Whats for the best?

[xmasevebundle]

Im 22weeks,19 and single.

Me and my ex broke up when i was 5w i ended it because he told me to get rid of it. Our relationship was coming to an end. We was together for 8 months and lived together for 5 months and even bought a dog. We no longer talk because of threats and arguments hes made towards me. He dont even no hes got a son.

Since then i dont go out i stay in, ive hardly got no friends.

My family do support me(i live with my mum and dad). I argue with my dad all the time going on for months and a few days he lost it and punched me in the head. So i am never talking to him again. Mum isnt too.

Yesterday she started shouting at me and now shes not having it. I said i will move out when the babys here. She said so your using us yet again(i pay my rent and buy my own food, clean up after myself).

She went mental, Ive always had problems when i was younger my brother abused me which i have only told my ex boyfriend and my close friend(she dont bother with me half the time) I left a school before i got kicked out and been bouncing from college to college l. My mum dont no about my brother as hes the perfect son, hes got a degree and my mum thinks the sun shines out his arse.

I do eat and i do love my son deeply even no hes not here. I have not been to the doctors i cant face anyone. I see the midwife not this next week and i feel i could breakdown.

Id have to move into a mother and baby unit which i dont care. I cant move until ive had my son whos due 24-12-12.

Sometimes i wish my son had a different mother as i feel for him, i cry because his dad dont want him and it breaks my heart.

I will give him the best in life and the love for him will be greater than anyone. When i get upset he gives me a kick and i stop crying.

The door with my ex was shut on his face and i chucked they key away. Hes in my past, but im scared he will become in my future when hes born.

I will find another man who will love me and my son i dont see that for years to come.

It hurts because all the stuff i have done with my ex i wont be able to do that with my new partner e.g go out driving for hours, going out, shopping, laying in bed all day.

It took me ages to accept that but i have something far greater than what he will have. I treated him like a man did everything for him run baths cleaned cooked his ex fiance who he was with for 6 years cheated on him.

Its like i got the shit end of the stick, i am a lot better without him. One day he will regret all this but i have done nothing to him so i can hold my head up high and thats what i am doing. Wont let him bring me down anymore.

Just wondered, are you taking pregnancy multivitamins, eg Blackmores pregnancy multivitamins for your baby?
Good luck with the MW appointment today.
I really admire you for persevering and struggling through your heartache. Pregnancy can be a teary, emotional time even without such heartache.
Can you do something lovely for yourself today while you are out seeing the MW- a hot chocolate or a small treat for you. Mums deserve a treat every now and then!

Sorry, got my days mixed up, its Wed, today for your MW-good luck!
After your medical check up, blood pressure, etc, I'm sure she can refer you to the outreach worker or social worker for support and legal advice (for baby's custody) Very important you have lots of support and minimise any stress.

A website for teen mums is standupgirl.com -may not be your thing, very pro-life/anti-abortion, but lots of young mum's stories on the web site and just like you they are holding their head up high.

I got mixed up its not until next wednesday!

Going to ask about the side of the law to its very stressful.

I feel happy today and like normal as i would say. Went town got my mums 50th present, had a starbucks then got a meal. Felt nice spending abit of money on myself.

Had my hair cut to by my friend whom i have known since i lived here.

Meet up with my 'friend' she was going on about her bf who i hate think. I dont really want to be with her not in a nasty way. I'm not the same person as she new before. Want to make new friends going to take a step and go to the young mums.

I have smoked 7 fags since i have seen my ex after i smoked them i wont smoke anymore. I feel lot at ease and happy when i smoke. I went out at night and had a fag and thats what i use to do when i was him.

I do feel bad and guilty but i dont feel stressed. I mean i had £40 and spend half of it on my mum because shes done so much for me i feel happy and proud i have done so.

Still think about him and he makes me very angry but life goes on. I do believe in karma so lets hope he gets it much worse than me

You should be so proud of yourself-
being a mum helps many of us see that its really love and kindness that makes the world go around, as we feel a strong love and desire to protect our child, even before they are born, just as you are (and we still love our kids even when they drive us nuts!just have to laugh with them when it all goes wrong, or us mums would always be crying!). You sound like youre starting to look for friends who get that. Good luck with young mums -Bet they were not as well prepared so early in pregnancy as you, with your supply of clothes, nappies, pram, linen for your baby boy!
I use to smoke a pack a day and gave up before my first Very hard to suddenly find youre pregnant and give up- youre doing well, keep trying! Do you already know babies are poorer at reading,school etc of heavy smokers, lucky you're giving up! Understandable you need something to cheer you up.

One of the things I did was swim at a heated pool ,,(maybe get second-hand pregnancy bathers or wear bikinis and show off your bump) Oh, it feels amazing swimming while pregnant, you have to try it! As soon as my big pregnant tummy hit the water, I felt so beautiful, light and all the backache eased!

Sheer bliss, floating with pregnant belly! think about what you want to try out to release the stree eg swimming, walking, window shopping, picnic in park, gardening??!,pregnancy water aerobics, pregnancy exercise classes,or you can dance to your fav music- your baby will love it!

I do need new friends, i understand now. Its just drama after drama. My friend who came over is very nice and isnt a bitch but she has a full time job boyfriend etc. She still arranges to meet me. Think shes going to be a godmother for him. Was there at first when he was being awful to me.

I use to smoke 50g a week, none of my family nor him smoked it was a way to get my stress out and still is.

Before i knew i was pregnant, i was 10w when i did. I smoked for 2 months. I thought it was april i got pregnant but it was march. I went to my home town with him his dad lives there i went out drinking and feel awful i was pregnant(didnt no though) Just feel like a bitch as i smoked for 2 months when he was most prone to die.

I did give up when i found out i went cold, i went to shop to get fags as i was pissed off and had enough thats when i saw him, drove past me. I thought perfect to have a fag after i seen him!!! I gave up at 10w and i caved at 23w after all the mess and stress i am surpised i lasted i wont smoke after i finished (2left).

Im a good swimmer, i was going to join the royal navy. I need a friend to go swimming with i dont think i will go alone!

That made me laugh, he use to say i use to dance like shirka because of my hips lol, i do like dancing alot. I sing a lot to him, he likes let it be by the beatles, when ever i sing it he kicks!

I doubt i will go clubbing ever again, only been 7 times since i was 18! Id be scared ti go out drinking and leave him behind incase anything happened to me.

It breaks my heart a little his dad is a tech for cars and he will have cars to play with them, how cute if he said to everyone my daddy fixes cars(wont tell him). I think a lot about them things..

I think its me as my mum we always get things before anything. I hope hes here on christmas day or even born on it, i said i hated if he was but im changing my mind!

Window shopping i went today!! I like looking at size 10 clothes i pat my belly and say i can wait lol. All these nice clothes around me while im in frumpy clothes!

Hey XmasEve Bundle, don't beat yourself up, what's done is done.

you are doing really well now shown by lot of healthy kicks from baby. sounds like he loves music, bet he dances lots when he's little and you put music/children's shows on for him

I think u r right regarding Karma. Things have a way of catching up with people who have (and sometimes continue to try to )badly hurt others

About the swimming-if u r good at it, who cares if yr not with anyone-once you get in the pool its heaven especially in the last few weeks when baby feels reeeally heavy -maybe yr mum can go too! -meet yr friend there instead of at yr house, then go to yr place for afternoon tea on the weekend or whatever. swimming/dancing better than fags for baby and you- you matter too!

He always kicks me, i love it though. I wonder what hes doing half the time in there. In the scan he was playing with his bits .

It will come one day, but i hope that one day is realllyyyy bad.

I do feel a lot better last few days maybe because i have been out. Went shopping today, took your advice, got slippers, a new top and a nighty for hosp and new shoes. I cant stop looking at them, i haven't bought anything since i found out i was pregnant! Even my birthday money got spent on him,I got him something of course a little shirt!

Got a few stares even asked am i about to give birth... Hes really low and pokes out!

My mum cant swim! She hates water, i do enjoy it a lot. I am thinking about the smell of a pool now

I will meet her again i did enjoy it. Puts my mind else where when i go out but i am very do this do that with money because i want everything perfect for him!

Going to tell my MW i want to go young mums, think it will be a stepping stone for me and maybe meet new friends i hope who are pregnant and going through the same thing.

I dont have a friend who i trust or can talk to like hair make-up and clothes. Like to look at clothes a lot i just think they are pretty. I always use to wear floaty dresses with high heels. Cant wear that now i feel frumpy. Very girly indeed. Use to talk to him about it, he use to listen.

Made me think a lot this chat we having, going to go uni after my sons born and become a chemo nurse. I'm not stupid and it will be tough i am more than willing to do it better life for me and him. More money to spend on me and him!

As everything was going to good it all came back down.

My 2 brothers and his girlfriend came over.

I feel out with my brother and her when i was with him, after new years.

They all came over like they did something big i went upstairs so they can spend time with my mum(last year none of them bothered like normal)

My mum went bingo i wanted to go and i they all went so i thought fine. Ive had hardly any sleep as i had braxton last night and cramp. I said i am going bed at 8 and if i get woken up im going to be fucking pissed off.

So my youngest brother told me to fuck off you prick called me a slag and even a cunt. Saying its not my house. If i wasnt pregnant i would of lamped his girlfriend OUT. She started then my oldest brother saying i am horrid to my mum and dad yet everyone treats my mum the same. My oldest has done far worse prison the WHOLE lot.

So i kept calm and when he called me a slag i flew into a rage. I pay rent she said i pay 30 a month. I pay that a week and i have to pay for food. All ganging up on saying everyone hates me and i should move out. So fuck it, im going to do it.

I am so upset i am shaking, i have no friends to even ring, tried to call one she isnt picking up so much for a friend.

No wonder i smoke, but yet hes still kicking away. Im going to move now. Ive really had enough of everyone shit. Instead of saying im this and that.

Your own brother calling you a slag, how low can you get. I said so what i had unprotected sex and got pregnant. It makes me so upset when they call me that.

I loved my ex dearly and i was with him for 8 months.

I said to his gf your not even family 4 years together or NOT.

At these times i need him, to be there and hug me but he isnt and that makes me fuming.

I said if you fuckers was bothered you would of arranged the day wouldnt you. I asked my mum what she wanted then told my dad it was a suprise for her.

Listen, xmas eve bundle, your brothers are horrbly unsupportive and angry and I hate to think of you in such emotional pain. You are pregnant, you need peace, loving support and above all RESPECT. If your brothers come around a lot, you need to think about a safer place for you and baby, ad in the meantime, become an expert at leaving the house for a pretend 'appointment with the GP/dentist/MW or 'coffee date with friend'. For you and baby's peace, think "get out of here" for sanity and safety.

if your brother is calling you insulting names, he is not worthy of any attention at all from you.. next time can you let him be the one with the nasty anger and tantrum. I think I understand why you have never reported the abuse now, are you frightened of what he or his other brother may do?

I believe you will make a beautiful life for yourself, you are making the first steps to new friends with young mums group, respecting those you love and above all respecting yourself. Please consider the outreach worker, they are there for young women just like you. You can meet at a coffee shop/whatever. You could call them and be annonymous and get advice. I am here for you too

You know, you could go swimming today and no one would care you are alone. your baby would just love it. every day you deserve something nice for yourself... its so important you take good care of yourself, even if you just swim once a week/ go long walks each day/ dancing!! something just for you to de-stress.

((((hugs to you and bump))))

Times like this, you can at least know karma will not be kind to your brothers if they cant stop hurting you and others with their anger

They dont give me any respect, you can swear at me call me anything i dont care. But soon as 'slag' comes into it i go mad, my mum is not very happy with any of them. No i dont want to report, hes the really nice brother to me, never has jugded me or said anything to me. Nor my other brother.

The other 2 think its ok to call me that. I have never been so angry, i have been anger managment twice when i was younger and i was so close to punch her in the face.

Even bought him into the argument saying where is he now, and saying hes not family. I bit my tongue. Even though we are not together, he is more family than her. I nearly said to her, Hes gave me a baby and hes made this child and its mum/dad granchild so therefore related.
She wants kids with my brother and he dont, maybe she is jealous?

She did get corrected on everything she said to me saying i only pay this month a month. I said i pay that a week and i buy my own food. You dont know shit.

Mum said shes fed up, your not a slag and they all attacked you like animals. I said i dont care i will move. I dont want any of them near me. Im due xmas eve, mum said i feel like saying christmas is cancelled. I said no they can come over but i will go upstairs she said why should you? My mum understands me a lot as she has been through it with her kids.

I love them both dearly my mum and dad, i do have anger issues, but its not towards them. Its him.

I feel happy today as im going to make loads of toast with chocolate spread. Sons happy kicking away and waiting for food!

Going to tell my MW i cant wait till i see her. Its so nice to release everything, even on here its good anger is out!

Xmas. you have every right to be angry about what yr brothers and their girlfriend said- that's only natural. It's what you do with that anger that will make you either happy or sad.

If you can find a way to vent or let out that anger other than swearing/yelling back you are on the way to peace with yourself and you will feel great when you look back and know you stayed in control.. Easier said than done, as you are surrounded by people being angry/verbally abusive it seems at times. All of us get angry/lose it at times, yet we are so much happier if we stay in control

Again, I dont understand why your brother or girlfriend think they have any right to call you such ridiculous names. They simply are not true and you need to ignore any further ridiculous comments like that.

Can you go for long walks, babies get lulled to sleep by that. If poss, your baby needs to hear you happy not upset or angry
If you love swimming, go swimming by yourself. You'd be surprised-lots of people go swimming by themselves to do laps or just to relax (actually you are with yr baby wherever you go!)
Take care and hope you get out a bit today or tomorrow

They think i do all wrong so take everything on me. Its nasty really because they are family and you DONT say that about your sister maybe a 'slag' who sleeps with tom, dick and harry. I would of said to her you was dancing on a lad when my brother wasn't out but i dont want to cause futher problems. I keep it to myself.

I am going out sunday i hope, i get my grant soon when im 29weeks £500 pound halfs gone for the pram and nappies. My dad payed for the pram so i owe him it back. Going to spend £50 then save the rest for he is born and £25 for keeps in case i need money. I save up and bugdet a lot but there could be a what if!

I love the night air, use to go and sit on a beach with tea and over look a habour but i cant do that now, i cant drive and he use to take me. I do sit outside at nightime to smell the air.

Going to start going my nails nice again, im a tech in nails too, so i will have long pretty nails again. Getting my hair highlighted too, use to have a bright colour hair then i went brown im going to go a copper blonde. New me

Went out shopping yesterday saw a lovely looking man and he smiled at me. I smiled back, he was nice looking

Still makes me anxious when i people look at me and my bump, i hate when they come to close think they are going to bump into it!

Xmas, they have no right to label you/call names/insult you

if a woman sleeps with lots of men, do they call her insulting names?

yet if a man sleeps with lots of woman, what insulting names are they called?

should yr X partner be called names as hes a young single Dad?
or is it only you they call names as yr a young single mum?
double standards
most women dont buy into it anymore

women and men are all people and we have equal rights to respect

r u using gel nails, they look great, i am getting nails done soon too!

r u able to do some part time work while on income support, a few days a week? would help you save for baby's needs more and be able to go out for lunch/coffee/yoga!/meditation!/swimming! more often,too

Its always been that way, its not bad i have slept with 3 people, i dont care because im not a slag or slut. I dont sleep with anyone unless im with them.

2 of the brothers have no morals at all, really sad they called me a slag thinking that i would lose out?

Sounds very brutal, you piss me off now dont expect me to to be sweet when hes born.

I asked my mum if i changed since meeting him, she said yes. I can see it and its really sad i am like this it isnt me but its the me i have been formed into.

Hes not a dad, maybe with DNA but hes not the father in my eyes anymore. Thinking how shit his christmas will be, will think is my child born. How awful, karma will start roughly around then

I can do gel and acrylic i can do flowers free hand, leopard print and polka dots which are my fav!

I bought myself a bag today, its second hand but new, was £10 so excited to see it.

I am a big fan of tattoo's, i have 2 i cant wait until i can some more! Already have 2 lined up!

I dont do any work, i only have 2 people who i speak to and one who is a 'friend'. The other is just someone who i dont want to be friends with anymore, wrapped up in what i was with her boyfriend.

I would do nails for my friends for free as i love doing them!

Cant wait until hes born really looking forward it. Meeting him new start and a new me. Going bronze blonde, doing my nails all the time, my make up is always done to a T and hair. New clothes to! Very exciting.

Yr new bag sounds lovely, and its lovely you r feeling better

If u r breast feeding, I wonder if his Dad and family will only be able to see him for short two hour bursts since he'll need 3 hourly breast feeds? Another one the MW can tell u, I am not sure Yes, he will be the biological Dad but not necessarily have a strong relationship with yr son- time will tell.
I imagine it is hard to make new friends until u gradually get to know other thru groups like young mums. Many mums are of great support to each other. u may make great friendships since u will all be going thru a lot together at young mums maybe u will do some nails for a few mums at mums grp!
Its hard to work and look after a new baby, especially if breast feeding, many mums wait until the baby is much older to return to work What r yr plans after baby for work, weekly outings without baby and will you have support from yr mum to babysit for u

Its lovely you are looking forward to your beautiful baby boy being born
It is very exciting, a new little person coming into the world
reminds me of Lennons
"Before you go to sleep, say a little prayer
Every day, in every way is getting better and better..
Beautiful beautiful beautiful, beautiful boy
Darling, darling, darling, darling Sean"

He dont want anything do to with the child when its born, only will be there on the money side. Suits me fine, he would have to take me to court for PR. His mum wont see him, after she treatend to stab him out of me. His family dont know im pregnant. Not even his nan who he lives with. He dont want anyone to know im pregnant!

I would do everyones nails even the midwifes its nice to get pamperd when pregnant.

My mum said she cant wait until she babysits! Going to walk along the seafront with him, going to walk everywhere with him unless its raining. Even got a winter coat ready, just need a good pair of boots

Thats really peaceful and nice, makes me feel better and happy.

My tattoo im getting will be' stand for something or you'll fall for anything' Think its perfect as i stood up and i wont even fall for it again!

you and baby deserve a life free from abuse like your X's mum's violent threat

if ever u feel unsafe, unsupported, are threatened or hurt anytime you could put the outreach worker phone number in yr mobile just in case you need help/advice for you and baby.

also see refuge.org.uk or hideout.org.uk or www.women'said

there is a story on one of those websites called michelle's story
she says she was called a slag and other insulting names by her boyfriend and says it made her feel like she couldn't do anything properly

Walking with yr mum and baby in the pram sounds lovely- I guess you will need good boots and coat for that English winter! You have probably already got lots of lovely warm baby clothes and blankets sorted! Very organised, like a true mum.

I really think you are so strong for going thru so much.
It may have made you more wary and that is so understandable, anyone would be after what you've been thru. But many men are nothing like those you know and many never ever abuse their sisters, mums, girlfriens, wife,
You are amazing for never giving up, saving to gather all your baby's needs,planning what next for the best for you and baby. You are making a wonderful start to life for your beautiful bundle.

((hugs to you and bundle))

I want to get a restraining order agaisnt both of them when hes born. I can't wait until hes born i just want to see his face and give him a big kiss!

I think there is some nice men out there, but i will always compare them to him. Hes the father to my child but there is no love only anger.

I am happy being single for now but i wish i was with him to some point, e.g child together. You cant stay with a man, because of a baby it wont work.

Its such a shame, he thinks i have lost out but he has. He wasnt there through anything nor his first childs birth and many years he will regret it.

I am a lot happier, im 24w and the weeks are flying by, i am just excited.

Sorted his hospital stuff out yesterday in my suitcase he has more space than me! Did his wardrobe i had to empty one of mine he has that much. His shoes are ready on his stand.

I just need him here

I got a message from him earlier asking me back lets have a family etc, i have not replied and i am not.

I dont need him he brings me down, better off without him!!!!

You are very wise to be wary, since a leopard doesn't change his spots.
Short term, he may act lovely, but what about the future?
He has shown how easily he can turn against you, and threaten you with hurtful, degrading rubbish remarks.

You have come a long way from when you were carefree with him., he very rudely and callously let you know he didn't want any relationship with both you and the baby.

Be careful if you need to talk to him, take care of yourself, whether that means only talking or whatever you feel is right for you. Really he shouldn't be surprised if you are strong, have already cut the ties and want better for yourself, after his treatment to you.

I finished because i could not live what he said to me, looking at the child and thinking i didnt want you. Its cruel.

He 'thinks' everything will change when hes born.

I want to go after him for CSA, he wants a DNA, which is fine by me! After that he will have to take me to court, my MW said all he does now goes agaisnt him now too. I just want him to pay his son money so i dont have struggle and never see me again. Sometimes i wish i was pregnant forever.

I wont make any contact with him, i think hes going to hurt me phyiscally.

He wanted rid of it, his mum said that and in his mum's eyes he does no wrong. So i wouldn't past either of them to hurt me.

Got my midwife tomorrow at 9.30am so i will be up early with my mum coming down a 1 min walk to the childrens centre. Its that bad but i dont mind. I might hear his heartbeat and the MW are nice to me.

Good luck listening for your babies heartbeat and with yr MW visit!
The challenges you find hard today will one day be sorted, though it is very tough for you at the moment

One thing that has helped me is to remember
Nothing is permanent in this universe except change
we are all constantly changing and so is this planet
Sometimes we wish it could stay the same, sometimes we cant wait for change but everything is constantly changing for us (and this planet)
Keep going with your heart/wishes and whatever you decide, there will always be change, some things will get better, and then new challenges will begin