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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Nobody's pleased I'm pregnant!

35 replies

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 28/02/2012 11:27

And I don't understand why?!?

We have a three bed house which we're putting up for sale in the next few weeks and moving to a nicer area.

My dh and I have been married for over ten years. We have a five year old and a seven month old. We're all healthy and my dh earns a good wage - were not minted but we can afford little luxuries and afford another baby.

We don't drink or smoke, we're not bad people or parents, I don't know what's wrong.

I told my brother, he pulled a face and said, why are you having another one?

My dad just said, don't find out the sex -that was it - conversation over.

And my friend looked concerned and asked if I was pleased.

I'm dreading telling anyone else.

Anyone else had mean reactions?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MzPixielated · 28/02/2012 11:29

congratulations! i hope you have a stress free pregnancy and a pain-free sneeze birth. stuff what anyone thinks!

surfandturf · 28/02/2012 11:30

Congratulations!!! Ignore them.

lynniep · 28/02/2012 11:31

well I am. congrats ;)

Hotpotpie · 28/02/2012 11:32

people are strange, ignore them and enjoy your pregnancy - congratulations :)

purpleroses · 28/02/2012 11:32

Congratulations! It doesn't really matter what they think - it's your baby.

It might just be the relatively large age gap between your first two, followed by a very small gap between these two that is making people surprised. Have you made it clear to them that you're pleased about it? If they're not sure, they might be hesitant in being excited for you if they are not quite sure how you're feeling yourself - ie whether to offer support for dealing with a shock, or share in delight at the expansion of your family.

SoozyWoozy · 28/02/2012 11:33

Yep, totally.

I am pregnant with number 4. My brother's response was - what again?
Inlaws response - why aren't you happy with what you've got
Friends - was it planned, was it a shock, you must want a boy this time, you must be mad

I don't understand why, when pregnant, a woman suddenly becomes public property and open to other people openly sharing opinions that they wouldn't necessarily share otherwise. I'm 19w and going through the differing opinions of if I've got a big bump / small bump / just look fat etc. My pre-pregnancy weight was just under 8 stone, I'm about 9 now. If I had put on a stone in weight (rather than pregnancy gain) I'm pretty sure no-one would say to me "You look like you've eaten all the pies" - which was actually said to my face last week.

Sheer rudeness, and a touch of jealousy I wonder?

Fraktal · 28/02/2012 11:39

Congratulations!

That happened to an ex-colleague (with an almost identical gap and odd comments) but she'd had secondary fertility problems hence the big gap and trying again ASAP so ended up taking a preemptive 'pleased I fell pregnant so quickly and easily this time'. It shut people up so worth a shot?

Original poster

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 28/02/2012 11:53

I just feel deflated really. Before we had each of our boys I miscarriied, so I can understand why people may be cautious of being told so soon, but literally not one 'congratulations' so far - apart from you lovely mn's!

I just assumed everyone would be happy for us.

OP posts:

Winkly · 28/02/2012 12:03

From what I've read here:

DC1 - 'was it planned?' 'When are you having DC2? You can't leave DC1 as an only chilld.'

DC2 - 'why did you wait so long'/'why did you have another so quickly?' 'you have nooo idea how much harder it is to have 2, you'll be sooooo stressed'

DCs3+ - 'are you mad?' 'Aren't you happy with what you have?' 'are you trying for a girl/oh you'll be so disappointed if its a boy' (if DCs1 & 2 are boys, swap if appropriate)

If you are under approx. 28 - 'oh you're so young, you're throwing your youth away.' 28+ - 'why did you leave it so late? Older mothers have all sorts of problems.'

The only people who matter are you and your DP. And us here on MN. Congratulations!

lalabaloo · 28/02/2012 12:14

Congratulations! No idea why people aren't pleased for you, especially as you have the means to look after another child and you are pleased about it. People are strange.

shrinkingnora · 28/02/2012 12:18

Congratulations - three is lovely, messy, exhausting and fun.

imnotmymum · 28/02/2012 12:18

Congratulations !! We had 4 in 5 years so when number 4 bump appeared and we had all girls oh you trying for a boy !! No bloody not people think it wierd to have babies sometimes like you say we ok off nice house car etc never ask anyone for anything but they seem horrified !!! Enjoy the joys of a big family

Original poster

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 28/02/2012 12:36

You know I could understand if I found it difficult to cope with our two. Or if we really struggled financially. Or if other people looked after our boys a lot.

But no one but me and my dh looks after our boys - for one reason or another. I never ask for any help or for money off people. If anything I run round after family members and lend them cash!

Feel really let down when I was so excited before.

OP posts:

purpleroses · 28/02/2012 12:44

If a friend told me they were pregnant with a 3rd when they still had a 7 month old, I would probably want to gauge how they were about it before I reacted tbh. It's lovely that you're pleased about it, but for some people getting pregnant so soon if it was not planned would be a real shock.

If you've made it clear that you're pleased about it, and they're still being rubbish, then that's a sad. But don't take it as an indication that they think you're not coping or shouldn't have another. Maybe try some other friends - do you know any who have, or would like, large families, who might be more enthusiastic?

capecath · 28/02/2012 12:45

3 will be a great number! We're thinking 3 (but who knows ) Number 2 is on the way and already I am not liking telling people so much... You feel so excited and hope that everyone else will be for you too. Rubbish getting unsupportive responses. I'm 29, but most of our friends haven't had kids yet and can't seem to understand how we can be on number 2 already (even though there will be a 2 year gap)!

Perhaps they are concerned for you about the small gap, but seriously, children are an amazing blessing. Please keep on feeling excited!! It sounds like you are perfectly ready and capable for another.

PoppyS34wantsgoatscheese · 28/02/2012 12:48

Well I'm pleased for you - congratulations! Ignore people, they are funny at times and as long as you're happy that is all that matters. :)

PickleSarnie · 28/02/2012 12:55

Congrats!

When telling my MIL I was pregnant again her first words were "Are you mad?".

It's only my 2nd FFS and there will be 23 months between them.

Then she went to me (with a weird concerned look on her face) - "How did your Dad take the news". Like I was a 16 year old that had just got knocked up by the local layabout as opposed to 36 and happily married to her son. My Dad, was ecstatic btw. Which was more the sort of reaction I was expecting.

littlemissnormal · 28/02/2012 14:24

Congratulations! Like everyone says, you and your DP are the important ones and if you're happy then sod everyone else!

I've had comments from "I could tell you were pregnant as your face has got really fat" (from a neighbour I had just told that I had found out).

And a mum from school who I don't actually know very well asked me very bluntly how we were going to cope financially with 3, obviously assuming that because I look at mess at school in the morning we must be not well off enough to afford more than 2 children!

happynappies · 28/02/2012 15:16

I'm 9 weeks pg with #4 and dreading telling people. We've never made it a secret that we planned a big family, but took things a step at a time, realising that what we thought we wanted and want might practically be possible might be two different things. We feel so fortunate that so far things are working for us, and can't wait for #4 to join our family. I told my Mum and she said, "You're not?!!! Better not tell your Dad yet". The in-laws have been slightly more supportive, and one good friend who really knows us well was pleased, but I dread telling the Mums at the school gate who will think we're mad, the rest of the family, who will think we're mad... I was talking to an old friend the other day saying we wouldn't rule out 4, and she went off on one telling me about University costs, and how selfish and stupid it would be. I don't really understand it, because I wouldn't dream of spouting forth my opinions on the number of children other people have. It is a personal decision, and one that only you and your partner can understand. When people tell me that I'm going to be busy for the next few years it makes me so cross, because I think I'm more qualified than all of my friends and family to understand how much hard work is involved because I had three children inside 4 years. Of course I know it will be hard, but more than worth it! Hard as it might be I think you have to develop a thick skin and think of some ready responses for when people trot out the 'you must be mad' line. I can't think of any off the top of my head though!! Congratulations by the way, and best of luck with your pregnancy!

MadMonkeys · 28/02/2012 15:26

Perhaps they're just being a bit reserved if they're not sure it was planned/a happy accident?

ShoeJunkie · 28/02/2012 15:41

Just wanted to add my congratulations! As other people have said as long as you and DH are excited that is really all that matters.

ChocolateIsAFoodGroup · 28/02/2012 17:12

Oh, I just posted about this in pregnancy! (Why can't (some) people just say Congratulations and move on....) I, too, am preg with DC3 - have one almost 5, one almost 2 and am 10 weeks now. Like you, we can afford it (can even afford for all DC to have their own rooms, which I think is a real luxury!) I SAHM and like it (I do use babysitters, though - no family near by) and DH is lovely, supportive and makes a good living.

And the most recent reaction (all the rest have been great though) 'Are you mad? I wouldn't do it again in a million years! I couldn't wait to get rid of the baby stuff...' Looking back, I don't know why I didn't say something like 'That sounds a bit rude - did you mean to be?'

Too much of a wuss, I am.....

ChocolateIsAFoodGroup · 28/02/2012 17:13

Oh, and the line I'm waiting to try out is: 'Well, there hasn't been much on tele, you know....'

Or (if asked 'was it planned?') 'No, I slipped on a banana skin and fell on DH's penis.'

I'll let you know how those work out....

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 28/02/2012 17:19

Plenty of people on here will be happy for you!!! Congratulations boys wishing you a fab easy happy pregnancy and beautiful dc!!!! ;)

ProlificYoungGentlemenBreeder · 28/02/2012 17:52

Congratulations I can only echo other mn's advice. I hope y

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