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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

why can't they leave me alone........

34 replies

offended · 30/01/2006 23:05

Hi I am 29 weeks pg and am 41. This was unplanned and has took some getting used to, but i would have found it too hard to terminate the pg. I am not in the greatest of relationships and already have grown up kids.

However i have accepted my situation and am coming to terms with it. Every time i start to get a bit excited someone always seems to spoil it for me.

Why are people so cruel and quick to judge. I constantly get comments like

You must be mad at your age

It will be like an only child

Fancy going backwards after all this time

and even

If it were me i would have to kill myself

as if it isnt hard enough, why dont they just leave me alone
fwiw my kids love it!

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 31/01/2006 00:07

and at the things people have said to you!
FWIW my boss had her 2nd child at 41, baby is 3 now and wonderful and his mum's not ready for the Zimmer frame yet!

Mytwopenceworth · 31/01/2006 00:08

some people are too rude for words. i would hit the roof at them!

bigbaubleeyes · 31/01/2006 00:21

Stuff them!!!!!

Having just had fist at 30 i was suprised at howmany people are so ready with cynical comments about becomming a parent - I don't think its just your age.

bigbaubleeyes · 31/01/2006 00:22

OMG i have not just 'had a fist' that reads terrible - clearly meant to say 'first'

Pixiefish · 31/01/2006 07:31

I was 33 when I had dd and am 36 now- no way have my child having days over so I could well be in my late 30's/early 40's having another. Tell them to Feck off and that it has naff all to do with anyone else. I'm so cross for you- what gives them the right to judge??? Stick with first comment if i were you

beansprout · 31/01/2006 07:38

I really feel for you. I hated the public property aspect of being pregnant. Even at full term I struggled to see how it was everyone else's business. I had a fair number of negative comments about how hard it was for dp's teenage daughter (from a previous relationship). Some people just love a negative. Stuff 'em.

I really wish you well and we are always here if you need us!!

xx

suzywong · 31/01/2006 07:50

yes, I agree
Feck off is the only reasonable way to proceed.

Feck the lotta them

kreamkrackers · 31/01/2006 08:38

ignore them! once you hold your little bundle of joy then you know it'll all be worth it. perhaps they're jealous? some people don't even have they're first until they're about 40 these days, it's no big deal. at least it'll all come flooding back to you how to deal with a baby. also it'll be good for you're older children, they'll have to help you out more and it'll bring you all closer together. also you've got babysitters who you can trust on hand. how old are your other children? (if you don't mind me asking?)

mummygow · 31/01/2006 08:43

On the positive side - do you know that women who have children in their forties live to nearer a hundred - I heard that on tv last week and know it's true as my gran had my mum at 42 and she lived until she was 91!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So cheers to a long a happy healthy life

picnikel · 31/01/2006 08:47

Bloody good for you, I say! It can't have been the easiest thing to come to terms with but you are obviously doing what's right for you & your baby. Loads of women have babies at 40-plus and I bet your kids will be completely smitten with the new arrival so fck what anyone else says. People can be so rude* and thoughtless, I just don't undersatnd it - I couldn't imagine criticising someone like that.

Grrr on your behalf!!

Hausfrau · 31/01/2006 08:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twiglett · 31/01/2006 08:54

what you need are good put downs to trott out every time .. because these people are not saying such crass things to offend you, but to show empathy (totally misplaced) .. but there's no way they mean it .. its like 'haven't you had that baby yet' in the last trimester

mumsnetters are good at put-downs

I would atm say something along the lines of 'yes isn't it amazing I'm still naturally fertile, I feel so sorry for all those wizened crones who are past their fertile years' .. needs work though

CatBert · 31/01/2006 08:55

It's bizarre? Within my group of friends with v. small chhildren, we range from 30 to 42. It never even occurs to me that there is any difference in our ages. Even if the 42 yr old were to tell me she was pg tomorrow (already has 4 yr old twins and a 2 yr old with global development delay) I would be nothing but delighted for her! Her age wouldn't even enter my thoughts?

People are weird, rude and have NO idea when to keep their mouths shut.

Good for you! Enjoy your new baby

Twiglett · 31/01/2006 08:56

I'm 39 this year and we're thinking of trying for another later on this year btw (if that helps) .. so I think you're normal

IamBlossom · 31/01/2006 09:06

catbert what's global development delay...?

Marina · 31/01/2006 09:21

I had dd when I was 40 and know lots of other people on here who were the same or even more mature, offended!
You are mixing in the wrong circles. My poor friend who had her first at 22 was half the age of the rest of the NCT class and felt a total lemon
You will have loving babysitters on hand, I am so glad you decided to go for it. Best of luck and ignore these rude people.

tangerinecath · 31/01/2006 09:30

Don't let them bother you - they aren't worth your time.

My mum had my sister at 42 when myself and my brothers were all teenagers, the question she got asked most was "does this one have a different dad what a personal thing to ask!!

We all love our little sister even though she's 14 now and a raging homonal beast, she has kept my mum young and none of us would have it any other way.

thebecster · 31/01/2006 12:04

My mum had me when she was 42 - I have two sisters one is 12 yrs older & the other is 14 yrs older. I'm very close to my mum, very close to my siblings & had a very happy childhood. My Mum always says she was a better mother to me 'cos she was more laidback.

They're dead wrong about that 'only child' thing. My sisters are so much older that there was never any sibling rivalry, which is a good thing. And they were old enough to be able to take me out - my lovely middle sister sat through 'Ghostbusters' at the flicks 10 times just 'cos I loved it so much when I was a tot! She also taught me to read (before I went to school) and one of her boyfriends taught me to swim. Just because there's an age difference doesn't mean that you can't be close.

Other posters are right that people ALWAYS find something tactless and judgemental to say about our pregancies/parenting. Grrr!

tabitha · 31/01/2006 12:18

offended,

I had my 4th child when I was 41 and got lots of comments too. I heard the "You must be mad!", the "Was it an accident" and the "Do they all have the same father" one(this was from my new GP - we moved during my pregnancy). All of this from complete (or almost) strangers as well as people who knew me. People are just so damn rude, aren't they and 'feck off' probably is the most appropriate response, although being a well-brought up laydee I could never quite manage it myself.
Please, please don't let them spoil your pregnancy. You are quite right to be excited about your new baby. My dd3 is almost 2 now and alhthough she is hard work at times, we love her to bits and she keeps us young (ish) - although we might not look it sometimes. I reckon a lot of the people who make these comments are secretly jealous.
Oh and tangerinecath and becster, it was great to hear your comments about how much younger children can still get on with their older siblings despite the age gap. I always worry about dd3 being lonely and having all the disadvantages of being an only child without many of the advantages, but you've put my mind at rest.

tangerinecath · 31/01/2006 12:24

I think that my relationship with my sister is more along the lines of a favourite auntie than big sister - I was nearly 18 when she was born and she can't remember me ever living at home. She talks to me about all sort of things though and we discuss girly stuff all the time. She makes me feel old sometimes because she tells me that she thinks I'm "dead grown up" as I now have a dh & dd but she also says that I'm cool for an old person! She loves being an auntie and all her mates think it's great too

fuzzywuzzy · 31/01/2006 12:38

My best friend had her first when she was in her early forties.
This has nothing to do with anyone. If it were me, I'd look the person in the eye smile angelically, and tell them in the sweetest voice oh go F Off. I don't usually swear, but god some of these comments are completely heartless.

DebitheScot · 31/01/2006 13:27

I think people like to just criticise for the sake of it.
I'm 24 (and 28 wks pg) and have been told "aren't you too young to want children?"
Doesn't make any sense to me.
41 not too old, ignore the idiots who make rude comments

ellceeell · 31/01/2006 13:29

I have ds (19), dd1 (16) and dd2 (3). Like you I was amazed at the comments people made and the questions they asked - like "have you had an amnio? What will you do if....?" None of their fecking business!

One response that worked for me was to smile and say "Are you suggesting this baby isn't wanted? That usually led to some embarrassed muttering on their part!

Good luck - and enjoy!

mrspitt · 31/01/2006 13:34

Do you notice though that men don't get these comments?
Dh is nearly 42 and we just had no. 3 and no one ever said he was too old!

ellceeell · 31/01/2006 21:30

Yes, dh was 46 when dd2 was born - got lots of comments like "life in the old dog yet" etc, but nothing negative.