Err, how do you look after baby??!!

[Sastra]

So, as a quick search of my past posts will reveal, I know nothing about babies. I don't have any family around and no friends with little ones. I'm sure I'll end up disregarding what the books say but right now, I'm feeling a bit panicky about having no idea how to keep her alive, let alone give her everythubg she needs to nurture her.

Can anyone recommend a decent book for someone with no experience of children and how to look after them, or even what to expect? Or any advice generally?

The only advice I have is- you'll be fine
I was in exactly the same position as you, barely knew what way up the baby went! But with a newborn, as long as it's clean, fed and dry, you're doing perfectly.
Toddlers on the other hand...

Feed it, change its bum, walk around rocking it in your arms until it goes to sleep. Repeat

I had no experience either - don't worry!! You get very good at holding them very quickly, so don't be nervous about that either.

I quite like the 'rough guide' books, although MN is pretty awesome for more specific questions such as 'is this normal?!?'.....

feed it, change nappies and lots of cuddles

you'll be fine

I think some people can get very bogged down reading baby books. A 'rough guide' might be useful but otherwise just do as others have suggested. As has been said before the problem with baby books is that babies don't read them.

Mumsnet books are good, as is the Sears Baby Book. Haynes manual has good flowcharts for things and some great newborn poo pictures.

You will be fine though :)

I startes by picking up dd every three hours, change bum, give milk, cuddles, swaddle than back in the basket to doze. Repeat.

If crying - check bum, offer milk, burp, cuddle.

If asleep - try and rest yourself
If awake - coo and gurgle at them

That did me for the first month.

You'll be fine.

My best piece of advice would be - always stay calm even if you feel like melting down as I often did

They don't really do much at the begining, as long as they are clean, cosy, fed and burped your pretty much there.

And don't listen to anyone who tells you not to cuddle too much. They are talking rubbish. You can't spoil a newborn, and they love sleeping on your tummy - but only when your awake mind

Can you tell I'm missing when DD was that small?

Checklist if baby cries:

1. Hunger
2. Tired
3. Dirty nappy
4. Cuddles needed
5. Too hot or cold

It's almost always 1. Or 2. Just go through the list each time until something works (and if you get down to 5., it's worth starting at 1. again as they might be hungry by then).

In the first week, make sure you offer a feed every 3 hours (if they want to feed more often all the bloody time then that's totally normal). After that, assuming they have plenty of wet nappies etc, let them sleep and get rest yourself at the same time.

If you go to pieces on day 3/4 when your milk comes in, and spend all day crying, that's normal. Hormones. Be kind to yourself.

For everything else, there's mumsnet. All babies are different, and so getting the varied advice on here gives you more chance of the most appropriate advice for your baby, rather than one size fits all from a book.

Ask your health visitor about any post natal/parentcraft classes.
I found the best source of information and advice came from mums with similar age babies.

Yep, what they ^ said.

We had no clue what we were doing at the start. The midwives will help you with feeding, and show you how to change a nappy and bath baby.

My default setting for weeks (possibly months!) was 'baby crying -> baby gets offered boob' which mostly worked, and when it didn't, he got cuddled/jiggled instead.

A good book for us was www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Baby-Week-By-ultimate/dp/0091910552/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1341089217&sr=8-1

It wasn't very prescriptive, but told you what, vaguely, was 'normal' and how to do things like bath them, change nappy, etc! It was reassuring to have, particularly when it came to pooing - how often and what it looked like!

don't worry too much - DH and I were in exactly same position and we muddled through. I would strongly suggest you take advantage of the fact that you are both learning together - don't become one of those mums who do everything all the time, meaning DH never learns how to do it and so you don't feel confident leaving them alone - my DH was the first one to change a nappy/bath baby and lots of other things to try and avoid this - it worked well for us.

ps - to reassure your partner, the midwife was showing my DH how to bath baby in hospital, and he went to grab a towel, forgetting the baby had no muscles or body control whatsoever - she headbutted the bath becuase he forgot to hold her! Midwife chuckled and said it happens all the time. They were more than happy to show us things like bathing and changing nappies, but you had to ask.

1. Offer boob
2. Cuddle
3. change nappy

Repeat ad infinitum.

Seriously, you'll be fine. I'd NEVER changed a nappy in my life, even with 3 nephews & nieces, until my DD. She's now 2yo, doing well & we've got another on the way...

You'll get the green NHS book I expect, with the basics in, after the birth & the Haynes manual is pretty good too.

Read "How Not To Be A Perfect Mother" by Libby Purves - it has lots of good, practical, down-to-earth advice about how to look after a baby or toddler without feeling that that you have to do it all perfectly. And it is funny too.

Sastra I'm in a better position than you, in that I have family and friends close by with little uns. But I'm still panicking that I won't know what to do.

And I know what folk mean about saying "don't worry, you'll be fine" but frankly, I felt that wasn't the most helpful of advice! I wanted some clearer direction. I know that you can't do it by the book. I know all babies are different. But sometimes it does help to be able to read and learn. It certainly helps me to stop panicking.

So, I have bought "What to Expect - The First Year". Yes, I'll take it with a pinch of salt. Yes, I'll follow my instincts. But it is great to be able to sit and read about a topic that was bothering me. And it's a good reference book.

Believe me....you'll know!!
I was in the same situation with my first DC...no experience, no friends with kids, no family around...
I can guarantee all will come super quickly and no one will be better than you at understanding your baby needs and requests...it just happens, and very quickly actually...it's amazing!
I remember thinking I didn't know how to change a nappy...and there I was looking like a pro a few hours after he was born!
Good luck and trust yourself and your instincts!!

I had no idea, hadn't even held a baby until mine came along. But you kind of pick things up - the practical stuff is surprisingly easy actually, and then they slowly grow up and you find yourself chatting to them, pointing things out, going along to playgroup, chatting to mums about things they do. THen they start showing an interest in things, and so you kind of do those things more.

So, my nearly 2yo DS likes being outside and being active, so we spend a lot of time in the park, at the pool, in the garden and at playgrounds. However, he isn't overly bothered by animals so we don't bother much with the zoo. Other friend's kids love animals so they go off and do animal things.

Mine also likes cooking, so we "make" a lot of food together like crumbles, bread, flapjacks. He also likes books so we read a lot.

As for the early days, as long as you feed them, change nappies, cuddle them, take them outside a bit and give them a bath now and then (we used to do ours about once every 4 days i think) they will be fine.

We had "What to ex[pect the first year" and I thought it was useful although she has loopy ideas re nappies. Nappies are v v simple to change.

Oh and our hospital gave us the "crying checklist" which was a way to run down what might be wrong;

Hungry
Tired
Nappy change
Wind
Bored
"other" - check for hair round penis, sun in eyes, something rubbing or jabbing the baby, finger bent back in sleeve, temp.

By the time you've gone through the list it's probably time for another feed anyway......

the best advice i had was that my baby can't read the book!
i got what to expect-the first year and that is very informative.

Hold the baby all the time and pop a boob in mouth whenever he/she squeaks.

Change nappy occasionally.

Eat cake.

Ah, zoobmeister, you should write a very short book - that's exactly what a new mum should do

Midwife showed my DP how to put the nappy on with the really helpful phrase "the picture goes on the front" and she helped him dress her while I was being prodded and poked after labour. Few hours later or the next day u get the 1st poo which is black and takes a hundred wipes to clean! lol

Staff showed us how to bath baby, and there was lots of help with BF should you want it.

When your home, yes its scary, but take a breath and do as the others have said, my 1st try was always hunger as my DD fed every 40mins yes u read that right, until I put her on hungrier baby milk (as well as breast milk) and then it was every hour but the feeds did space out over time thank god

Also within a matter of weeks you learn to recognise why they're crying, it sounds implausible but u really do, I have gotta hold my hands up and admit I did take over when DP was trying to figure out what's wrong simply because by the type of crying I knew, I will try not to jump in this time

You'll be fine

Expect it to be Hard Work. It's not always as easy as Gnocchi makes it sound (can your baby come teach mine please, I ordered one of those sleeping-in-a-basket babies but mine appears to be a different model entirely !)

Generally if you can get to the loo without baby crying, make a sandwich for yourself and eat it in peace or drink a cup of tea whilst it is still hot you will feel like you deserve a medal. Sleep deprivation is awful. It is normal for a breastfed baby to eat non-stop at first, and then to 'improve' to managing 2-3 hours between feeds. Feeding for up to an hour is normal too. As are bright yellow wet poos several times a day, or going for days without pooing.

Looking after a small baby is boring, repetitive and feels like it lasts forever with no let-up.

It does let up though, you will survive. No bloody medals though

Where do you live OP?
Iam sure loads of us would be happy to meet up and show you the ropes!
Theres nothing difficult about looking after a baby. Tiring, repeative and constant but not difficult!