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Original poster

Would you drive this far at 36 weeks (xmas related)

62 replies

Numbthumbs · 20/12/2012 23:17

DP doesnt drive and his parents live 150miles away.
We try to spend alternate christmases at each others parents, my parents live a mile away.
This year we should be going to his parents but im due in less than a month, baby is breech (have scan on 27th) and im feeling pretty tired and uncomfortable. Im not a very confident driver at the best of times, especially when its dark, prob raining and im so fat I cnt check my blind spot anymore so I dnt really feel up to going. This was agreed by us both and we accepted an invitation from my parents (they were delighted as they dote on our 18month old DD and would spoil us all rotten) but DP is now making a fuss saying we should be going to his parents and that im being selfish.
DPs parents dont drive and wont get the train so we wont see them if I dont drive us there and I feel bad that DD wont get her presents. I always make an effort to go and see them for DDs sake but they are strangers to her really :-(

What would you do? Drive 150 miles to keep the peace even though you feel uncomfortable or not bother and put up with a grumpy DP?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mylittlemonkey · 20/12/2012 23:28

I personally would it do it and would simply explain that whilst you would be normally happy to it you are struggling at 36 weeks and don't think it is safe for you to be driving all that way esp as he cannot drive and give you a break if you needed it or share the driving. Just say you will go next year and then his parents will be hosting the new babies first Xmas. Better safe than sorry in my opinion.

mylittlemonkey · 20/12/2012 23:29

Sorry I meant to say 'personally I would NOT do it'

noblegiraffe · 20/12/2012 23:32

No, especially when the weather is going to be so bad. The traffic over Christmas is going to be horrendous too. If your DP wants to see them, I would suggest that he gets a train and goes on his own for a short visit.

I'm 35 weeks at Xmas and will not be seeing my parents as they are 250 miles away and there's no way I'm in a fit state to drive that far. I will see them when the baby gets here.

fuzzywuzzy · 20/12/2012 23:33

I wouldn't do it either, at this stage you need tlc and rest before baby comes.

Could your husband go to his parents if he wants to see his parents & you go to your parents?

MsHighwater · 20/12/2012 23:34

Drive 150 miles at 36 weeks pregnant? Not a chance. I know this is not AIBU but HIBU to even suggest it.

Why won't they get the train? Does that mean they never come to you, ever?

BuntysFestiveCollocks · 20/12/2012 23:50

Personally I would do it, and am driving 250 miles plus tomorrow, and back on Sunday, for a wedding at 39+ weeks.

However, if you're not confident, I think it's a recipe for disaster. It's not about whether other people would do it, it's whether you feel comfortable doing it with your particular circumstances. You clearly don't, so don't go.

3littlefrogs · 21/12/2012 00:01

Ex-midwife here.

Absolutely not. Your (D?)P is being completely unreasonable and selfish.

My DH would not have expected me to travel that distance in a car even as a passenger when I was 36 weeks pregnant.

A breech at 36 wks is excruitiatingly uncomfortable too.

In fact I am feeling very angry on your behalf. Does your P have any redeeming features? Out of interest, why does he not drive?

3littlefrogs · 21/12/2012 00:02

It increases your risk of DVT, which is really not advisable.

sausagesandwich34 · 21/12/2012 00:04

I drive a lot for my job and worked until 39 weeks with both dcs

personally I would have done it but it is absolutely personal choice and your DP should understand your logic

bluebiscuit · 21/12/2012 00:08

Absolutely not. Your pils ought to be able to find a way to get to you, presuming that they are not extremely elderly/infirm.

If your dp is hell bent on going tell him to take the train on his own and go and see them whilst you stay home.

PogoBob · 21/12/2012 00:08

No is my simple answer. DH is being unreasonable but probably feeling guilty and not thinking it through (if he's anything like my DH!)

I won't be seeing DM on Christmas day as I'll be 39+4 and I don't want to travel. She only live an hour away an DH would do all the driving!

Look after yourself and I hope baby turns for you.

3littlefrogs · 21/12/2012 00:10

Why is he reneging on your agreement? Something must have caused him to change his mind and make a fuss? Is he generally a bit immature?

steppemum · 21/12/2012 00:21

I think you have answered your own question actually. You don't feel confident or safe doing it, you can't check your blind spot.

if you have a problem, or go into early labour, how will you get home? (I couldn't drive myself home after giving birth)

I thought when I saw your title it was about you travelling 150 miles, which doesn't seem to be a big deal to me, I did plenty of longer distances, but as the only driver, I wouldn't want to.

Tell them they are welcome, and offer to pick them up form the train or coach station as you have been advised not to drive by a midwife (just don't tell them she is called 3littlefrogs )

mmmmsleep · 21/12/2012 00:28

Op i travelled when pregnant with ds. We got stuck for 4 hrs in snow on m4 at stanstill. Had to get out and walk 30mins to service station. Pregnant + xmas traffic + bad weather = best not to imo. This yr i have said no travel. Toddler plus very pregnant me is not a good combo for traffic jams. Pil are getting train. I will not be repeating my previous experience. Your dp is BU not you.

NatashaBee · 21/12/2012 00:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Musomathsci · 21/12/2012 00:31

DP needs to get a grip - what a horrible, selfish attitude. Show him this thread!

StuckOnTopOfTheChristmasTree · 21/12/2012 09:33

I definitely wouldn't be doing that drive.
Is your DP normally like this? If you haven't already sorted out his christmas present I'd be sorely tempted to buy him a couple of driving lessons and tell him to pull his finger out, pass his test and start sharing the driving responsibilities with you. May not help for this Christmas but will surely be better for family life in the coming years...

3littlefrogs · 21/12/2012 09:35

steppemum

3littlefrogs · 21/12/2012 09:46

I really do think a breech presentation is additional worry. Say worst case scenario you get stuck due to weather/traffic and went into labour - I have delivered a baby in a car before, but wouldn't fancy dealing with a breech. I know it is very unlikely, IMO you are better off staying close to your own hospital.

suzyrut · 21/12/2012 09:57

Another that doesn't think you should be driving, you need to be spoiled rotten at 36 weeks pregnant and sounds like you're only going to get that kind of treatment from your parents. I'd be sending grumpy dp up to his parents to misery it out together!

3littlefrogs · 21/12/2012 10:06

It is the fact that HE says YOU are being selfish that really makes me cross.

suzyrut · 21/12/2012 10:13

I thought that 3littlefrogs got my pregnancy hormones raging! His attitude sucks and his parents are being pretty selfish themselves expecting a 36 week pregnant woman to be driving 150 miles with a toddler through Christmas traffic. on your behalf OP!

lidlqueen · 21/12/2012 10:18

just say no no no OP - and how dare he say that you are 'selfish' when his parents 'won't get the train' - what they would rather see you driving when you cannot check your blind spot, and you might go into labour, breech, at any moment.
what a bunch of c's.
Go to your parents!!
btw there are also 300 flood warnings across the country.

KMR281 · 21/12/2012 10:24

I'm currently 38 weeks, and am not driving further than the supermarket, and only in the light. My DH can't drive (Visual impairment) and even he has said now that I shouldn't drive alone in the dark. I would not contemplate a long drive - too uncomfy, too worrying, and fankly - you have a really good reason to stay at home and put your feet up - your PIL can be visited next christmas. It's not selfish on your half, it is selfish of your DH to try and force you to do something you don't feel good doing. I have been driving for a bloody long time - but this week I managed to drive for about a mile with the handbrake on, and get lost in the supermarket carpark - concentration declines, and ifyou don't feel safe, it'll be a hellish drive. Stay at home or see your parents.

LeChatRouge · 21/12/2012 10:31

Ring your MIL. Tell her how you feel. Ask her what you should do. She will tell you not to come.

Suggest you all have a lovely get together at Easter, with a big meal and all the trimmings, pressies etc, show off new baby.

Tell your 'D'H that you are not driving, it's not safe and will make you ill. If he feels that strongly about seeing them, he can get the train himself.

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