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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Was I stupid to tell work so soon????

51 replies

M2T · 07/01/2004 10:33

I informed my boss that I am pregnant yesterday. I am 10 wks pg. I thought I should tell him as a couple of the girls knew and my Dad works for the same company and had already told a couple of his mates! I certainly didn't want him hearing on the grapevine. Plus, I seem to be developing a bump very quickly!

Anyway.... I was making a cup of tea this morning and one of the Managers comes in. He said congratulations and asked when the due date was. I told him 6th Aug and he said "My goodness WHY are you telling people so soon, I hope everything is okay???". I was quite taken aback and now I am even more terrified that my scan confirms no heartbeat or something else sinister. Not only would I have to deal with the heartache, but I'd have all these people to tell too!

What have I done???!!

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Original poster

M2T · 07/01/2004 10:35

Oh should've added that this Managers wife had a miscarriage 3 weeks ago. Don't know how far on she was.

OP posts:

lazyeye · 07/01/2004 10:43

M2T I wouldn't worry too much - you were right to tell him if other pple knew - I bet he wouldn't have been plsd to hear it from somewhere else.

I know what you mean about then getting bad news at a scan etc, but really what difference does it make? I always think if the worst was to happen it might make pple more aware of miscarriage and loss and that can only be a good thing.

I have kept this one quiet until now (am 15 weeks) but more because I'm quite embarrassed to be pg for the 3rd time in 4 yrs!!!!!

Don't worry - you go with how you feel pet and if you have a bump its bloody hard. I was always catching pple looking at me tum.........

Kayleigh · 07/01/2004 10:44

M2T don't worry about it. When I was pregnant very first time I didn't plan to tell work till 12 weeks. But I miscarried before then. I had a couple of days off sick then went back to work. Of course I ended up blubbing all over the place and couldn't do a thing. So everyone had to know anyway. And everyone was very sympathetic.

So what I am saying is. I am sure you will be fine. But if something did happen they would know anyway. So what diffference ?

I also developed a bump VERY early when pregnant with ds2. Think your muscles aren't what they were so stretch much quicker.

dejags · 07/01/2004 10:44

M2T - I really wouldn't worry unduly. The poor man is probably still very tender about his wife's m/c and regretting telling anybody (if they did?)

My point of view is that it is good to tell people - that way if anything goes wrong people will understand why you are a)off work b)not the life & soul of the party etc... obviously this is within reason. I am 4.5 weeks and am desparate to tell anybody who will listen (not that I will just yet). I did wake up in the night last night worrying that everything would be ok and fretting because I had told Mumsnet, my parents, close family and one friend (was I tempting fate and all of that???)

Different strokes for different folks on this one - I will tell my colleagues after my scan at 9 weeks. HTH

Original poster

M2T · 07/01/2004 10:47

Thanks lazyeye -

I may be a bit further on too. The doc felt my tummy when I was about 4/5 wks and he said I was probably more like 6/7wks. This would fit into the fact that I got a positive pg test 6 days BEFORE my AF was due and also that my nausea is starting to ease of and then of course there is the bump! I feel more like 12 wks. Only the scan will tell. I wish they would hurry up and send me a date for it.

I also wanted to tell them so I didn't lose out on any pay for my antenatal appointments!

OP posts:

codswallop · 07/01/2004 10:48

I knew this thread was yours m2t!!

Original poster

M2T · 07/01/2004 10:49

Its frustrating eh Dejags! I found out so early that I feel like I should be feeling movement by now! lol.

Thansk you guys.... just had a bit of a panic there.

Kayleigh - I suppose you're right. At least if the worst comes to the worst people will know before I return to work.

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FairyMum · 07/01/2004 10:50

I think this manager was quite insensitive to say what he did, but it is maybe understandable after his own experience. I told people early both times. Mainly because I was in stressful jobs which I couldn't really cope well with during the morning sickness, tiredness etc. I told people to get the managers off my back. The last thing I needed was people complaining about my perfomance.

Anyway, I am sure you will be absolutely fine and 12 weeks is just around the corner

Original poster

M2T · 07/01/2004 10:50

How did you Coddy??? I only told him yesterday afternoon!! Am I THAT tranparent?

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Cavy · 07/01/2004 10:59

I always end up telling people early on... because I don't want them wondering why I've turned into such a miserable, gray-faced sod. And maybe it's good if you can comfortably be open about miscarriage, if it did happen to you, because sometimes women get a real 'why me?' complex if it happens to them, and they don't realise that m/c is actually very common.

Trifle · 07/01/2004 11:01

From a completely different point of view I was in a fabulous job that I loved with a passion and even though the company was bought out I was given nothing but praise by the new bosses. Unbeknown to me they were looking for a replacement and despite being 3 months pregnant and not showing I said nothing. So, when they decided to get rid of me because they wanted to bring in their own manager and not inherit one from the previous company I was out the door with no job, no maternity pay, no security and no redundancy. Had I told them that I was pregnant it would have been far more difficult to get rid of me without the risk of being sued for unfair dismissal. In todays job market, you can never be too sure that your job is safe.

Original poster

M2T · 07/01/2004 11:06

Very good point Trifle. That must have been awful for you!
Did you get any Maternity Allowance from the government?

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Hulababy · 07/01/2004 11:07

I told my headteacher at 10 weeks. I had started at the school new the same day; start of term one September. I just thought it seemed 'polite' as I was so new and they would have to make cover arrangements for me; I wanted to insure that it'd get sorted properly with long term cover - which it did well in advance

Don't worry.

BTW, even if the worst happen, you would have their support. When I had a mc I hadn't told anyone and felt I had to struggle on alone. It was really hard telling people afterwards. The second time I got pregnant I told everyone really early.

hana · 07/01/2004 11:08

think you did the right thing - I do think the majority of people thing that 12 weeks is a magical marker or something, and that shhhh no one should know until that point. I don't believe that and the manager probably was a bit sensitive anyways if his wife had just lost one. Best of luck in the remaining months!

SpringChicken · 07/01/2004 11:08

I agree with what everyone else has said M2T!

although not exactly the same situation - i got exactly the same response from my brother when i told him i was pregnant.
As i work for my parents company i decided it was best to them as soon as i found out, therefore had to of course tell my 2 brothers and their partners as my mum and dad already knew - the eldest brother, who i don't have a great relationship was seemed really surprised and somewhat dissapointed that i had to everyone so soon!

I worked along the lines that god forbid anything bad was to happen then i would have to tell everyone the bad news anyway, so may aswell let them hear the good news first and just pray nothing bad happens

Also, re: the scan, i was a jibbering wreck when i went for first scan - i was adamant that the sonographer either wouldn't see a thing or would see a baby with no heartbeat - i didn't sleep for days over it and when i did sleep i had horrid nightmare's - what i'm trying to say is "it;s normal"! Just keep your fingers crossed that everything is OK

I've got another scan tomorrow - although not panicking as much as i was on the first and second scan there's still a little niggle inside me!

musica · 07/01/2004 11:09

Trifle, I would have thought that was illegal anyway. Either you were sacked, in which case you would have needed to have warnings, or you were made redundant, in which case you should have had redundancy, and they couldn't appoint anyone else.

Poor you!

codswallop · 07/01/2004 11:11

NO wm2t I smiled as oyu are just like me and I always told people early - ish anyway if I miscarried they would have found out anyway

handlemecarefully · 07/01/2004 11:20

Agree with everyone else - your manager's comments were coloured by his recent experience.

Also agree that god forbid things don't work out (and I am sure that they will), you would probably have to tell people anyway (to account for time off work etc)...

Hope you are well with this pregnancy?

Original poster

M2T · 07/01/2004 11:20

PHEW!! Thought I was jumping the gun there. It's weird, I almost felt like I had made a fool of myself by telling work. Dunno why I felt like that.

I love mumsnet.

Now I'm just dreading someone coming on here and saying
"Well actually I think you have been very stupid and careless and niave to tell everyone so soon".

Goodlluck Jems with your next scan.

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oliveoil · 07/01/2004 12:09

I am of the same dilemma M2T. Felt like a bag of crap on Monday but ok today so hopefully my 'morning' (ha!) sickness will subside and I can hold off telling anyone.

Stomach looks like I had 12 christmas dinners however............

Think I am 8 weeks this week

dinosaur · 07/01/2004 12:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster

M2T · 07/01/2004 12:12

Hiya OO - Haven't heard from you in a wee while. My sickness was okay yesterday and better today, but I have started to get very constipated! I will be 10wks on Friday according to the midwife.

OP posts:

Original poster

M2T · 07/01/2004 12:13

No no Dino - I didn't see that until after I had posted this.

OP posts:

Northerner · 07/01/2004 12:13

Oliveoil I didn't know you were pregnant too! CONGRATULATIONS. How did I miss that?

mears · 07/01/2004 12:15

I always told people early because I was as sick as a dog. The argument that it is best not to say incase something happens doesn't wash with me. A misscarriage is not something that needs to be hidden and if it did happen, it is better for people to know to be able to lend support IMO.

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