" which is all anyone says to me but I can not take your word for it so let's say that I will care

So it's now 38 weeks and it is only just occurring to me that a water birth might be..... nice.
Is it too late to ask for one? (I understand that not everyone can have one depending on the birth and the hospital).
Is it better or worse when it comes to your modesty?

Please be kind....

OP posts:

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TaggieCampbellBlack · 27/01/2013 10:11

It's never too late (assuming you are low risk, midwife led care).

Water can create a nice private bubble. And a bit of a barrier to people shining lamps and peering at your bits.

lookingfoxy · 27/01/2013 10:22

You could wear a bikini top but you'd still have nothing on down below.
Its clearly causing you a lot of anxiety, im not really looking forward to it myself for the same reasons, however having done it before I know it will be the last thing on my mind.
Could you explain your fears to your partner and if you don't get to the 'i don't care stage' ask him to leave the room when prompted by you (although I don't think it will actually come to that) at certain points or put him under strict instructions to stay away from the business end.

Pinkflipflop · 27/01/2013 10:24

It's my first baby and I'm also 38 weeks so I can't offer much advice. Just wanted to assure you that you are normal and there's nothing wrong with not wanting all and sundry to see your bits! I feel the same and was dreading this aspect of childbirth. People make very flippant remarks about the whole experience which doesn't help.

My baby has just turned breech so I will most likely have a cs; probably a bit extreme for you to hope for!

Original poster

iamwhaticallpregnant · 27/01/2013 10:46

Ah thanks people - people are very very kind but don't really listen to my fear - which isn't something small - I feel like it's bordering on a phobia sometimes. And when i talk about what specifically I am worried about people tend to just say "at that stage you won't care as you'll be in so much pain" - which is perhaps the least useful thing you can hear if you're scared like I am.

so far there have been no complications at all and midwife says he is in the right position.

Is the water room temperature? can anyone tell me a bit of info about it?

my partner is aware of my fears and i think he will be very supportive (hope).

OP posts:

CrackleMauve · 27/01/2013 10:47

If you are nervous about being exposed, laying in bed might actually not be the solution. In the water the water will be protecting you a bit so perhaps you will feel less exposed as you won't be so aware of being uncovered. Or if you were leaning over a bed, or on all fours of the water with one of those birthing gowns on you could be a bit more covered as well. And you'd be looking away from anyone who is down the bottom end so wouldn't have to think about them.

www.nctshop.co.uk/Tayla-Birthing-Maternity-Dress/productinfo/1400/

5madthings · 27/01/2013 10:51

Its not too late at all! And you may well like the privacy a pool gives you.

Re a birthing gown don't buy anything fancy get something from primark as long as it has buttons or is easy to pulldown for skin to skin/feeding that will suffice.

CrackleMauve · 27/01/2013 10:58

Yes, some sort of big t-shirt or nightgown would work just as well. Also worth remembering you don't necessarily have to consent to every examination when you are in labour. They don't get free access to your bits, you can say no, or "let's wait 5 minutes and see". That is where it would be good to do a bit more research into active labour so you are comfortable you know enough to stand up for yourself.

The water in the birth pool is warm by the way.

Original poster

iamwhaticallpregnant · 27/01/2013 11:13

Thanks so much Crackle - I didn't know that i could not face the midwives and people - that sounds good because honestly the anxiety half the time comes from me reading other people's faces and worrying what they are thinking. Why might laying in a bed not be a good option? Are you very very exposed that way?

Thanks Smadthings. I bought two cheapish nightgowns yesterday from mothercare - they have buttons at the top down to stomach and they are knee length. Hope they are ok.

Waterbirth Q - How can the midwife see what they need to see if you are submerged in water? (trying not to imagine them in scuba gear). How can she tell how far along you are sort of thing?

This is REALLY useful by the way so thank you so much.

OP posts:

Persuasion · 27/01/2013 11:21

I'm only 17 weeks with my first so can't offer much advice, but there's a good thread about water births going on at the moment here which may be helpful. Lots of people seem to feel less exposed in the water.

Good luck

5madthings · 27/01/2013 11:23

They sound perfect :)

No you don't have to face them, I gave birth kneeling up and the midwife was behind me to catch the baby.

Its better to be upright and mobile in lab our anyway! Lying flat on your back is not a good position to give birth.

5madthings · 27/01/2013 11:24

Midwives can tell from all sorts of clues and they can use a mirror to check your bits if necessary, they may ask you to get out to examine you but that isn't always necessary at all.

Branleuse · 27/01/2013 11:26

it sounds like a water birth may be a good choice. You dont need permission. You DO need to tell them that THIS is your choice though and quickly sort out a pool

Marne · 27/01/2013 11:31

Not too late at all, when I had dd2 I was offered the pool when I got to the hospital so was not planned at all, I have to say though 'I felt more exposed in the pool' but tbh when you are in labour it all goes out the window and you don't care what's on show, all dignity is lost when you have children.

Letmeintroducemyself · 27/01/2013 11:32

laying down is worst position to labour in sweetheart - and honestly You really won't care.

Get hold of this book waterbirth

also this website is fab here

louisianablue2000 · 27/01/2013 11:34

Speak to your midwife and tell her you are worried about the exposure, you will not be the first person who has felt like that. I've had 3 kids and have never wanted to walk about naked, I wore a dress all the way through each labour. If things are progressing normally they'll only do a routine examination every four hours, but you can refuse if you want. It is nice to know how far on you are though so you can psych yourself for the rest of the labour. Like PPs have said, when you are ready to give birth they don't need to look up your fanjo to tell (hell I was watching the OBEM shouting at a father 'she's about to have the baby, get the midwife' just from the noises the woman was making).

Original poster

iamwhaticallpregnant · 27/01/2013 11:36

Thanks every1. The thought of things like being on all fours or kneeling up giving birth really scares me - i know it is utterly silly and ridiculous - but it just sounds so .... i don't know what the word is. I tell you what it is - i don't like the idea of not being in control, not appearing in control. I think sometimes if my partner wasnt in there I wouldnt feel so worried.
AM I PATHETIC?! oh dear....

OP posts:

CaseyShraeger · 27/01/2013 11:37

In my local hospital you can opt for the mw-led unit if you are low risk, and that has (two? not sure as I've never managed to be low risk) birthing pools -- if those are free when you get there you can opt for one of those. But on the mw-led unit your pain relief choices are limited; you can have gas&air but not an epidural and I think not pethidine either. If you need extra pain relief you transfer to the main delivery unit (which is just down a corridor).

Lying on your back on a bed will make your labour take longer and will make it hurt more. If you do end up lying on a bed, think about lying on your side which is a lot more comfortable and (while not as great as some of the more active positions) doesn't get in the way of your coccyx moving.

Original poster

iamwhaticallpregnant · 27/01/2013 11:39

Marne - why did you feel more exposed in the water? Out of interest.

OP posts:

Original poster

iamwhaticallpregnant · 27/01/2013 11:44

ok - it would seem that laying on a bed is out then. Why does every single tv program and film always have people lying on a bed? I am going to write an angry letter!

Was anyone else really self conscious about their partner seeing them like that?

I might be not concerned in the slightest at the time but the problem is with your first you just have no way of knowing. And that fear of the unknown is crippling.

OP posts:

CaseyShraeger · 27/01/2013 11:58

I did have #2 and #3 lying down on a bed, but on my side. With #2 I had been upright right up until fully dilated, then mw had asked me to get onto the bed so she could check I was fully dilated and once I was there just rolling onto my side to push seemed natural; then with #3 I was on the bed having a 20-minute monitoring trace done and DC3 came a lot faster than anticipated.

In the US I think a lot of hospitals do have women on their backs with their legs in stirrups (and they are told not to push until a doctor is there, which seems very odd to me). And a lot of movies and TV programmes are American.

Letmeintroducemyself · 27/01/2013 12:02

I know you are trying to avoid if but not knowing what is happening is the worst thing

honestly get That book - I nearly broke dHsu back last birth - one hand on his shoulder other on bed frame feet off floor

CountryCupcakes · 27/01/2013 12:10

Hi I actually felt the opposite to many of the posts above.

With DD1 I had an epidural and delivered on the bed with a sheet protecting my modesty. Due to the complete pain relief it all felt very dignified. No screaming or groaning. DH did see down there but only because I didn't mind and he had to go to the end of the bed to do so.

DD2 was waterbirth and I felt very exposed. As I was in the pool I couldn't have the epidural which for me (and remember everyone copes with pain differently, ie you may be much better than me!) was the wrong decision. Que lots of screaming and shouting and on the whole very undigfnified and exposing.

This time round with DD3 my midwifes have agreed in advance that they will do everything they can to give me an epidural.

As it's your first it's likely you will have time to try the pool to see how you feel and change if its not for you. Goodluck.

AnnieLobeseder · 27/01/2013 12:11

It's not too late for a water birth, and I felt very happy and protected in my pool - it was my own private universe. Nothing like the horrible helpless exposed feeling of being on a bed.

You never know how you will feel in labour, but perhaps water might help you feel more protected.

My DH was adamant that he would stay up at my head as he was horrified at the idea of what would go on "down below", but when the time came he watched both DDs being born and got over his squeamishness.

You can wear any top you like out of water, and a tankini in water. As for your bottome half - maybe a loose short skirt that you can cover yourself with but can be pulled up as and when required?

Letmeintroducemyself · 27/01/2013 12:22

the problem with demanding an epidural is the cycle of intervention that often follows

I'm the opposite to the previous poster in that I would have Done everything possible to avoid a second epidural birth

Marne · 27/01/2013 13:51

I think I felt more exposed as I felt like a fish in a bowl, midwife and dh sat around the edge watching. In the end I got out and had a epidural, had dd2 led on a bed, no screaming, 3 pushes and she was out so very fast in the end and not too exposed, I ended up with a student midwife delivering dd2 and it was the first baby she had delivered by herself, was very relaxed, dh stood near my head so didn't watch what was going on, I wore a nightie so I was covered up, unlike in the pool where I was naked.

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