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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Would it be ok to ask people to visit hospital the day after baby is born?

31 replies

DueinSeptember · 13/06/2012 15:30

Just reading AIBU and there is a thread there about a lady whose family all want to wait there while she is in labour.

I've just had a thought.

I'm going to have an ELCS, I also had one for my 1st daughter. Last time I remember visitors coming when I was still paralysed from the waist down, in a hospital gown and bleeding onto a puppy pad on the bed under the covers. I hated having visitors and then the midwife coming to ask about my 'loss'.

This time, I'd really like to be dressed and able to move before anyone comes to see us. Would it be ok to tell visitors to come the next day because of this?

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HappyCamel · 13/06/2012 15:34

Absolutely

igggi · 13/06/2012 15:35

I wondered a lot about this before my recent ecs. As it turned out, I waited for 8 hours before being taken for the section, so baby born around tea time - made it very easy to put visitors off till next day! Obviously I didn't know how long I'd wait in advance, but I did know I was second on the list so probably having baby in afternoon. You could always tell them that? It IS nice to see people once you've made it to the shower etc and have your theatre gown off.

igggi · 13/06/2012 15:35

The trick of course is to tell noone when the section is booked for!

MNP · 13/06/2012 15:36

Sounds sensible and will hopefully mean a quiet first week at home.

AmethystMoon · 13/06/2012 15:36

YES!!!!! There's no way I would want anyone other than My DP there that soon. I am due with my first on a few days and we just won't announce I am in labour until I've had it. We may tell my parents depending upon how long things take/ time of day but on clear understanding that it is to look after our dog thankfully my hospital has short visiting hours late afternoon/ early evening only for everyone except DP/ DH.

ellangirl · 13/06/2012 15:36

Of course! I made my inlaws wait til the day after I had my DS (not a section, but traumatic so I was catheterised etc). no-one should come unless you say it's ok...

jazzers · 13/06/2012 15:38

OF COURSE

As others have said, best thing is not to tell them !

YOUR baby - not your visitors.

PurplePidjin · 13/06/2012 15:40

Nope, my Mum won't even be allowed in until Pidjchick and I are washed and dressed - MIL is 2 hours drive away and less of a problem as a retired nurse with 3gc already

Everyone else can visit at home and bring biscuits/teabags/milk/bread. It's a hospital, not a spectator sport!

Original poster

DueinSeptember · 13/06/2012 16:04

Thanks - I'll have to tell someone, probably my mum and sister as they will have to look after DD1 for us. But I guess I could ask my sister to drop DD1 off to us/ or DH pick her up to come and see the baby quickly.

My mum and sister just come very quickly in and out and don't really spend much time there, but IL's were there for hours on end, every night saying things like 'Shall we call her Susan?'. Hard when you can't escape from the bed.

OP posts:

KatAndKit · 13/06/2012 17:39

I had arguments with DP about people waiting close by to see the baby soon after the birth. Thankfully hospital policy was on my side and I reckon he now understands why. There is nowhere in the hospital for people to hang out and wait (except for sitting in their cars in the car park) and no visitors allowed on labour ward. visiting was not allowed until 3pm on postnatal so nobody did get to see my baby until the next day. I was glad of it, I needed time to rest and to get started with the breastfeeding. Would not have liked to have been there with my norks out in front of all the outlaws.

Pinkie29 · 13/06/2012 18:49

I can't think of anything worse than ppl (family or friends) hanging round the hospital before or just after labour/cs! Am also very apprehensive about visitors arriving the moment we get home :/

Midgetm · 13/06/2012 19:20

I didn't have any visitors for a few day. Complications and getting the hang of breast feeding were my priority so I think I left it at least 2 days before anyone visiting me in hospital.

Fishpond · 13/06/2012 19:34

I plan on doing this. I'm booked for a c section in 12 days. It's first, 7am, but I'm single so my "birth partner" will be my aunt who will then go to work for the afternoon. After she leaves I plan to just snuzzle up to my baby and practice breastfeeding throughout the afternoon / evening, and THEN welcome folks up the next day.

I'm also going home on a Wednesday / Thursday so will be inviting any visitors to the house for the weekend, which gives me a further few days to chill out and recuperate

Snowboarder · 13/06/2012 20:29

I've also been thinking about this after reading that thread.

I'm having DS2 by ELCS in 6 weeks and ideally don't want anyone (my parents or ILs) coming until the anaesthetic has worn off, I've had my catheter removed and had a shower. I also want to be able to get breastfeeding established without the pressure of fitting around visitors.

Ideally i'd like to keep everyone away until we get home but I know I'll be dying to see DS1 and for him to meet his brother so I'll have to see at least one set of parents while at hospital.

I want to be fair to both sets of parents so I reckon a visit on day 2 is fine. The only trouble is that my parents will keep it brief whereas PILs hang around for ages and ages and always end up talking about inconsequential things (hard to explain but last time they spent most of their visits fretting about some seeds we'd bought but not planted!) which drives me batty.

Hope I'll be able to be brave and make some hints about feeding the baby or being tired if they start doing it again.

KatAndKit · 13/06/2012 20:30

Invite your PIL to come and see you half an hour before visiting time ends. Then you know their visit will be short!

monkeymoma · 13/06/2012 20:31

DO NOT make any plans re visitors in advance

you might not be up to it for longer than you think, can't judge it by your last baby
or you might be like me and DESPERATE for visitors in the impersonal post natal ward but had stupidly told people not to visit till we got home

hhhhhhh · 13/06/2012 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thechick · 13/06/2012 20:45

Isn't it completely up to you when visitors come? Having a baby is a big deal whether naturally or by cs and people should appreciate and respect that and only come to the hospital when invited.

Meglet · 13/06/2012 20:45

yanbu. I had everyone pile in hours after my EMCS and am still messed up about it 6 years on. I was immobile, bleeding heavily, trying to bf and puking from the morphine. Why they thought it was ok to stay was beyond me . I was in no position to tell them to leave as I was still pretty shellshocked.

With my ELCS I said no visitors until I say so. Apart from a brief visit from my parents in the hospital I was left in peace for a couple of weeks and people just took toddler DS out to play so I could rest. It was so much better.

monkeypuzzeltree · 13/06/2012 21:37

I'm Only having people visit the hospital if I stay in more than one might, then at home only grandparents and uncles and aunts for first week and unless they are being useful then half an hour and time up. With DD I was too polite, people sitting about drinking tea, very well meaning and all that but I felt totally crowded, I couldn't get up and about that much was embarrassed at wanting to sit with boobs out airing without an audience.

This time DH knows the rules! It's lovely that people want to visit but it was too much too soon and I only want people who j feel comfortable enough to come and see me in bed where I will be resting this time not playing hostess!!

Hmm, do sound a bit bitter don't I!! Just goes to show, do what you want or you end up being irritated by it 2 years on!!

Springforward · 13/06/2012 21:38

Yes, that's entirely OK - or at least, no-one in my family would think this was odd at all.

Cheekychops84 · 13/06/2012 21:50

I was lucky and was sent home about 4 hours after birth was home about half an hour and 5 of dp's family members turned up grabbing at baby and asking me questions ! Inwas trying to breastfeed it was horrible then 2 weeks later his sister decided to come stay for a week! I was fuming and still blame this for having problems with breast feeding as it didn't work for me I think i was stressed and the milk couldn't flow! This time around I would put my foot down make sure you do it's so important you are left alone at least for a couple of days ! X

Incaminka · 13/06/2012 22:02

As a non-relative, just a good friend, I came when I was told. There had been conplications, and the rellies were all told x time for x time. I was invited the day after. As far as I know, nobody blinked. Get dp to talk to the men in the family w the word complications. They will then hold off the women till you say.... ;)

notsoold · 14/06/2012 16:43

I had a rule pg1 so see nobody at all. I had to stay longer( 7 days because of an infection and it was great to bond with dd
Pg2 I was out within 4 hours and said no visitors at home until after 2 days....and it worked well for me.

pinkhousesarebest · 14/06/2012 16:48

See, this was one of the great advantages of moving abroad for me. No-one was invited to the hospital after the birth of ds. A few (two) sensible people after the birth of dd. It is an appalling tradition. They have many years to look at the child afterwards should they choose to.

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