Want to get on with it in private, am I weird and any suggestions?!

[wellieboots]

Not sure if this makes me odd but I am really keen to get on with labour without anyone knowing, just me and DH, go to hospital, shut the door, do what I've got to do without any annoying texts, phone calls, or even just the pressure of knowing that people are waiting for news!

Clearly in certain circumstances it would be unavoidable, such as if I was out and about at someone's place when things started, or had plans we had to cancel or whatever, Im not going to be stupid about it, it's just a preference.

However, my major issue is that DH works with his Dad, he has been supposed to be moving on for ages, but I have finally realised (at 32+4) that that is not going to happen pre baby :) But it means that, if I call him at work if something happens, or if he doesn't go in because I've gone into labour, his Dad will know whereupon interfering nightmare MIL will know within 5 mins and will get panicky and start calling and stressing us as well as herself!

Any suggestions? We are not good liars and they will prob put 2 and 2 together anyway. Do I just need to chill and accept now that my birth is going to be a public event?

Thanks for any advice!

I think your idea is by far the best! Come up with a joint plan/small lie that when you ring him & say you need to go in you tell them you're going for a CTG monitoring or something then get him to text them to say all's ok. Lots of women feel the same as you & do this, it stops 2 sets of parents sitting outside labour ward for hours on end jumping on anyone that comes out!

Can your FIL not be swarn to secrecy/ deny all knowledge of knowing about it? You could always turn your phones off and then deal with missed calls/ hassling after the event.

We were the same. Luckily labour started for me at 10 on the friday night, DS was born at 5am next morning and DH did the phoning of parents etc at about 7.30am when he went to feed car park meter. I do however have amazingly disinterested parents and PIL wouldn't presume to interfere anyway.

This time I'm stressing a bit because MIL will be on duty for DS when the time comes so she'll have to know.

I don't understand why it would be too difficult to avoid a public birth. I realise that the family will be aware that you are in hospital, but all you have to do is switch off all mobile devices and tell the midwives to not let any visitors near you. It isn't that difficult.

It's never occurred to me to do anything other than let people know once the baby is out and hopefully well! I'd imagine the wait would be horrible for the grandparents.

If they do find out somehow just tell them you're off to the hospital and must turn off your phones, you'll have other things anyway!

Just get dh to switch off his mobile, the ILs won't be allowed access to the labour/delivery ward anyway and you can brief staff to specifically deny access.

Once baby arrived dh can send a brief text informing people and stating "no visitors, mum and baby need to rest on doctor's orders" and then switch off his phone again.

If this will upset your MIL you could placate her with dh sending a photo of the baby via his mobile phone and organising a little bouquet of flowers to be delivered to "Grandma/Granny/Nanna" from "baby", "looking forward to meeting you soon".

I'm just like you - I actually want to go one further and be like a cat, find somewhere dark and quiet like under the stairs, and get on with it on my own!

You're not putting on a show; it doesn't need to be a public event, and I think now is the time in your lives when you have to put your foot down with over-bearing parents/in-laws. I know exactly what you mean about the pressure of people even knowing, but if they must know - or they guess - your DH needs to tell them firmly but gently that he's switching his phone off now and he will call them when it's over. He needs to concentrate on you; you need to concentrate on labour - neither of you need to be interrupted.

I like the simplicity of moving temptation out of their way by saying it's a false alarm but - if this kind of thing is symptomatic or small annoyances in how they are, maybe this one time setting the "rules" and making them respect them would be a good thing?

I'm with you. My parents live abroad and have already booked a couple of months over here is coincide with my EDD. The thought of them hanging around the house waiting for me to go into labour fills me with dread. I have no suggestions for you, just sympathy.

It's entirely possible you'll go into labour at night or at the weekend too!

oops, "other things on your mind anyway" (got distracted by breakfast)

I do agree with the others, BTW. We told parents last time before the event that we wouldn't be phoning until it was all over and they were fine with it. Had no choice really. Just set the rules now and don't refer to it again til you need to.

I also agree with wanting the minimum of fuss - apart from anything else additional stress can make labour longer and more painful. You don't have to tell them you've gone into labour and you will certainly turn your phone off as will your DH during labour! A quick phone call when baby's safely here will be fine, and you can specify when you want visitors.

When I had DD, we didn't tell anyone I was in labour. We just let people know once she had arrived.
This time, we'll have to tell someone as we'll need someone to look after DD (2 yo) but it'll be on a need to know basis!

It's actually completely normal to want privacy, that's how most (all?) mammals give birth. It's actually very important for the production of the hormones you need in labour that you feel you are in a safe, private and relaxing environment. Do what you need to do to make that happen. It is your baby, you can deliver it however you feel most safe and happy. Do not let anyone you don't want near you especially a stressy MIL. Tell your midwives strictly no spectators

I completely sympathise. I am 40+9 and am being driven demented by endless texts from family members asking if anything is 'happening' yet. I must have had 20 texts a day for the last week.
If I ignore texts they start phoning or turning up at the house unannounced to see if I'm in labour! :(

I've already told everyone that me and DH will just go to the hospital and will let them know once the baby is here but they just won't leave me alone.
We're going to turn off phones and tell the midwives that we don't want any visitors.

I know they mean well but its bad enough going so overdue anyway without feeling all this additional pressure to give birth.

I completely sympathise. I am 40+9 and am being driven demented by endless texts from family members asking if anything is 'happening' yet. I must have had 20 texts a day for the last week.
If I ignore texts they start phoning or turning up at the house unannounced to see if I'm in labour! :(

I've already told everyone that me and DH will just go to the hospital and will let them know once the baby is here but they just won't leave me alone.
We're going to turn off phones and tell the midwives that we don't want any visitors.

I know they mean well but its bad enough going so overdue anyway without feeling all this additional pressure to give birth.

I totally sympathise. I just want DH there and no one else. He is very close to his family which is fine and they're all nice but MIL will panic and faff and unfortunately she lives just a couple of doors down. I've had several offers of lifts if I go into labour with DC1 when DH at work (quite likely as he works shifts, a 2 hour commute away). DH said he doesn't see anything wrong with anyone "popping in" while we are there - no bloody way and I plan to tell the midwives no visitors.

I am 41+1 and quite ready to switch all communication devices off! We have waited for this baby for a long time and so have our parents (first grandchild) but the texts, emails and phone calls from what seems like everyone I know are not helping my overdue anxiety levels. I'm normally such a communicative person but now I don't really want to speak to anyone, I just want to go into labour!!!
Wellieboots I think you might be in to something, set expectations now, I.e. don't call us, we'll call you. At the end of the day it's us having to get through this odd (and for me a bit stressful) time and therefore we need to do it on our terms.
I hope other overdue ladies aren't waiting too much longer!

We wanted the same but made the mistake of telling our parents. They put us into such a guilt trip that we told them. Although its probably just as well as I wasn't well during labour and apart my husband, wasn't allowed any visitors till the next day.

My dh & I did not tell anyone until after each of my dc were safely delivered ( and even then not for several hours later; luckily both born in the early hours ). It was lovely to have our own special time with just us knowing our babies were here with us.

I don't blame you, when 3 of my friends have gone overdue recently, I just wait to hear, i wouldn't dream of harassing them. They got sick of others bothering them though.

My mum keeps asking me and DH if she can be there...actually, that wouldn't be too bad, what she is actually doing is assuming she'll be there, but actually i think I just want H and I and our baby.

I have told her that we will decide nearer the time, however, i know she wants/expects to be there and will be hurt if she isn't, plus she will be on the phone or at the door every 3 seconds so I am in a quandary really.

Sorry to threadbutt, but I sympathise!

I could have written your post op, I'm a private person and have already told parents, inlaws and friends that I will get a message to them once baby is here and not when I'm in labour, most are fine, a couple aren't but tough.

I don't see the point in people knowing, all it'll do is put extra pressure on me knowing they are pacing around and waiting for news and it's not like they can do anything anyway, I can't think of a single positive reason for anyone other than me and hubby knowing.

Obviously once it's here hubby can fire off a block of texts to tell everyone then come back and spend some quality time, it feels like it'll be the only time where it's just the 3 of us and nobody can disturb us.

I can completely understand, I went even further...none of my family or friends even knew that I was pregnant. I didn't want anyone to know...particularly as I had a complicated pregnancy and I just didn't want to have to drag them into the stress or any possible bad outcomes. They just got a phone call one day and got told that there was a new member of the family.

BTW this was made much easier by the fact that we live here in the UK and all of our family (both sides) live in our respective homelands.

Not weird at all. I feel exactly the same way.

I am writing a list of texts that my DH is allowed to send in my early stages to explain the next 24 hours of silence, in case anyone contacts us. (From 'BabyWitch is fine, just having a nap/ in the bath/ out getting a massage/ early night' to 'There's no news. TBH, BabyWitch is getting really fed up with people hassling her. I'd steer clear if I were you.'

If your DH has to leave work the false alarm/ monitoring is a good excuse, but may get the family in a fluster that things are happening. Can you think of anything that he could say he needed to be home with you for, but is not serious?
He could say you've called him to go home because your back has 'gone'?
Or, could he say 'Wellieboots just called. She sounds quite emotional. Think I should pop home to give her some TLC.'
Or he needs to take care of something at home (like a broken boiler???)

(4-14 - that's amazing! I've not quite been able to go that far, but have withheld my due date as I don't want to be hassled. Unfortunately, we were at a gathering of my DH's family this weekend and I must've been asked about 50 times 'Yes, you've said October, but what's the actual due date?' Um. My baby hasn't been set up with a Google Calendar yet. I'm pretty sure babies arrive when they want to. )

I have also been getting people accustomed to not receiving an immediate reply to any phonecalls or texts over the past few months.

Personally id tell the truth!
Tell ur family/friends that u want to enjoy ur labour without being stuck to a mobile phone. I was induced with my son and had my phone stuck to me as i had so many interferring texts..
Mainly saying goodluck lol but some friends wouldnt leave me alone and text every 10 mins for updates.
When im due in october
Im going to make sure my partner only texts his mom & my mom and they can pass info on, or basically say 'sit pretty once we have any news you will be 1st to know!'