best return comment to people commenting on weight gain?

[utopian99]

I work in an all-male office, although I'm sure this isn't restricted to mine..

Our horrifically creepy technician (who comments on the way I look, my personal life, etc at the best of times, despite my one word answers) told me this morning that "that beer belly's really getting out of hand now," (the latest in a long line of 'jokes' about it) and now another of them just cornered me in the lift and told me I've "ballooned" recently, and was it twins. Haha.

I get it. I'm fat suddenly. It's because I'm pregnant, so why is this a shock to people - it's only going to get worse for 3 months. How far can I justify GBH based on hormones?

What are your best smackdowns for berks like these? Thinking of putting a comments box on my desk with a sign saying "Idiot pregnancy comments in here please, not to my face."

Grr indeed. I tend to play it straight and say things like, "Yes, it's because I'm pregnant. Apparently pregnant people do tend to get bigger. Funny eh."

Are your work colleagues perfect specimes of men OP? If not, then a snippy "at least I have an excuse" might do the trick

You could be all snarky and "funny" back and say something like "isn't it funny, everyone that says that to me thinks they're being funny and original" And smile.

Might shut him up, but it sounds like he has boundary/social skills issues and you might need to hit him over the head with a brick be a bit less subtle before he gets the hint.

How about, "Yes its because there is another human being in there and its growing and developing... what's your excuse?" My workplace is predominantly females and they feel the need to touch you even though they wouldn't do it if you were not pregnant!

This is temporary, your face will always be that way. Who do you feel sorry for now?

(I'd never actually say it out loud but it helps saying it in my head)

I'd probably say " please don't comment on my appearance again" and look him firmly in the eye.

If you try to laugh it off / banter they just keep doing it.

Just remind them that along with an expanding waistline another symptom of pregnancy is unpredictable psychotic mood swings.

i have a feeling subtlety wont work here, so the more blunt approach would be to reply with "well you're getting more bald/wrinkly/etc, but i dont feel the need to comment on it every 5 minutes"

Try something positive....like "thanks I am just really great at growing babies".

Makes me feel good about it rather than rubbish!

milkyjo thankfully only one person (a friend's girlfriend, who is american, so has different boundaries and was just being friendly) has tried to touch without asking...so far. If anyone at work tries that I genuinely will lamp them.

Loving the sarky responses though!

Try the MN favourite. " gosh did u mean that to sound so RUDE?"

I have had similar from all and fucking sundry people, and have taken to saying "yes I grow people, whats your superpower", or if they have pissed me off the good old favourite "do you mean to be so rude" must admit it works!

When i worked in an office my team leader always used to comment on how big i was getting and how its a shame i am getting fat as i looked lovely when skinny...

One day she made a comment when i was very sensitive and hormonal i retorted with 'and what is your excuse??'

i ended up in big trouble as she made a complaint about me and apparently she was sensitive about her weight...

Can you just give them a type withering look and walk away?

Well I am not really helpful as I am too close to the end so my only response to these comments now is "Get f*cked" said through evil eyes. It is neither clever or witty but feels great.

Try "Fuck off or i'll sit on you"

"fuck off" seems to suffice usually.

Fuck off!
Or as I was recently told I looked pregnant from behind - I'm pregnant, what's your excuse - triplets?!

'yeah it's a years supply of pies in there... of course I'm massive stupid, I'm growing a child' I just got an awkward giggle and was subsequently left alone :) That's just my humour though... I don't really take it very personally. I'm fully aware that I'm huge.

I like " I'm pregnant, what's your excuse?"

I actually used fuck off or i'll sit on you. It works.

Well growing another person does tend to lead to weight gain...

'Fuck off or I'll sit on you' is inspired. I might use that on people who piss me off in other circumstances too.

Utop - sooo many options. I think you need to write your fave 20 on pieces of paper. When you get the next comment smile sweetly and ask them to pick a number between one and twenty - then hand them the appropriately numbered card with response on it.

The fact that you clearly have 20 of them should alert them to fact that you're miffed and fed up. If it doesn't - well you've 19 more to go...

My godfather (who often makes unwelcome personal comments to slag people off re grey roots,glasses etc despite having a droopy fat neck,bald, overweight himself) was at a BBQ last week and when he saw me with a pudding said something about 'eating for two are we?' so I said to him 'yes, I am but you've clearly been doing that for years' so that shut him up