43 years old , 1st baby and terrified

[littleredmonkey]

I am 43 years old today. Happy birthday me !! . Found out on Sunday I was going to be a mum for the first time. Only been trying since October 2011. I am terrified, in shock and cant process it. I am fit and healthy. Any support would be great. Is it normal I am feeling this way and not sure about what I am doing. I have a very supportive and excited partner of 21 years, who will do anything for me. We have spent the last 21 years happy and stress free. I just have an overwelming feeling of fear and would value others thoughts or have you been in the same boat as me.

This is SO normal please don't worry. I have 3 children, each wanted and planned for and I vividly remember an initial panic and oh my god what have I done with each of them. Really, really normal, sure others will be along to say the same. It is a big and very exciting thing! Take it easy for the next few weeks and process it, let it all sink in, it will be fine! And congratulations!!

Oh and happy birthday and happy valentines day! You should have done th test today!

Hello monkey, not much to offer except empathy. I'm expecting my first baby too and will be 39 when she comes, so not far behind you.

I suspect that I'm a lot more knackered that I might have been if I'd done this when I was 20, but it doesn't seem to be affecting the baby in any way IYSWIM!

Congrats on falling pregnant so quickly too, we were trying for a year. Anxiety and 'what have I done?' thoughts are totally normal at this stage.

And have a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Congratulations!

Yes its totally normal. It's a major event in your life so of course you're going to find it overwhelming.
You'll get lots of support here for every stage of it so try not to worry and enjoy

Hi there and many congratulations on your news xx I am 41 and 31 weeks pregnant with number 4 but with a 16 yr gap between my youngest and this one.
Yes it is scary whatever age and however many children you have, I think it is perfectly natural to go through a process of shock, uphoria, dread etc....I remember being pregnant with my first at 19 and being extremely upset and crying for ages. Then with this one at 41 I felt shocked and worried but like you said you are fit and healthy, have a loving, supportive partner and your baby is very much wanted. As time goes on you just go with the flow of pregnancy and all its ups and downs. This forum is a great place to get support and there are always people to answer questions and bounce stuff off of.
Congrats again and enjoy....your going to be a Mummy !!!!

befuzzled is exactly right, I have four and felt the same for a few days after seeing that positive test with all of them, they were all planned so it wasn't a panic over an unexpected baby, it's just normal jitters because you know your life will change so much. Soon you will just be nervous but excited.

Happy Birthday!!

Way-hay! congratulations!

1. Diet and exercise - keep fit and active, eat well, rest well and do gentle exercise (walking, swimming...)
2. Toughen up - you will get at least a million pieces of advice or waning stories every day.
3. Read up - but don't dwell on the 'what can go wrong' sections!
4. Look into the NCT - maybe there are classes of local clubs you can join for support
5. Don't panic! This is really great news!!!
6. Panic and fear is usual when you find out that you are pregnant - at any age.
7. Keep popping back on here for chats and advice. There is always someone around up for a chat.

Happy birthday and congratulations! I have been with my husband for 21 years (married for 17), finally took the plunge to try for a baby as we finally felt ready. Happened after a month of TTC (was 38 then), now at 39 am 31 weeks and feeling both terrified and elated at the same time. Wondering how we are both going to cope with another person entering into our relationship after 21 years?

What you have been feeling is perfectly normal, lots of hormones at work as well. All the best! :)

Thanks for support it really helps. I have been to the doctors and they have referred me to a midwife. What will happen next. I dont have any friends with babies. Only ever held one once and I was stiff as a board and gave it back to mum so very very limited understanding of the process.

Have a look on the NCT website. There may be a local branch you can join. Keep a list of any questions (no matter how daft you think they may be) to ask your midwife.

Have you your mum or MIL around?

Congratulations. And what correctmeifiamwrong said.
I know just what you mean with baby holding, I can remember being petrified I'd drop someone else's most precious ever wonder, way back before I was mummy random. But both the randomlets have turned out to be really quite sturdy! Do you still have a mum/MIL to chat to about this? Appreciate you may not want to tell them until you're safely past 12 weeks, but my mum was wonderful.

happy birthday! (I am also knocked up and celebrating my birthday today :o)

FWIW, I am still not a natural with other babies - but my own baby? well, the minute he was put in my arms, I knew what to do, somehow. And when your child reaches up to hold your hand (when they are a bit older), it feel right. In a way that other little hands never do.

I'm expecting DC2 now, and still having days of 'WTF are we doing?!'. DH actually wrote in my birthday card this morning 'Can't believe we're doing this all again. Are we senile already?!' We are both wondering if we will cope with DC2. We will, we have to - we did with DS, and still do! But the fear is always there!!

Good luck, and enjoy your birthday!

Congratulations, really exciting!

You sound really strong as a couple, so enjoy the adventure. terror and doubt are equally mixed with joy and excitement on most first pregnancies, I think.

I was 43 when I had my first baby, and my age wasn't an issue at all. And everyone in our NCT ante-natal group was almost 40 or over. We made some really good friends in that group, and were a great support for each other in the early days on maternity leave.

Take each stage as it comes - first trimester pg tends to make you fall asleep at 7.30pm, but in the second trimester that passes.

Happy Birthday and congratulations!

I had DD last year when I was 38, having TTC for 14 months and still the positive test was a total shock! I think it's normal to be a bit shocked as it is quite huge news!

I had had no experience whatsoever with babies but I've had no problems learning with DD. I like reading up on things, doing research and talking to people on here to get advice but at the end of the day many things come naturally. I don't know if you are an animal person, but at this stage DD is very much like another dog, cat or horse for me! Just fits in with the feeding, mucking out, entertaining, exercising and loving routine of everyone else!

Second what everyone said about joining the NCT - it really is invaluable to have a support network near the end and in the early days - I still meet up regularly with mine 7y later and one of the other couples are one of our best friends.

Anyway, all this comes further down the line - no need to rush ahead at this stage, just relax, pamper yourself (and maybe start sneaking a look at the cute baby clothes in shops!) - it seems like a huge mystery first time round but it will all become clear as time goes on. There is nothing really to do in the first 10 weeks or so (unless you want an early reassurance scan - you would normally have to book this yourself privately) - just wait for the midwife booking in appointment.

As for the handling small babies concern - this is also SO normal. I remember being terrified that my DP would break a baby as he had never even held one until the day our first one came out (I had younger brothers and sisters) and is really clumsy with massive hands! - you should have seen him at the birth though, it comes completely naturally, he changed the first nappy so tenderly I remember being amazed - he is still in charge of nappy-changing 7 years later as his big hands are much better at it!

I got pregnant at 43, baby was born when I was 44, it was a wonderful thing to happen. DC2 is due by elective Caesarian tomorrow . Hope all goes well.

Wow littleredmonkey! Congratulations on getting upduffed so quickly! Happy Birthday and Happy Valentines Day!! Have some and a nice Do you know how many weeks you are?

I am 42 and 22 weeks into first ever pregnancy. Of course it?s natural to feel shocked and terrified, especially as you?ve managed to get a BFP so quickly. Firstly relax. You have a very supportive and excited partner of 21 years to rely on and share your exciting journey, so you?re very lucky. I thought I was really old to be a first time Mum, but the local hospital just laughed when I told them that as apparently I?m in the younger range of old!!

There is a lot of very negative press out there about being pregnant in your late 30s and 40s. Ignore it. Turn those negative stories on their heads; 78% of pregnancies in our age group don?t end in MC. The risk of Downs is higher, but then the tests are thorough and sophisticated these days?

You?ll have a booking appointment with the Midwife between 8-10 weeks. She?ll take a detailed medical history, do some bloods, and have a general chat. Takes about an hour or so. Then you?ll have the 12 week scan.

I?m in the same position as you. We were abroad when our friends were having babies 10 years ago, so we missed out on that. Great idea to check out NCT events. How about a local Mumsnet group? Can you meet up with some Mums through that so you can get some practice? No real hurry for that though.

Instead of worrying and feeling frightened, try practicing the mantra I learnt from my 40 something friends on our TTC thread; ?for today I am pregnant?. You can quietly congratulate yourself as each day and week passes. I kept a counter going on my BB with a reminder every day saying how many days had passed and how many to go. You?re fit and healthy and have a lot going for you!

herecomesthesun good luck with your caesarean tomorrow.

There aren?t any threads at the mo specifically for preggers 40 somethings as far as I know, and I do think there?s a good call for one, (especially if it's your first in your 40s) so maybe you?ve kicked one off with this?

Good luck, enjoy the journey, and hope you are celebrating everything with style tonight!! Hope to hear from you again. FF xx

Congratulations - enjoy!

Congratulations! I too had my first baby at 44, my DH and I had been together for 15 years. Things are certainly different now but I wouldn't change a thing. One regret is that I didn't enjoy my pregnancy because I was so worried about everything, so try and enjoy yours if you can. It may be exhausting but there are lots of advantages to being older parents, you will love every second I am sure.

I am 43 and would love, love, love another baby but am unable to.

Congratulations and good luck to you. Keep us posted

Hi to everyone who has kindly taken the time to answer back. I have just read through all the posts with my partner and we are both extremely grateful by all the kind words and helpful advice. I dont feel like i am the only person to feel like this. :). going to attempt an early night and hope I dont spend the evening bolt awake like I have the last two evenings. Thanks x

Hi littleredmonkey Congratulations!
It's totally normal to be shocked. I'm 42 and on my first also. I was very shocked too but that wore off quickly and I'm now delighted!
I just want to wish you all the best, keep posting!

litteredmonkey - wonderful news, thanks for sharing it. Life takes such incredible turns sometimes.

Good luck with your delivery tomorrow herecomesthesun!

I think it is pretty normal. I felt really terrified when I was pregnant. I think that some of the people who aren't terrified have more a shock when the baby arrives!
A new baby is a big deal. However the good thing is that you are only at the start a long journey to the arrival of an actual baby. All you need to do now is look after yourself in the early stages of pregnancy. I think your mind adjusts to the whole thing as you get more and more pregnant.
Congratulations!

You have the most wonderful magical time ahead. Congratulations. Lots of friends around me have had first babies in their 40 s and they seem to be doing just fine with it. Itvis an incredibly special phase f life and just think how lucky that it has happened so easily for you. As an older mum I can safely say nothing so far in life compares to the sheer wonder of motherhood......I have not missed my career at all and most of the time relish this time.....and you have it all to come.....the best life has to offer IMO.good luck with the pregnancy.