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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Did you love your baby before they were born?

38 replies

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 26/05/2012 20:14

A friend of mine is 10 wks preg. She popped round today and shortly after arrival ended up with her head down the toilet. I was outside (waiting with a glass of cold water) thinking about how much i HATED HATED HATED the first trimester bit, and preparing words of comfort. Anyway, she came out of the toilet and perkily announces that she doesn't really mind being sick because she knows it means she is still pregnant, and that she loves her baby already and therefore doesn't mind so much.

I really admire it. I vividly remember wishing the embryo out of me so I could feel less awfulBlush

I never felt like I loved my baby when it was inside me, because I didn't really know it/him. It took me a while after he was born to really feel it too (I had PND but...)

Just wondering whether you loved your baby as soon as you knew it was in there?

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Chunkychicken · 26/05/2012 23:20

I think I enjoyed being pg with DD & felt excited & a bond with her but didn't actually love her until after, because I didn't know she was a she until she was born & it was all a little abstract. I definitely felt protective of my baby & loved feeling her move & hiccup etc.

I think I actually fell in love with DD a day or 2 after her birth, once the shock had worn off & I'd had some sleep!! I spent the first few hrs of her life starring at her in absolute surprise that I had a child- despite if being a planned pg & at 39+wks!!!

Now 14wks pg with #2 & have been feeling movement for a little while so feel very bonded with baby, and obviously feel like this is a bit more familiar territory, despite feeling much much sicker with this one. Really enjoying my DD's interaction with bump and excited to meet them, but don't feel its love yet either. I guess how bonded/in love I feel when they arrive will also depend on how the rest of the pg & birth goes.

I find it very admirable that someone can be positive about vomiting - I had to remind myself that I was enduring it for the end-product, as it were, & a small consolation was it meant I was still pg at least!! Of course, a few choice insults went DH's way & have sworn off further pgs!!! Grin

LynetteScavo · 26/05/2012 23:20

Yes. But not as much as after they were born.

I was really sick with (unplanned) DS1, and couldn't sleep because I kept throwing up into a bucket by my bed. I hated everything in the world at that moment, except the baby.

Badgerina · 27/05/2012 08:16

DS was unplanned, and I was having some serious emotional problems at the time so although I really cared (as in I told myself the nausea and sickness were worth it because babies are gorgeous), I didn't "love" him until he came out. The love grew over the first weeks and months.

This time though, I love my unborn baby. I've had years of therapy, I'm 7 years older, and my love for DS is so infectious that I can't help loving my bump. I also think having 1 already means that this baby is less "abstract". I'm able to picture him as a person. There's a reality to him that I didn't feel with DS1.

Daisybell1 · 27/05/2012 09:03

Nope, not a jot.

DD is now 8 months old and I'm not sure I've ever had the rush. She's cute, sociable and very entertaining but do find myself wondering what is love...

She's adorable, and we're definitely chums though :-)

BellaOfTheBalls · 27/05/2012 09:10

Sorry but yes. Despite horrific all fucking day long morning sickness with both pregnancies & horrendous SPD with DS2. They both had such personalities as well. DS1 was wriggly, wouldn't do as he was told, did exactly what he needed to but in his own sweet time. DS2 was more chilled, but very very stubborn, messed about at every scan, appointment etc & was eventually born breech because he'd managed to trick everyone into thinking all was well.

They are both exactly the same now!

PotteringAlong · 27/05/2012 09:13

Nope.

I vividly remember it kicking in when DS was about 12 hours old...

shuffleballchange · 27/05/2012 11:12

I suffered hyperemisis with both, and loved them both from the moment I knew I was pg. Of course I had my off days, but what kept me going was the fact that I was going to have a scrumptious baby at the end!

monkeymoma · 27/05/2012 11:15

also, with bump no1 I was FIERCELY protective of it, so while it wasn't love as such it was a strong emotion

with this bump, I know I'ld choose DS1 over it at this stage, I know I'ld choose myself or DH over it at this stage also because we need to be there for DS1, If there was ANY question of my life or quality of life being comprimised with this bump I wouldn't think twice of ending it because I have DS1 to look after and provide for, with bump no1 it would have been a much more difficult decision, it was my priority then, my existing family is my priority this time.

I have also had more scares with this bump, but I think I'ld still feel the same regardless

Frakiosaurus · 27/05/2012 11:41

daisybell I get you :)

I didn't really love or feel very bonded with DS before he was born. I found being pregnant mentally quite horrible and scary rather than feeling wonder at making a person inside of me. I then felt protective, deeply so, and now at 13mo his personality is showing so love is growing.

I think it will be different next time - I won't be so scared of bonding with bump for one thing.

InterviewMAD · 27/05/2012 12:27

Monkeymoma, I wonder if having scares makes a difference. I was told I would miscarry early on this pregnancy and was actually told I was miscarrying at 10 weeks or so and no reason was ever found why so it probably has made me keep my distance. I didn't really believe I was pregnant before the 20 week scan because of all that early difficulty and I have suffered a lot from anxiety, but my anxiety is more fixated on the potential effects on ds1 because he is my "first love" and priority and I know him. I am 38 weeks now and I still have a lot of concern that this won't work out or that there will be serious issues after birth which definitely has made me circumspect about bonding with bump...

VegemiteSandwich · 27/05/2012 18:59

Nope, not one bit. All it's done is make me feel sick. I'm hoping that once I have my scan next week and can see it, plus start telling people, I'll stop disliking pregnancy so much! Hormones don't help.

MissPentaceratops · 27/05/2012 20:30

Yes, but in an abstract sort of way, and more so as the pregnancies progressed and I could feel movements, hiccups, etc. Not sure if it was/is the fierce "rush" of love that people talk about (either before or after birth - I was too knackered after DD1's birth to feel much more than relief that it was over and we were both ok). But definitely a connection, and love, from the start.

monkeymoma · 27/05/2012 21:46

InterviewMAD I think I would feel the same sans scares, with DS1 (no scares early on), until the sex scan it felt very hypothetical, I liked the idea that I would have a baby at the end, rather than liking/loving an actual person. Pregnancy is all about promise and hope and imagination and irrational fears and all kinds of hypothetical things... which to me will never take priority over a "real" child I know and love

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