best return comment to people commenting on weight gain?

[utopian99]

I work in an all-male office, although I'm sure this isn't restricted to mine..

Our horrifically creepy technician (who comments on the way I look, my personal life, etc at the best of times, despite my one word answers) told me this morning that "that beer belly's really getting out of hand now," (the latest in a long line of 'jokes' about it) and now another of them just cornered me in the lift and told me I've "ballooned" recently, and was it twins. Haha.

I get it. I'm fat suddenly. It's because I'm pregnant, so why is this a shock to people - it's only going to get worse for 3 months. How far can I justify GBH based on hormones?

What are your best smackdowns for berks like these? Thinking of putting a comments box on my desk with a sign saying "Idiot pregnancy comments in here please, not to my face."

I've been waiting for someone to comment so I can come out with, "I'm pregnant and I think I look pretty good for (insert no. of weeks). What's your excuse for being a complete twat your entire life?"

I had a total stranger (an man in his 60s) walk up to me in the street, poke me in the 7 months pregnant belly and tell me "that'll be all the cream cakes"!
I told him "it's sperm actually" and huffed waddled off leaving him standing with his mouth agape. Fucking old busybody twunt.

I only laughed when I got back to the office and relayed what happened to my colleagues, who were in stitches.

Ginfilth that's glorious! Just read out to my dh who fell about laughing!