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Original poster

should I take dd to my 20 wk scan?

51 replies

SenoraPostrophe · 20/03/2006 13:59

what do you think? she is 3 and fascinated by the idea of a baby in my belly.

part of me thinks I shouldn't take her because there may be a problem - how likely is that exactly, does anyone know?

the other part of me thinks that she'll have to find out if there's a problem sooner or later and that there probably isn't one anyway.

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Nemo1977 · 20/03/2006 14:40

take her. we took ds to ours and he was 22mths. Loved seeing the baby in mummys tummy.

tortoiseshell · 20/03/2006 14:42

I took both the children to the 20wk scan and they both really enjoyed it. I didn't really get to speak to the doctor much though - ds was asking too many questions. I was glad they got a lot out of it, but if I had had any concerns or questions then I think it would have been better for them not to be there so I could think about what I was saying!

tobysmumkent · 20/03/2006 14:43

I took my DS1 to 20 week scan, when expecting DS2. He was 3.5 years, and I stressed to him that he had to sit, be quiet in the corner and if he looked (while sitting) he might be able to see a picture on the screen (he'd seen my 12wk scan photos). I made it v. clear to him that adults were working/doing their jobs and there'd be big trouble if he interrupted.

Sound mean, don't I :) But I couldn't get anyone to help out at that appointment and we'd already had a couple of scares, so it was important to me that I didn't miss/delay it!

And the staff were lovely, DS1 was able to watch, and at one point they involved him, tapping my side to get baby to turn round. And he was pointing to the screen "that's my baby brother".

So, from that, I'd say take your DD, it was a lovely thing for my DS. (I guess just check with your midwife on the hospital policy, and I would recommend taking a friend in case of them running late etc!).

Hope it all goes well for you!!

hana · 20/03/2006 14:45

i wouldn't
it'sa nice private time with dp or dh if they are going wtih you and you can show the picures to your dd later

Original poster
SenoraPostrophe · 20/03/2006 14:45

ha! at "check with my midwife on hodpital policy" - I'm in Spain, don't have a midwife and you NHS-users don't know you're born! It'll be easiest to turn up with a friend and just ask her to wait outside with dd if she's not allowed, believe me.

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Original poster
SenoraPostrophe · 20/03/2006 14:46

also ha! at the idea of dh having time to come with me. are we odd?

OP posts:
Arabica · 20/03/2006 14:48

It's obviously a personal decision. If my scan had been booked for school hols I might have been tempted to bring DS along: but having now experienced a 20-wk scan with complications, I am definitely glad I didn't have DS there to worry about.

SnowdropsInTheSpring · 20/03/2006 14:50

I've got the same dilemma tomorrow. Was going to his grannys but her mother (dh's gran) died this morning so looks like we'll have a family day out.

Nemo1977 · 20/03/2006 14:50

must also add that we took ds to the scan where i foiund out I had a missed mc. he wsa 14mths old.

tobysmumkent · 20/03/2006 14:51

Sorry, didn't realise that you were in spain!! Just didn't want your excited DD not being allowed in!!!!!

And I went to both my scans without DH, who managed to be away with work both times. I think it helped me stop worrying because I had to be practical, look after DS1, and get as much info as I could to relay back to DH on the phone later!

hana · 20/03/2006 14:51

dh and I decided for our 2nd pregnancy he didn't hve to go to the scan, was going to be too complicated getting time off work and getting to hospital - I went alone and was given devestating news. he has alwasy come since then, cana't imagine him not being there

MummyToToby · 20/03/2006 17:19

i would take her definitely. if heaven forbid there was a problem then dd could probably go out of the room with somebody so you could explain whatever the problem was to her and it would be less traumatic

MummyToToby · 20/03/2006 17:19

i would take her definitely. if heaven forbid there was a problem then dd could probably go out of the room with somebody so you could explain whatever the problem was to her and it would be less traumatic

MummyToToby · 20/03/2006 17:19

i would take her definitely. if heaven forbid there was a problem then dd could probably go out of the room with somebody so you could explain whatever the problem was to her and it would be less traumatic

SoupDragon · 20/03/2006 17:23

Blimey, SenoraPostrophe, didn't realise youwere pregnant, congratulations :)

DS1 came along to DS2s 20 week scan (he was 19 months or so) and I think he came along to the 12 week one too. It never occurred to me not to take him. Having someone wait outside with your DD seems like a good plan.

mousiemousie · 20/03/2006 17:27

No. This scan is about detecting problems not about viewing the baby!

Blu · 20/03/2006 17:32

If (heaven forbid) there is a problem (at scans in general - not yours in particular, SP) the main problem, believe me, is not explaining it to a younger child who is present, and popping them out into the waiting room with a freind for a moment.
It is keeping yourself together and trying not to explode with terror and distress.

Twiglett · 20/03/2006 17:34

SP you're pregnant Shock

doh!

did I know that?

did I?

don't think I did

MummyToToby · 20/03/2006 17:41

how can you say its not about seeing the baby! i think the majority of people would get excited seeing their baby moving around on that little screen!
i'm not saying you need to explain to the dd at that moment if there was a problem - she could wait outside with someone and then when given the all clear she could come into see. that's what they did when i took my best friend along. IF there was a problem, obviously you may not feel up to having dd in there being all excited, and when you were at home you would have to explain to her whatever it was that was wrong.

fairydust · 20/03/2006 17:42

second twiglett post.
congrats by the way sp.

Blu · 20/03/2006 17:48

Of course people are excitied to see their baby. And hopefully relieved that all is well. What peopoe are saying is that the purpose of these scans is a medical one, rather than primarily an interest or emotional purpose.
that's why some of us - especially those who have had difficult moments at scans - are cautious about encouraging smaller children to be there. And a bit unrealistic to think that your concern could be focussed on the needs of a small insistent toddler, even enough to get them home, with the level of anxiety that even a 'soft marker' can throw up.

If you really wnat to involve your child in seeing ultrasound pics of a baby in utero, then my advice would be to get the 20 week scan, and then book one of those private 'viewing' scans.

Arabica · 21/03/2006 12:50

Yes, I agree with Blu, that's what I would do (depending how much they cost)

mousiemousie · 21/03/2006 17:35

Blu's advice sounds very good to me Smile...then you can all relax and enjoy watching the baby!

Eve2005 · 21/03/2006 17:39

took my dd to my anomoly scan yest. she's alot younger but she knows there's something going on and points at my tummy saying baby all the time. she was fine and was facinated by the images on the screen. at the end of the day if something is wrong they'll sense it when you get home anyway so what harm can letting them be involved do. just make sure there's someone there to take them out of the room if they get stroppy

Laura032004 · 21/03/2006 19:04

DS came to my anomaly scan, and they did find a problem with the kidneys. I was in floods of tears and DS (23mnths) was quite upset by it. We didn't need to take him, but I hadn't thought about the 'what ifs' of any problems being found.

The problems aren't majorly serious, but I wasn't expecting anything to be found, so most of the tears were shock. Retrospectively I wish we hadn't taken him.

For my scan with DS, my mum came in while they did the main part of the scan (DH was away with work), and then got my dad and little sister in for a look once they'd ruled out any problems. Is this an option if you can take a friend to stay with her for the first part?