Who do I speak to about a homebirth?

[TisTheSeasonToBeJolly]

Hello ladies, Im only 12 weeks pregnant so got plenty of time to prepare, but would like to know who I speak to about planning a homebirth? I don't see my midwife again till January so can't speak to her till then.

I guess waht people are trying to say is that there is the ideal- named MW you see all through pregnancy and a nice HB that goes to plan and then there is the reality of an underfunded, over stretched midwifery team where you may not ever see the same MW twice and things are rushed and I think in hospital settings where things are medicalised people have become used to relying on a VE to see how far along a woman is rather than observing her because it is faster and instantly accurate. (though it only tells you how far along she is at that moment, her behaviour is more able to tell you if things are hotting up or taking a while).

Anyway. If you want an intervention free, hands off labour then you are going the right way about it as you are far less likely to have intervention with a home birth even if you transfer to hospital during labour. Just keep in mind that it isn't the be all and end all. We can do our best to place our trust in our bodies to do what they have done naturally for centuries but at times there can be circumstances out of our control and that is in no way an indication of personal failure but if you have that natural, intervention free birth held up as your ideal then it can seem like the end of the world if it doesn't happen. I know you have said that if it comes to an emergency they can do what they want but because you seem so very hostile towards vaginal exams I wonder if you really would be ok with it. Do try to have a good, honest chat with your MW. Remember her role is to inform you and to support you in your choices.

All the best for your birth.

But they might not know there is a problem without looking!

Tbh if you are this uptight at a medical professional looking at your vagina during childbirth, I don't see how you will be relaxed enough for natural childbirth. And I have ishoos too!

I had a home birth and refused all but one vaginal exam.
I did need stitches though and had gas and air for that plus local anasthetic.

Sweeps and exams to see if you're dilated can be refused.
I recommend talking to a doula about it and hiring one to help.

MrsDimples quite easily with a normal, hands off delivery actually. Nice waterbirth, mum in pool, MW sitting to one side having the odd listen in to the heartbeat. No vagina viewing needed.

I think you are being slightly naive to expect to go through labour & birth without anyone looking at your fanjo, and tbh I think it'll be the last thing on your mind. How in earth do you cope with smear tests?!
Oh, and if you have a CS, they will need to put a catheter in so you don't get away with it that way either!

And if you have a C-section or forceps etc you also get a painkiller up the bum!

I'm hoping to go the same way as you are hoping this time though, I was induced the last time with pessaries then having waters broken and then a drip, episiotomy, forceps... I also felt the same as you in thinking that I couldn't have internals etc. You will probably not care when the time comes! By the end I was literally begging for my MW to check me as I needed to push and she was giving me into trouble for it saying I wasn't ready and would do damage but she also she refused to check me. When she finally gave in, I was fully dilated and effaced and in fact, ready to push!

Trusting your body works for some, it did for me as I felt no need to push until I needed to. My friend on the other hand, had to have an epidural at 3cm to stop her trying to push.

There are other ways of them being able to tell though, including a line that appears up your back in accordance with how many cm dilated you are.

Would love a nice homebirth this time, without VEs being forced on me when I don't want them and able to have them when/if I do want them!

You say it's your own body and no one is allowed to look at your fango . How do you expect the mw to deliver your baby ? I don't think many ppl out there like to have their vagina starred at. You aren't different from everybody else. But when you want that baby out ASAP you won't care about how many ppl or who looks at it as long as they do it safely and quickly.

Can you afford an independent midwife? About 2k? That is the only way you are guaranteed what you want.

You wouldn't automatically have a section if you transferred. I transferred with dd1 from my planned homebirth because of foetal distress for monitoring - ended up forceps.

I did have the same midwives in pregnancy & labour with my first (transfer) but not with my second (homebirth)

Things have changed since your mums day.

Things to consider if you are worried about such things;

As everyone deals with labour and pain differently if external cues are used to measure how you are doing they can get it wrong. With ds they were shocked when after just arriving at hospital I told them he was about to fall out of me, so they looked and agreed I should push. 5 pushes and he was out. From looking at me they did not think I was minutes away from giving birth.

Things can change quickly, a friend gave birth in her bathroom because she was sent home.

Some monitoring can only be done via your fanjo, not just how many cms, but also for the baby. Also what if you need a catheter?

Even with hm and water births the mw needs to look so she can help you, it when to stop pushing, oh yeah and to catch the baby when it comes out.

Afterwards to possibly help the placenta come out.

After the birth to check re tears etc and possibly stitch you up.

Then is the rarely mentioned finger up bum with pain relief post stitching etc.

Afterwards your mw may want to check your stitches.

Finally if you have concerns re prolapse, looking and fingers will be required.

It's not a nice thought but you cannot have a baby and no-one ever look at your fanjo. Whilst to you it's your fanjo, to them it's just another one that day, and most of them have their own.

I am intrigued as to how you are going to demand to have the same midwife. Presumably the individual midwife you meet in clinic doesn't actually have control of her own rota, anyone know?

Seriously you need to move to KCH for the homebirth team there!

I was thinking the same re seeing the same midwife...

I'm only 17 weeks but already I've seen 3 - the same one for my 8 week and 16 week checkups, but I had a slapped cheek scare in between so had to see 2 other midwives about that. Then there was the sonographer (hope you're okay with people looking at your tummy!) And the nurse at the hospital who took my blood for the nuchal test.

For the slapped cheek thing I needed it to be checked out quickly for baby's safety and my peace of mind, and waiting to see the same midwife would have taken a month because she was booked up.

I think it's great to prepare and have a birth plan etc... Personally I'm not going to worry too much about it because you just don't know what's going to happen and I'd prefer to trust medical professionals than uneducated me who only has the internet and One Born to go on!

(Perhaps that's too trusting/naive - I don't know!)

To answer your question to me, yes you have to pay for an independent midwife, it was the only way for me to ensure I saw the same midwife all the way through.

Having had a homebirth with the amazing KCH team in London that was about as natural as it could have been, I would just like to pour out that

1. I had a team of MW, so actually one of this that attended me in birth I hadn't met before, but that didn't matter a she was lovely and very appropriate.
2. They definetly looked at and touched my bits. Several times to check progress of labour, to help birth my DD, to check me after and sort out stitches etc..... Oh and I best not forget the Doctor who checked my bits at 6 weeks post birth and gave me medication for my piles (God, I loved him for that it was suh a relief!!!) The thing about having a baby is that dignity is pretty low down the list when you are actually in labour so try not to worry about it. Given that a baby comes out of your bits, it's kind of inevitable that theres some poking and looking in this area during the process but when your passed your baby you won't give a shit.....

Have you considered getting a doula?

I'm nearly 30 weeks with my second and haven't seen, or expected to see, the same mw twice. It's just not something they're able to offer.

However, I feel very strongly about continuity of care in labour (was 'lucky' enough to have 1:1 mw attention last time because I was on continuous monitoring). Midwives attending a home birth may well have to leave if you go over the end of their shift. That's why we've hired a doula. She'll be there through the whole process with me.

Like Orange, I also had my baby at home with a KCH community caseload team. I had a named midwife who worked in a team of three, and I saw all of them through my pregnancy. I ended up with a very long labour and saw five different midwives, three from the other team working alongside mine in the caseload group. My named midwife was on leave! I felt very strongly about continuity of care, my midwives were amazing, but even in my sadly rare situation, I couldn't dictate which midwife I had. Times have moved on since your mother gave birth. You will need a doula or independent midwife to achieve what you want, and you'll need a midwife with a doula.

It is possible not to have VEs as many have said. But I think you really need to be prepared for the reality of childbirth. There are lots of reasons why a medical professional may need to look or feel around your genital area during and after birth and if that distresses you, it's something you need to discuss with your midwives early on.

I did have my named KCH midwife attend mr in labour - for the first 12 hours. I hadn't met her replacement before but 4 hrs into her shift we transferred to hospital & she stayed with us for another 12 hours. Appreciated that so much.

• moot point anyway as think OP said she was in Bury. Get in touh with you local NCT to find out the homebirth situation locally.

It's not moot if the point is to explain that even in the most optimum scenario, having the same midwife all through pregnancy and birth is very unlikely!

True stiffy.

I actually did have my clinic MWs for the birth, but that just happened to be who was on duty.

All the local team appeared at my place at some point during my PG, so it wouldn't have been a totally new face.

Also it's a very rural area, DD2 was born just before sat nav became common.

I'd have wanted to visit in daylight, not tackle our lanes for the first time in Febuary snow in the dark.

I think they all appeared postnatal lot too to see the baby, they are a lovely bunch.

Quite a big community team here. For number 1 by chance I had my named MW and the MW who ran the aqua natal classes so I knew both of them well. For the other 2 I had MWs I had not met before but all were great.

I think you need to be prepared for the reality of giving birth within the NHS. Yes, some areas have caseload midwives. However, others don't. In my area I rarely saw the same midwife twice and the team who covered homebirths were not the same as the team who gave antenatal care (there was some overlap, but not a great deal). You couldn't have demanded to see the same midwife all the time as she simply would not have been attending the clinics you were attending, etc. Demanding to see the same midwife would have done nothing, unless of course you decided to miss appointments rather than see different people.

That said, my care was good. It's just perhaps not what you are imagining it will be.