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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Did you love your baby before they were born?

38 replies

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 26/05/2012 20:14

A friend of mine is 10 wks preg. She popped round today and shortly after arrival ended up with her head down the toilet. I was outside (waiting with a glass of cold water) thinking about how much i HATED HATED HATED the first trimester bit, and preparing words of comfort. Anyway, she came out of the toilet and perkily announces that she doesn't really mind being sick because she knows it means she is still pregnant, and that she loves her baby already and therefore doesn't mind so much.

I really admire it. I vividly remember wishing the embryo out of me so I could feel less awful

I never felt like I loved my baby when it was inside me, because I didn't really know it/him. It took me a while after he was born to really feel it too (I had PND but...)

Just wondering whether you loved your baby as soon as you knew it was in there?

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ohbugrit · 26/05/2012 20:17

Nope :)

Especially with DS, he was unplanned and all I could imagine/knew was my job. I cried and apologised when I broke the news of my pregnancy to my boss!

I was just very detached. I'm not a maternal child-orientated person anyway. When he arrived I loved him but it developed over time, there wasn't that rush people talk about. But I wasn't worried because my mum had told me she felt that way with me too.

With my second it was easier because I had an appreciation of what lay ahead.

RecursiveMoon · 26/05/2012 20:18

I loved DS early, but I'm not sure exactly how early. We found out that he was a boy at the 20 week scan and named him then - I think that this helped DH and I to bond with him before he was born.

Original poster

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 26/05/2012 20:20

Moon - funny you should say that...I found out by accident at 30 wks that I was having a boy and I did feel a bit more bonded to the pregnancy then but not to the point of love

OP posts:

mistressploppy · 26/05/2012 20:22

Completely agree with Ohbugrit - that's exactly how I feel. You've expressed it really well, especially the bit about it being easier with the second.

I think 'love' can mean different things to different people too

Northernlurker · 26/05/2012 20:24

I would say yes I did but I loved them differently when they were born iyswim.

difficultpickle · 26/05/2012 20:26

No, not at all. I had an absolutely dreadful pregnancy and I worried about what I would do if I had ds and then decided I didn't want him. He was born early and very poorly and it was love at first sight. Even though it was some time before I knew whether he would survive I knew in an instant that there was nothing I wouldn't do for him.

KatieMiddleton · 26/05/2012 20:27

No. I cared but not love. I realised I loved DS at a specific point - I forget when but was in the first two weeks after he was born.

girliefriend · 26/05/2012 20:29

No definately not, the pregnancy was totally unplanned and I think I spent most of it in denial that there would actually be a baby at the end of it all that said I did feel protective and responsible, tried to eat healthily etc.

Once dd was born it took a few weeks to really feel the love but it was a rough start as dd was in scbu and I was in hospital having surgery!!!

JellyMould · 26/05/2012 20:30

I would say bonded with the baby, but not love. But then like the OP I didn't have a rush of love at birth either.

ohbugrit · 26/05/2012 20:30

I have also just recalled a conversation with the midwife, a couple of weeks before my first was born, where I was expressing how worried I was about not feeling maternal. When I started crying the midwife smiled and patted my arm, and said "I think your hormones are working just as they should, you'll have nothing to worry about"

Original poster

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 26/05/2012 20:32

Ahem, I am a midwife, and so is the friend in question!

OP posts:

WantAnOrange · 26/05/2012 21:28

No. I thought I did, and I cared deeply for DS and acted in his best interests but I didn't know what love was until I had him. Even then it wasn't immediate. We had to get to know each other like any other relationship.

I am 20 weeks pg with a DD and care enough to say I know I will love her when she's here but I can't say I feel the same as I do about DS yet.

Debeezandbirds · 26/05/2012 21:32

Nope not really. I loved the idea of him. But the 9 months of constant vomiting, the aching and being uncomfortable didn't endear him to me further. Maybe she means it, maybe it's a brave face. I think regardless of your feeling when pregnant or during the post birth hormone fest once you've bonded and know you love them that's all that matters. I've read about women who didn't love their child till they were toddlers due to various reasons, they got there eventually and are happy.

ToxicMoxie · 26/05/2012 21:35

I'm 10 weeks, and not in love. PArt of it is that I've had a few MC so I don't want to commit, IYKWIM. Also, I've not got many symptoms, so it's not really real yet. Except the constipation and fatigue. And who can fall in love whilst constipated and fatigued?

Yama · 26/05/2012 21:36

I loved my first but I was single so I was all they had iyswim. Also, I remember saying to my Mum during that pregnancy that I understood her loving my big brother the most because there is something so special about the first. She didn't/doesn't by the way.

I didn't think about my second so much because they had my dh too.

I don't know if any of that makes sense to anyone but me.

MULLYPEEP · 26/05/2012 21:41

Yes. As soon as I ttc.

CherryBlossom27 · 26/05/2012 21:41

I found it hard to believe I had a baby inside of me until I felt the first fluttery movements at 16 weeks, then I feel in love! I felt so happy each time I felt my bump move and I loved being pregnant which I think helped massively! I also felt very protective of my bump too especially if we were in a busy area, I didn't want anyone accidentally elbowing my belly!

As soon as my baby was born I loved him straight away, I just couldn't sleep as I wanted to stare at him all night!

Don't get me wrong though, there have been times when I've wanted to run away with all the colicky crying!

raininginbaltimore · 26/05/2012 21:54

Not really with ds, but am now pregnant again (28 weeks). Last week I fell and landed on my stomach, and ended up in hospital overnight. I hadn't felt particularly bonded to the baby, but suddenly this little girl was mine and I felt a very strong surge of attachment and protection to her.

Don't know if I'd say love though.

LimeFlower · 26/05/2012 22:07

I'm not sure whether it's love but remember being in the same boat as your friend with my head down the sink retching.I was so fed up then remembered my mc and the emotional turmoil afterwards and felt grateful for still being pregnant.Now I'm 40+2 waiting for my baby to arrive,tired of being pg but still looking forward to meeting/cuddling him/her :)

scottishmummy · 26/05/2012 22:11

too abstract,didn't love
loved idea of being mum though

ebbandflow · 26/05/2012 22:14

No, I was too scared to incase something went wrong with the pregnancy.

StepfordWannabe · 26/05/2012 22:19

I was really protective of "bumpy" as I called it, wouldn't call it love though. When she was born, I loved her in an almost angry way - as in, if anyone did anything to hurt her I would kill them, no questions asked - but she didn't actually feel like she was mine for a few months. I suppose I had to get to know her for us to have that gentle loving bond

monkeymoma · 26/05/2012 22:32

up until the sex scan I felt instinctively protective of "it" and loved/liked the idea of getting a baby at the end of it

at the sex scan I began to love it as a separate individual rather than a hypothetical thing if that makes sense, it was still mostly a protective instinctive feeling though

when it was born I loved it in that protective instint way

I GREW to love him as a person as his personality showed more as he grew and that took over from the protective instinct type love as he got bigger and more robust (and TBH, less likely to die once he was out of the SIDS danger zone) and more "HIM"

so no I didn't really love a person in the beginning, I just didn't want anything to happen to "it"

sdaisy26 · 26/05/2012 22:56

Not at the beginning but that's because I was so terrified of something going wrong I wouldn't let myself, iyswim. After 20 weeks though, definitely; am 33 weeks now & love my little girl so much already. I'm sure it will be a different kind of feeling once she's born & I get to know her though.

InterviewMAD · 26/05/2012 23:02

Nope. 38 weeks today on dc2. I don't know this baby. I am deeply concerned that s/he comes out suitably pink and with a lusty cry and I would be devastated if I didn't get that chance for it to grow but right now it is no comparison to the depth of my love for my ds and everything he does. I felt the same with him though so I know that it is something that develops.

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