Feel like an epic failure and can't stop crying.

[Yummymummyyobe1]

I feel such a failure, my DP is out at work all day and I recently started my leave and feel like I'm letting hime down. I am 36 weeks and 2 days and feel like my home should be immaculate and there should be no washing and ironing in the house and his lunch for the following should be made and tea underway.

Instead I am exhausted and can barely drag myself out of bed at the moment. I look a mess my roots need doing (well half a head of colour), I look exhausted and nothing fits. Where is the pre natal yoga and the beauty therapies that mummy's to be are meant to get. All I want to do is cry and have cried most of this morning.

xx

Don't put so much pressure on yourself, there is no need for all of that to be done right this second
You're not a failure, you're very very pregnant, and probably exhausted. Sit down, have a cup of tea. There will be plenty of time to tidy once this wobble has passed

WTF?

You are on maternity leave because YOU ARE VERY VERY HEAVILY PREGNANT.

It isn't so you can become a 1950s housewife. It is so you can rest up and finish off growing the baby. That is your only job that you need to worry about right now. You are putting yourself under too much pressure. Slobbing about in your pjs is fine in these last weeks.

Also when you have a baby you don't want him to expect to come home to an immaculate house with all jobs done as I'm sure it doesn't work like that with a newborn!

You are not a failure. If you are tired then sleep. I have to rest in the day because I keep waking up in the night so I feel exhausted too.

Awwww.... I'm not really sure what advice I can offer, but you are not a failure and trust your body. If you need to rest then rest. Stuff the housework - it can wait and I'm sure your DP would prefer you to be rested and ready for your baby to arrive then have an exhausted you with an immaculate house!!

I know how you're feeling know, although I'm at the start of my pregnancy so have no energy and just want to rest. This is a bit difficult withe 2 DDs at home though!! :)

Go and have a rest, watch rubbish tv or maybe go for a little walk to get some fresh air.

Please don't feel like a failure though - pregnancy is bl**dy hard work!!!

Oh, the crying is just end of pregnancy hormones - if you're like me, you will feel so much better after the birth. I was an irrational mess the last month. And mess at home made me feel uptight and stressed - when everything was clean and tidy I felt better - but then I didn't have the energy to do it.

Just end of pregnancy blues - normal!!

Chill out, sweetheart.

I'm 41 FECKING weeks pregnant - have spent the last three weeks on maternity leave eating snacks on the sofa, reading novels and watching iplayer. My housekeeping over the entire period stretches to washing up my own breakfast and lunch dishes - and getting baby clothes laundered and sorted. Once DH is home - he's the one fetching me drinks, and picking up off the floor to save me stretching.

I've done the pregnancies with the spiralling blood pressure at the end; I've done the haemoraghes and anaemic episodes - DC4 & I've figured out now that you have to play the long game at this stage of pregnancy.

Plenty of time later to become a domestic goddess. Right now - find a mental and physical cosy place. It's an investment in your post-natal mental and physical health (and the neutral expectation is that this will take a battering after the stress and trauma of birth and early parenthood).

Oh gosh, don't be so hard on yourself. Put your feet up and have a jaffa cake.

Thank you all so much. I just want everything to be right for baby coming home. My DP is great he doesn't expect any of this he just wants me and baby to be okay. I just feel that I need to be doing more than drinking tea and dunking yet another hobnob.

Where did I get these daft ideas from? xx

Good lord. I hope you don't put this much pressure on yourself when the baby arrives, you'll be a wreck in no time!
RELAX woman, it's the last few weeks of chance you'll have to do it.

You know what you need? Outings.

Lunches with neglected friends. Nails done. Cafe cups of tea. Daft stuff you never normally have time for.

You're not a failure at all!! I'm 36 +6 and I have been sitting on the couch since I got up this morning watching mind-numbing telly, and faffing about on laptop whilst accruing dirty dishes in the kitchen sink. My nesting instinct has kicked in, inasmuch as I WANT to clean, tidy and "arrange" but I am too bloody knackered to do anything.

Give yourself a break and take this opportunity to rest. You deserve it. :)

I don't know where you got these ideas from - I guess you are used to being busy and feel guilty about relaxing while he is at work all day. But you have something the size of a bowling ball attached to your belly so I would say dunking hobnobs is an excellent choice of activity. Outings are a good idea too though, it's good to plan a little something for each day to stop you going stir crazy at home.

I'm a wreck now I might be more a jibbering wreck by the time the baby is born. I really really hope my stupidly high expectations die down.

Oh the downside of the perfectionist I am. xx

I think I should point out OP, that this is the last time for a very long time that you'll be able to:

sleep when you want
eat what you want, when you want
watch TV interrupted
read interrupted
Sit, alone, and enjoy the silence.

The house can wait. Enjoy yourself. xx

PS: The baby won't give a damn about your skirting boards.

If you're like me and relax better when the house is tidy and clean could you get a cleaner, even just for a one off so you or your dh just have to do a bit of gentle maintenance. As for meals when I was in your position and then when I had a newborn and a toddler I kept meals really simple ie jacket potatoes, quiche and a bag of salad, toad in the hole etc. Not that you have to do any housework or cooking at all but I felt better for keeping a bit of normality. Make sure you accept all offers of help too, if someone asks to do a bit of your ironing or do washing up while they're round visiting then let them!

Let me tell you, I got all nesting instinct prior to my DD arriving, I kept on top of the housework so the house was immaculate (completely unlike me!), couldn't leave a dirty cup on the side, kitchen had to be spotless. I was really looking forward to bringing my DC into this immaculate house. Then I ended up being in hospital for almost a week. DH was only home long enough to sleep, eat, wash my PJs and towels to bring back in and sort the dogs out so when I actually got home with DD house looked like a bomb of pink gift bags had hit it . And the house has never been the same since!
Enjoy your pregnancy, if you want to have a treatment, go and have one (I had reflexology once a week in my last 4 weeks, twas lush!). Just relax and rest and do all the things you like to do because you won't have time when the baby arrives.

I hope this passes soon and I can get back to "normal", I can't wait for the nesting instinct to kick in.

Currently getting baby tickles as he moves around I think he is saying "don't worry mummy, daddy and I love you. When I am bigger I can help with the cleaning (after I have made the mess)"

xx

I agree with a post up-thread... Book yourself some treats or outings. One small one a day, so you don't get knackered & give yourself a break. Get your hair done, go for a little walk with friends or family, do nice things. You don't need to have anything done 'perfectly' & nesting instinct never kci

Stupid phone!!!

Never kicked in with me!!! Wash up, do a bit of laundry so you have clean clothes to wear, but otherwise, relax!!!

"feel like my home should be immaculate and there should be no washing and ironing in the house and his lunch for the following should be made and tea underway."

So you think that having given up work because you are too pregnant to sensibly manage a full-time job you should immediately take on another full-time job?

I think this may be nesting, actually -- it doesn't have to be full-on domestic activity, just a vague sense that Stuff ought to be done (I always went to IKEA in the last few weeks of pregnancy and bought flat-pack furniture).

To be fair, my DD is 18 months now, and I still sit on the sofa dunking hobnobs
Enjoy having some time just for you and DH, and make the most of having your bump to rest your tea ad biscuits on- I wasn't prepared for how much I'd miss it once it had gone
Again, YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE, you're fabulous

Since you mentioned the idea of being a failure and sound like the sort of person who likes to get things done - maybe focusing more on the fact that you are just finishing off making a whole new little person might help you !

I enjoyed being pregnant partly because I knew whatever else I achieved (believe me not much in the final weeks) was on top of being amazing enough to create a new life !

Hope you enjoy the last few weeks of your pregnancy, and all best wishes for the birth P.S A few nice outings sound like a great plan - some little thing to put in your diary each day ?

Thank you all so much. Told my DP and he agrees with you all, the fact that I am baking a baby and my body is concentrating on that. I hadn't thought of it like that. I should be making use of the sea front and maybe visit the Vintage shop that has just opened.

Don't mind is eat another biscuit and also the delicious jam donut DP bought home. xx

Enjoy your doughnut :)

Glad you are feeling better.

Great !

Maybe try keeping a diary - does your bump/baby have a name yet ? We called my first bump "beanie"

So, day 1 (tomorrow) could read "Took beanie to visit that new Vintage shop that's just opened"

day 2 "Nice walk with beanie along the sea front followed by tea in the cafe"

day 3 "Took beanie to visit baby Oli" (or whichever friend with bump or baby)

day 4 "Watched Matthew Wright show discussing £500 donation to attend wedding (another thread on here !) as dunked hob-nobs in tea - on sofa with beanie "

You get the idea !