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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Finding out the sex of your baby in advance - did you or didn't you?

40 replies

teacups · 17/04/2006 20:36

Just nosey really....

When I was pg with DD, I could not wait to find out what sex she was. First Q at my 20 weeks scan (and was told very crisply by the sonographer "we'll see about that!!" ). I was alone among my friends though - everyone else wanted the surprise on the day.

I am now TTC again and would find out the sex at the 20 week stage if we are lucky enough to be able to have another. Many of my friends are already pg and, again, have not / are not going to find out.

So, did you find out the sex of your baby before he / she arrived? Why did you make that decision? With the benefit of hindsight, did you make the right choice?

Thanks x

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LaylaandSethsmum · 17/04/2006 20:38

Hospital policy was that we couldn't find out with DD, with DS could find out I really wanted to DH didn't , glad now that we didn't!!

Posey · 17/04/2006 20:41

Didn't find out with either. With dd (1st) I was absolutely adamant we wouldn't find out, so much so that we turned away from the screen any time thay headed in such direction. We had a late scan at 36 weeks and to have found out then would've been horrible.
With ds, I still didn't want to know but didn't go to such an extent not to find out.

tortoise · 17/04/2006 20:42

I wanted to know with my 4th baby because i already had 2 bots and a girl and wanted to know what clothes to get ready! And both times they couldn't see because she had her ankles crossed and legs firmly shut!Was a nice suprise when i had my 2nd girl.

tortoise · 17/04/2006 20:43

*boys not bots!

compo · 17/04/2006 20:43

yes found out with ds and will be fiding out with this one. I don't get the surprise bit at the end - birth is such an amazing experience it doesn't matter if you already know. However we won't be telling friends and family as don't want their two pence worth with names etc!!

jmum6 · 17/04/2006 20:43

I wasn't sure, dp didn't so we didn't, it was lovely keeping the suspense going, and everyone having a guess!

I always think it's a bit like unwrapping your presents before christmas day!

ghosty · 17/04/2006 20:44

I am really glad I didn't either with either IYSWIM?
I really wanted my second baby to be a girl and was planning to find out so that I could 'get my head around it' if it was a boy. I miscarried that pregnancy so when I was pregnant again I felt very strongly that as long as I got to term with a healthy baby the sex really didn't matter. So I didn't find out.

(and she was a girl )

lockets · 17/04/2006 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alex8 · 17/04/2006 20:51

yes I found out because I am nosey and thought it would be odd that the sonographer knew something I didn't. We told everyone too. I know loads of people who have lied which I find really odd; or tell people they know but are not telling anyone else which I find even odder. I had no preference at all as to the sex and having a baby is a good enough present in itself the gender was immaterial. Never regretted it for an instance, why would you?

Beauregard · 17/04/2006 20:53

I found out the sex with both of my pregnancies at 20week scan.I dont think it takes the surprise out of childbirth if anything you can bond better with your bump,and be better prepared with regard to buying clothes etc. One thing i wish i hadnt told people who asked me the sex as my reply was always met with"never mind you can try for a boy next time!"or are you dissapointed?AAaaaHhHhHH
congratulations by the way!

lact8 · 17/04/2006 20:53

Finding out I was pregnant with no3 was a big surprise as DS2 was only 13 mths old and breastfeeding and we'd been using condoms!! I really wanted to know for practical purposes, should I keep all the baby boy clothes or pass them on? Having no3 meant moving DS1 into the loft and having a proper staircase put in and just wanted to get all of the decorating out of the way.

When I went for 20 week scan the nurse was really snotty with me and wouldn't look what the sex was. I bawled outside the hospital for ages after the scan.

In the end I paid to have another scan privately and was told I was having a girl. I'd convinced myself it was another boy and DP and I couldn't talk for a whole evening as the thought of a girl left us speechless!

I'm so glad I found out as it meant I had a good clear out of all boys stuff, decorated loft, DS2s room and DDs room well in advance (I know now there's no way I'd be able to do it with 2 yo and a newborn!) I bought all DD's summer clothes for this year in the sale last year and it was the most prepared I've ever been. I'm also glad i had the time when I was pregnant to accept that I was having a girl (for some reason always been convinced I would only ever have boys)If I hadn't known in advance I would've thought they'd given me the wrong baby!

blueteddy · 17/04/2006 20:57

I found out with DS1, as I wanted to get prepared, but after they told me he was a boy, they informed me he had a multi-cystic kidney & I got myself in a real state. He is fine, as the cystic kidney shrivelled away, leaving him one healthy one - but I was really beside myself when they told me.
When pregnant with DS2, it didn't cross my mind to ask the sex, as I was just so relieved that the scan went ok.

sunandmoon · 17/04/2006 21:00

DH and I didn't want to know... wanted a surprise! Everybody were telling me we will have a girl (shape of my tummy).. and I thought we were having a boy... We had a girl... so I got it wrong!!!!So happy it is a DD and can't imagine at the moment having a DS.. so much pink and purple around the house!!!!

7up · 17/04/2006 21:01

found out with both of mine, im not very good with surprises

lanismum · 17/04/2006 21:01

i took ages to decide that i wanted to find out the sex of my baby at my 20 week scan, when i asked the sonographer, she said she couldnt tell me as the baby had its legs crossed, i even tried moving and poking my bump to get the baby to move, i was a bit disappointed at the time because i had it in my head i would find out the sex on that day, but i was still very pleased my baby was healthy, and as i didnt really care which sex it was i quickly got over it, i do think it made for a lovely surprise when i had a lovely little girl, and have decided that i dont want to find out the sex next time i get pregnant.

beartime · 17/04/2006 21:14

I found out because I wanted to be prepared - there's enough trauma in childbirth without that to coe to terms with too (for me anyway). And I think we made the right decision - because we named him early so called the bump by name, and we got blue clothes rather than white for gifts! Plus I had a chance to prepare my mind for it, as I never really imagined having a boy!

Flamesparrow · 17/04/2006 21:30

I didn't. With DD it was policy not to tell, and I liked the surprise. This time round, I was thinking it was still policy, but was adamant I wanted surprise anyway...

Got there and was told scan is in 5 mins, we now tell you the sex, sign here if you want to know . We decided that we didn't want to rush the decision and then regret it, so we'd go with not knowing seeing as we thought we wouldn't have been able to know anyway iyswim.

With hindsight, knowing might have been good. My family tend to produce girls, so I was kind of expecting another girl. I had always pictured having two little girls. I now have a son, and as much as I love him dearly, I am still sort of mourning the two little girls I had imagined... maybe knowing would have given me more time to get my head round it.

Karmamother · 17/04/2006 21:40

A clairvoyant told me before I conceived DS that I'd be PG very soon with a boy. She also said I'd have a girl with a big age gap. She was spot on with the first one. After 9 yrs I'd decided not to have anymore children. As luck would have it, I accidently fell PG last year. I had an amnio & asked to find out the sex....yup, it was a girl.
I felt I made the right decision to find out about my DD. During the pregnancy I felt I "bonded" even more with my bump.

blueshoes · 17/04/2006 21:57

Yes, found out at the scan for my first. Will find out again at the scan for my second. Don't know what the big deal about keeping it a surprise for the birth is. It seems to be a cultural thing in the UK by the way - where I was born, parents routinely find out the sex before birth.

Wordsmith · 17/04/2006 21:59

No with the first one, yes with the second. It was due around the same time of year as the first and I wanted to know whether to keep the clothes or give them away!

(Both boys by the way)

OldieMum · 17/04/2006 22:04

We found out both times. I'm very glad we did with DD, as I had found it difficult to imagine her as a person before that. For some irrational reason, I expected number two (still a bump) to be a girl. When we found out that he's a boy, it took some readjusting of our ideas. We are completely adjusted now and very much looking forward to having a DS. I think it would be an extra stress to find out only when he's born.

LeahE · 17/04/2006 22:48

We found out had imagined before being pregnant that we wouldn't want to know, but once I actually was I wanted to know as much as possible about the baby. It made him seem much more like a real person in his own right and less like an abstract baby. And it was still a surprise just a surprise at 21 weeks rather than a surprise at 40 weeks. It helped from a practical point of view to focus on names, too.

Maddison · 17/04/2006 22:52

We didn't find out with DS1 as we wanted a surprise (and we were verysurprised - we were convinced he was a girl!)

When we found out I was pg again we decided to find out the sex, to prepare DS1 (who was 4 yo at the time)more than anything.

2labs · 17/04/2006 22:55

Love Lockets' idea of getting a sealed envelope from the sonographer! Mind you, why would you open it on the big day? To check?

I am 23 weeks and we decided not to ask at our 2nd scan - don't have a preference at all. Also have a friend who was told hers was a girl, turned out to be a boy. Not that she had a preference either, but she'd mentally prepared herself and took her a while to get her head round the reality.

fireflyfairy2 · 17/04/2006 22:57

We didn't find out with DD. But we did with Ds. I had been so ill with hyperemisis that I felt I needed something to bond me with this baby that was making me so so ill.. when I found out we were having a boy it sort of made it a little bit easier, knowing the sex definitely made me feel closer to the baby.

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