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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Announcing via Facebook

76 replies

weeblueberry · 29/10/2012 15:08

In an ideal world, no I wouldn't do it. But as a result of working in the US for a year most of my friends are scattered across the globe. I'm sure they'd all like to know we're expecting so we're talking about putting up a FB announcement.

Before I'd joined Mumsnet I'd always just assumed I'd pop the scan image up and everyone and their rabbit would congratulate us etc etc and everyone would know. But I've read a couple of threads where people are quite against the scan image thing because a) it's considered tacky and b) it could be upsetting to someone who (unknown to me) has just lost a baby or is having trouble conceiving. One of my colleagues mentioned a couple of years ago that having problems conceiving was made really difficult because every week that went by seemed to have someone else pregnant on FB.

So what did you do? Ultimately without sending dozens and dozens of individual emails it's not practical to tell everyone without the 'mass spend' idea but I'm open to suggestions? Similarly I'm not keen on the whole 'tell them as and when' as there are a lot of people on my FB who would love to know but I don't see on a weekly, monthly or even yearly basis!

What do you guys think? How did you announce it on FB if you did it at all?

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Curtsey · 30/10/2012 11:16

I'm not on Facebook anymore, so announcing it there wasn't an option for me. I told a couple of people in person, when we got a chance to have a face-to-face chat, and for everyone else, just e-mailed! I told people in batches via e-mail, e.g. work colleagues, that kind of thing. And sent the scan photo also. It's really not that time consuming! And it's more personal.

I wouldn't judge anyone who posts about their pregnancy on FB, but it is just not for me at all. I have heard people speak of how heartbreaking it is to see a constant stream of scan photos and excited announcements when they've MCd or are TTC for a long time. So if I'm ever lucky to be pregnant again, I'll do the same but probably will only share scan photo with family.

ladymia · 30/10/2012 11:17

i announced mine at 12 weeks WITH a scan picture. I was so happy to be pregnant again and to have made it to 12 weeks.

I had seen so many friends announce theirs at a time I was getting over the heartache of a MC and never once begrudged them their happiness so I kinda hoped my friends would feel the same way. I was not going to hide how happy I was and didn't think my happiness was at the expense of theirs.

I agree with telling close friends first before putting it on FB though! :)

Original poster

weeblueberry · 30/10/2012 11:29

Thank you for your input everyone!! I should say that, yes, all my close friends know about it already. The only other close person I need to tell is my dad and sister. I know that sounds weird but they've not really been involved in my life. I will tell them before announcing but they're the only people 'close' to me I've not mentioned it to yet.

OP posts:

ladymia · 30/10/2012 11:33

People also use FB differently. I only add people I am actually friends with and not ones i never speak to or went to school with years and years ago. I never add work colleagues so I think it very much also depends who you add to it.

If it's just close friends and family then I would imagine they'd love to know. And for me by the time I put it on there they all knew anyways.

YouOldSlag · 30/10/2012 11:34

I was not going to hide how happy I was and didn't think my happiness was at the expense of theirs.

Exactly. Your happiness is not at their expense.

When I was upset about my MCs and losses and a year of infertility, I was always delighted to hear of other people's pregnancies. They should never feel apologetic or guilty. Pregnancy news is a joy that should not be stamped out or diminished.

Naghoul · 30/10/2012 11:37

Once you've done all the announcing to close friends and family, I think FB is fine.

I 'announced' at about 16 weeks. If someone had seen me in the street they'd have been able to tell by then.

MrsReiver · 30/10/2012 11:38

Pregnancy news is a joy that should not be stamped out or diminished.

Very true, and I'd also add that in a few cases the announcements would give me hope if it was friends I knew had experienced losses or trouble conceiving as well.

HavingALittleFaithBaby · 30/10/2012 12:28

We tried to be sensitive about it. We told family first. I messaged a couple of friends who had had recent losses and we put up a message about how we TTC'd for a long time and said thanks those who had supported us through our journey.
I think it's up to you how you approach it. There's a lot of condemnation for a variety of things on MN - apparently my Pandora bracelet is tacky too?! - but you should do what's right for you. I don't think it's any less personal than emailing people.

PinkSoccerMum · 30/10/2012 13:01

Announce it if you want to! And put your scan photo up if you want I honestly don't see a problem with it. As someone who has been TTC for more than 3 years I can't avoid pregnancies or babies and its lovely to see other people so happy and if I ever do get pregnant again I will be shouting it from the rooftops and covering Facebook in scan pictures

NAR4 · 30/10/2012 16:43

I announced my pregnancy on fb by putting on my scan picture. My family don't live anywhere near me and it was the easiest way of sharing the news with them all. I only have family on my fb though. I have friends who have lost babies and also those who have had trouble concieving and none of them have ever been offended by others being pregnant. Why would they resent someone else happiness because they have had this lose?

Original poster

weeblueberry · 30/10/2012 16:45

I don't necessarily think anyone would resent it as such? Just...be upset by it? Our closest friends recently lost a baby and, of course, we mentioned it in person and I discussed it with her at length. I just would hate to think I'd upset someone who'd recently lost a child that I didn't know about. I can't imagine how I'd feel under those circumstances. Maybe I'm being a bit of a wuss about the whole thing, I don't know...

OP posts:

Secondsop · 30/10/2012 19:03

vickyU you make a good point about connectin with people you might not have seen in a while. One thing I've found really sweet is that the pregnancy Facebook announcement has brought "out of the woodwork", if you like, friends who want to share their experiences and chat about it with me, who I hadn't really been in as much contact with before as our lives had grown in different ways. It's brought us back together again.

snowchick1977 · 30/10/2012 19:43

I didnt announce the pregnancy at all (I never like to count my chickens until they are hatched and, if something had of gone wrong, i'd have felt awful)

I did announce the birth though, when she was here and safe and sound. Proved a bit of a shocker for some "friends" but, all the important "friends" knew anyway as I had announced my pregnancy to close friends face to face.

showtunesgirl · 30/10/2012 20:00

I didn't "announce" it until I was about 38 weeks pregnant and then I put a photo up of me and my bump. I felt a bit superstitious about putting it up before then.

Mylittlepuds · 30/10/2012 22:18

Not for me personally. I think it's very 'look at me'. I'm pg with DC#2 and just telling people as and when. I text those who'd like to know (but I wouldn't see) after 12 week scan.

Mylittlepuds · 30/10/2012 22:20

I'm with showtunes. If God forbid something was amiss with this pregnancy there's no way to de-announce to 350 FB friends.

Mylittlepuds · 30/10/2012 22:21

And I'm with snowchick too

eagleray · 30/10/2012 22:48

I had an early MC last year, and a couple of months down the line was still pretty upset. Then a former colleague sent a scan pic via FB email to all her FB friends, announcing her pregnancy, due at the same time I had been. It was pretty upsetting, probably more than a basic status update as every time someone replied to congratulate her, I would get emailed! Must say though, I was pleased for her.

Six months later, I was pregnant again and even now at approaching 30 weeks, I still haven't mentioned it on FB. As with Snowchick, people of any significance already knew, and also I didn't find out til 18 weeks that everything was ok with the baby, by which time I was used to keeping it off FB and enjoying the quiet life!

It is a personal choice - I am normally fairly vocal but this is one area of my life I've been happy to keep quiet about, although will announce when she is here!

EggsMichelle · 31/10/2012 02:59

I posted my 12wk scan as my announcement and have not really mentioned it since, it was a lot easier than calling/texting people (all over the globe) but also aware of being sensitive towards some people and not posting several times a day about my discharge/muscle strain etc (that really did my head in about someone else)

PinkFondantFancy · 31/10/2012 03:52

For me, after my MC I didn't have a problem with pregnancy announcements via status updates but scan pictures really upset me - I think after seeing a scan of my MC, seeing someone else's happy scan was just too much in my face.

Notafoodbabyanymore · 31/10/2012 04:20

I posted a scan picture first time around, this time posted a video of DD shouting "I'm going to be a big sister!!!"

Made sure that both times I spoke to close friends and family first, and anyone I knew might find the news difficult, as others have said. Basically just said "I want you to know that I understand if this makes you sad or upset, and I hope with all my heart that your turn comes soon."

I am another one with family and friends around the world, so FB was the obvious way to let people know.

Notafoodbabyanymore · 31/10/2012 04:22

FondantFancy, sorry about your MC, and I do understand why a scan pic might have upset you.

PinkFondantFancy · 31/10/2012 04:32

Thanks Foodbaby (love the name BTW!). Happily I'm now blessed with a beautiful DD who was so worth the wait.

I meant to say before OP, congratulations on your pregnancy, and I think it's lovely how you're thinking of others' feelings when sharing your happy news.

birdofthenorth · 01/11/2012 16:45

Interesting thread. I'm 16 weeks after two mcs and haven't told very many people yet (no colleagues, only family and 3 or 4 friends). DH is desperate to do an announcement. I am not at all and would happily keep schtum until it can't possibly be hidden any more (already showing and having to choose outfits carefully!). But I also don't want to piss on DH's parade, and he has had to make excuses for why I am not out and about much (because I'm knackered, nauseaus and cautious!).

When I had my mcs, the Facebook announcements did sometimes prompt tears, but thb I was relieved to find out from behind a screen, have a quiet cry the get on with it. It was far more awkward when people told me face to face and ai had to gulp quickly then grin. One friend who told me by personal email a week after I'd last mc'd didn't gt a reply til after her baby was born, to my shame. I was genuinely very happy for all my friends, I just couldn't find the words to say "that's amazing" spontaneously without wanting to add "btw, I'm having a shit time myself". At least on Facebook I could carefully compose my response. I have to say, even when mid-miscarriage, I was particularly delighted to see FB announcement from friends who I knew to have suffered infertility or pregnancy loss. I was thrilled for them, and they also gave me a bit of light at the end of the tunnel.

birdofthenorth · 01/11/2012 16:46

And yes, congrats OP, you seem lovely and I'm very happy for you!

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