Co sleeping and SIDS leaflet at doctors

[Rowanhart]

I was planning in co sleeping when our DD is born in three weeks.

I was at docs today waiting for whooping cough jab when saw a leaflet called Risks of co sleeping.

In it said that infant mortality due to co sleeping is high the area we live in and we should never co sleep.

Also had quotes from two mums whose babies had died due to co sleeping,

I thought it was recommended? Confused now but thinking co sleeping is a big no no...

Mai: Babies die of things other than SIDS in African countries so thus very hard to gather statistics and very hard to make comparisons between countries. The research mentioned in the Guardian article say other things vary - like, significantly, drinking - between cultures. So SIDS is higher in African cultures and lower in Asian ones even though both commonly co-sleep. I don't know about actual figures in comparison with anglo-saxon/western european cultures.

co-family sleeping (the family bed) as it was then, was considered a bit weird in 1982, but so was breastfeeding. fortunately, i had a sensible and supportive friend who offered moral support and could lend a lot of books.

daughter slept with me and the husband from birth. it took a few weeks to get right, and i slept without a pillow, didn't drink alcohol, pushed the bed against the wall and blocked the gaps and so on.

she stayed with me until she was five or so and i never regretted it.

[the husband disappeared along the way but i didn't regret that either]

LeBFG - I see what you mean, but most of the advice is just about setting up the room safely, the rest is just good practice. I was so worried something awful might happen that I followed it to the letter, and you do it all on autopilot within a couple of weeks. I chose to co-sleep because I wanted my babies near me, and the thought of them being away from me was more frightening than the risks of co-sleeping, so for me it wasn't all about getting more sleep.

I only really wrote out the list in case anyone was thinking of doing it, and might not have all of that advice given to them, as it is quite extensive! I am just the type of person who has to do it by the book or not at all - not always a good thing! :)

Dunno really what they mean. I didnt put the baby between us in the middle of the night unless dh woke up an dknew about it, i could see how that might cause issue.

I did if I was in bed alone put pillows to stop rolling out and me as buffer on the other side.

Also used a cot that had side down so flat to the edge of my bed to scoop her in and out of. Worked extremely well.

I used to be a heavy sleeper but since DD I can hear a gnat fart in china. I was more worried about DH whose sleep never seemed to alter hence why unless he was aware she was in bed I never brought her in.

LaCicc - "I can hear a gnat fart in China" :D :D nearly choked on my coffee haha!

Hopandskip: indeed the advice has changed. Side and prone sleeping is now discouraged.

But my baby rolled onto his side. I didn't start him out that way.

What do you think this quote means if you don't like my understanding?: incidence of infants dying in cots has fallen six fold since the back to sleep campaign was introduced but has only fallen by half in those bed sharing.

If something starts out more dangerous and reduces quickly that doesn't necessarily mean it is safer overall (although the statistics you link there is a small difference admittedly but I haven't read the study or any critique of it), it means they were more dangerous to start with and had some catching up to do.

To paraquote Haycock in the Guardian link upthread, he says bf organisations are pro co-sleeping because they (in his opinion) mistakenly believe bf rates would drop if they advised otherwise.

So he doesn't actually know but is guessing.

IME that is exactly what would have happened. There is no way I would have continued as long as I did if I had to get up every time littlely fed, I wouldn't have slept hardly at all and the chance of me falling asleep in a dangerous position would have increased.

Another who didn't intend (dp was very anti before babies) but ended up doing so. I wasn't confident enough to go against advice with my twins when they were newborns (but not prem / small) but after falling asleep exhausted with them in my arms a number of times, came to the conclusion planned co-sleeping would be far safer. We usually had one or other baby in with us from then (though rarely ds1 after about 10months as he was happier in his cot) & both slept in cots by 19months.

With dd I decided I'd do it `right' and make sure she was in her cot. from the beginning. When she was a week old, after a max of 2 hours sleep per day, I took her to bed with me, slept for 4 hours & decided that was what we'd do. She's 11 months now & starts off in her cot but comes in with us when she wakes. We've only had a handful disturbed nights in all that time.

Not sure what I'd read into the stats of co-sleeping safety. Our hcp are so anti co-sleeping that I've always lied & said I didn't/wouldn't do it .

I did it long before it was called 'co-sleeping' and it was simply because I was so exhausted that I would fall asleep in bed while feeding DD. There was never a problem with it but it was also in the days when mothers were advised to put babies on their stomachs or on their sides with a rolled blanket behind their backs to prop them up. How times change!

Hopandskip - My dc's naturally rolled into me as babies too...My dd would shuffle across the bed like a pacman with her eyes closed as a tiny baby until she reached me. All it tells me is how natural it is.

I did it, it just happened. It was easier, allowed us to get some sleep. I loved my kids in my bed, I slept better knowing they are close to me. We don't drink or smoke, I am a light sleeper and they were never on a pillow. Worked for us!

Another one that was completely anti co sleeping, ended up with three co sleepers in the end! With each one I promised I would persevere this time, but they refused to settle in there cot or Moses baskets - tried everything inc bedside cot.

Still have 20 month old in with me. She will be going straight into toddler bed when she turns two, as I'm quite fed up with being kicked in the face

I does feel very natural though. There were a few times where a very young DD Rolled of bed, and somehow I managed to grab her whilst she was falling despite being sound asleep.

I have always been told by people 'your making a rod for your own back' ect, but they all seamed to show me when they were ready to move into there own bed (dd1-5, DS-3,dd2 now, but worry she's a bit small from a toddler bed)

I do believe in a mothers intuition, do what feels right for you!

We co-slept with both of ours, with baby between us.

I think we were more safety conscious with DD (PFB) and she slept under a little muslin or light blanket. By the time we had DS a couple of years later I think he did sometimes slip down to be partly covered by duvet, which thinking now probably wasn't great. But he was OK. I guess these are risks we are talking about, and how to reduce any risks. The leaflet does seem a bit strongly anti co-sleeping to me and probably would only have made me more worried but would still have gone ahead as for us the only practical way to get some sleep (and I don't think the risk is much increased from what I've read - and read at the time)

Actually some of the time DH gave up on the family bed, ousted by the DC's.
But we went for the most sleep for the most people option !
Liked your posts lovebunny

With DD, I had read the FSID guidance and listened to the well meaning professionals who told me that co-sleeping was a terrible idea. I remember going almost delirious with lack of sleep. We did co-sleep from 6mth until she was around 3. With DS my knee ligaments tore when he was 2 days old (I had an existing knee injury) and I had no option but to co-sleep with DS, it would have been more dangerous for me to attempt to lift him when I was on crutches. My midwife and, later my HV, both said that whilst they have to inform me of the 'risks' of co-sleeping, any death they had experienced in a professional capacity had been when parents had been drinking, on drugs or medication OR when the parent had fallen asleep on a sofa/chair with the baby.

DS is now 17mth old and still co-sleeps with me. DH either sleeps with us or gets into the spare bed and is joined there by DD who is now 5. I wish I had gone with my instincts with DD and co-slept from the beginning.

This is the one price of official scaremongering that makes me unbelievably stabby.

How the fuck you are supposed to stay sane and get any sleep if you don't sometimes co sleep part of some nights is a total and utter mystery to me.

Falling asleep with DH on one side and DD at my breast on the other is the most beautiful thing I will ever experience.

No one, however well meaning, has the right to dilute that joy.

I always slept with DD my side with arm under her as advised, but she used the edge of our quilt set so it didn't cover her face.
Chucked a couple of pillows in the floor in case she fell out, she never did.

Weird, because aged 11 she still falls out of her double bed occasionally.

Co-slept with mine until he was 2, moved him to his 'big boy' bed with no problems. he still crawls in with us when he's feeling insecure, scared or poorly. Wouldn't have done it any other way.

This is the one price of official scaremongering that makes me unbelievably stabby.

the other is that people don't get the right info because the party line is 'don't do it, it is dangerous!' when in fact there appears to be little difference if done correctly.

Startail I absolutely agree. DH was working 13-15hr days as he was self employed and driving most of the day. DD would wake anywhere between 4 and 8 times through the night, I would bf her (took anything from 5-20mins), change her nappy and try to settle her back to sleep in her moses basket, which could take upto 30mins. Quite often I would be in bed for less than 30mins before DD woke again and the whole process began again. This went on for months!

DS still wakes a few times a night (as did his big sister at this age - she was 2.5 when she fully slept through) and I don't have to get up to comfort him, I can feed, cuddle or console him by barely moving. I am at college full time now and sleep is important, co-sleeping suits us as a family - we all get a much better nights' sleep.

Please can someone enlighten me... Where do the babies sleep before you go to bed? Surely they sleep at other times without you? I have always wondered about co sleeping, I realise that if a baby wakes in the night parents bring them into their bed, as I did that with my sons sometimes. But what about the parents who intend to co sleep always? Do you go to bed in the early evening at the same time as your dc? Sorry if this is a ridiculous thing to ask.

In my experience, in the early days of breastfeeding, it's difficult to pin point an actual bed time and ds wouldn't settle any where than on me and would cluster feed all evening so i would just take him up to bed when I went. As he got a bit older, I am able to put him to bed in our bed and come back downstairs. I've got a monitor and side guards on both sides of the bed.

In the early months DD and DS didn't go to bed until I did. My children didn't sleep at 'regular' times, certainly not in the very early days and weeks of establishing breastfeeding. WIth DD, as I said upthread, she didn't co-sleep with us until she was older, so her daytime naps and nights were spent in the moses basket when I eventually settled her, which meant we could keep her in the living room with us until we went to bed. With DS, we had a travel cot in the living room for day time naps, purely so DD didn't have to worry about bashing into him when she was playing, and he obviously co-slept with me/us on a night.

Co- slept with all 3 of mine.
I made sure i followed the guidelines of securing the side of the bed, a firmish mattress, baby on my side- not in between us, no smoking or alcohol, no duvets or pillows near baby.
I don't know how people can manage without co- sleeping. Breastfeeding and co-sleeping enabled me to get enough sleep to get through the next day. I'm really not sure how anyone manages to breastfeed for very long without co- sleeping either.
Many of our most joyful early parenting moments were when sharing a bed with our babies.
We got a bedside cot with the third, just to extend the bed a bit. Well worth it and great for parents who want their babies close but feel a bit nervous.

I didn't expect to co-sleep at all but I ended up co-sleeping with my DD til she was.... well at least 4. In the end I found it easiest to have regular middle-night breastfeeding (I BF til she was 2) and the most relaxed option. Here are some rules and tips I followed:

• big bed - super king size bed with firm mattress
• protectors on both sides of bed to stop rolling
• only one pillow for me so no random pillows around
• separate bedding for me and baby --- baby shouldn't get under my comforter
• plastic sheet under bed or mattress pads for baby accidents
• never drink, smoke, take drugs then sleep with baby
• dont sleep with baby when feeling sick or unwell
• only for 1 adult in the bed not 2. This is really important. My DH needed to sleep to get to work and the baby woke him up (surprise, surprise) so he slept soundly in another room. I don't think baby + 2 would have worked.

Co=sleeping is also not suitable for people who are very tossy-turny either.

It really worked for me, though, because the baby could have a feed then be placed way over on 'her side of the bed' and sleep soundly.

The trick is to stop them sleeping with you! DD was still sleeping with me at 4 and is currently in bed with me right now (feeling poorly). While I loved co-sleeping with DD, I sacrificed a lot of sex to do it!

I co sleep with my dd (10 months) since she was 4 months old(moses basket next to bed prior to this).
I was just about to get her in to her cotbed (in my room) and broke my arm so would not be able to get her in/out very well to BF, that made the decision for me.
I am a single parent, continue to BF and have a mahoosive double bed against the wall and dd sleeps on top of the bed with own covers (until morn when she comes under and snuggles) love it, its the best 'for me'