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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pros/cons of finding out sex of baby?

57 replies

Wiggy29 · 25/08/2012 18:14

We didn't with ds as we had no preference and thought it would be a nice surprise. In reality, when they told us I was so shocked about having given birth/ holding my child, that it didn't even register. It was probably a few months down the line after I'd got used to him as a baby that I really thought about him being a boy.

We're pregnant again with dc2 and again have no preference of the sex. This time though, I'm finding myself leaning towards finding out. The reasons aren't anything major: so when I sort through ds's clothes to see if boy stuff should be left in the loft/ if I see something lovely for boy/ girl in the sales I can buy it (and that has happened a lot)!

What were your reasons for finding out, or not? Ds is 7& would also really like to know so he can 'get his head used to it' (he'd prefer a boy but is just so excited I doubt he'll be fussed). Dp said he'd probs rather not but is also unsure. Thoughts?

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CitizenOscar · 25/08/2012 22:42

I wasn't keen on finding out (just wanted to put off the inevitable gender stereotyping as long as possible) but DH wanted to find out to help him bond & make it feel real.

Unexpected bonus was we didn't spend months arguing over girls' names & could focus on trying to find a boy's name we liked.

If I were pg again, I would find out.

5madthings · 25/08/2012 22:53

we didnt find out for the first three, then we did with no 4, who was ds4, it was nice actually that dp and i knew, but we didnt tell anyone else.

then with no 5 we were not going to find out as we had decided taht we would prefer a suprise. at the scan however the sonographer said "i have a really clear view of the sex do you want to know?" we both took that to mean boy and then dp said 'oh go on then' and the sonographer said girl!

poor sonographer we just told her she MUST be wrong, she checked about a 100 times and then said "look i am not allowed to say i am 100% sure, but i AM 100% sure this baby is a girl"

dp and i sat in silence on the way home, we were in shock!

anyway i still didnt really believe it, so paid for a private scan at 28wks were i saw for myself that she was a she, and STILL when dd was born i said "is it alright? is it really a girl" the midwife laughed!

anway we are done now but if we had another i think i would want a suprise, there is something fantastic about discovering for yourself what sex your baby is as its born, BUT i am crap at suprises, always hunt for hidden presents etc, and i know i would be really tempted to find out. dp would want a suprise.

we arent having any more tho :( so its a moot point!

theTramp · 25/08/2012 23:40

This will be our first baby. MrM wants to know sex. I want the surprise- mostly because I don't want people buying blue for boys and pink for girls. I'm v keen on going all pirate with Socrates (Project Socrates - aids with secret chatting as I'm not yet at 12 week scan).
However I suppose it doesn't really matter.

MW suggested women who don't know sex push harder because they want to find out.

clam · 25/08/2012 23:50

I just think it's like opening all your Christmas presents ahead of time, then wrapping them up again. Would make Christmas morning a bit flat.

noblegiraffe · 26/08/2012 00:02

I found out because I don't like surprises and to be honest it didn't even occur to me not to find out. It helped when bonding with the bump IMO, we could stop having to think desperately for a girl's name we both liked as it was a boy and we had the boy's name sorted.

This time I'm planning to find out again. Will definitely help prepare DS as he currently thinks he is going to get a little brother as all his friends have.

noblegiraffe · 26/08/2012 00:03

Oh, and no one bought blue stuff before the baby was born anyway because we found people actually waited for the birth before shopping.

NCForNow · 26/08/2012 00:08

Having a massive baby pop out of you is surprise enough. The least we can do is know what flavour they are before they get her and terrorize us!

PogoBob · 26/08/2012 00:09

I found out with DD as I felt I needed to know to help with bonding during the pregnancy, feel slightly uneasy referring to her as baby/it! (I am slightly odd about somethings though!).

Have just found out with DC2 (DS) to help get organised and sort through all the clothes etc. from DD.

NCForNow · 26/08/2012 00:10

TheTramp MW is talking bollix. Women push as hard as they can.

PatFenis · 26/08/2012 00:10

I found out what sex babies we were having with all 6 DC but DH didn't want to know so I kept my gob shut ...who says women can't keep a secret!

He got lovely surprises and I got to see his face each time - priceless!

5madthings · 26/08/2012 00:16

clam i dont think it makes it flat, meeting your new baby even if you know the sex is amazing, but i do agree that for me in anycase, it took the edge of it somehow? it was still amazing and with dd i really still expected her to be a boy. buti think had i not found out then i may have fainted with shock when she was born!

i would want a suprise if we were to have another tho, its one of lifes true suprises imo :)

theTramp · 26/08/2012 00:22

NC - oh I'm sure she is. It made me laugh though

clam · 26/08/2012 00:24

I suppose I mean for everyone else as well. Yes, it's always going to be thrilling meeting your own child, but I remember my brother telling everyone they were having a girl and what she was going to be called. So when she finally arrived it was like, "she's here," and we were "oh good" and you've kind of run out of questions.

nooka · 26/08/2012 00:26

We didn't want to know for ds, and to be honest I found it really strange and even slightly disturbing when the other parents in our anti-natal class referred to their babies by name, somehow it felt wrong to name someone you haven't yet met.

With dd we were curious because we had an idea in our mind what it would be like to have a pair of boys. So we did ask but she was a very private baby and we never found out (even for the three extra scans we had just before she was born). We were very surprised that she was a girl :)

It didn't make any difference for preparations as I'm very anti girl/boy stereotyping and in any case she mostly wore hand me downs.

5madthings · 26/08/2012 00:32

i agree clam and when we had ds4 we had found out the sex but didnt tell anyone.

with dd we did just because we were so shockef, but i know my parents would have preferred a suprise and looking back i think we would have too.

we werent planning on finding out. it was only the sonigrapher saying she had a very clear view of the sex and the dp saying oh go on then.

and it meant i had twenty weeks of people raving about how good it was we were finally having a girl and thank goodness it wasnt another boy etc. which i found horribly annoying! yes it is lovely to have a girl but we honestly didnt care and would have been delightef with a 5th boy.

theTramp · 26/08/2012 00:38

Clam - I understand completely and feel the same way. O course this is my first so how would I know.

NCForNow · 26/08/2012 01:01

I can't understand the not telling people the sex! Why? What's the point of hugging the secret of the baby's sex to yourself? Does it make you feel more special or something?

Not being facetious....genuinely don't get it.

The baby arrives...you see it's face for the first time...what could possibly be a BIGGER surprise than that??

And how could knowing a baby's sex or name mean you've no more questions to ask when the parents tell you it's arrived?

SoupDragon · 26/08/2012 07:15

"I can't understand the not telling people the sex! Why? What's the point of hugging the secret of the baby's sex to yourself?"

Because I wanted to and it was nobody's business but mine.

Mama1980 · 26/08/2012 07:19

I found out with ds know 4 at a 22 weeks scan, I just wanted to and it was pretty obvious I didn't buy anything though-I'm superstitious and don't buy anything prior to birth. In my case I'm glad i did as ds was born at 26 weeks so I at least had thought about possible names. I had felt all along he was a boy. Pregnant again and I will find out this time too.

theTramp · 26/08/2012 09:31

NC - for me it would be to maintain an element of surprise. I appreciate seeing baby is in itself awesome but seeing either your baby girl or boy for first time and learning their sex for first time feels a little bit like meeting them without pre amble.

I understand why that's not for everyone and indeed that it's not necessarily logical but that doesn't make it any less of a reason.

PeshwariNaan · 26/08/2012 10:53

We're probably going to find out (it's our first) but I see the benefits of both. For me it's just a bit more fun in the middle of the pregnancy and some help narrowing down names. We won't broadcast it though. And we definitely won't be telling anyone names, or calling the baby by a name. That's just a bit off (to me).

Purplecatti · 26/08/2012 11:36

I found out. I couldn't bear the though that someone else would know, even if they'd forget it again after 5 minutes.
I don't like the idea of naming it until it's out and we can see what name suits. Besides it's fun having everyone suggest names for us.

5madthings · 26/08/2012 11:39

re telling or keeping it a secret we have done both. with ds4 we found out and kept it a secret because we wanted to. it was nice to know ourselves and i didnt want to tell people and have to listen to crap reactions about it being boy no 4. also family didnt want to know ie grandparents.

with dd it was actually really nice for the boys to kmow they were getting a sister
we didnt name the babt till after birth
despite knowing the gender it still took us two weeks to decide on a name that we felt was right for them once they were born.

was the same with all five. we had a listnof names and our favourites but didnt decide till after baby was born. they were all just bump/bean before birth even if we did know the gender.

brighteyedbusytailed · 26/08/2012 11:45

I found out with DC#1 didn't like it , I felt it took away from 'meeting them at birth'

I decided to not find out this time, I love the mystery.

Midgetm · 26/08/2012 11:54

Didn't find out with DC1. Found it so magical and really helped with last stage pushing when I was knackered, like getting a great surprise. Accidentally found out at 24 week scan this time. It was ahem, rather obvious. Kind of wished I hadn't as it seemed like opening a present early. However it is more practical. I don't think many are Into blue/pink divides but it would be unfair to dress the poor little thing in dresses so at least I can get rid of anything from DC1 that won't be used.

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