AIBU to be massively put off by the whole idea of ANYONE seeing me in labour...?

[utopian99]

...except trained/paid profesionals, who, poor things, have no option?

I know I'll get shouted down by all sorts of proper women and I acknowledge right now I am a control freak/OCD (I'm an architect, after all, it's they way we're wired) but the idea of my DH seeing me in such a base, animal state if frankly horrific. He's keen to be there, because I think he feels he'd be missing out and it's his child as much as mine, but before we got pregnant I used to joke about sending him to the pub like in the 50s, which he sort of seemed to accept. Now it's a reality, he wants to be there, and we've agreed he's to stay well out the way of the action end of things, but deep down I confess I'd rather he just didn't see all that.

I know it's a totally natural process, but then so is having a massive poo (sorry!) and I wouldn't want him there for that. Also the more I read about it, the more it sounds like giving birth kneeling/on all fours is less painful/easier etc., and again I'd feel more comfortable doing that, knowing I'll look like a cow in labour if he wasn't there to see it, but if he is there I'll want to at least try to not become too grim, or if I can't help it, I'll feel awful afterwards.

Just tell me I'm being ludicrous if you feel I need a slap, I just can't make myself see childbirth as a miracle but a vile necessity! I agree conception/the genetic process that makes individual, infinitley varied humans is pretty amazing, and I can't actually insist on him not being there, I just wish I could....

YANBU, I felt the same but let my DH be there and glad I did, I did however do a massive poo during the process..... oh the shame hahahahaha

You honeslty wont care at the time, and you might be scared, not have a great mw, as said you can always send him out if needs be, also by the time it comes to give birth you may be on all fours but this will be a small tiny fraction of time compared to just waiting for it all to happen etc....

i dread to think not really what i looked like - as was in a normal postion for all 6 hours - ie on back on bed, on a ball, on a chair - it was the noises!

Perversely, I had an awful family time after the birh with in laws, and infact the only merriment we had was hysertically laughing at what I was like during labour! I nealry bit through the gas and air mouth peice!

Been there three times - You really won't care in full labour, I promise!
But if you're really worried, at the crucial point you could just hang onto his neck and not let go, so that he can't see anything!

ps. My mum sent a text message round to the first few friends/immediate family with the news of the baby's name and time of birth and finished the note by saying; "9lbs 12oz, Ouch, bet that made your eyes water!"
I went mad -" Oh, thanks mum, now all your friends are thinking about my vagina. Great!" She deleted that bit for everyone else she sent it to.

Rainbow, I'm so sorry for what happened to your baby. That is so sad and yes, people do need to realise the implications of birth, good and bad.

Having said that, stress is a known factor in increasing the likelihood of interventions during labour which can affect the mothers health (if not the child). So if you are someone who would be stressed by having your partner there (not just for vanity reasons, maybe you are very very shy/modest/have body issues) then it should be accepted that you can ask them to leave the room or not watch certain parts. In the same way a woman should have the right to chose where she gives birth, she should also be able to chose who is there for it.

I myself am an extrovert so was happy for everyone and their dog to come and watch, but that's me and I feel comfortable/do better when I'm performing! By the end of my twins birth I counted 17 people in the room. With my DD I had DH and my Mum. I totally accept that that would be other peoples idea of hell. (I've never admitted that performing thing before, but it's true...)

rainbow you made a very good point, which I confess I hadn't even thought of - if something went wrong that no one could have foreseen I'd feel awful that my husband wouldn't have been there if he'd wanted to, so may need to rethink on the off chance of that, so thankyou for a useful point. Also, crossing everything for you and hope your future holds happier times.

farlorigel not sure if i'm being over sensitive, so hoping your post wasn't an attack on those of us posting who you deem to be "without an emotionally close and unconditional relationship" with their partners, however I was coming from the viewpoint of my own issues and/or vanity, not my partner's or my relationship's shortcomings. He thinks my issues with not wanting to be seen shaving my legs/on the loo/giving birth/etc is archaic and wouldn't affect how he sees me in any case; I'm just a bit old fashioned and believe that just because he loves me no matter what I do/look like doesn't give me a reason to stop caring about it either. I hope that makes a bit more sense, and also please don't take that as a personal comment about people who do let it all hang out, I'm just trying to clear up my own idiosyncracies!