Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

pregnant again! how did you tell your boss, and did u get fired ASAP?

51 replies

fulllife · 09/03/2012 19:19

7.5 month ago i gave birth to my DD, returned to work after 4,5 month and am now working on DC 2(successfully! im in week 8).
this was totally planned and im overjoyed as i really wanted my babies to be close in age and hopefully become great friends.
however, while i was trying i was all bragging about how i wont let my worklife dictate my family planning, and how i would rather that one employer will be "fucked" twice than having one child at each job, bla bla bla - but now its getting closer to truth-time, i feel really uncomfortable telling my boss that im pregnant AGAIN...
I feel that i am letting her down which i thought i wouldnt care about as its not such a great job, but turns out i do care.
im not really sure ill manage to lie convincingly that it was unplanned-its kind of obvious im not that kind of person...
anyway, im a total wuss!
so, how would you tell her? let it leak? let it become obvious? offer to quit?
and if this happened to you were you ever taken seriously again or did you feel the consequences when you came back from mat leave?

arg! im dreading week twelve and im starting to show!help!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

abrakebabra · 09/03/2012 19:23

If they fire you they will be breaking the law.

headfairy · 09/03/2012 19:24

why on earth would you offer to quit? This is 2012 you know, not 1912. You do have rights. If you choose to have your children back to back it's none of your employers business. They have to abide by the law and cannot sack you.

Flisspaps · 09/03/2012 19:26

Why would you offer to leave?

The law is clear - you cannot sack someone for being pregnant, and you are well within your rights to have a baby, take ML, and then have another baby and take more ML.

You don't even have to go back inbetween babies.

IWillNotNeverEatATomato · 09/03/2012 19:38

Just tell them, but maybe have someone else (that you trust at work) with you as an advocate in the meeting
esp if you are worried about your bosses reaction.

this should give you a bit more confidence and also it means you have a witness incase they say something which is against the law,
if you think that this is a possibility.

Original poster

fulllife · 09/03/2012 19:48

im just thinking im costing them so much money! and to be honest i m not very motivated when im pregnant, being tired and woozy all the time. its just an icky feeling to be the "problem hire" one, its so embarrassing. not that i would have done anything different...
what about my idea of leaking it? or waiting till its really obvious? am i just a coward?

OP posts:

ellesabe · 09/03/2012 19:49

This is a ridiculous question OP

You do not need to lie about whether your dc were planned or unplanned. You do not need to explain yourself at all. People have babies all the time and with regards to this aspect of your life you are not answerable to your boss. It really is none of her business. Yes it may affect her but that's the way life is.

You don't need to 'let it leak' either - just tell her, from one big-girl to another. And why on earth you would think you would have to quit is beyond me.

Bizarre bizarre post.

headfairy · 09/03/2012 19:59

what ellesbabe said...

OP, get a grip. If you don't like your job that's one thing, but if you're worried about your firm coping while you're pg and on mat leave don't. It's not your problem, the legislation is there to protect you.

headfairy · 09/03/2012 19:59

sorry ellesabe

Original poster

fulllife · 09/03/2012 20:01

really? no-one but me has a bad conscience for being half efficient worker plus costing company six month mat leave within 2 years of employment??
im such a slave :(

OP posts:

abbierhodes · 09/03/2012 20:03

Why are you a 'half efficient worker'? What do you mean by that?

ellesabe · 09/03/2012 20:05

Maybe, but if I felt bad about it then I wouldn't have been spouting off to my colleagues about work/family values. Sorry.

Chynah · 09/03/2012 20:05

I was pregnant again before I even finished maternity leave and so didn't actually physically return to work for over 2 years. Nothing they can do about it and none of their business if it was planned or not. You don't have to inform them anyway until about 25 weeks so you have plenty of time to grow a pair :)

Ilovekittyelise · 09/03/2012 20:06

im kind of surprised this didn't occur to you before you planned your second child.

i agree with everyone else about having rights, etc etc. however, when you talk about feeling crappy and having poor motivation when pregnant, well, thats kind of not fair on your workplace - you need to either make the decision to go in there and do a good job, or to quit - whilst there are laws there to protect you, you shouldnt take the piss, and it sounds like you are (i may be wildly wrong here, it just sounds like it from what you say). i think this is what this thread is really about? am i right? you feel guilty because you are going to work not really pulling your weight, and want re-assurance that its ok to do so because you are pregnant?

headfairy · 09/03/2012 20:11

I've never had a moment's guilt about taking maternity leave. It's a hard won right.

lynlynnicebutdim · 09/03/2012 20:15

OP, do you get anything above statutory maternity pay? Your company is able to claim back 100% of SMP from the government so you won't actually be costing your company anything. If you have additional contractual maternity pay, well you were always planning a second child so whether you do that now our in 2 years time is not that much of a problem.

MooMa42o · 09/03/2012 20:19

My dc are 11 months apart, whilst on maternity leave had to go back in to work to tell them i was pregnant again, i was all ready to quit but maternity leave counts as a continual term of employment so i was due another period of fully paid maternity leave without ever having to actually go back to work, i do not feel guilty about it at all, it's the law so they have to pay up, don't let them make you feel bad about it :)

Original poster

fulllife · 09/03/2012 20:25

abbier: im tired, feel crap until lunch, come in 15 min late in the morning as i treat myself to decaf coffee...that kind of thing.

ellesabe: of course i didnt talk about this with my colleagues. ya think im thick? the whole point is that i didnt think i would feel bad about it but now i do.

elise: you are wrong. the thread is about what it is about ( surprise) .and of course even if i would have thought id feel guilty about getting pregnant so soon i would still have gone forward with it since i am big enough to realise that building my family in the constellation that i want is more important than my feelings for a temporary workplace

fairy: hmm, i like that thought. didnt think of it as hard won right...

lyn: i must check if thats the same where i come from...

OP posts:

Flisspaps · 09/03/2012 20:27

fulllife If you're employed in the UK, then that's what your company are entitled to claim. It's not something that varies from employer to employer AFAIK.

headfairy · 09/03/2012 20:33

fulllife they are hard won rights, but you mustn't take the piss arriving 15 mins late for work every day. Leave home 15 mins early to get your coffee if you must. No one's going to flame you for feeling rough in your first trimester though. I dozed at work all through my first trimester. Again, your employer has to allow some concessions to your condition. But that means you have to tell them you're pg.

Legally you don't have to tell them until the 25th week of your pregnancy... of course for most people it's pretty obvious by then. I told my employer at 8 weeks first time because I do a physically difficult job and I really needed something a little less strenuous for a while. Second time I was in a different role and I didn't tell them until I was about 15 weeks.

abbierhodes · 09/03/2012 20:39

Well to be honest you sound like you're taking the piss, and yes you should feel guilty. Lots of people are tired. I've had three pregnancies, worked full time through all of them and never been late for work.

You are pregnant, and maternity leave is your legal right, but whilst you are not on maternity leave you are paid to do a job, so unless you have a medical issue you should get on and do it.

MysteriousHamster · 09/03/2012 20:40

What does decaff coffee have to do with being late?

Original poster

fulllife · 09/03/2012 20:50

alright: i arrive at 9.15 and when i do most of the department is still not in, least of all the mabagement. its not exactly shift work. btw i cannot leave earlier since i need to wait for the nanny.
taking the piss looks different to me, but for my usual "first in the office self" i guess im more relaxed. but feel free to slag me off as useless scrounger, why don't you.

btw bit shocked that elise thinks its "not fair to the workplace" to feel crappy while pregnant....

OP posts:

Original poster

fulllife · 09/03/2012 20:52

again, why are we talking about when i come into the office? i started this thread to get some ideas how to best manage to tell my boss im pregnant, small reminder.

OP posts:

headfairy · 09/03/2012 20:56

If you have some kind of arrangement with your employer to arrive 15 mins late because of your childcare arrangements, then why not say that? That's far more acceptible, and also another hard won right (all parents of children after a certain age have a right to request flexible working arrangements), but don't say it's because you're getting coffee. You're perfectly entitled to arrive at 9.15 if that's what you've arranged with your employer and if that's what you're doing then you're not a scrounger.

I must admit no one does themselves any favours flumping around the office sighing and not doing any work. If you're doing your hardest to do your usual job but you're finding it tough, that's a different matter.

Flisspaps · 09/03/2012 20:56

Because you shouldn't feel like a bad employee who ought to hand in your notice because you're pregnant again, but you should feel a bit bad if you're turning up 15 minutes later than you should because you've gone for a decaff coffee, or if you're shirking and using your pregnancy as an excuse.

No-one's saying you can't feel shitty when you're pregnant (most of us do) or that it's not fair to your workplace, just don't to use it as an excuse and then say 'oh, I feel so bad taking time off, shall I just leave?'

Flip

1 2 3