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Straw poll- to find out the sex or not?

59 replies

RightUpMyRue · 23/10/2012 19:36

Appt came through for 20 week scan. We're undecided if we should find out the sex or not. I did for DD and was glad I did, I wanted a girl and was thrilled to find out I was getting one Smile

I really have no preference this time. DD wants to find out...DP doesn't know whether we should or not...I'm not sure....

What do you think? Did you find out? Are there any reasons we shouldn't?

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Shaky · 24/10/2012 08:09

You could ask the sonographer to write down the sex and put it in an envelope for you, then you can decide later if you definitely want to find out.

cupcake78 · 24/10/2012 08:25

I found out and it helped me get used to the ideas. Pregnant now and will find out with this one as well.

panicnotanymore · 24/10/2012 08:28

I found out, and I'm glad I did. I feel much closer to the baby now I can call her 'she' rather than 'it'. I'd felt a bit disconnected before, like this pregnancy was happening and I was just a carrier. I love her to bits now as she has taken on an identity. (I know they might have got it wrong, and that doesn't matter, as I've bonded now).

Thumbwitch · 24/10/2012 08:37

I didn't want to know with DS1. DH did but he's the world's worst secret-keeper so I wouldn't let him find out either, on the proviso that he could find out when we had a second child.

When it came to it though, I said to DH "do you want to know with DC2?" and he said no. So we had 2 surprises (2 boys) :)

sanityawol · 24/10/2012 09:02

Right - I have ten years between my two as well. Like you, I have an older DD and initially she struggled with the idea of having a sibling as she had had us all to herself for so long. For us, I think that finding out at the 20 week scan really helped her get her head around things.

However, that wasn't our reason for finding out. I 'knew' what I was having and was just impatient to find out whether I was right. I was, and DS is a year old now.

So far, the age gap seems OK. DD and DS seem to idolise each other. I'm sure that when they're 3 and 13 this may change.

What I found helped DD was to give her a couple of specific things to choose, so it was her job to select a special soft toy and an outfit for DS to wear home from hospital.

I'm glad we found out, but we didn't 'need' to know - we didn't have a preference so if DS had been shy at the scan it wouldn't have mattered. As it was, even my untrained eye could see without being told so I think we have an exhibitionist.

emeraldgirl1 · 24/10/2012 10:06

I am in the ARRRRRGH I DON'T KNOW camp :)

I think for me it will def help with the bonding. Plus I can barely wait for a bus without going mad with impatience so I don't think I have the capacity to wait for this. If it wasnt an option to find out I wouldn't mind IYSWIM but knowing I COULD know... I don't think I can restrain myself

BUT I am nervous because we both (esp DH) have a gender preference (obviously we really really just want a healthy baby and know how crazy it is to 'want' one flavour more, but we can't help how we feel) and I am nervous that there will be a really sad level of disappointment if we find out that there would not be in the same way if we found out the moment he/she popped out. Not saying that we will be sad btw, just that I think it would be sad to be disappointed IYSWIM. A shame to feel disappointment at what is basically good either way.

So I don't know. Probably will find out. Will see how I feel on the day.

Dogsmom · 24/10/2012 10:18

I found out, one reason was because I had gender preference towards a girl and was dreading my face falling ever so slightly at the birth if it was a boy and wanted plenty of time to get used to the idea beforehand and not have that worry hanging over me.

The 2nd reason is because I want to be ready for her (she's been confirmed a girl) and didn't want a sea of beige. I've read so many posts about women feeling rough for weeks after birth and I want to be at home cuddling her and not having to traipse around the shops.

The moment we found out was lovely and we both felt so differently, she has a name now and it's like we know her already.

steppemum · 24/10/2012 19:17

for those of you with a gender preference
I found that when I met my baby, the gender was actually irrelevant. There was this amazing person, complete with personality, looking like me and yet like someone I had never met. THIS was my baby, this person, and oh yes by the way it is a boy/girl

I think that you bond with the baby you have. Actually for me, I would have found it hard to know I had a baby of the 'wrong' gender, and may have struggled, because I couldn't imagine bonding with the 'wrong' gender. But in reality the gender didn't matter any more, and I bonded with this amazing person that I had just met.

also as to nursery colours, if you plan a family, like we did, we didn't want to be definite about colours, so that moses basket, blankets etc could be passed on to baby no 2 and 3, and there wasn't a beige item in sight (or white - too impractical for me) and all new born presents fit the baby they are for, so you will get girly/boyish stuff

Original poster
RightUpMyRue · 24/10/2012 19:18

Wow, loads more finder outers towards the end of the thread.

I like the idea of the secret message in the envelope. I'll suggest that to DP when he gets home. Think DD will probably like that idea too.

Thank you all for sharing Smile

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