can my test and scan be wrong?

[lisa2104]

Please help me. I am 19 weeks pregnant. My last period was on 6/6 and I did a test on 14/7 that said I was 2-3 weeks gone. I had a scan on 30/8 that said I was 12 weeks and 1 day. Me and my fiance had sex most dat from 23/6-30/6 . I went out on 6/7 and got very drunk. I had a conversation with my boss in a side corridor of a bar but there would have been people coming and going. I think we had an argument and I may have said something flirty to him. But he called me a taxi and threw me in it. The problem is I keep worrying that I could've had sex with my boss and got pregnant by him or the taxi driver who took me home and I don't remember. I'm going out of my mind with worry and so scared I won't know who my baby's dad is as I have no idea who the taxi driver was. I can't eat or sleep I'm not bonding with my bump and my fiancé is finding if hard because I'm crying and worrying about this day and night. I feel like killing myself. This started because I have irregular periods and was checking to see if the scan could be a bit out but it has spiralled out of control. Help me!

It's very obvious that you did not conceive on the night out and did not have sex with your boss or the taxi driver. The dates, scans etc prove it and as others have said, you would have had some inkling of what had happened especially as you can remember some aspects of your interactions with them.

But I really don't think that anyone here- or your boyfriend, boss, whoever- telling you this is going to stop you worrying. You will continue obsessing about this until you sort out what is underlying it.

I think you probably know that you are fixating on a completely irrational fear as a symptom of some deeper issues- possibly depression?

I say this gently, with the greatest sympathy/empathy, as I have suffered from depression and anxiety myself, and along with it came the most horrendous fears about myself. It's like my mind conjured up the worst thing I could possibly believe about myself, and tried to convince me it was true. I really believed I was a bad person.

Now that I am well I see how utterly ridiculous these fears were.
It is worth noting that for me, the fears emerged again during my first pregnancy- a time of huge physical and emotional change.

Please talk to your GP again about getting some support.

There were no clothes missing. My fiance says that I came in looking a bit annoyed and said i don't want to talk about it but didn't mention sex with anyone. no soreness I don't think its possible but to even think it is crazy I agree. I think I have unresolved issues from last time. Since last time I have changed jobs, gone travelling, moved away from everyone, resigned to do a course then got pregnant and had to get a temp job. I dicovered I was pregnant a few days after I handed in my notice so was really worried I wouldn't get another job, then I found a job but they don't know I am pregnant yet so could this be why I am worrying so much? and I think I am only worrying about this because there isn't really an answer. Because I think I already know I didn't do anything but because I have a couple small gaps in my memory I am jumping to the wrong conclusion, which incidentally are the most ridiculous conclusions I can think of.

Thanks shushbaby. All the comments have been helpful but I feel like you are talking about me in a way. I feel bad for not worrying about the baby and up until a couple of weeks ago I was talking to it, singing to it and my fiance was touching it but it has all stopped because of this. And a couple of weeks ago I was worrying about an outfit I had bought it thinking it might not look right. And I have to have an anti d injection which made me think about blood groups. I think it has all cumulated together and I know this but in the middle of the night or at work or whatever I let my darkest fears come through again

tantrumsandballoons-I think he has had enough and when I called the dr and she said I could get an invasive test done to find out the paternity and I mentioned it to him I think he was a bit disgusted with me and I can completely understand tbh. I think i am hellbent on destroying the best thing that ever happened to us because I don't think i deserve it

Yes I meant 6th July sorry x

Thanks. Ur comments have made me feel better. I know he's baby's dad I just can't shake the fear. Although coming on here has helped xx

I would try to take a big breath, calm down as much as possible, then talk to your partner. He's a man - although you've been completely honest with him about your fears regarding this night, he is most likely wondering why you're obsessing so much about it and if there is something you're not telling him. He is possibly imagining that you remember more about what happened than you're letting on, and thinking you recall something happening with another man but don't want to tell him. Communication is a difficult and complicated thing! Try to explain to him that you don't know where these irrational thoughts have come from but perhaps the pregnancy hormones are making you suffer with anxiety and depression. Consider seeing your GP not to ask about paternity tests but just for a bit of support. Your fiance will likely calm down when he realises that you haven't cheated on him and you actually just need some support for your emotions right now. Hope everything goes okay x

I just one minute think it must be his then I think am I going to spend the rest of my life wondering if it is. And if I think that will he? He seems so confident it's his baby but if I was him I wouldn't be because of how much I'm stressing!

You must get this sorted- and by 'this' I mean your own anxiety, not the paternity of the baby! You will not have to live with this fear for ever, but you need help to get rid of it. Although my dark periods were relatively short and are far behind me, I am still flooded with utter relief and contentment often, when I remember how despairing I felt about the prospect of living with it forever, and how free of it I am now x

When I was younger I used to behave in a way that I really wasn't proud of when I was drunk - despite having been with my boyfriend and then become engaged, I needed the admiration and attention of other males to make me feel attractive and worthy. So I used to flirt outrageously even with people I wasn't attracted to in the slightest, and that went further on occasion than it should have done. I only ever behaved that way when I was really drunk, I wouldn't have dreamed of being like that when sober, and I hated myself the next day when I realised how I had behaved. The whole pattern of behaviour sent me into a downward spiral of depression, because I despised myself. Nights when you can't recall what happened are even worse because your imagination fills in the blanks and, when your self-esteem is low anyway, you imagine yourself capable of having done all sorts.

The way you are talking is reminding me very much of how I used to feel - I'm not a psychiatrist but I suspect you are beating yourself up not for anything you've done, but for what you are afraid you are / were capable of doing. Whatever has gone before, you don't need to punish yourself for. You've recognised that you drunk too much on that occasion and need to be more careful. Think of this as an exciting new start - you're engaged, you're having a baby, this is a new life for you beginning and it is exciting! I am certain that there is absolutely no way the paternity of your baby could be in doubt, given the dates you've mentioned - so put this down to a bit of a warning, that you may need to make some changes to your lifestyle and drinking behaviour in the future, but thankfully there is no harm done in your current situation. x

Hi Lisa

I feel for you so so much because I had a similar anxious 'episode' when I was a teenager (basically my period was late and I was CONVINCED I was pregnant even though I was a virgin and thought I must have had sex but 'mentally blocked it out).

Firstly you are NOT crazy, secondly its really important that you bite the bullet and speak to someone professional about this. I'm not an expert but in my case I was going through what I now realise was bullying from someone who used to be a friend and I couldn't confront the issue so created a situation that I could be 'legitimately' stressed about in my head.

If you are not comfortable contacting a counsellor (have your GP or Midwife suggested this?) then please at least call Samaritans, whilst they are volunteers they are trained in specialist listening skills and, while they won't be able to offer you a magic solution they may well be able to coax from you the real issue at the heart of your anxiety and they will do so in a non judgemental sympathetic way.

Could it be that you are so embarrassed about the night in question (we've all been there, and it is sometimes horrific waking up the morning after the night before and remembering the daft things you did) that you are basically punishing yourself?

You'd be amazed at how much help just talking to a counsellor once can be, it may just make all the difference.

Ok I went to the doctors and she said I couldn't have got pregnant that night too. I admit I'm still obsessing about the minor details but trying not to. Fiancé is ok with me but I got fired from work so that's a bit of an issue!

If you had unprotected sex with your bf between 23-30 June, that fits exactly with being 12 weeks pg between 25th - 30 august. Working it out is something the midwife can also do to put your mind at rest. Maybe the pregnancy hormones are making you anxious? The boss/taxi driver dates dont fit as far as I can see.

The midwife did on the phone

I know something about me isn't right because now I know I couldn't have got pregnant that night and am sure I didn't do anything I just worry what if I caught something and passed it to the baby but I have to stop this before it gets bad too

Well, you could easily go for screening. But the chances are virtually nil that you did anything that night and even if you go for screening and it's clear you will find another thing to project your anxiety on to. You really need to explain to your midwife or GP that your anxiety is out of control. Ask for a referral to the specialist mental health midwife maybe?

Someone I used to work with asked me if I was ok so I ended up telling her but in a bit of a confused way and her words were maybe u did do something we'll never know. But she said she thought I was telling her I was drugged so I said to her surely I'd remember if I was only drunk and not drugged am she said not necessarily and it's really screwed with my head now.

Mainlymaynie I got really desperate today so I went to the midwife who along with another midwife reassured me again about the dates but because I felt so terrible sent me to a psyche unit where I spoke to a doctor and nurse and they are sending me for therapy to stop the worrying. I am starting to think nothing happened myself as it couldn't have done really but until I start therapy I guess I will worry. The nurse said she can't see me having sex in a taxi and not remembering either. Your comments have really helped

Mummytobenji Could you just explain something pls? People say I conceived around 20/6 but I'm sure me and my fiancé didn't have sex until 23/6. I've been told me scan is very accurate so can I conceive a couple days before I have sex?

Hi lisa
Dating scans and going on the last day of last period don't always add up correctly. Sperm can survive for up to 5 days in favourable conditions, the fertilised egg can take anywhere between 5 and 14 days to implant or there abouts don't quote me on the exact dates as I'm pg and have goldfish memory
From experience I can say that they don't always make sense. Dc2 was conceived in a month I had sex once. So know there were only about 5 days I could have conceived in. And my dates from scans never added up.

That aside, the hormones (and thoughts) you are experiencing are due to the pregnancy hormones now in your body. I would advise that you speak to your doctor about these thoughts, which may well be the start of anti natal depression, your doctor can help you. And you will then be able to relax and enjoy your pregnancy with your oh.

I just don't understand how they can say I conceived a couple of days before I had sex and if that's wrong could they have got everything g wrong and I really did conceive on 6/7? I have been told the latest could've been around 25/6 but definitely not two weeks and have been told this now by several midwives and doctors and I the scan I had is apparently really accurate

You probably ovulated around the twentieth with conception taking place over the next couple of days. There is no way that they can pinpoint the exact date and time of conception, they would need to be psychic to do that!
You really do sound like you are suffering from anxiety and will benefit

from some pysciatric intervention.
I would tell you to stop worrying but when you are trapped in a cycle of anxiety, it is a very hard thing to do.

Your dates add up.
Scan saying 12+1 takes you exactly back to your last period.
Test on the 14th at 2/3weeks takes you back to the week you had sex.
Both are correct.

Scan dates from last period. Test dates from conception. As in you were 2-3 weeks after conception when you tested. Add on the extra 2-3 weeks for between period and conception and you have the same dates.

When I asked the midwife how 'out' they can be she said, they can't but I am just focusing on how it must be 'out' and she must be wrong. Although the way you have put it there makes sense. Everybody but me believes it! Although I believe it for five minutes then doubt it again.

Can you ovulate with the egg lasting 48 hours then because I read it only lasts 12-24 hours?