Ok, those who have already done it, just how bad are the sleepless nights in the early days?

[dontcarehow]

I'm starting to get fed up with the comments about how we should be enjoying sleep now because we won't get any AT ALL once the baby is here. Obviously I know that babies are awake in the night quite a lot, and it'll be hard work but seriously, they can't be awake literally all the time can they? I know its a stupid thing to ask but are people just exaggerating when they say you won't sleep at all? I mean they must be getting a couple of hours at least.

These threads make me laugh..
There will be a thread like this "I'm pregnant, why is everyone raining on my parade telling me how hard it is".
Then tomorrow there will be a thread saying "I've got an 8 week old, why didn't anyone tell me how relentlessly hard this is"!

OP you've had some great replies here, showing how hard it can be. Best of luck and if you have time, come back when your baby is about 8-12 weeks old and let us know how it went for you.

I had twins with colic, reflux, each feed was a mutli-stage process of breast, bottle and meds, tthey wouldn't sleep in a cold bed so needed a hot water bottle to warm it up each time, was supposed to be expressing as well to boost supply... I was a complete zombie. I remember burning my hand in the steam of the kettle while making hot water bottles and I was so tired I couldn't work out how to move my hand out of the steam .

It won't be that bad!

Get organised, there's lots you can do to make life easier.
Look into safe co-sleeping and get a bedside cot or bed guard. Think about a sleeping bag for you. Definitely put your baby in a gro bag as soon as they're big enough (it was LIFE changing for us!), or read up on swaddling.
If you think you might do some formula/ebm bottle feeds look into how to make them up safely in advance, consider having a fridge and/or kettle upstairs, bedside bottle heater if you don't want to microwave them (guidelines say not to, but it is quicker. Need to be careful to avoid hotspots).
Have bundles of bedding ready - sheet/pillowcases/duvet cover together in case of major vomit in the middle of the night. Lower your standards! Have a stack of towels and muslins too.
Get low energy/dimmable bedside light so you can move around without waking everyone up too much.
Have a smart phone/Kindle to keep yourself awake during night feeds.
Have a change station set up ready to go with spare baby clothes on it for poo explosions in the middle of the night.
STock your fridge with portioned up meals so you can go to bed as early as possible in the evenings with no cooking/washing up.
Get a spare bed or sofa made up so you and your DP can swop around - maybe he does the changes and you do the feeds, letting the other one sleep when possible. No point in you both being awake listening to a grizzling baby, much better you take turns and each get some decent sleep.
Make up a a 'New Baby and Mum Sleeping, Do Not Disturb' sign to hang on your front door and nap when they nap in the day if you can.
Keep a drink by the side of the bed. Have a lot of chocolate in the house!

actually EMS23, I was just trying to get a REALISTIC idea about what happens, my point was that people seemed to be exaggerating, and judging by all of the very helpful responses (thank you!), I was right. I expected perhaps getting an hour or two between feeds and whatever, which sounds about right but I just wanted to see how many people actually experience no sleep AT ALL. So I'd suggest people think before they try to scare new parents with their stories. We know its going to be hard, I'm certainly not going into this thinking that I'll be able to sleep as normal.

I am extremely lucky in that I can sleep anywhere and anytime and this is exactly what I did when ds1 was born, I just slept when he did and he slept a lot, so still had time to stick a washing on and make bottles (everything else can wait), I was lucky, i remember that ds put himself into a good routine quite quickly.

You sound like you have a reasonable idea of what it will be like. Personally I didn't find the early days too bad- it's all so new and exciting having your gorgeous new baby and you just get on with it.

Like some others have said I found it harder later on, when it had been a few months without uninterrupted sleep (maybe you'll be lucky and yours will sleep through from early on, that's what I was hoping for with number 2, but it's the same again, yawn...)

Everyone said this to me and I had real terror and anxiety about it.

It was all unfounded. DD was amazing. She slept 4 hours between every feed, so I did 10pm then went to bed, DH did 2am, and I would put her in bed with me and do 6am and fall back to sleep till 9.30 / 10.

I've never had so much sleep in my life.. (Until she started sleeping 13 hours a night at 7 weeks - that was nice )

I'd advise anyone not to listen to horror stories. You'll be fine no matter what the baby is like.

Perhaps when people say no sleep at all (which I've not really heard, it's more 'you won't get much when the baby gets here') they mean proper sleep. Dozing for an hour between feeds really doesn't feel like you're getting any sleep, as you don't even get to go through a full sleep cycle.

I'm really hoping that baby number two is like all these lucky parents on here who were getting 4 hour blocks from early on, as I really was getting no sleep at all at one point. I used to fantasise about booking into a hotel and just sleeping uninterrupted. But I was bfing so it was impossible. I don't think I slept for longer than two hours in one go for over a year.

It's only for a short while. It's a great time and you will survive and enjoy it. I got narked off with people going on about it too And figure you just prioritise resting over trying to get a million things done a day.

Of course dontcarehow - I think you're very sensible to try to get a realistic idea of what to expect. I was the first of my friends to have a baby and my DD1 was a nightmarishly bad sleeper so I am probably guilty of telling the bad tale to pregnant friends since.
As we've seen here, you don't really know what kind of baby you'll get so its very subjective.
I'd love one like curiousgeorges!! You're so lucky!!

Thing is, if you only hear stories about wonder babies who sleep through from 6 weeks or whatever, I think it would be far worse if you were then dealt a poor sleeper. I'd have blamed myself and wondered what I was doing wrong and felt increasingly more resentful of my baby. As it was, I assumed babies were crap at sleeping and just went with it. Far better to be warned of the worst and it actually to be better, than to be painted a rosy picture and be disappointed, IMO.

My five were good sleepers so I'd dream feed about half ten go to bed then get up once to feed in the night (usually about 3am) straight back down. I'd get up 6.30am and get showered and dressed before they woke around 7 to 7.30am. They all slept through from six weeks. Had more sleepless nights once they were toddlers tbh.

I decided when I was pregnant to just try and forget night / day myself for a bit and sleep when ds did. I remember being tired, but honestly, not that tired. I can however, nap anytime and any place!

Even now, 7 months on, ds is waking every 2-3 hours yawn but you just sort of cope, everyone knows you will be knackered so hopefully they lower their expectations of you too.

Personally, I would hide up in your bedroom for the first fortnight at least. Don't get dressed, don't make plans, just get used to your new reality and lovely baby. Also, ds could only stay awake max 2 hours at a time - and I found it really helpful to think that no matter how tired I was, I only had to stay awake another 2 hours at any given point.

My advice would be don't spend too much time on the net when the baby is small. I think it's tempting because you are sitting around all day with this small little ball of love (soppy ha!), but the problem is it gets a bit addictive and I think the brightness of the screen, the text, the on-line bickering etc can wind you up a bit and make it even more difficult to sleep in the few valuable windows of opportunity you have.

Also lots of babies sleep well between 8 p.m. and midnight, whereas the adults use that time to talk and watch t.v.

I would advise running off to bed with babs at every opportunity you get, you can catch up on t.v. later.

just aim to keep a warm and calm/boring house for about 3 months and then you will be grand.

With DS I was up frequently with DD I am co-sleeping and it's fine, I just pop her on to feed and doze off again while she feeds I don't even turn the light on which helps. DH is in another room which helps too. (I feel quite rested it's the daytime with two of them that's tiring)

The best advice I got when I was pregnant was to differentiate between night and day from the very beginning. Obviously respond to your baby whatever time it is, but at night, keep it dark, quiet and soothing and only change baby's nappy if it is bothering them and/or pooey. During the day, try and get a bit of fresh air/ natural daylight every day (as much for you as for baby!) as much as possible etc. etc.

It is tiring, but as you say 'we' in your OP, I assume you have a DP. Good. Make the most of it! And accept any other offers of hello that are forthcoming. Or tell people to stay away. Whatever makes you feel better.

Our DD would only sleep on one of us for the first week or so, so we slept in shifts. Gradually she let us put her down more and more until she would stay in her moses basket for a few hours at a time. It's tough, but you will get through it. It has to be said, there's a lot of joy that goes along with the sleep deprivation.

Good luck, OP. you'll be fine!

Offers of hello = offers of help

It's a sleep deprivation game show hosted by your little one. Yes it's hard, no quality sleep at all is a better way of putting it.....but it passes and before you know it they are sleeping through and going to high school. So no matter how tired you are treasure those times.

I actually found the first couple of months were fine, easier than I expected. Months 4-6 however were utterly awful, he didn?t sleep for more than 45 mins, went through a long phase of only sleeping while latched on. I am dreading doing it again with a 3 year old ? at least first time round I could nap in the day.

I'm finding this really useful, thanks everyone. I feel reassured that although it is tough its not the end of the world (and I might get lucky fingers crossed!!). I very rarely get more than one or two hours in a row anyway, but I guess the "awake" times will be much longer and dictated by someone else rather than by me. I'm very lucky that I have my partner but as he'll be working and I'll be breastfeeding I'm planning on doing most of the night time stuff, so I think there will have to be strict rules in place for day time naps! The new mother and baby sleeping sign sounds like a great idea.

For me, the first 2 years few months were horrendous. No, beyond horrendous, I have no idea how I coped! For the first 10-12 months she woke between 5 and 12 times a night. It meant I couldn't go back to work as planned and could only cope with a couple of days at work per week. I only just about passed exams that I otherwise would have been fine doing. DP and I argued a lot. I felt terrible about everything. I honestly, even now, have no idea how I could have changed it. I tried everything. However I know from having many friends with children exactly the age as my DD that my situation wasn't the norm.

But despite all this, I have always loved my DD more than anything in the world, and would take all of that every day for the rest of my life to keep her with me. If DP was doing that to me however, I may not feel the same! Somehow, no matter how little sleep you get or how bad things are, you will cope because you have to. And if you can't cope, you can seek help, but somehow it will all be fine.

Good luck.

8 week old baby here. The first two weeks I'm not going to lie are terrible. Even if baby sleeps you probably won't settle. You will be more tired than you ever been in your life.

But

You will become so tired that half hour cat nap feels like a few hours worth of sleep so you don't feel that bad.

Dependent on baby for the rest really:
My dd slept for 2 hours for the first 4 weeks and I am EBF so no respite. But then at 4 weeks she started going three hours do I felt like a new woman. Then at six weeks she started sleeping ten til five and then back off til eight after a feed. Most night she does this now and although I'm still having considerably less sleep than used to I feel great. Once your used to be completely sleep deprived its amazing how little sleep makes you feel a ton better.

It doesn't last forever

Depends on the baby. Sorry, I know that's not helpful.

With ds1 it was absolute hell. He didn't sleep, night or day, for the first 10/12 weeks. He just fed and screamed a lot. I hated every minute and hallucinated from the lack of sleep.

Ds2 was much more chilled. He'd be in bed from 7-7 from pretty early on (2/3 weeks) and wake for feeds 2 or 3 times a night, but went back to sleep straight afterwards and didn't cry much. All that changed at 9 months, but that's another story.....

Oh thats a good point signet I also found that I was so used to getting 2 hours max sleep, that once I got 3 it felt like the biggest luxury ever!

So if I told you now you would only have 3 hours sleep at a time, you might wince - but by then you are so sleep deprived your perspective will be completely different*

• this is meant to be good news btw!

Hi - good question and I agree with you, OP, that it does feel annoying to get all the "sleep now" comments when you're pg with your first (especially), though I do honestly believe people have good intentions.

I've always been a crap sleeper anyway, so in a way it was a bit easier to adjust than it must be for those who love sleep/are champion sleepers. But nonetheless there were days when I felt dizzy with sleep deprivation which is unusual for me. Like lots of others here have said - it's cumulative. After 4mths of co-sleeping to BF I felt a bit mad and took action, eventually getting DS into his own room by about 6mths and getting him to settle himself into good sleep patterns using CC at about 8mths. He was one of those BFing babies that latched on every hour but I don't think he was feeding much. I hope you get a baby who is more like every 2 hours moving to 3-hour feeds in month 3 (if I remember it all rightly). I also adapted and began to fall asleep more quickly than I had in the past but this was often with a baby on my chest and I'm not convinced this was always a great thing to do for him or me...

If you are BFing there's no harm in introducing a bottle of either expressed BM or formula once the BFing is established and going well. (Or trying to - some babies won't have it...) This way your partner can take over one night feed which potentially means you can get a chunk of 4hrs sleep - better quality than the 1.5hrs you manage otherwise.

One trick I learned was to make sure that BFing during the day was a time to rest and not do anything else at all, whatsoever. It was also lovely bonding time with my DS. I'm expecting DC2 in 8wks and worry that with a toddler I won't be able to do this again, sadly.

Agree with the advice that you shouldn't feel obliged to do anything unless you want to and have the energy. Of course, my DS will make me obliged to play trains when I'm on my last legs, I'm sure, but no doubt I'll survive to tell the tale. As already said, it feels like forever but actually the first year of any child's life does seem to fly by because of all the wonderful changes you get to witness and learn about with matchsticks propping open your eyes.

Good luck. And go and have a rest now, you need all the sleep you can get before baby arrives!

ps wishing TwinkleReturns all the best with solo-parenting - hope you have some family/friends to support you and that your toddler is exemplary in behaviour with sibling