pregnant again! how did you tell your boss, and did u get fired ASAP?

[fulllife]

7.5 month ago i gave birth to my DD, returned to work after 4,5 month and am now working on DC 2(successfully! im in week 8).
this was totally planned and im overjoyed as i really wanted my babies to be close in age and hopefully become great friends.
however, while i was trying i was all bragging about how i wont let my worklife dictate my family planning, and how i would rather that one employer will be "fucked" twice than having one child at each job, bla bla bla - but now its getting closer to truth-time, i feel really uncomfortable telling my boss that im pregnant AGAIN...
I feel that i am letting her down which i thought i wouldnt care about as its not such a great job, but turns out i do care.
im not really sure ill manage to lie convincingly that it was unplanned-its kind of obvious im not that kind of person...
anyway, im a total wuss!
so, how would you tell her? let it leak? let it become obvious? offer to quit?
and if this happened to you were you ever taken seriously again or did you feel the consequences when you came back from mat leave?

arg! im dreading week twelve and im starting to show!help!

Blimey.

fulllife You can't make statements about arriving 15 mins late every day and not expect people to pick up on it.

How you tell your boss is your decision entirely. If you feel happier waiting until after your 12 week scan then do, if you feel you need to justify to your boss why you're so tired all the time then tell them you're pg.

I can't possibly tell you how to go about telling your boss you're pg.

I got pregnant not long after starting a new job, in fact technically my pregnancy is dated from 12 days after my first day of work with them. It was planned and in fact I bonked my partner like crazy to make sure it happened. Due to a scare over the pregnancy being ectopic I ended up telling my employers much sooner than I anticipated - when I was only 5 weeks rather than after the 12 week scan as I'd envisioned. I expected them to be angry and resentful, and could fully understand why they would be - after all, I'd only been there 5mins. I'd never wanted to be one of those women who took a job and then got pregnant straight away but I'd gotten to a point where I couldn't put my life on hold any longer and having a family was more important to me than waiting "an appropriate amount of time" in my new job before getting on with things. As it turned out my employers were completely happy for me when I told them and have only ever been very supportive.

I don't think it'll be as big a deal to them as you believe it is. As others have said, whether it was planned or not is none of their business and they shouldn't be asking you, but if they do and you feel that bad about it then just lie and say no. I do get the way you're feeling though. I think it has to do with being conscientious and thinking about the needs of others personally (which can include a workplace). I knew getting pregnant right after starting a new job wouldn't be ideal for my employers, and I knew they would possibly feel let down or used by it. I did and sometimes still do feel a bit guilty for it, but I have worked at enough jobs in the past and been there years at a time, I wasn't willing to give them years before I could get on with my life. Like you, I had other things planned. If they do get funny just ignore them. Time is the most valuable thing you have - it's limited and goes quicker than you think. Getting on with DC2 was the right call, regardless of whether you now feel a bit guilty for it.

dizzy. interesting! so do you think your employer appreciated you putting them in the know early? did you afterwards feel that it had any negative repercussions for you?

Well I (or rather my OH) had phoned the on-call at midnight the night before telling them I wouldn't be in work the next day - it left them in the lurch the following morning so I think they were glad to know the reason. There haven't been any negative repercussions following it, in fact I feel like quite a valued and respected employee.

OP - i don't think it's 'not fair to the workplace' to feel crap in the first trimester; every one of us that has had children and worked knows that it can be tough, however, I take my career seriously, and however shitty I felt would make sure I continued to do a great job, throughout pregnancy, and do what I was paid to do. I felt that this was important for my own career, but also, for other women: the workplace is a difficult enough place for women of childbearing age as it is, without giving employers the lasting impression that not only are we going to take a couple of years maternity leave, we will also spend the lead up to it being paid to fanny around all day long. it irks me quite a bit, when people think this is acceptable. i went through pregnancy with type 1 diabetes, which makes things even more difficult, but i didnt dick around and take the piss at work, i continued to work my arse off and do a job which i felt proud of. being a mother and being good at your job are not mutually exclusive, and having been through it all myself I would be very unimpressed if one of my staff basically opted out of taking their job seriously just because they were pregnant.

And yes, I am actually feminist, I just believe that the only way the world changes is by working with it, sucking it up, working hard, and getting on with it.

Lol at 'slagging you off as a useless scrounger'!! Your words, love, not mine!

You are the one who says you get in 15 minutes late each day and that you are a 'half efficient worker'. You say you feel guilty about being pregnant as you are costing your firm money.

You are the one who was 'bragging' about your employer being 'fucked twice' and how you didn't care.

So I don't really get why you posted. (Despite your 'small reminder'!)
Anyhoo, have a
(Maybe it'll help with the morning sickness?!)

.

Your tone is very odd indeed. I think you sound a strange one tbh. Have a think about how you are coming across, if your have all these thoughts like abbierhodes describes so accurately, then I cannot believe that some of them are not coming through to your employers.

I would like to point out that decaffeinated coffee is available in an instant version.
By a jar of it, keep it in your desk, arrive at work on time and it will only take you 2 minutes to boil the kettle and enjoy your coffee at your desk.

The rest is absolute utter bollocks. You post asking for advice and then are extremely rude to people who originally just came on to reassure you that you are well within your rights to take 2 maternity leaves close together.

Really OP? Your employer will be 'fucked' by having an employee who takes two maternity leaves in quick succession? I'm kind of hoping mine will get themselves a commited, appreciative, happy nenber of staff, one who was never late during her previous pregnancy and, if she's lucky en

Argh, bloody phone, posted too soon.
Nenber=member

... If she's lucky enough to fall pregnant again soon, will be equally diligent, effective, considerate and, well, professional.

From what you've said, your problem (or rather your employer's problem) is not your pregnancy, it's your professionalism.

I'm with abbierhodes.

Have a . (I hear ginger ones are good for morning sickness)

It's very common for women to want more than one child and not unusual for two or more pregnancies to be clustered in 2-3 year time period. That tends to be the way that many women plan their families. So, although your employer may be a little surprised that you will only be back at work for only a few months, it won't be a complete shock that you are having another baby!

To answer your original question, I think you should tell your employer after your 12 week scan. You do not need say anything about the planning of your pregnancy. Nor should your employer comment or ask.

I've gotta say - I know it's our right to do it, but I don't think I'd have the nerve to arrange things so I don't even come back from one maternity leave before the next one starts. Rightly or wrongly - and maybe it's just me caring way too much about what people think - I've seen how those colleagues who do that are talked about, how they're viewed/seen.

I wish I did have the nerve, believe me! But I just couldn't do it. Maybe I just work in a horrible, mean corporate but I would definitely be seen as someone unreliable, not given any autonomy, someone who took the piss and who wasn't serious about their career. Maybe it's different elsewhere. I came from the public sector, and maybe they wouldn't say it out loud but I'd be paranoid they'd be thinking it.

I tie myself up in knots about where my views stand on women/careers/motherhood and switch on it constantly. I'm very conflicted when it comes to myself, working, motherhood, work ethics, commitment/loyalty to my employer versus making myself happy. I dunno. Just because I have the legal right doesn't mean I'd feel good about doing it.

I'm not helping at all. You've done it now so my best advice is have the courage of the convictions you had when you were TTCing, stick to the bare facts when telling your employer and try not to sweat it. It's done now, so focus on the positives :)

Tiredness was a part of my risk assessment when I was still at work, as it is clearly something that's going to happen during pregnancy - especially during the first trimester. Maybe that's what OP meant by being concerned about performance. I can understand how it's easy to feel as though you aren't pulling your weight when you feel like shit.

You may find you're the only one who thinks that though!

I also think it's more important to take care of you and unborn child, than to soldier on regardless for fear of letting the side down. You let the side down when you go in when you're not well enough, pick up infections and then have to spend even longer getting better.

As for Mat Leave, as people have said, SMP is claimed back from the state, so it's not an issue - although you may have some comments relating to rabbits from your oh-so-humorous colleagues! On the plus side, if you're only back at work a short time they may be able to hire the same person to replace you both times, cutting down on their training costs!

I am 13 months younger than my sibling. Can't say I loved being the school year below, but it was great for my parents, and we get on better now.

Finally, tell them after the 12 week scan, don't apologise or explain: just inform and request a risk assessment/ask what paperwork they need from you.

Hope that helps!

kittyelise you say 'I take my career seriously, and however shitty I felt would make sure I continued to do a great job, throughout pregnancy' - how could you do that if you really felt ill all the time? An incredibly hard-working colleague of mine who takes her career very seriously had terrible nausea for the first 4 months of her pregnancy - she kept trying to come to work as normal and then threw up for hours, in the end we persuaded her to come in a couple of hrs late and leave an hour or so early until she felt better. She looked like shit til the nausea stopped at 4-ish months. No doubt she missed a lot of time at work and despite her best efforts some of her work had to be shelved or covered by others but what else could she have done?

I'm not having a go, I'm just interested to know how you would continue to do a great job in a situation like that.

Maybe the OP thinks she is indispensible??

Your tone and comments are opposed to the Attitude you are trying to convey?!

Are you posting about "someone you know op"? Your tone is most odd.

I personally would just say i am pregnant my scan is x date and i will update you accordingly. Tbh if you only took 4.5 months ML with the first you've hardly "fucked" anyone you took half your entitlement!! I presume your job pays well because if not you have paid 4.5 mnths childcare when you neednt of.. Thats staggering to me in itself

Op - thanks for your post. I'm way behind you in that I'm sitting waiting for my first to arrive but we are already thinking about the next and I have been wondering whether I can take mat leave consecutively - it looks like that is a legal right :-)

I also have had the same thoughts as yo about when I would say, what I would say re planned unplanned, and whether it would be unfair to my employer to go back and then leave again with only a few months back at work. I take my job seriously too, and my concern is exactly that while I was pregnant I didn't work so hard. I didn't ut in half as many extra hours, I avoided overnight trips and long trips away from home, and sometimes I basically achieved naff all in the day not for the want of trying. My employer was fine with it but I did feel bad.

I'll keep reading..

OP you seem to be eliciting negative comments., I have to wonder why you would want to do that.

One might argue that it's easier for a business to cover back-to-back maternity leaves as they can just keep the covering person on. It would actually mean less disruption to the business than a woman who has her children with bigger gaps inbetween...

I was thinking that mrshuxtable. They might prefer that to having me back for 3 months then going again..