Advice for dd please, starts nursery around due date

[moogs1000]

Hi, wasn't really sure where to post this but my dd starts nursery Sept when I'm due. Worried she's going to feel pushed out, baby's here and she has to go out everyday! She's not the best socially in big groups and I know she'll be upset when I leave her regardless of baby or not.

Any advice as to how I can do this successfully without me blubbering too (blaming hormones for my lack of control over tears at moment!). Just in hoping baby is late so can start her off at nursery first!

Can you delay her start?

Not sure and not thought of that! Will speak to them. Thanks

I would recommend the other way and bring forward her start date if possible, therefore she is in a routine she is used to before baby arrives so she has continuity when baby is here.

This is what we have gone with ds

My dd starts reception in sept and I'm due with dd2 at the end of aug. I plan to give loadsa attention to dd1 before and after school so she feels secure and to get her involved with looking after dd2 when she wants to (bathing her/ helping etc)

Dd may suprise you- They get so much stimulation at school/nursery and can love it.

How old is your DD? My friends who are childminders have told that if the kids know that mum is at home with baby they get very jealous and sad. They are asking why they can't be at home with mum and they say they could even help taking care of the baby. This mainly in case of mums who are too lazy to take care of one-to-two year old toddler and baby at the same time.

I think it is different when you go to pre-school and stay only half a day. At three children needs company of other kids.

That's a bit harsh Bansku
I think most mums would recognise that a tired Mum with a newborn might think their older child may benefit from energetic nursery staff and other children, rather than laziness

Yes, if at all possible get DD1 to start nursery before the baby arrives and be totally matter of fact about.
Al
It's all DD1s peer group started preschool when they were 2 and 9 months and that was that. I didn't expect her to make a fuss and she didn't. By the time DD2 arrived 3 months later going to pre school was just what she did.

I would try and start her earlier if you can as that way she is settled before the baby. She wont feel pushed out by the baby as long as you try and get her involved as well. If you are feeding the baby you can read a story to her at the same time, it is amazing what you can do ! Some people have a strategy that if they are doing something with the older child and the baby starts to cry they tell the baby that he/she has to wait a moment while mummy finishes x with the older child, that way the older child feels validated as well.

Well, so might it sound but a child under three does not really a need nursery. A normal life at home is fine. A nursery shold be only used in the case if mum is ill and therefore too tired to take care of a baby and a toddler. Children do not "love" nursery. Also, why to make more children if a thought of taking care of two is too much? The pre-school and school start so early so why not let a child enjoy relaxed life at home at least couple of years?

Interestingly, many mums complain how expensive the daycare is, but when there is a possibility to keep kids at home they are ready to pay the fees....

pure laziness

I don't think I can even begin to answer that
Odd way of looking at the world

I'm in a similar position. I've been working full time since dd was 6 months old and she's been going to a childminder 3 days a week (dh's days off fall during the week so she's at home for the other 4 days). dc2 is due 4th October and dd is due to start pre school 14th Sept - my maternity leave starts 10th Sept if all goes to plan.

Our plan is for dd to go to the childminder one day a week and see her friends (also to ensure continuity as I'm "only" taking 6 months off) and to the pre-school two mornings a week to get her into the swing of it. She will eventually have one full day and a half day at the pre-school and we may start that before I go back to work if she wants to.

Dd's loves going to her childminder and seeing her friends and she's also super excited about pre-school. She's asked me every day since I broke up for the summer hols whether she can go! She doesn't need to be there (can't anyway it's term time only) but boy does she want to be - and I wouldn't say I was a particularly lazy / boring parent to be around as the alternative.

I haven't spent any time at all worrying about it, mainly because she already seems won over by the idea of going there. We went to the open morning and she knows some of the children there already (previous graduates from her childminder's); I think this really helps.

Anyway this is my long winded way of saying I think you should see if you can start her early to see how she gets on and to get into the swing of things. It's not fair to stop her routine just because of an addition to the family. If she doesn't like going to nursery you can always send her in less frequently but you may not be able to get a place again if you don't send her at all.

"I don't think I can even begin to answer that
Odd way of looking at the world"

a healthy way. from your text it sounds that only "tired" mum matters... what about the young child?

It is really funny how parents say they children love nursery whereas nursery workers describe how small kids ask all the time "when mummy comes" and others are so small they can't even tell.

hei hou, and when the second one is old enough the third one is on its way... to the nursery.

Ok, well to begin with it's rather a sweeping generalisation to say that 'children don't love nursery'
How do you know. Where is the evidence to back up that statement?
A tired Mum is obviously going to be less 'there' for the child, less fun perhaps in the first few months, just because the needs of a new baby are hectic and tiring
I think by saying that Mum's are lazy putting their child into childcare is very patronising. How do you know what their reasoning is. How do you know they are not doing it with the best interests of their child at heart
It's fair enough to give your point of view, we all do, but to give broad statements as if they are facts, without any evidence to back them up, is, as I said, a bit harsh

So you seriously think a one year old child needs nursery or a seven month old? You don't really need any evidence, just use your common sense...
What about those nursery workers. They tell you your child had "a nice day" even though she was missing you and sad. They just don't want to upset you.

well, there are studies how an early start at nursery can have negative effect on your future. This does not apply to every child, of course, but maybe a very sensitive child can be damaged.

For me, my children both started nursery at two. I took that decision based on evidence and the children themselves and our personal circumstances
The danger of your tone is that you are generalising on why mothers choose childcare. And it is often for a wide range of reasons
Also, many many Mum's on here have no choice but to put their children into childcare in order to work and maintain a decent standard of life for their children
They are not lazy, but you are not balancing all the factors: homelife, standard of life, keeping a decent roof over their head.
There are just too many perameters to measure, to make sweeping generalisations, which is why I found it hard to even begin to answer your post
The world is not black and white

Sorry OP, the thread has derailed and this isn't getting you the answers you need
Bansku, if you want opinions on this, maybe start another thread? I'm always happy to debate and you will get a broader range of thoughts

With my lazy mum I mean mums who put their first one, aged 1-2 yers, to nursery when they are at home with a new baby.

I guess some people have to go back to work when baby is six months, which is really sad. But there is also a group of lazy mums here who just got enough of baby after six months and go back to work eventhough it is not financially nessescary.

Banksu I think you contradicted yourself in your last post and the lazy mums comment is harsh. You are also making sweeping statements about nursery workers lying to parents and that's unfair. I am assuming you don't use a nursery yourself and therefore this 'evidence' you quote is anecdotal. Hmmmm.....

The OP does not say that her DC is going into full time day care. Nursery can be a couple of hrs a morning where the child engages in constructive play, makes friends and learns social skills. It's important for kids, even babies, to expand their horizons and it can help with transition to school later on.

I put DS I to nursery for 2 three hour sessions a week when he was 2.2 because I knew DD was due. I was pretty low and sleep deprived in the early months (reflux, tongue tie and dairy intolerance made for a very unsettled baby) so those two sessions were a life saver.

However I knew DS didn't like me leaving him while I went off with baby even though it was only a few hours. However he did love nursery and wouldn't want to go when I was there as he loved playing with the toys and other kids.

It's easy to judge and call mums lazy but when you've got a tough newborn, it's not good for a mother's mental health to struggle alone. I don't think humans, as social animals, are programmed to look after children alone. I really think it takes a village to raise a child. Unfortunately in this country, we are distant from family and it can be difficult to get help.

Well my dd has just turned two and is starting preschool in sept. she is really excited and when we've been to visit she has tried to het me to leave! I must be a terrible mother!

Op doesn't say how old her dd is

I think the timing could be a bit off - maybe a couple of weeks earlier of possible?

Also, don't tell her you are going home. Tell her you are going and thats it. I'm sure she will thrive at nursery and the carers will know what to do to help her settle.

My son loves nursery, I've been back at work since he was a year, and once he was settled, he has always run in smiling, loves his key workers and the the other children, and sometimes is having so much fun, he doesn't want to come home.

When DD is born he will still be attending 3 days a week as it is part of his routine and he enjoys it. He'll also be there when I go back to work, so I think it'd be cruel to take him out for a year and then put him in.

So, call me 'lazy' if you want, but it has nothing to do with not wanting to look after a 2 year old and a newborn, and everything to do with keeping him happy and settled.

How incredibly judgemental of you. Watch those judgey pants don't cut off your air supply.

OP, sorry for the hijack. I also advocate putting your toddler in before baby arrives so that they're settled in a routine - I'm dropping my sons days to 3 per week, and having him visit the next stage up a month early so that he is settled in the new area and routine before his little sister arrives.

For the OP (who raises a really good and interesting question! And one that many thoughtful mums really think about - i.e. how not to unsettle the elder one and raise jealously issues): When we had DS, we delayed his nursery start until 3.3 (by which time DD was 5 months) he was then in part-time preschool. He settled really well, but I was knackered by then

With DD2, we will be starting DS in Kindergarten (he'll be 5.3 - it's a later start in the States) at end August. DD1 - who will be almost 2.5 - will be starting preschool three mornings a week around then, too. DD2 is expected in two months' time - i.e. towards the end Sept.

I'm hoping it will work better to have her settled before baby arrives, rather than the long gap we gave DS? Also, it's only 3 mornings for a few hours, and then home to me. From what I've read/learnt from other mums, it's helpful to have changes made to the routine before new baby comes (as other posters have said), so that they don't attribute change to the baby. Hears to hoping it works!

And I'll be at home full time with the baby (and assorted other children, obv, )

For the OP: I had exactly the same problem. Due in Sept right around when preschool started. One of the reasons we selected the preschool we did was because they offered a Sept or Jan start date. As it turned out she went to the orientation session in Sept with my Dad because I went into labor that morning but then didnt go back until Jan. We talked about the orientation through the Fall so she was remembering what school was like and did great when she started later. She was 3y2m in Jan. I would recommend the late start - for one thing, it was less expensive.

Thanks for all advice! It's a preschool nursery and dd will be 3 and 9 months. She's only going mornings for 4 days(12hours) with a day off with me. So I'm not trying to get rid of her, love having her at home but she is ready for nursery. Can't start her earlier as its term time only or this would have been ideal.

DS is starting nursery three mornings a week when he turns two in September and I am due DS2 in November. I AM putting him in then because of the new arrival and it is because I anticipate recovering from a caesarean while being glued to a chair breast feeding on the hour for the first few months (as I was with DS1) and I think my toddler would be bored and frustrated. Instead he will play with other children and do activities for four hours in the morning every second week day.

I also would like a little one on one time with the new baby to bond in those early months when secure attachment is so important. DS1 is a happy confident toddler with secure attachment and he loves the company of other kids his age.

If I think he is unhappy I'll take him out but I'm optimistic and honestly think its the best thing for him, and I've read the studies/Oliver James etc..

It is beyond stupid to say that Mothers who put their toddlers in nursery are lazy. Are they allowed to use babysitters? Are the Fathers equally lazy or us it just not their problem?