Choosing not to breast feed

[olympicnic]

Hi

I am new to Mumsnet but really wanted to get some advice. I am 24 weeks pg and have decided not to breast feed. I've made this decision because its what I feel will be best for me, my husband and baby and because I have an active job which I'll have to return to quickly after the baby is born.

I am worried about what the MW's will say to me when I tell them of my decision as I have heard stories of them being forceful, refusing to give information etc... does anyone have any experience of this?

Also... I know that I'll have to take my own formula, bottles etc into hospital but everything you read says that after the birth baby is encouraged to feed/latch on. Does this mean that I should be giving him/her a bottle straight after giving birth?? Will I be given help to prepare it?

Any experience/advice is very gratefully recieved as I am sure you'll have already guessed but this is my first baby and I am more than a little scared!

This post has made me feel so much better about my decision not so BF, thank you!!

Your timing is perfect, I'm 35 weeks now and feel really guilty & selfish about not wanting to BF. I've not even told my DH how i feel. I am going to make sure baby gets the colostrum, then I'm going to go onto bottles.

I know this is not really advice but i just wanted to say Thank You! I feel better reading all the comments. :)

I ff'd but did bf initially and while in hospital. Before your milk comes in it is really easy so you may enjoy it and surprise yourself.

My midwife told me it "was a shame" I had stopped bf'ing dd2 but I said it wasn't she was fine. That was the end of any pressure from anyone and tbf that was probably me being touchy.

You do need to find out what they do on your labour ward though. Ask your midwife or take a hospital tour if there is one and ask then. They provided bottles and sterilised teats at one hospital around here and nothing at another so you need t be prepared.

It is possible that you will enjoy bf so much you won't want to stop, but equally you might be eager to give up - still great to give some at the start if at all possible.

As *igggi" said. Why does it all have to be set in stone? You may enjoy bf, you may not. Some women find it tremendously easy, others struggle. Every baby-mother partnership is different. You don't have to ff just because you are going back to work early, by the way.

I personally would keep an open mind. Many women including myself have mixed fed successfully.

I have nothing against BF Mums, as DD (now 15months) has cow's milk after having been breast-fed for 13.5months (i'm now 25weeks with DC2) BUT I think seeing all the benefits from breastfeeding for mother & child - it's atleast worth a try. Once again I will not say a bad word about BF mums, but when you have natually ready-made milk made specifically for your child, why refuse? When it comes to work - there are always options.

Before having my DD, I was a bit apprehensive, but once i tried it - i never regretted my choice, I believe thats what suited my baby &myself, so whatever you decide, it's got to suit you.

Good luck.

P.s: Colostrum is liquid gold :)

I'm 29 weeks and have chosen to bf for the first week, mixed with formula, and then by 2 weeks be on just formula, I have DS1 already and with him I bf for 6 weeks, but he was also mixed with formula as he would be on me for an hour and then a 6 ounce bottle! Was proved that even if I expressed I was lucky to get 2 ounce in a bottle! So wasn't producing enough, I also found it extremely painful.agony infact. And I'm ff after 2 weeks due to past history of it and same as u with work.

I had horrdenous pain for the first 10 weeks, but chose to carry on. the more you feed, the more your body produces. I know some people have problems, but they're always things to try :)

I think it just all depends on the individual baby and what they take to

A fixated determination to breastfeed (my son had oral abnormalities and I ended up expressing everything he drank until he was 8 months old. I was bonkers) triggered severe PND and failure to bond.

I'll try breastfeeding again if I have a second, but if they have the same oral problem, like hell I will. Breastmilk is best, but not having a severely depressed mother is better. You know your own body and baby, and though I hope so much it does go swimmingly this time (my own Mum couldn't breastfeed my older brother and breastfed me with ease from day one - she said I was born knowing how to feed, and he just couldn't get the hang and nor could she, so it can happen) if it doesn't, don't be bullied. It's not as if any of the people expressing views have their own boobs in the equation - let alone their own mental health.

I don't think some people realise quite how soul-destroying a bad feeding relationship with your child can be. It crops up a lot on threads where women feel they've failed to bond with their babies, and I'm not surprised. There is far more to motherhood, and while it matters on a whole population level, the difference on an individual child level is pretty negligible. You have to weigh it against what will be best for your other child, your marriage, and your own mental health. I completely hear what you're saying and it does sound similar to how I'd approach the same situation.

Incidentally BF on MN tends to mean breastfeed - FF is formula feed. Not that it matters, but if someone talks about BF and means bottle it may cause confusion.

I feel a bit sad seeing a poster say she wasn't producing enough milk to feed her baby, based on how little she was able to express - I don't think how much you can express is anything to do with how much milk you are actually producing.

I do feel bad for Mums who have feelings of failure if it doesnt work out. If you tried your best then thats all you could have done. a family member of mine was devastated that her baby couldnt breastfeed from her as he had cleph palate, but could take very tiny amounts of expressed - however his weight gain plummeted. So its really just all down to the individual i think?

I agree with perfectstorm it made me feel very upset that I wasn't able to brestfeed my baby enough due to limited milk production. I tried my best but felt as though I failed him, found it very upsetting. But I've now realised there is plenty of other stuff u can do to bond with your baby,cuddle them, hold them skin to skin. I thought to myself when I had to stop breastfeeding, my body had already done so much, itd brought him into the world safely and healthy, got him from being into a tiny cell to a beautiful baby. That made me feel loads better. Only a mother can choose what's best for her and her baby so do as you please, don't let others (mw) make you think otherwise! :)

I'll be honest, and say I felt more a failure trying to BF than I have ever done now I am FF. The sadness I felt on hearing my baby's tummy rumbling still after nearly two hours on the boob broke my heart. Some find it easy, some find it hard but enjoy the challenge. I just couldn't do it past the first 3 days.

Incidentally my understanding is that midwives are actually not allowed to give info on formula feeding as it's against NICE guidelines - but all the midwives at my birthing unit said they resented mothers who pretended they wanted to breastfeed to placate an imagined prejudice, because they were absolutely aware that a perfectly good mother may choose to bottle feed and they were busy. They'd rather spend the time supporting a mother who needed/wanted help with latching on etc. And hospitals have pre-done bottles of formula where all you need is to screw the top on and away you go - not that it matters as a newborn won't drink that quantity.

Newborns only need colostrum and if yours won't or doesn't latch well you can usually draw some off with a syringe (no needle, I hasten to add!) I had to with mine due to his mouth issues. The colostrum is a great start to life, so I think if possible try that one. But I'd not faff with expressing at all. It will only demoralise (there's no link at all between how much milk a baby can get out and how much a machine can. Breastfeeding is very hormonal as well as physical). Try to breastfeed by all means, but have a crate of pre-prepared liquid formula in the house and Milton tablets and water. You can move to powdered formula when you have the energy to work out the latest guidelines. And remember, this one may take to breast like a duck to water! You never know. And if they don't, well, as one lovely midwife said to me, "God, don't die in a ditch over it, people getting all militant should see the babies in NICU...."

its nice to know that mums net is out there to help me with my concerns!

Don't worry... soon enough I'll start a thread and expect you to give a smart response

The midwives in my post natal ward were absolutely delighted with the formula feeding mums because they got to hold the babies and help with the feeding. I was only only weirdo trying to breastfeed and they left me to it.

37 + 5 with dc3... With dd1 I felt lots of pressure from mw's to bf & I did try in the hospital, I thought she was happily feeding away but mw came back to say she had'nt latched on, Id had an emergency c-section so finding a comfortable position was hard, the mw sugested laying baby beside me but it was scarey I felt she was going to fall out of the bed & I could do nothing to stop her. They sugested giving her a bottle & then try bf when we got home but by the time I got home 3 days later my milk had stopped !!
dd2 was in SCBU for over 4 months & I was bullied into trying to express which I did try for weeks at home & in the hospital but can honestly say I never produced more than a few drops at a time... The nursing staff were horrible & made me feel a failiure. This time I am not even attempting as I really don't think my body is made for it.. each pregnancy my boobs (sadly) never grow any bigger, I never leak milk before hand & after the birth leakage is so minimal, my mum was the same too!! Some may say what a cop out but it is my body & my baby!!! I can honestly say my dd1 is 1 of the most healthy 9 year olds I know, she is very rarely poorly, has no alergies & was entirely bottle fed!! (Bottles were also made up 6 at a time & kept in the fridge...but thats another arguement!!)
I can not abide all this breast is best arguement... there is no evidence to back up that claim.. I know children who were breast fed & have untold alergies, catch every bug going & I also know bottle fed children to be the same. Do what you want to do with your baby & don't let anyone make you feel guilty for your choices.

Belle, is it at all possible that your milk hadn't even come in yet? I think Midwives just need more training, how much milk were they expecting you to have on day 1 and 2?!

I had no leakage before I gave birth but produced oodles of milk through pumping (baby in scbu too) - did they provide you with hospital pump and help you with hand expressing?

Breast is not just best it is normal and there is plenty of evidence to show that breastmilk is better for babies. don't want to get into a bunfight as I think it's up to the individual to choose what they want to do but it's a shame that people don't get the right help and don't understand how and why breastmilk is better.

All I would say is keep an open mind, but be prepared with ready made bottles that come with the teats and everything - boots sell boxes of them - no need to make life harder for yourself.

I tried my hardest to bf, but for a variety of issues, I couldn't, I felt awful about it, really awful, perhaps if I'd been a bit more forward thinking like you, I could have prepared myself! Anyway, I expressed for 12 weeks, which was blinking hard work, but helped me deal with my "guilt" !!! Self-imposed guilt as a result of some unhelpful comments from health visitors, who didn't actually help much in supporting bf in the first place! I was however glad that I had given dd the important stuff in the first few weeks.

I felt sad about not being able to bf for a long while until one helpful hv pointed out that they don't put the children in separate lines on their first day of school according to if they'd been bf'd!

My dd is doing very well, she has been the least sickly out of all my friends who b'fd! I'll be having DC2 in a few months and although I'd like to try and bf, I will be taking bottles with me - getting them fed is the important thing, whatever works for you!

If you feed baby colostrum but intend to stop when the milk comes in, you should be aware how enormous and painful your breasts will be when that happens. If you stop feeding at that point then it will take a while for your body to stop producing milk.

Could have been reasons but with dd1 the ward was so short staffed there just was'nt the support to help, to me she looked like she had latched on & was very happy but was left for about half an hour & when auxillary nurse came back she said dd had'nt. I was in so much pain I could'nt even lift her to adjust position or change breast.. whole stay was a nightmare due to lack of staff & how rude they were. With dd2.. I tried a home expressing kit & the units machine...( bit like a dairy farm milking machine) & honestly tried for about 4 weeks.. the stress was horrendous & after breaking down during a chat with a consultant he actually told me not to worry as I had enough to worry about & that the formula was serving her just as well as breast milk would. I am not anti bf, I think it is another amazing thing that womens bodies can do but it's not for me & some people can be really quite nasty when you admit that which I don't think is very useful.

"I can not abide all this breast is best arguement... there is no evidence to back up that claim"

I'm not prepared to get into a bunfight either, but unfortunately the facts are that breast is best for baby and mum. I would support anyone's decision not to bf, but make sure you know your facts. Anecdotal evidence is not enough.

Breast is best, no doubt about that and there's lots of research saying as much - unless bf makes a woman depressed. Which it can do. PND isn't great for babies (or other children) either, and in fact is arguably rather worse than formula. It has to be about balance.

I wonder how often it is breastfeeding per se that makes a mother depressed (ie that it is so all-consuming) and how often the depression comes as a result of problems with bf (eg sore nipples, fears about baby's weight). I bf and had pnd but I don't think the two were connected.

If you are going to bottle feed then you can help avoid the latter life obesity problems by learning just how big your baby's stomach actually is. A newborn baby has a stomache the size of a marble and it increases to the size of a walnut over a couple of days.

When I was on the neo-natal ward I saw new mums with ounces and ounces of formula in bottles. Babies don't have the same 'full' response that adults have, and their instinct is to keep suckling if there is a teat with liquid flowing in their mouth and their tummies will stretch if over-filled. Breastfed babies have an automatic cut-off, ff babies don't have the same thing, which can lead to over-eating and obesity problems.

Also remember that it is the formula powder which is not sterile, that's why you need to use just boiled water. A lot of people seem to think it's the water that needs sterilising.