Choosing not to breast feed

[olympicnic]

Hi

I am new to Mumsnet but really wanted to get some advice. I am 24 weeks pg and have decided not to breast feed. I've made this decision because its what I feel will be best for me, my husband and baby and because I have an active job which I'll have to return to quickly after the baby is born.

I am worried about what the MW's will say to me when I tell them of my decision as I have heard stories of them being forceful, refusing to give information etc... does anyone have any experience of this?

Also... I know that I'll have to take my own formula, bottles etc into hospital but everything you read says that after the birth baby is encouraged to feed/latch on. Does this mean that I should be giving him/her a bottle straight after giving birth?? Will I be given help to prepare it?

Any experience/advice is very gratefully recieved as I am sure you'll have already guessed but this is my first baby and I am more than a little scared!

I can't offer you any specific advice on forumla feeding as I didn't, but the stories of midwives pressuring people into breastfeeding were certainly not my experience.

Everyone, and I mean everyone, I saw ante and post natally with both pregnancies has assumed I was not breastfeeding/intending to breastfeed.

I wouldn't worry too much about militant midwives. Just say you will be formula feeding, and if questioned on that just say 'breastfeeding is not an option for me' - you don't have to say why.

YF it's a shame that people don't get the right help and don't understand how and why breastmilk is better.

I had support from MWs in the hospital and do understand how and why breastmilk is better. I FF. I have my reasons, as detailed upthread. Please understand that there are a lot of people who FF even though they know and understand the benefits of breastmilk.

There are so many articles in the press about feeding, & there have been some that say babies are exposed to too much sugar & salt, not enough vitamins & alergies through the mothers breast milk, the most recent article claims that this causes childhood obiesity! While I am not a person who believes everything she reads, I see no problem with allowing a parents to make up their own minds guilt free. Raising babies & children is subject where people have different views & I believe the best way to do this is to do what you comfortable, government & NHS guidelines are there to guide but don't suit every mum & baby. The best mum is a happy confident mum. I'm afraid I don't agree with the view that ff babies just drink & drink formula even after they are full, my dd never did.. I could'nt force her to drink more than she wanted too.

I found bf really really hard, didn't help that I had no let down and nearly a 10 lb baby. I lasted 6 weeks before moving to formula.

Another shout for giving your baby colostrum it brilliant stuff, then move onto formula at a later date.

"I wonder how often it is breastfeeding per se that makes a mother depressed (ie that it is so all-consuming) and how often the depression comes as a result of problems with bf (eg sore nipples, fears about baby's weight). I bf and had pnd but I don't think the two were connected."

Oh no, I don't think a good bf relationship would have made me remotely depressed - the contrary. I longed for one! My son had horrible problems and it was agony, and I do mean, agony. Imagine someone slamming your nipple in a door frame repeatedly for a solid 15 minutes every 2-3 hours type agony. But a lot of women do have problems, and persist because they keep being told it will resolve. And often it doesn't, and they feel horrendous (though I accept the rewards for those who persist and end up very happily feeding are great, too). And it's hard to love someone torturing you - so guilt over that factors in, too. I think I expressed so much as long as I did because I began to feel my milk was all I could offer him. A friend was actually told by a HV, "your sole purpose in life right now is to feed your child!" so i was lucky in having a wonderful one who actually tried to gently suggest I let go of trying to feed. But by then I was too enmeshed with BF supporters trying to encourage me to continue. They did me no favours, and even more importantly, did my son no favours either. It's like saying a bad marriage is what causes depression, not marriage per se. Well, that's completely true, but most people agree that people leave bad marriages. If you access help to BF, you are immediately subjected to enormous pressure not to give up. That pressure is exceedingly unhelpful.

Incidentally, though anecdote is obviously worthless, I agree: myself and DS are asthmatic and have eczema. My ff brother has neither. And I know, had I ff, I'd have blamed myself for that.

In the final analysis ff babies almost always do just fine. It isn't the end of the world. Breast is best, but ff is good enough.

I am breastfeeding but I know my hospital provides little disposable bottles and teats but not milk and they ask you to bring cartons not powder. I was in a minority on my ward as a bfing mum, everyone else was bottle feeding and the midwives didn't bat an eyelid or lecture any of them.

I am returning to work quite quickly (12 weeks), bfing is possible if you're determined and ok with expressing.

Yes there are bf benefits etc but like someone else on this thread I have a PhD and was totally bottle fed.

Do what is best for you

My son was treated by Mervyn Griffiths, who is the consultant who advises the WHO on babies with tongue tie and other oral abnormalities. He was lovely to me - said yes, BF is important and he'd not work in the field he does were it not. But as he was himself ff, as all kids from better-off families were of his generation (the faster weight gain was believed to indicate superiority, and it was an era when they thought science trumped nature) he couldn't say he felt it held him back! He said ff was fine as an alternative, if Bf was difficult or just unwelcome. His aim is to help women who want to (and in our case, he helped DS drink from a bottle, which was a problem before).

My MIL was breastfed and born at home in the 1940s because her family were very poor, and her mother saw both as a mark of shame. Ironic, given the implications for those choices now. Her elder brother was the only one to be ff, and despite that became a university lecturer when both parents were manual workers. Neither of his sisters achieved anything like that (though you then get into gendered parenting, which is a whole 'nother can of worms).

Midwifes are encouraged to promote BFing, so be prepared for lots of folders, a big section about BF-ing in the NHS handbook, and undoubtedly the HV or the MW will want to talk you through the benefits at some point. They're not judging you (I hope), just giving you the information you need to make your own choice, so I'd say listen, take it in, and make up your own mind.

You also have option #3, which is mixed feeding. Obviously it has its own downsides, but perhaps something to consider as well.

I didn't plan to breast feed my DD, we bought everything in preparation for bottle feeding. when I informed my midwife of this she said to me " but you seem such a kind intelligent girl"!!!
As it turns out i gave it a go and loved it and fed her until she turned two! I really didn't think I would take to it so it came as a bit of a surprise! I suppose what I am saying is who knows what you may feel when cradling your baby in your arms!

I assumed I'd be exclusively breast-feeding DD until she arrived and was too dozy/unwilling to latch on, so had to hurriedly invest in all sorts of ff equipment. In the end, we mix-fed to start with and were eventually able to move to full breast feeding (which was what I wanted) so your options remain open for a bit, in case you end up changing your mind as lolalotta did.

Good luck whatever you ultimately end up doing! The main thing is that you're comfortable with it and your baby thrives.

I was also in the minority in September when I breastfed. My hospital provided both milk and bottles in both the maternity ward and on the kids ward (son was readmitted as wasnt gaining weight.)