May I respectfully ask those of you with 3 DCs, what age were you when you had DC3

[Deadsouls]

Hello there,
I am very torn at the moment as I would like a third...I have now a DS 4.5 and a DD 1.5...BUT.....I do have several reservations about 3 DCs:

1. I am 37 (soon 38) and DH is 44. Are we just too old to have 1 more DC, DH says he is tired and doesn't want to keep cleaning up s**t.

1. Financial: we get by but are by no means high earners. DH is self employed and at some point I would like to retrain so that I can earn a regular, decent salary. BUt I can't do this till children all at school, so I think to have DC3 I should wait till I have decent job prospects. BUt the question is how long, I'm no spring chicken.

Also I think things out there are more difficult for youngsters these days and I'd love to be able to help them out, should they wish to go to uni, give them a leg up on the housing ladder. Could we do that with 3? (Sorry to sound stupid but I don't know what it' like with 3 financially)

1. Stress - There are times when I enjoy looking after my DCs and there are times when I find it bloody stressful. I am concerned that a 3rd DC would be a strain on myself, and DH and our relationship

1. Somehow my mum is dead against me having another child...yes i know I am 37 and should make my own decisions and ultimately I would, but don't underestimate the power of a mother's opinion...I feel also strangely scared of others' reactions if I were to get pregnant (mostly mums).

1. NOt too mention overpopulation...(but TBH don't think about that so much).

God I sound so negative and am probably overthinking it all, and they do seem to be sensible ideas. DH doesn't really want a 3rd DC, but I just have a niggly feeling that there is a 3rd waiting to come and join our family. I know I'd be truly done with 3....I am scared that I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't try for 3rd. I can't let go yet of the idea of the 3rd DC

But the question is when is the right time, is there a right time? The financial thing is important though and I'd feel better with a stable, regular income to fall back on. So I wonder if any of you out there had the same concerns/fears/thoughts about having a 3rd DC, could I retrain and try for a 3rd at 41 or 42? Is that too old?
Or is it time to accept and be happy with my 2 beautiful, healthy DC and move on...

(Hopelessly overthinking)...sorry turned out to be long

Both me and DH were 37 when DC3 was born. DH said he didn't want to do nappies after 40 and we just about made it!
I'd be more worried that your DH isn't that into the idea rather than any of the other issues.... I had to do a lot of persuading of DH but maintain we definitely did the right thing.

In terms if expenses it's not a problem when they're babies/toddlers, a little bit more expensive when they are in primary, uniforms, shoes, coats etc but bloody expensive when they become teenagers... I don't want to think about three sets of unversity fees, but I expect we'll manage. Holidays almost always need three bedroom but don't let finance stop you, it'll work itself out.
Good luck with whatever you choose.

I was 3 months short of my 39th birthday when I had DC3. I was 26 when DC1 arrived and 31 when I had DC2. I didn't return to work after DC3 so finances were pretty tight and my mum was very disappointed in me. This was the hardest thing to get my head around to be honest. I'm from a very large (Catholic) family and it made me feel that she didn't really want us all. In fact she has been quite negative about babies with my sisters too. I returned to work after my first 2 children and they went to childminders/nursery. According to her, they have turned out OK despite "being brought up by strangers"

DC3 is my "Kinder Surprise" totally unplanned but so very, very welcome. He is my only DS and is a laid back cheery chappie.

I'm of the opinion that if you give the matter any thought then you will decide that there is never a good time to have another baby. You always need more money, a bigger house, a bigger car, etc. I just went with the flow (which explains the big gaps between my babies!)

I agree that things just somehow seem to work themselves out - I had DD1 at 32, DD2 at 34, and will be 37 when DC3 is born.

But I am older and more knackered this time round, I am not enjoying being pregnant and this will definitely be my last one. I think it does get harder, partly from being older and party from already having 2 to care for.

I work and get paid pretty well at the moment, but not sure I will continue after baby arrives, as, logistically I imagine it'll be a nightmare to fit in pick-ups/drop-offs/sick days for 3 children.

But we did just close our eyes and go for it, and I am glad that we did. I'm sure you know in your heart if you really want number 3 already :)

36

41

(dc1 at 37
dc2 at 38)

With ds1 I was 31, ds2 34 and dd 38 (39 a couple of months later).

We were both absolutely sure we weren't having any more children after ds2, but then both got broody and were afraid to admit it. Eventually we had a discussion and realised neither of us felt that our family was complete, so just went for it.

Dd has been such a beautiful bonus to our family and we have never regretted having her for a second. Her big brothers adore her and I can hand on heart say that if anything, I've found having her easier than I did the boys when they were little, mainly because I am older, more experienced as a parent and generally calmer.

33

DC3 is due in June and I will be 26 when she arrives.

I was 20 with DS1 and 22 with DS2

dc1 - 25
dc2 - 30
dc3 - 33
dc4 - 35

We had we run of miscarriages & lost a baby between dc1 & 2 :( hence the large age gap (though I have to say it hasn't caused any problems, they are very close). 35 was the cut off age for me - purely because I have high risk pregnancies & I didn't want anything - however small - to increase the risk any more. I have many friends who have continued to have babies in their later 30s & early 40s though.

DC1, I was 3 months shy of my 38th birthday.
DC2, I was 4 months past my 40th birthday.
DC3, I was 1 month past my 43rd birthday.

Dh is 10 years younger than me

DC3 was our little miricle. I had help with getting pregnant the others and I was told that I wouldn't be able to have any more children but DC3 wanted to prove them all wrong

I will be 33 when dc3 is born, assuming all goes well. I had dd1 when I was 20, then dd2 when I had dd2. Dc3 is a surprise and dp isn't very happy about it yet, I just keep hoping he'll get happier as it gets closer and feels more real.

25 when DD3 was born, 19, 23 and 26 for the other 3 dd's.

Oh thanks all of you, I've so enjoyed reading all your repsonses and am especially encourged by those mums who had DC3 in late 30s, early 40s, just to show it can be done.
I think on the whole , if we're going to do it, I agree that we just have to take a deep breath and just 'do it' because if one thought about the realities of having any children at all, people might never have babies at all.
I genuinely feel very encouraged by all your replies, it is an emotional thing I guess and not rational and I'd never regret it.
Just got some talking to do with DH!

DD1 is 12 I was 4 days short of my 19th birthday
DS1 is 9 tomorrow I was 22
DC3 is due in Oct (all being well) I will be nearly 32 and my DD nearly 13 :)
Was not planned and a bit concerned about money (I moved to my partners home country 6 months ago and am currently looking for work) but we figure it was meant to be and we will manage :)

Actually, if I knew what I know now, I would've started having shildren younger, like mid-late 20s, but somehow it was just something I never even conceived or thought about. NOt to mention not being in the right frame of mind emotionally.

However, I do know there is no point in going down the 'what if' road, and I wouldn't have my two gorgeous ones here now.

DH & I are the same age. For DD1 we were 35, for DD2 - 38.

If I were to get pregnant right now, we would have just turned 40 for DC3

We always said that 3 would be nice, but we are undecided. As well as all the financial worries, DH is worried that after 2 healthy babies (& 2 MC) we are "pushing our luck". I'm worried that with 3 I won't have enough time to give DC the attention they deserve.

bessie26 - yes I have exactly the same thoughts. I feel like I don;t give DS1 enough attention for sure.

I think as many have said, you can weigh up all the pros and cons but the final decision to have another baby is a heart thing.

I know what you mean when you say you feeel there is another baby waiting to join your family - I definately felt like that after my 2nd. I eventually had DS at 37, when DD2 was almost 4, and DD1 was 5. I probably shouldn't have as I had had 2 previous emergency sections and postnatal depression, but I just felt my family wasn't complete, and DH felt the same.

It was a shock going back to having a proper baby again, and I hadn't anticipated the sheer chaos of 3 children. One tiny baby seemed to increase the household workload out of all proportion . I definately don't feel I give any of my children enough attention, and there is no doubt that another child increases your expenses in lots of ways.

But when I see how much my DCs love each other and how much fun they have together, it makes up for the fact that I can't devote lots of time to each of them individually.
When we have a great time camping and cooking marshmallows over a camp fire, and then put our exhausted and very grubby children to bed in our well used tent, it doesn't matter that we can't afford a fancy holiday.
When my adorable DS gives me a cuddle and a kiss, I realise the chaos and extra work is so worth it - he brings us so much joy and I can't imagine life without him.

Sorry I have gone all sentimental there but I just think that it is so hard to make a decision like that on the basis of pros and cons, and if I had thought much about it I probably shouldn't have had another child, and there are moments when I think I must have been mad, but it was still the right decision for us as a family.

I think that you both need to want one, tbh there's probably not a right time and if your a satm your coping financially and that probably wouldn't change......just a word of warning and im only saying this because it has happened to me, i talked dh into having 3 as felt like i couldn't not be pregnant again, im 36 so no spring chicken my other 2 dc will be 4&8, i checked financially we could afford me not to work for a year, we have good family for childcare when needed as dh does shift work so sounded it out with them everything seemed fine what i didn't bank on was.........................twins!!!!!" important not sure my well laid plans extend to 4dc but only time will tell. I've since found that older mums are at risk of multiple pregnancy so maybe consider that too :)