Enid - I had a home birth after a horrible hospital one. I had severe pre-natal depression with dd, and the whole hospital experience felt just like every last bit of control was being taken away from me. The midwives were abrupt, they didn't read my notes, they just wanted me to get on with it. I was doing just fine on my own, but this young midwife told me that I was going to be in considerable pain for some hours and she thought I should have Pethadine. Now on my notes the doctor had written no Pethadine on account of my mental state, but she was so insistent that I just gave in. Then she must have read the notes because she came back in and said that I couldn't have pethadine and I really ought to have an epidural before it's too late.
I didn't want one, but felt bullied into it. The anaestheticist was rude to me, obviously he didn't appreciate being called into the labour ward. He gave me the injection in the middle of a contraction, it was just awful! I had everything done to me that I didn't want doing.
So when I was pregnant with ds I wanted to take some control back, most of all I never wanted to go into the hospital again. Plus everyone kept telling me that I couldn't have a home birth, everyone they'd knew who had wanted one had ended up going into hospital, etc, this just made me more determined to have one.
I'm the kind of person who takes a paracetamol if I have a slight headache, I don't put up with pain lightly. I'm a big wuss and have nightmares about the horrors of broken bones or operations. I even cancelled the removal of a mole because I was scared! So I was really the wrong type of person to go in for a home birth.
But you know, it wasn't all that bad! The labour pains came slowly and I managed them fine. I had a birthing ball that really helped, but nothing else, no pain relief. I even started to bake a cake (don't tell Custy!). When the strong pains came, they came thick and fast. I'd gone from 3cm to fully dilated in half an hour. The midwife was going to leave me when she realised! I squatted on the birthing ball, I didn't have to push much, he found his own way down. The pain is really hard to describe, it's an internal thing, primeval. You just get on with it, looking back I don't know what took over, but some kind of instinct kicked in. It was much better than I had envisaged!
None of my worst fears came true. Like you, I was kinda hoping something would come up that would prevent me from going through with it! But nothing did, and I'm glad it didn't! It was a lovely positive experience!
Before I did it, I used to wonder what mental state women were in when they described births as a positive experience, but now I understand! It is one of my prouder moments!
So go for it girl! You can do it!