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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Would you be happy with your DH going on a out of the country lads week end at 36 weeks?

32 replies

Whysoserious · 29/05/2012 10:44

Basically just that. DH has booked to go away with his friends when I am 36 weeks. I didn't think much to it at first and thought 4 weeks before EDD would be fine but now I'm starting to worry about if I went into labour and he couldn't get back.

He would be in Germany so not too far - maybe if I got rumblings he could hop on a plane and get back in time? Eek

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scarlettsmummy2 · 29/05/2012 10:47

Do you have family near by who could be at the birth if he didn't make it back?

Original poster

Whysoserious · 29/05/2012 10:49

Yeah I do but obviously would far prefer him and he would be devastated if he missed it.

I think we were a bit naive until friends recently gave birth at 36 weeks

OP posts:

dreamingbohemian · 29/05/2012 10:51

I don't think I'd be too happy, no. If it were for something really important, like his brother was getting married, I'd probably cross my fingers and hope for the best, but just a lads weekend? Not really necessary is it?

How will you get to the hospital if you go into labour when he's away? Do you have a backup birth partner? Do you have other DC to worry about? I think I would run through everything you need to sort out in case you go into labour and he can't get back (which is pretty likely) and see how doable it is. Also factoring in how awful it would be for him to miss the birth and you to have to go through it on your own.

NinjaChipmunk · 29/05/2012 10:51

is there a history of early births in either family? If not I would be fine about it provided I had a back up person who could step in if necessary and my hospital bag was ready packed. .

milkysmum · 29/05/2012 10:52

I would not be that happy. I got anxious about DH going down to the pub from when I was about 36 weeks, convincing myself I would go into labour and he would be too pissed to support me! I went into labour at 37 weeks. Is it a stag do or something that he doesnt want to miss?

Longdistance · 29/05/2012 10:54

You're sort of fully cooked at 37weeks, so I would have not been impressed. My contractions started at 9pm with dd1, and she was born 7hours later at 4.19am.
Dd2, had contractions with her at 2pm, arrived 5pm.
All quick labours, and varying times. What I am saying is it could be quick, and at any time. So it might not be as simple as hopping onto a plane. Having said that, mnie both came near to their due dates x

Original poster

Whysoserious · 29/05/2012 10:59

Hmmm...yes I'm starting to think it was a stupid idea. It is just a lads weekend so nothing important.

I didn't think a thing about it at first especially as my mum was always late giving birth so assumed I would be, but you never know do you.

I have no other DCs and would be able to get to hospital no probs. would stay at my parents just in case. It would just be awful if he missed out and I'd HATE him not being there

OP posts:

vanimal · 29/05/2012 11:05

I would not be happy with this, as dreamingbohemian says, if it were for something important I would hope for the best, but if it's just a lads weekend away then no way. If you do start labouring at 36 weeks, the docs won't stop this, as the baby will be considered full term.

You will be seriously pissed off if you give birth without DP and the first few days of baby's life without him there to support you. I would be fuming if my DH did this.

NatashaBee · 29/05/2012 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RickGhastley · 29/05/2012 11:48

Depends how quickly he could get to you and the hospital!

DP went to Paris on an overnight business trip on Eurostar when I was 36 weeks with DS1. We worked out that if he kept his phone on AT ALL TIMES and left as soon as I had any twinges, he would probably be able to get to me in just a few hours as we live in London. We figured 1st babies are often late plus first labours are quite long. DS1 arrived at 40 weeks after a 13 hour labour.

However, DS2 arrived at 35 weeks after a 1 hour labour so if we go for a 3rd child there is NO WAY I would let DP out of town let alone the country after about 30 weeks!!

iloveholidays · 29/05/2012 13:07

My DP was due to go to a stag do (4 hour drive away) at 36+2 (DD1). Both my sisters had their DCs at 37 weeks, so we agreed he could go providing he didn't drink so could get home if needed.

I don't think DD1 wanted him to go as she arrived at 36+2!!! :) My waters broke about an hour before he was due to leave.

Personally I wouldn't risk a different country - I think you'd both regret it forever if anything happens and its always sods law it happens when you don't want it to!

Good luck!

akaemmafrost · 29/05/2012 13:12

My SIL's partner was in America when she was 36 weeks. She went into labour. He jumped on a plane and was back in good time.

I don't think it would bother me to be honest.

TheRhubarb · 29/05/2012 13:15

Is it your first baby?

I would look at your family history, if none of your family had early births then there's a good chance you won't. Most first babies are late and you do get a fair warning. I was in labour for around 12 hours which is not that unusual, so he does have plenty of time to get back.

Also, if the baby hasn't 'dropped' yet then that indicates that it ain't coming out anytime soon.

Weigh it all up. How frustrated would he be if that weekend came and went with no sign of the baby and then 5 weeks later out it pops after a long labour?

I would get checked over just before he was about to go with a midwife, just to check that the baby has no dropped and there is no sign of labour.
I'd also take into account family history.
I'd make sure he had a mobile phone on him then I'd wave him off - after all he won't be going on a lads weekend away anytime soon will he?

He'd be immensely grateful to you instead of resentful if it was proved that you were being over cautious and he missed out on a good weekend.

besmirchedandbewildered · 29/05/2012 13:19

No. I'd be annoyed. And I'd be annoyed that I had to tell him and be the one to say "you can't go". I wouldn't be that happy even if it were a family member's stag do but I'd be bloody livid if it was just a run-of-the-mill lads' weekend.

But I am a very grumpy pregnanter!

KatAndKit · 29/05/2012 13:24

I wouldn't be happy about it.

Statistically, you are rather unlikely to give birth at 36 weeks. But he shouldn't want to be leaving his nine months pregnant wife to fend for herself, he should be at home looking after you. By that stage I couldn't do a fair number of simple basic things myself.
It might be overcautious and yes the baby could come at 42 weeks. But his role is not just to get there just in time for the birth, surely he has a part to play in supporting you through those last weeks of pregnancy too?

CheeseandGherkins · 29/05/2012 13:36

My first was 36 weeks

Spiritedwolf · 29/05/2012 13:59

I wouldn't be happy.

To be honest, I'm not thrilled that DH's work have arranged some weekend training sessions for him in June (EDD 25th July). Not because I seriously expect the baby to come that early (though if I do have any labour-like feelings I won't hesitate to call him home - he'll be 2-3hrs away). More because I need him to help us get more prepared for this baby.

I think its different for men. I have this little being inside of me 24hrs a day with movements and pregnancy discomforts reminding me that we need to be ready for our lives to be turned upside down. But partners? I don't think its going to be real for him until there is a crying baby. Plus, I think my DH is assuming baby will arrive on EDD or be late, the idea that 37 weeks is considered term seems to have passed him by.

I've been reading books about babies and trying to declutter our (tiny) flat to make room for the necessary baby stuff, and thinking about what needs to go in a labour bag etc. He's still worrying about other stuff in his life that I'm sure will pale into insignificance once we have a baby to take care of.

So I think it depends on whether he has been helpful in the previous weeks etc and you both feel as prepared as you ever will for this baby, so that you can relax/have a girls night in whilst he's away. If you'll end up putting together the cot or doing other baby prepartion stuff whilst he's away, then I think I'd be pretty annoyed if I was you.

Hopefully my DH will become more focussed once we start parenting classes this coming month. He is lovely really, but a bit blaze about this having a tiny human being to look after.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 29/05/2012 14:06

This would not bother me, it's only a weekend and it's only Germany.

My DH went to Mexico for a week when I was 36 w.

He got delayed on the return flight and stayed an extra 2 nights.

Didn't bother me, the baby wasn't actually here, there wasn't much left to do and I got a week to please myself and only myself before baby arrived.

I was 40w + 10 when DD arrived.

Is it the fact that he is away or the fact that it's a lads' weekend? If it was work or something would you be bothered?

BrittaPerry · 29/05/2012 14:16

I had DD1 at 36 weeks.

I think you should think about why you want him there - do you want him just to view the baby actually being born and you have better support (eg your mum) for the actual labour? Or is he there for support all the way through?

Will you be happy with whoever you will be with in the final weeks helping you get dressed, tie your shoelaces etc? Will you be able to sleep and eat as much as you want? Will everything be ready for the baby? Is he using up precious annual leave for the trip? Some women sail through late pregnancy, but I (and quite a few other people I know) hated everything from about 34 weeks onwards. You get huge and uncomfortable, sweaty, tired, grumpy, etc. But then both of my pregnancies ended with me being like a beached whale - with DD2 I lost the ability to walk...

I would personally be not happy with a work trip but I would deal with it. A lads weekend would be a no-no.

flipflopper · 29/05/2012 14:29

I dont think I would be happy with that tbh, even though I am on number 3 now, and the first 2 were a week late, so not likely to be early this time.

When it's your first, you dont know if you will be early or not.

And also, I would be cross if I had to tell him I didnt want him to go, as it looks like Im the bad one.

EMS23 · 29/05/2012 14:32

My DH is (in theory) going away to Portugal when I will be 39 weeks. It's our DC2.
I had DC1 at 38 weeks so chances are I'll go early again but assuming I haven't we're making plans such as my parents coming to stay with me the whole time he's away, my back up birth partner also staying. All organising, house stuff, baby stuff etc done before he goes. And obviously phone on at all times and he must not get too drunk at any point that a dash back to the UK would be impossible for him to do.

I'll also make sure he has a full and up to date list of all flights he could try to get on, numbers for the airlines and plenty of cash to pay/ bribe can drivers, hire cars, flights etc.

AThingInYourLife · 29/05/2012 14:57

I would be fine with this, especially if it was already booked and paid for.

dreamingbohemian · 29/05/2012 14:59

When is the trip also? I'd be more worried as well if it were during the busy season, the Olympics, etc., as he may actually find he can't get a flight back for a couple days.

Bottom line: there's no way to tell what will happen. All you can consider is what's worse: he gives up a lads weekend and you don't go into labour, or he goes ahead and misses his child's birth.

PieMistress · 29/05/2012 15:59

TBH I would expect him to offer to not go rather than you having to ask him not to go IYSWIM? I would spend the whole weekend fretting about him being away if it were me. Yes first time babies are usually late, and the labour is usually longer but not always ..... how would he feel if he did miss the birth?

ChocolateIsAFoodGroup · 29/05/2012 17:30

I wouldn't be happy - no..... In fact, my DH is going across the US (we live on the West Coast; he's flying to the East) 12 days before my due date... which I'm seriously pissed off about... but it's his only brother's wedding, and my mum will be with me. Plus we've hired a doula, cos I'll need my mum to look after my other two DC if I go into labour! That being said, this baby better not come while he's in Boston or I'll be very, very (and even more very!) pissed off. Having given birth twice, and experienced the (difficult!) end of pregnancy twice I agree with all other posters that you really do want your DP there. It's ONLY because it's a family wedding that he's going at all (and he wouldn't want to go for a lads' weekend, tbh).

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