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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Straw poll- to find out the sex or not?

59 replies

RightUpMyRue · 23/10/2012 19:36

Appt came through for 20 week scan. We're undecided if we should find out the sex or not. I did for DD and was glad I did, I wanted a girl and was thrilled to find out I was getting one

I really have no preference this time. DD wants to find out...DP doesn't know whether we should or not...I'm not sure....

What do you think? Did you find out? Are there any reasons we shouldn't?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

bbface · 23/10/2012 20:16

I loved loved loved finding out. Utter nonsense that it ruins the surprise. Errrrrr you are having a baby FGS, not like you give birth and feel deflated because you know the gender!

It was fabulous knowing. No regrets,

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 23/10/2012 20:23

I didnt find out.I enjoyed the speculation. We had an idea after the 20 week scan with DD, but no definite results. Finding out at the birth was amazing!

Lyftiduft · 23/10/2012 20:28

Find out! I'm so glad I did, kept me going through a difficult end of pregnancy knowing for sure I had a DS (I 'knew'), bonded with him, and gave DH a chance to get over his desire for a girl. We could concentrate on boy names, buy appropriate clothes and my dm could start knitting boy things!

My delivery was fairly traumatic (assisted VB and then retained placenta), I'm glad I already knew because I can try to forget everything about it rather than holding onto the memory of finding out whether we had a DD/DS for the first time iyswim?

I will find out again with this one, assuming it sticks.

Original poster

RightUpMyRue · 23/10/2012 20:49

Oooh, you're all so convincing whether you're for or against! I'm no further forward deciding

OP posts:

sleepyhead · 23/10/2012 20:59

I'd like to find out this time.

We didn't have a choice last time (just at 12wk scan offered in our area at the time) and I did find it a bit odd when I was very pg with ds not knowing if he was a boy or a girl. It was like I had 2 potential babies as we had 2 names picked out, and somehow they both existed in the baby I was carrying.

Anyway, obv I was delighted at ds, but also there was a slight wistful feeling (when I had time to reflect on it, which obv wasn't much with a newborn) about the "other" baby that had never existed.

It's no big deal if we don't find out - I wouldn't pay for an extra scan or anything - but on balance I'll go for it second time around. Probably won't tell anyone else though. It'll be just dh & my secret.

Pumpkinlatte · 23/10/2012 21:03

Another one who's never understood the whole 'surprise' thing. It's either going to be a girl or a boy. A surprise would be a baby giraffe! Given there are only 2 options, and 20 whole weeks to mull them over (all being well), not sure how strong that element of surprise can ever be...

18wksplus · 23/10/2012 21:08

Didn't find out with #1 and it was a lovely moment.

I've found with #2 but DH is still refusing to know so it's just my secret. And I love knowing: I don't think it's like opening your Christmas presents early at all (as someone once suggested it was). I can now imagine what our family's going to look like a in a few months time and that's really lovely.

Whatever you choose, I think you'll be happy.

HavingALittleFaithBaby · 23/10/2012 22:26

We're going to find out. I'm getting quite frustrated with some people telling us we 'mustn't'/there are so few surprises left in life etc! It's our baby, our choice! DH what's to know - he's very impatient! I think it'll be nice to know when planning the nursery/clothing. I understand why some don't but we're choosing to find out - mind uoux

HavingALittleFaithBaby · 23/10/2012 22:27

Oops!

Mind you this monkey is 14 weeks and its been in awkward positions twice when they tried to measure it - once on its bottom, now curled over the top of placenta so I imagine at the 20 week scan it'll have its legs crossed!

hhhhhhh · 23/10/2012 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marmiteisyummy · 23/10/2012 22:33

It's still a surprise, just 20weeks earlier.
I found out with DS and it was lovely to be able to think of him as a boy for those last few months. Will find out again this time, though have no preference.

If you're undecided why not take an envelope and paper and ask the sonographer to write it down so you can choose later? My friend did this though never actually looked.

PickledFanjoCat · 23/10/2012 22:34

I found out a ds. She said mistakes can be made but he had a "massive scrotum" so she would be suprised if he was a girl.

are mistakes common?

PickledFanjoCat · 23/10/2012 22:35

And I have ds1 so I didn't want to honour buying new clothes as I have loads.

LittleBearPad · 23/10/2012 22:39

Nope. It was really lovely that my DH told me in the delivery room rather than some random sonographer. I also don't understand why girls must have pink and boys blue.

debbie1412 · 23/10/2012 22:41

We found out with ds1, we havn't this time round due in a week. Its a million times more fun NOT knowing. Dont worry about clothes you'll have more newborn gifts then you'll ever use. Babies send people crazy people you dont even know will be buying little outfits for the baby. Weve also done nursery in chocolate and cream it looks gorgeous. white blankets always look more pure with newborns.
whats another 20 weeks hey x

PickledFanjoCat · 23/10/2012 22:45

It was a surprise enough for me to have a baby pop out of my foof!

I don't do waiting..

louisianablue2000 · 23/10/2012 22:47

I have a friend who was told twice at third trimester scans she was having a girl. She has two boys. Good thing she wasn't the kind of person to run out and paint her house pink. The No1 reason for not finding out the sex is because the scan is not 100% accurate at determining sex.

PickledFanjoCat · 23/10/2012 22:50

They are quite specific that it's bit 100 percent when they tell you though.

If you did want to paint your house pink therefore you would be doing it at your own risk.

Shaky · 23/10/2012 22:54

We had picked names for both sexes when we decided to TTC, we found out at 20 weeks we were having a boy. We were delighted and he just became himself, we identified with him as "...." He has never been anything else, no nick names. He is just himself although I loved knowing his sex and his name and I would talk to my bump and call him his name.

My family knew we were having a boy but we didn't tell anyone his name until he was born.

It's entirely up to you, I enjoyed knowing his sex

steppemum · 23/10/2012 22:59

dc 1 - first baby didn't want to know, was really pleased we hadn't found out, and loved the surprise.

dc 2 - I was ill amd told needed to be induced 2 weeks early or possible danger to baby. Was told on friday and induction booked for monday. At the scan on friday we asked to know gender as we were afraid of loosing her and wanted to know. Didn't tell anyon else though (was staying mith my mum, washed a load of pink hand me downs over the weekend, and my mum didn't guess!!)

dc3 - 5 months and scan showed major heart problems. We felt we needed to know, and name this baby so that we thought of her as a person, and not a foetus. Again, told no-one. In the end she was fine

so for me, when all is well I don't want to know and enjoyed the surprise. When all is not well, I really wanted all the information I could to identify this baby as a person.

curiousgeorgie · 23/10/2012 23:02

I don't understand people who don't find out.

The day you get your baby is already a pretty amazing day so why the need for an 'extra' surprise?

I can't even wait till 20 weeks to find out... I had a 16 week gender scan last time and will this time too!

20 weeks knowing gets you more excited, gives you time to shop and decorate, choose a name!

Find out!!

Shaky · 23/10/2012 23:56

steppemum what an anxious time for you all. I'm so glad your children turned out fine in the end. I can understand completely why you would want to know the gender. I can see why, when faced with the prospect that your child may not survive that you would want to identify with who he/she was for as long as possible.

I'm sorry you have had such an anxious time

steppemum · 24/10/2012 00:06

thanks shaky, youngest is now a very lively 4 year old, so all in the past.

Shaky · 24/10/2012 00:12

I'm so glad that it has all turned out well for you,

phoenixrose314 · 24/10/2012 07:41

This thread is swaying me slightly more towards finding out... going for my scan in a fortnight's time.

Hubby REALLY doesn't want to know, but like somebody else said I think I just want to be able to imagine what my little family is going to look like now that there will be three and not just us two. Not bothered about the whole blue/pink thing (will spend most of its life subverting those gender roles if I can help it!), just really want to feel closer to baby and be able to think of it as a complete person, not just a question mark.

However, if I do find out, I will be the only one who does. Could be tricky!!

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