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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Would you drive this far at 36 weeks (xmas related)

62 replies

Numbthumbs · 20/12/2012 23:17

DP doesnt drive and his parents live 150miles away.
We try to spend alternate christmases at each others parents, my parents live a mile away.
This year we should be going to his parents but im due in less than a month, baby is breech (have scan on 27th) and im feeling pretty tired and uncomfortable. Im not a very confident driver at the best of times, especially when its dark, prob raining and im so fat I cnt check my blind spot anymore so I dnt really feel up to going. This was agreed by us both and we accepted an invitation from my parents (they were delighted as they dote on our 18month old DD and would spoil us all rotten) but DP is now making a fuss saying we should be going to his parents and that im being selfish.
DPs parents dont drive and wont get the train so we wont see them if I dont drive us there and I feel bad that DD wont get her presents. I always make an effort to go and see them for DDs sake but they are strangers to her really :-(

What would you do? Drive 150 miles to keep the peace even though you feel uncomfortable or not bother and put up with a grumpy DP?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

looneytune · 21/12/2012 10:35

No I wouldn't drive. And I'm quite on your behalf that you are being made to be the selfish one when it's you that clearly does all the driving usually and all 3 of them don't drive! Do you think DP's parents have given him some grief? If so, why is it your problem they don't drive and won't get the train?!!! I agree you should show him this thread and let him see how unreasonable this is!!

3littlefrogs · 21/12/2012 10:46

AND.....you are not FAT. You are pregnant.

3littlefrogs · 21/12/2012 10:51

IME people who don't drive don't realise how tiring it can be.

My night vision is deteriorating (due to age) and I find driving at night much more difficult than I used to. I drive around 70 miles a day for work, and , five years ago would think nothing of doing a 300 mile round trip in a weekend. But I am reaching the stage where I wouldn't do it now, and certainly not in bad weather.

Original poster

Numbthumbs · 21/12/2012 15:49

Well......we have agreed to go tomorrow morning and come back on sunday. This is all before i saw this thread as i have been looking after a friends toddler today and have been soooo busy with them both. I now think im too nice and feel a bit of a mug.

My DP is lovely but a bit immature and i am sure his parents have said something to him, his sister rang today and helpfully suggested that if I dont want to go for xmas why dont we go for new year.....um, because then ill be nearly 38 weeks (had DD at 38 weeks) and ive still got to drive 150 miles to get there! I think that they think its because i want to spend xmas with my parents when its to do with the travelling and that alone - xmas is just a day and as long as i get a nice xmas dinner i dont really care where i am.

DP doesnt drive because hes never learnt - thats the answer i get when ive asked him. Hes 33 and has managed to avoid it so far, he never asks me for a lift anywhere and he gets the bus to work. He had 10 driving lessons this year but then our financial situation changed and we couldnt afford them anymore.

My parents are absolutely livid about the whole situation and are very annoyed with DPs parents for being so lazy and not coming to visit us instead, ive had to ask my mom not to ring his mom as she wont be able to hold her tongue and they are so insignificant in our lives its not worth it. FWIW DPs parents have never made any effort to come and see us except when i had DD. Their son lived in germany for 8 years and they never once went there, they say they like to stay at home and that trains are too stressful but that hant stopped them going on 2 long haul flights to exotic locations on holiday this year......and anyway, DDs present wont fit on the train

Yes, i am definately too nice and am dreading this weekend so much.

OP posts:

noblegiraffe · 21/12/2012 15:59

You are insane, have you seen the weather forecast for tomorrow? Please check the flood warnings. And every man and his dog is going to be driving at the weekend (except me because I'm 35 weeks pregnant and have no intention of driving any long distance until baby is here).

Don't forget your notes, baby seat etc just in case.

tasmaniandevilchaser · 21/12/2012 16:04

Can you not say you've seen your midwife (aka 3littlefrogs) and she has advised against it? Will they go against medical opinion? I'm not surprised your parents are livid, mine would be!

tasmaniandevilchaser · 21/12/2012 16:04

yy to taking your notes, baby car seat etc.

milkyjo · 21/12/2012 16:09

I think the fact that you can't check your blind spot is very disturbing and it would be irresponsible to drive. It's never too late to change your mind. Ring your MW and I'm sure she'll say the same thing others have said and then you can tell everyone that she has advised not to drive - it may have more effect. My 82 year old Nan uses the trains to travel long distances and she is easily confused. I am finding your PIL very selfish indeed!!

worsestershiresauce · 21/12/2012 16:10

His family are selfish bstrds. Sorry, but they are. I wouldn't drive that far now, and I'm only 30 weeks. I get sick, and crampy just going as far as the supermarket, and don't get me started on reversing round a corner up a hill in the dark. The craning over my shoulder set off a particularly special batch of braxton hicks.

I think you are being too nice, and nice people get walked all over in life. Your mum is right - let her ring up and fight your corner. You don't need the stress of either getting into a row with them, or driving half way across the country, but your mum is obviously happy to make them see sense. If they expect you to do this now, goodness only knows what hoops they'll expect you to jump through in future. Pregnancy is a time to put yourself first.

milkyjo · 21/12/2012 16:11

Meant to add my Nan can get confused at times but using the trains she's never had a problem with as long as she knows which ones and what platform they go from.

charlottehere · 21/12/2012 16:11

Tell your DH to STFU. Sorry was that a bit harsh? As a mum of a 4 week old baby, i remember being heavily pregnant very well. projecting

Why should you drive all this way when you are a) not safe as can't see blind spot b) uncomfortable c) have another very young child who btw won't give a jot about here presents and why the hell didn't PIL get them too her before now? d) point out the dimwit DH that you could go into labour. Shall ai continue?

suburbophobe · 21/12/2012 16:28

I had DS at 36 weeks.

So I can understand completely your unwillingness to do this. Especially the distance, driving in the dark, weather, etc.

MrsHoarder · 21/12/2012 16:35

By 37 weeks not only was I not up for going more than a few miles from home, but also DH had asked at work if he could please avoid any meetings being away from our city (i.e. asked his managers if they could host meetings for clients etc). And I didn't have any worrying compliations!

BiddyPop · 21/12/2012 16:55

I was further along (dates varied, but I was either 40+4, 40 or 39+3 on Christmas Day) and both our parents live 160miles away. We had stayed here once before alone (but cooked our own dinner). I put my foot down (even though DH drives too) and said I wasn't going that far from my own hosp at that stage. We ate dinner with my grandparents, and 5 of their 6 kids (only Dad wasn't there but that's normal - every 2nd year is those 5 sibs and SO's), 3 DH's/DWs, and my 2 young cousins.

As it happened, it was the first relatively quiet day of mat leave, and I ended up going into labour that night (so tried to stay very quiet for the 2 hours of present opening, while my 5 month old cousin cooed happily on the carpet). DD arrived 8 hours after I left their house, and I don't think I'd have handled a drive all that distance even as a passenger, let alone the driver, at that point in time.

Dogsmom · 21/12/2012 16:58

Send him on the train on his own, it's simply not safe for you to drive, the forecast is dreadful and you will be putting yourself, partner, child, unborn baby and other drivers at risk.

It'll be a manic weekend on the roads as it is and if you are unable to check your blindspot then you really shouldn't be driving even short distances.

You'll feel guilty if you cancel but nowhere near as guilty as you'd be if you were in an accident.

user12785 · 21/12/2012 17:05

No. I had a breech baby, and even at 7 months it was really really uncomfortable sitting in the car. In fact, I still get rib pain now, years later, from where dd's head was. Your 'd'h is being a knob.

Bearandcub · 21/12/2012 17:11

Be sensible and stay at home and near your maternity unit.

Phineyj · 21/12/2012 17:11

Worst case scenario, you go into labour while you're there, have a c-section and are told you can't drive home for 6 weeks. Don't do it OP!!

3littlefrogs · 21/12/2012 18:16

Please don't go. I really don't think it is a good idea.

When you say your DP is a bit immature, you are being too generous. He is very immature, irresponsible and selfish. When I read your op the first word that came into my head was "immature".

He is playing fast and loose with your health.

Any man who would force his pregnant partner to drive all that way, when the weather forcast is so bad, AND with a toddler in the car as well, is plain stupid.

KMR281 · 21/12/2012 18:19

Please don't drive up this weekend - PIL should be making the effort to visit you FGS. Weather likely to be awful, you'll have a toddler in the car, and it likely won't be pretty. Please put yourself first and keep yourself safe and cosy. Your DH should really learn to drive - assuming no partic reason (other than cash) why he can't. He can practice with you in the car (after baby here natch) - seriously, it's draining being the only one that can drive in the family, and he should sort that out. What if you have a section and can't drive for 6 weeks? will he bully you into driving then? Please don't drive if you don't want to.

maximusminimus · 21/12/2012 18:21

tasmania has a good idea - get your MW to forbid it (which I'm sure she will!). Then you have an excuse which isn't your fault... That will at least relieve the pressure and you can have any 'discussions' about DP and his family's attitudes at a later date if you can't face them now...

WitchOfEndor · 21/12/2012 18:21

I would not do it as that long driving could knacker your coccyx ( speaking from experience ) and it will never quite recover < shifts uncomfortably>

cece · 21/12/2012 18:24

I drove 200 miles on my own when I was 36 weeks with my first and my parents were moving house. I sorted through all my crap treasures. Then two days later drove the 200 miles home. However, I felt fine, had no pains and a small bump. TBH it didn't cross my mind to not do the journey.

So i don't think the driving is the issue. However, the weather is a good reason to not go, so yanbu. If you don't feel up to driving it then don't. PIL should be understanding....

TwitchyTail · 21/12/2012 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dietcokeandwine · 21/12/2012 20:47

I have to agree with everyone else...don't go, it's too risky. Not so much the journey itself. I am 34 weeks and about to travel over 200 miles each way to go to visit DH's family this weekend but my situation is very different, I currently have no issues driving and DH and I will share it between us so there is no pressure on me.

But the fact is, in your case, that you're not actually safe to drive. You will be putting yourself, your baby and other people on the road at risk if you try the journey, so please please don't.

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