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Original poster

20 week scan tomorrow... Find out gender or not..?!

51 replies

therewasalittlegirl · 06/03/2012 18:05

That's it really! We didn't with DS. But this time I am rather tempted, and DH will go with my decision. But I don't want to regret finding out! Who found out and who didn't? And do you feel you made the right decision? I'm really undecided!! ??

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Weezie85 · 06/03/2012 18:07

Hello, we wanted to know but beanie wouldn't co-operate at all. So we have no idea. Wish I did know as it makes it a bit more difficult with buying clothes or anything like that.

OnlyWantsOne · 06/03/2012 18:08

I found out with dd1 - and with dd2 but I regretted finding out. It didn't change any thing. I was so happy to be told she was healthy etc at the scan that I shouldn't have asked the sex. Plus the sonographer was really grumpy and said
"oh, it's a girl Hmm"

Wouldn't find out again next time. Up to you.

housedilemma · 06/03/2012 18:09

We found out and 4 years later still feel we made the right choice for us. I'm 12weeks now and will find out this time too. I just found it easier to plan purchases and think of the baby as a person - he/she instead of it.

JambalayaCodfishPie · 06/03/2012 18:10

You might not get a choice! Grin

We'd spent ages coming to the decision that we wanted to know this time - and on the day he/she had their legs crossed and above their head. It was just impossible to get at them from that angle.

That we wouldnt have an answer that day, had never occured to us at all, and we were gutted!

Ah well..... just 6.5 weeks left now till we find out! :)

JambalayaCodfishPie · 06/03/2012 18:11

Oh Weezie I feel your pain! Grin

Original poster
therewasalittlegirl · 06/03/2012 18:11

I'm finding it a really hard decision! I think I really want to find out, but something is telling me not to! Did anybody find out but keep it a secret from everybody else?

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Mitsouko · 06/03/2012 18:13

I found out, couldn't resist being in the dark! So much is unknown, uncertain in pregnancy that it was really nice and comforting to know. It's helped DH and I to bond with the baby, cut down on name choices, and made clothes shopping much simpler. Definitely the right decision!

I'm 37 +2 and having a girl btw...

I don't think it will spoil the excitement of when she arrives at all - up to you though, go with your heart!

Original poster
therewasalittlegirl · 06/03/2012 18:14

Well I've considered that we might not get to find out even if we want to and I suppose that that woulds be good - decision made for us! :) Oh I REALLY can't decide!!

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ShowOfHands · 06/03/2012 18:17

Nobody can tell you. No right or wrong, just different ways.

With dd I was desperate to know and she had her legs crossed. With ds I wasn't too fussed either way but the first thing which flashed up on screen was an enormous scrotum and penis and ds having a gigantic wee.

You can ask the sonographer to write it down for you and open the envelope at a later date or not at all.

MrsRV · 06/03/2012 18:17

Glad we found out! Lovely when people have a surprise but not for me! Already feel like I've bonded with my baby girl and looking forward to meeting her very soon (39+1). After saying we'd still keep everything quite neutral and non gender specific we've failed miserably and EVERYTHING is very pink and girly and I love it!!

madaboutmadmen · 06/03/2012 18:22

For me it was right not to find out and the excitement of finding out helped with the labour a bit. Having that surprise after going through all of that hard work
and pain took my mind of it immediately.

I didn't feel the need to find out for practical reasons such as clothes, room decoration etc. People managed when we were born without knowing the gender and white babygros are just lovely on a newborn Smile

PoppyS34wantsgoatscheese · 06/03/2012 18:22

We're going to find out, hopefully, if little one is cooperative on the day :o I can't wait, so hope we can see.

I'm sure you'll make the right decision on the day, go with your instincts. Good luck :)

grubbalo · 06/03/2012 18:27

It's such a personal decision it's hard to say really! I have to say that the comment "you will spoil the surprise" annoys me (believe me, a baby is enough of a surprise, even if you do know the sex), as well as "if you find out, it gives you a better chance to bond" (it's perfectly possible to bond without knowing that information).

I didn't find out with mine, although read up on nub theory so was always suspicious I was having a girl last time round.

What I do find a shame is when someone is having a c-section, and so tells me the due date, sex and name before the baby arrives - it doesn't leave much as a "surprise " for a 3rd party. But then it really shouldn't matter what a 3rd party thinks anyway!

Thechick · 06/03/2012 18:36

I found out and I'm glad I did. I felt it helped me bond with my growing baby.

choppychopster · 06/03/2012 18:38

We found out with DD2 who is due in 4weeks. Has helped 5yo DD1 prepare herself and get more involved with the changes that a new baby will bring.

I also got rather bored with bland white and beige baby clothes when we didn't find out DD1. I've not gone overboard with the pink this time around, but have chose a few more girly pieces.

Kayzr · 06/03/2012 18:38

I found out with all 3 and if I have another I will find out again. For me it is just easier, it helps us all bond and I can't stand white and cream baby clothes so I can buy boys or girls things.

Original poster
therewasalittlegirl · 06/03/2012 18:42

Thank you all for your comments! I don't know why I'm finding this so difficult! :) x

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TwoIsTrouble · 06/03/2012 18:43

I found out with with both of mine. It was a lot easier to shortlist names, choose clothes (white baby clothes? really???) and decorate the nursery (though we went with yellow anyway). Second time around it was lovely to tell DD she was going to have a baby brother.

COCKadoodledooo · 06/03/2012 18:46

We didn't with ds1 but we did with ds2. Ds1 came with us to the scan and was so desperate to find out. He begged, but the way the sonographer whipped the screen away as soon as she located the baby had pretty much given it away anyway, so we asked.

We were told they weren't allowed to guarantee the sex "But that's not going to drop off between now and October!" Grin

I was glad we found out when we did. I'd been convinced the baby was a girl because my pregnancy was so very different to my first, and I was grateful to have time to come to terms with that early on, so it didn't overshadow the lovely newborn bit.

fhdl34 · 06/03/2012 18:54

We opted for a surprise with DD and I'd do the same again. DH wanted to find out but we agreed not to, now he says he'd do the same again and not find out. I don't think it matters anyway what sex they arem we just bought enough neutral clothing to last us for the first few weeks and got inundated with lots of clothing as gifts, so much so we don't need to buy any outfits until she's 6 months!

Original poster
therewasalittlegirl · 06/03/2012 18:58

I think if I'm very honest, I want to find out if it's a girl (as we already have a gorgeous boy, and I really want to start buying pretty pink things, and I am excited about our girl name choice!). But if it's another boy (which I would be just as happy with, and which I'm fairly convinced it is!), I'm not too bothered about finding out! (I'm happy with our boy name choice but not as excited as it's one we've liked for a while! And we've done all the blue buying before!) Does that sound awful?! I don't mean it to. But I think that is what is going through my head!

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Spiritedwolf · 06/03/2012 19:29

I don't want to know and my 20 week scan is on Thursday. My DH was more interested in finding out but has gone with my decision - he didn't feel that strongly about it. This is our first baby.

I don't want to be inundated with all pink or all blue stuff anyway. I'm quite content for him/her to wear neutral colours or colours from all parts of the rainbow.

I'm finding this period of not knowing quite interesting. It's thought provoking to think about what would be different we I had a daughter or a son, and to challenge those hidden assumptions about sex/gender.

I understand why many people want to find out the sex at this stage - because they want to know more about their baby and its one of the few things one can find out. But personally, not knowing the sex isn't getting in the way of me and DH bonding with our baby. Why should it? It's not like it makes a great deal of difference. Sex is a tiny wincy part of what makes us individuals otherwise you'd have two personalities male and female. I have a lot more in common with my male partner than I do with many of my female friends.

Of course, little one might have his/her own ideas and flash the screen... Shock

luckysocks · 06/03/2012 20:22

It's such a personal decision. Most people I meet tend to be firmly in one camp or the other - you're the first person I've found who is undecided!

For me, I like to know, there's never any question about me finding out. Mostly because I'm a 'planner' - I just like to prepare for things, both in a practical sense and in a visualising sense, and I'm not a big fan of surprises on the whole :)

Original poster
therewasalittlegirl · 06/03/2012 20:31

Thank you all again for your comments! I think deep down I want to find out! But I've always been one of those who is firmly against finding out, and I think this is why I'm afraid I'll regret knowing! And also I don't want to tell everybody else and I don't want to lie to family if they ask did we find out! I THINK we've decided to ask the sonographer to write it down and not tell us (thanks for the idea Show). And then when we tell people about the scan, we can tell them the truth, that we don't know. And then later that night, look at the paper so only we know and no one will ask again after that! x

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ViolaCrayola · 06/03/2012 20:40

I am in a very similar situation to you - already have a DS and due with DC2 this year (20 week scan in about 5 weeks). I think we have pretty much decided to find out, although I have been very much in two minds.

Last time it felt completely wrong to find out (for me - not judging anyone else obviously). This time it just feels different - one of the main reasons is to let DS know so he can prepare myself.

I also feel (although am embarrassed by this) that somewhere deep down I may have some kind of preference for a girl, as I already have a boy, and we will only be having two. I would like to deal with this before the baby is actually here.

Plus I am just very curious and my willpower to not find out seems to have deserted me!