I wish I had someone to talk to about my pregnancy!

[squidkid]

Hi everyone, I've just joined, so I hope I'm not too forward in starting a thread here...

I'm nearly 8 weeks pregnant - first baby! I'm very excited but I found out at around 4 and half weeks so I haven't really dared let myself feel secure about this pregnancy until now, and even now I know it's early days. I only came off the pill a few months ago so I'm really happy it didn't take too long as I basically had no idea if I were fertile or not.

So far I've had ALL the symptoms - very exhausted, sore breasts, achy pain in belly for a couple of weeks, ridiculous mood swings (poor boyfriend) and, since 7 weeks, an unrelenting nausea - though I haven't vomited and I'm able to eat a bit, so I guess I'm lucky there. I normally love my wine and was expecting to miss it like crazy but I can't think of anything more disgusting right now, so at least there's that, ha ha.

I'm a doctor (so I know a bit about pregnancy, but then again, from the other side, I am a total beginner!) - I'm finding work so hard! I either want to cry at everything my patients say or I want to sleep on the couch! From April I'm moving to a crazy-busy acute medical job where I'm on the cardiac arrest team and everything - I've done jobs like that before but I'm a bit terrified of how I'm going to manage if I remain this sick and exhausted.

I hope it will be easier when I can tell people. I'm telling my two best friends next weekend, only because I'm going to a big drunken birthday party and I'd just like to have someone looking out for me as I try to fend off drinks and probably fall asleep at 10pm. But I'd like to wait till 12 weeks before telling anyone else.

I'd love to meet some other women who are pregnant or trying! The secrecy thing seems very difficult!

Firstly congratulations on your pregnancy.

Secondly I suggest you talk to your HR dept asap as they need to risk assess you in your work and make reasonable changes. It would perhaps appear that the change to the acute trauma team is not suitable for a pregnant woman. Also not sure how it works for doctors but a friend of mine who is a midwife was taken off the night rota for the duration of her pregnancy and then for the first 6 months when she was back at work perhaps worth pursuing?

Thanks heartmoonshadow! I'm really happy. (Also moody and irrational, but you know.)

I've spoken to the doctor's union already and they say I can go to occupational health if I'm struggling, so I will if I have to - night shifts do fill me with dread, they were hard enough un-pregnant. I don't think I can get off that job entirely (nor do I want to, it's really good experience) but they may ease down my hours if I'm lucky (70-90hrs/week at times), and they may have to accept I'm not going to run for crash calls. I'd like to try and do as much normally for as long as possible though... medicine can be a bit oldfashioned and judgmental about stuff like this, though they shouldn't be :(

Congratulations squidkid! I was on a business trip when I found out, and couldn't tell anyone, not even DH I didn't want to break the news over Skype! It was so weird being in all these meetings and having conversations in between including one where a guy was talking about his newborn son(!) -- and not being able to say anything.

I also told my two best friends first -- one at work and one who lives in the States. I kept it from the rest of work until week 18 or so, except one line manager who I knew would have to make plans to replace me this spring and other things that would have to put in place right away. She was really understanding and showed me photos of her grandson :) She also ran interference for me when my complications started impacting my ability to work and she was able to get cover for me without breaking the news just yet. I'm in a high risk group for miscarriage, and I really didn't want to spread things around to people I'm not that close to until I could be reasonably sure things were going well.

Ugh, and I feel for you with wanting to work normally for as long as possible. Exactly my thoughts as well. I also work in a profession where hours like that are the norm, and I'm still reassuring people (I'm now 34 weeks) that I'll be in touch electronically during maternity leave. However, I really do counsel you to think realistically about your abilities while pregnant and think about putting in place what arrangements you can to make sure you use this time optimally and are prepared for contingencies. I have a thread here where I complain about not having any warning for the potential impact of the period of pregnancy itself (as opposed to caring for a baby) on my career, so I feel I really ought to say something! I'm still trying to figure out how much I was mislead by lack of advice and how much I'm just massively unlucky and falling into the "rare" category -- perhaps as doctor you'll have a better idea of what is the norm in pregnancy (and hey, if you do, could you let me know?).

And I'd say the weirdest thing about the secrecy thing is when people talk about things happening, oh, say 9-10 months in the future, and you're thinking inside "I won't be around then" but of course can't say anything! I actually ended up telling one person earlier than planned in the midst of a business trip where we (me, him, and the work friend who already knew) ended up discussing the continuation of the project next spring, when I knew I couldn't contribute, and I just couldn't stand to continue to mislead him... Then we got to be all cagey together when other people asked us about plans for next year :) (I recently got to explain at another meeting to the person we were talking to why we had been so weird! Funnily, I highly suspect my two male colleagues with whom I attended that meeting didn't realise I was pregnant, even though I thought it was pretty obvious at that point and had officially spread the news at work. So I was telling outsiders when the people who came with me probably didn't know.)

And now I'm rambling on, but it is a weird time before things are out!

Nice to meet you ardenbird

Oh, I can't imagine not being able to even tell the boyfriend, that must have been so strange. I tested on the day my period was due even though I was planning to wait for it to be at least a week late. I just felt so utterly different. I'm working in a GP practise at the moment so it was a moment of weakness, I got a pot out my drawer and a pregnancy test out of my cupboard (we have pretty sensitive ones at work) and just did it! Then I was like, oh well, it's not come up, well it is only the day of my period, and then about half a minute later a faint line came up - I could hardly believe it. It was actually the first pregnancy test I'd done in my life... one of my periods was a couple of days late the month before, but I didn't have a test to hand, and then my period arrived anyway. Like I said I meant to wait a week! Told the boyfriend... repeated it a few days later and it was strong as anything.

I'm really sorry you're struggling with the pregnancy. I'm a doctor yeah, but not an obstetrician or anything, so I only know the general things about pregnancy all doctors know. I think you have been quite unlucky, but I also think it's a rare woman who has a completely trouble free pregnancy. People also work different kinds of jobs, have different commitments, so pregnancies affect them in different ways.... I have friends who weren't working when they became pregnant and just slept all day for weeks (just a little bit jealous). I don't know myself how well I'll cope (or not). I feel like I've put myself in the best position I can (been on a bit of a fitness kick the last few years, been into healthy eating for even longer, I'm a good healthy weight, I didn't wait too long to try for kids) and the rest is just luck, isn't it. Things like a hiking holiday I'm supposed to be going on and this acute medical job... I'm just going to take it a week at a time and do what I can. I knew a doctor who was pregnant with twins (a tiny girl, become massive) .... I worked with her when she was 8 months pregnant and she was still in scrubs, rushing around on ward rounds, in theatre. The culture of work is a bit bad in medicine, I think. I've phoned the union and discussed my rights (the BMA, the doctor's union, is pretty hardcore, employers do not like getting on the wrong side of them) and I'll just see how things go. They have categorically stated they will have to make adaptations for me if I need it and they can't dock my pay for it.

Anyway now I'm rambling - excited, worried, writing rubbish at 6am on a saturday as usual. Best of luck with the last few (!) weeks - am off to read your other thread now.