May I respectfully ask those of you with 3 DCs, what age were you when you had DC3

[Deadsouls]

Hello there,
I am very torn at the moment as I would like a third...I have now a DS 4.5 and a DD 1.5...BUT.....I do have several reservations about 3 DCs:

1. I am 37 (soon 38) and DH is 44. Are we just too old to have 1 more DC, DH says he is tired and doesn't want to keep cleaning up s**t.

1. Financial: we get by but are by no means high earners. DH is self employed and at some point I would like to retrain so that I can earn a regular, decent salary. BUt I can't do this till children all at school, so I think to have DC3 I should wait till I have decent job prospects. BUt the question is how long, I'm no spring chicken.

Also I think things out there are more difficult for youngsters these days and I'd love to be able to help them out, should they wish to go to uni, give them a leg up on the housing ladder. Could we do that with 3? (Sorry to sound stupid but I don't know what it' like with 3 financially)

1. Stress - There are times when I enjoy looking after my DCs and there are times when I find it bloody stressful. I am concerned that a 3rd DC would be a strain on myself, and DH and our relationship

1. Somehow my mum is dead against me having another child...yes i know I am 37 and should make my own decisions and ultimately I would, but don't underestimate the power of a mother's opinion...I feel also strangely scared of others' reactions if I were to get pregnant (mostly mums).

1. NOt too mention overpopulation...(but TBH don't think about that so much).

God I sound so negative and am probably overthinking it all, and they do seem to be sensible ideas. DH doesn't really want a 3rd DC, but I just have a niggly feeling that there is a 3rd waiting to come and join our family. I know I'd be truly done with 3....I am scared that I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't try for 3rd. I can't let go yet of the idea of the 3rd DC

But the question is when is the right time, is there a right time? The financial thing is important though and I'd feel better with a stable, regular income to fall back on. So I wonder if any of you out there had the same concerns/fears/thoughts about having a 3rd DC, could I retrain and try for a 3rd at 41 or 42? Is that too old?
Or is it time to accept and be happy with my 2 beautiful, healthy DC and move on...

(Hopelessly overthinking)...sorry turned out to be long

I will be 36 when DC3 is born (DS1 at age 26 and DS2 at age 30). We won't be able to cope, we can't afford it, there's nowhere for DC3 to sleep and we just don't care! DH and I wanted to have a third child, this will definitely be the last and we will get round all of the above problems somehow!

I don't think the decision on whether to have another child or not can be made by totting up the pros and cons because there is also an emotional element of whether you feel your family is complete or not. My mum is one of 11, my dad is one of two but both sets of grandparents made it work somehow.

I was 29 when DD3 was born (26y with DD1 & 27y with DD2) and I will be 32y when DC4 is born. DH was 33y, 35y, 37y & will be 40 when DC4 is born.

This last baby is a surprise but the others were planned, however I always felt there was someone missing from our family so in a way DC4 is a happy accident - serendipity if you will

Like Stuntnun says having a child doesn't boil down to pros and cons and there is never really a right time only a less terrible time to have another child

I was 30. 21 when dd1 was born and 23 for dd2.

haha :-) Currently my favourite subject.

I am not there yet, haven't even got through the scan at 12 weeks, but it looks like I will be having my third child (and last) at 38.

1. If I were you I wouldn't delay having a third into your 40s .. also personally I would prefer a smaller age gap, rather than having to do the baby thing all over again when your other kids are well into primary school.

1. & 3. yes, valid concerns? I just hope we can cope in all ways. I guess you need to trust that things will be fine. And already make sure you are giving each kid a lot of 1 on 1 time starting now?

1. Yes, on that note: don't expect people to be happy about a third pregnancy? usually they don't really see the point. And, you mention your Mum? what about your mother in law? Mine thinks I am ruining her son's life. But I don't and I don't care.

The fact that your Dh isn't that keen on the idea isn't great, but at least he seems open to discussion.. I am not going to lie, but this pregnancy has put some strain on our relationship (Dh wasn't keen at all on a third..). I live in hope that all will be well.

Wishing you good luck!

i was 25, almost 26 when i had ds3 and have since had two more, i am now 33, had my last at 32, first when i was 20, thats me done now.

fwiw i dont think you are too old, i may reeavaluate my decision not to have any more when i get to your age and i wouldnt consider it too old if we decided to go for no 6!

I'm the oldie then, 40 when DC3 arrives (any day now). Was 35 and 37 with the other 2. DC3 not entirely planned but we are happy about it and like others have said there are many pros and cons but that doesn't really influence things... It either feels right or it doesn't. I think we would have felt there was someone missing if we weren't having DC3...

I was 3 months shy of my 40th birthday when I had DC3, only 17 months after DC2 and 6.5 years after my first.

If I am brutally honest, it was knackering enough having DD at 38, getting pregnant again so quickly was a nightmare.

DS2 is funny and gorgeous, but he is and has always been a very high maintenance child. At 3 he is worse for tantrums and nonsense than the older two put together and takes a lot of mental and physical energy from DH and I. No, we wouldn't be without him and he enriches our life in so many ways, but our life would have been a lot less stressful if we had stopped at 2.

19

31 when dc3 was born. It didn't really make sense: we live in a 2 bed flat with a temperamental lift on the ninth floor and we couldn't afford anything new for the baby. But we love having 3 and it works (bunk beds and the baby sleeps in our walk-in warbrobe.)

It really depends on what you want. Not you personally but you as a couple. From what you say, your dh doesn't seem terribly keen on the idea of having another baby - three young children is very hard work.

Let nature decide x

and stop thinking about it ;)

already had ds1 (when i was 15) dd1 when I was 18, ds 2 when i was 19, then had ds 3 when i was 24, and dd2 at 25.

think thats it now

29. Was 23 with DD1, Just 25 with DD2, then Ds at 29. I'm 32 now and think i'm done.

DH wants DC4.

I was 25 when I had my third, 27 when I had my fourth and 35 when I had my fifth. I felt less tired after my fifth than I did my third tbh.

Had my third, DD, at 37. DS1 at 34 and DS2 at 35.
I wanted a third, hubby was less keen but I talked him into it and made promises that I reneged on to get him to agree (awful I know)...
There is never a right time... If you wait for the finances to be better you may not be able to get pregnant. I wanted to just get on with it feeling that time was running away from me.
Having 3 under 4 was hard work but it was so worth it. DH was actually fine in the end and loves having DD!

Our gorgeous adored DC3 will be 6 months old on my 40th birthday. We are having to build a bedroom for him (sisters are 8 & 5 and fight like...sisters so can't share a room). Wwe won't be going abroad for our holidays any more, or running more than one car, but financially so far it hasn't made a difference. Somedays it feels like I have 10 children rather than 3 and I guess it's more tiring than it was having a baby at 31 or 34...
But, I am more capable, more laid back and confident, have more time to devote to him thanks to school hours. Our family was completed by having a third child and was a purely emotional choice - (it took a while and he wasn't the first we conceived). If we hadn't kept trying as long as we could emotionally handle I would have regretted giving up. I ignored anyone who suggested we should be happy with our lot and that I was too old/ 3 was too many in these times.

Can't give you an objective answer as I am so absolutely saying- Do it...but don't wait too long, just in case it doesn't happen easily- fertility just goes a bit mental around the 40 mark.

34 with dd2 but I had her only 16 months after ds and was totally knackered. Am finished now, really glad I had her at that age as I feel positively ancient now (36!)

DC3 is due on my 37th birthday.

DH is 44.

I decided when pregnant with DD2 that I wanted 3.

This isn't definitely the last, but there is a good chance we won't have any more.

DH would need convincing to go for DC4 and I'm not sure I'll be keen enough to be persuasive.

You can weigh up all the pros and cons in your head, but if you feel it emotionally / hormonally / in your bones, that might just be the only reasons you need.

You'll be poorer, more tired, have less time and resources for the others, but possibly more fulfilled. Only you can decide. I would agree with the other poster that probably better getting a 3rd out sooner rather than later - I think it gets harder to consider starting all over again once the gap gets bigger. Plus they play together better if they're in a cluster and for practical reasons (storage, days out etc) it must be simpler if everyone's at a similar stage.

Hope it works out well for you, either way.

FWIW there is another thread for mums in their 40s, you might get some useful advice there too.

I have a 1 year old dd3 and was coming 37 when I had her. At the time dd1 was 5 and dd2 was 3. My husband is 40 now.

I think you're overthinking it tbh. Do you want another child? Regardless of financial constraints etc, do you actually want another baby? A million things could happen over the next few years that would scupper your hopes of hoping to give your kids a helping hand when they're older (not meaning to sound like the voice of doom and gloom )

Dd3 has been the absolute light of my life, maybe its because I know that she is definitely our last child but she has brought so much joy into our family, however I have a larger age gap than you between my children, and dd1 and dd2 are pretty much ok with playing themselves, go to the toilet themselves, feed themselves etc and I think that has made a real difference.

I was 42 when I had my third DC.

24

I was 40. dc3 wasn't exactly planned but has been the best thing ever. The others were 5 and 4 when dc3 arrived.

1. My age wasn't really an issue. I can't really say more than that although the older 2 were at Kindergarten/school so I just had the baby to care for much of the time.
2. Money wasn't really an issue, not because we're loaded (we're not) but babies just aren't that expensive, especially the third who gets masses of hand-me-downs.
3. I also thought dc3 would be a massive strain for all of us. Turned out the opposite was true.
4. It's none of your mother's business.
5. errm, someone has to pay our pension....

I simply could not have predicted the positive impact dc3 would have on our family, he has enriched our lives in so many ways and is so very different to dc1 and dc2. Once the little person is there all rational arguments for and against simply melt away. They did for me anyway.

But none of this is really any help to you, everyone's circs are different. My dh was always more into the idea of no.3 than I was and I was the one who wobbled for a short time after getting a bfp.

Oh and fwiw I went back to work last week aged 44, after 9 years at home.

So, in short, what Hattie11 said

Oh and the gap between DC 2 and 3 is 5 and half years.

This is too big imo. It can cause problems on days out etc, as what DC 1 and 2 want to do is to old for DC3 and vice versa.

If I could I would have had them closer to gether, otherwise no regrets...