Would you be happy with your DH going on a out of the country lads week end at 36 weeks?

[Whysoserious]

Basically just that. DH has booked to go away with his friends when I am 36 weeks. I didn't think much to it at first and thought 4 weeks before EDD would be fine but now I'm starting to worry about if I went into labour and he couldn't get back.

He would be in Germany so not too far - maybe if I got rumblings he could hop on a plane and get back in time? Eek

Thanks for all of your advice I'll have to show it to DH.

He's a very supportive husband and already does a hell of a lot for me - he does all the cooking etc and really looks after me (it's a bit like a role reversal in our house, him being the tidy domesticated one and me being the lazy slob).

He's not a laddy type that's always off on lads jaunts, it's just that they arranged to go to Oktoberfest and neither of us thought anything of it. It's only now that it's started to sink in that we're actually going to have a baby and that I'll be heavily pregnant with a possibility of going into labour.

I like the idea of getting checked over by the midwife before hand to see if there are any signs of impending labour. He's an absolute star of a husband so I'd love him to go and enjoy himself for a weekend before baby comes as he won't get to do it after for a bit. We're quite open in discussing stuff so there would be no situation where I would have to tell him not to go and if I was finding the end few weeks very difficult I know he definitely wouldn't. He's not detached from the pregnancy, he's very involved and excited and loves speaking to the baby etc so I know if he did go it would only be if I feel perfectly fine.

You have all made me realise what the end of pregnancy is like though so I'm more aware that it's not just as simple as will I /won't I go into labour but will actually need a lot of support anyway.

I suppose not drinking incase he needed to come back would be a bit of a bummer at Oktoberfest!

I'm not sure what support you need at the end of pregnancy if you haven't got any children

You'll be big and awkward and a bit tired, but it's one weekend.

You could just sit on your arse and watch a box set for a few days.

I'm 35 weeks now and I'm still in FT work for another fortnight. I feel fine, except for a bit tired.

Getting the midwife to give you the once over to make sure labour isn't imminent is good advice, but the chances are good that he can go on his trip as planned without any problems.

The thing is, it's way too early to know now whether you will need extra support at that point or not. Lots of things only manifest in the last trimester. So whatever you decide, he should definitely be open to cancelling in case you have any complications.

Getting checked out by a midwife may help but does not guarantee anything. When I was 41 weeks my DS had not yet descended but my waters broke anyway and then I had a CS -- yes, there was a day-long window there, but i would not count on getting an immediate flight out of Germany during Oktoberfest.

Your DH sounds lovely and considerate, and he should also think about how much he will really enjoy the weekend if he can't drink and is always wondering if something might happen back home.

Is there any chance of him going somewhere a bit earlier?

Or, I know you say he won't have a chance to go away for a while after, but if you have such good family support, it may actually be more feasible for him to go away when your DC is a few weeks or months old than when you are imminently about to give birth.

Why wouldn't he be able to drink?!

There is no reason at all why, all things going as they are likely to, he can't go off and enjoy himself at Oktoberfest as you and he decided.

Maybe you'll need him because you'll need some kind of unspecified "support", but unless that happens there's no need to make this into some massive issue.

There is no way my DH would have wanted to go off on a boozy weekend within weeks of having a new baby and I would not have been remotely pleased at the idea that he should.

You WILL need him after the birth. You MAY need him beforehand, but if your pregnancy is uncomplicated and you are well, you won't.

I mean obviously he can drink but perhaps not to the point all his mates are? Not going to be allowed on a plane if he's absolutely trashed.

And personally, if I had a mum who could come stay with me and help out, I would have been happier for DH to go away a month after the birth (when I needed help but not necessarily HIS help) than a few weeks beforehand when he could potentially miss the birth of his first child. The OP may feel differently, as you do, that's just me.

Oh, I missed the you-don't-have-other-DC part! OK, alters my advice: let him go! It's highly unlikely you will go into labour with a first time baby, uneventful pregnancy, etc at 36 weeks. If he can have One Last Fling before the baby gets here, he will feel very appreciative! I thought you were going to be stuck at home with other DC and very pregnant, which is, um, rather unfun

And he sounds absolutely lovely btw: My DH completely spoiled me during my first preg, too - I don't remember cooking anything and he even brought me breakfast in bed every Sat and Sun for the whole preg! (At our childbirth prep class the instructor 'made' him tell the whole group that and they all kind of fell silent and sort of glared at DH for showing them up! )

As a PP said; let him go, put your feet up and enjoy a whole DVD box set uninterrupted! (But do have a back up plan of who you would call if you did go into labour).

I have to say I would be fine with him going as long as you had a good contingency plan in place. I am on baby no 3 and my first 2 were early 38/39 weeks and my 3rd was late so you can never really tell what is going to happen. Let him enjoy himself. He won't be able to jet off so easily once your baby is here x