how in control of my own pregnancy can I be, or do the NHS own my body now?

[himynameisfred]

I'm 20 weeks pregnant and have just had my fourth scan done privately, have spent over £350 on scans now to assure me, and I'm not rich at all.
I've gone to this trouble because of the NHS doctors. gynacologists scaring the crap out of me, talking about fetal dwarfism, saying I'm only measuring 12-15 weeks, etc.
They decided this from poking my belly a lot and measuring my belly (not the baby), and the fact that I can't digest food much and I'm anemic.
I had the same health problems 2 years ago when having my son and I went through so much stress and trouble getting to weekly consultant scans because they thought the baby was small. Every scan showed my baby was perfect, but every consultant appointment they said my baby is likely small.
They said possibly too small and weak for a homebirth.
I had a homebirth (had to fight for it) and he was 7lb13, perfect, and no health problems, all my pregnancy they caused me stress and worry saying the baby may not be getting what he needs (because of my digestive issues)

At my 40 minute (!!) scan yesterday with the private clinic they told me my baby was perfectly sized and perfectly formed.
Infact she's a week ahead for her measurements now, she's thriving.

The NHS want me under a consultant because the baby likely has fetal dwarfism because my belly is small (I litterally want to laugh and tell them to shut up now) if I was a first time mum I'd be crying with worry, thank god I know them measuring my belly is massively flawed and they shouldnt be stressing mothers out like this).
I just want to tell them to eff off this time really.

I'm happy, the gynacologist I've had 4 scans from from the private clinic is happy, my baby is certainly healthy.
Why don't the NHS just do me a favour and STFU?

They've really put me off going to any appointments when they just try and scar ethe crap out of me telling me my baby's probably not okay :(

If you baby had problems (luckily it looks like it doesn't and I hope everything goes perfectly) would you go private for all her healthcare?!! I'm assuming no, people make mistakes and air on the side of caution to prepare maybe, the NHS are severely over stretched so sometimes give worse case senario maybe? I dunno. I don't work in the NHS, but I know they do a bloody good job with the resources they have. Dealing with angry and sometimes violent people who abua them when they are trying to help. How would you feel I'd they missed a problem in your pregnancy? They are maybe being cautions? I don't think they deserve so much of a bashing. We would be on our knees without them

eh?

the nhs said they had some concerns, you went for a private scan baby is fine

what is the problem?

the problem is that they still want me under a consultant weekly, and I'm worried they give me the same greif as last time, even after every scan proves my baby is fine, just keep worrying me and telling me it's small when it's not, and getting in my way of having a homebirth.
Getting to the consultant is a days work and I will have to take my toddler and disabled 4 yr old with me, hospital trips are hell trust me.
I'm not overly keen on unecessary ones, where they talk crap to me saying it's small when it's not.

Have you shown the NHS people you're seeing the reports from these private appointments? I don't understand why you feel the NHS owns your body. If you don't want the extra care then refuse it. They're trying to look after you and they do get things wrong. WHy are they so concerned with bump size though? I had no bump at 20 weeks, and I only started being measured at 28 weeks. Any earlier is pointless surely?

Hi fred - I really understand how frustrating that must be. Some protocols do seem outdated and not all doctors are deeply experienced in 'non standard' situations, so will often jump to the worse-case scenario. It sounds like you don't conform to expectations about fundal height etc. and have a range of risk factors but your babies are just fine. I suppose my question would be why you don't get the more detailed monitoring/diagnosis on the NHS, and why you have to take a private route to get answers.

Leaving that aside, on a practical note, can you take detailed notes from the private scan to your next NHS appointments so they inform the conversation and head off any incorrect speculation? Can the consultant supervising the private sonographer (or the sonographer, not sure who) write a letter to your NHS doctor clearly outlining the findings? Every time I have been for a private appt for anything my GP always gets a letter from the consultant explaining the findings, which means they are at the same starting point.

The main thing is you know all is well, which is fantastic. It would be a shame to miss your NHS appointments as they are a good opportunity to get other things monitored. If you can calmly explain that you've been reassured that dwarfism etc. isn't an issue, and present your NHS doctor with the evidence, it's most likely to change the conversation.

It's either small or it's not. I don't understand where the confusion is coming from. Why are you under consultant care? Is there a genetic reason to suspsect dwarfism? It seems an odd thing to worry about if all the scan measurements are fine.

You don't have to go to consultant appointments.

Surely the private monographer and the NHS sonographer would reach the same conclusions. The measurements are either small and concerning or they aren't.

I spent so much time in tears with worry over them being 'over cautious' last time.
I just want it to be my choice.

Does anyone know what stunts they can pull if you refuse to be under a consultant?
Can they call child protection services on you?

sonographer

Yes, all scans have always shown my baby's are fine, I don't know why on earth doctors and consultants keep measuring my belly and saying it's small, the baby's likely small, etc etc etc

Are you from the US? Child protection and gynaocologists have me wondering. Not that it's at all relevant. To me it sounds liek there are massive miscommunications going on. You need to clearly ask what their concerns are. If yu can prove that they are unfounded then you should be discharged from consultant led care. But if you were considered high risk last time, and (again forgive the assumption) you also have a disabled 4 year old, then I would think treatign this as also high risk would be standard.

All doctors, my consultant (for digestive issues), hospital gynacologist (I saw after fainting), and GP have said my belly is too small, so I need to see a consultant weekly (hasnt began yet).

There's no dwarvism or genetic issues.

The hospital gynacologist came out with some idea of fetal dwarvism.
They just assume the baby is small because I have nutrient deficiencies.

The gynacologist at the clinic yesterday told me about a famine in some country and how there were actually no affects on the unborn babies from it, he said my baby is fine and he doesnt see why it would be affected.

Fred - I think you might be getting a bit worked up over nothing. You can refuse any antenatal care, in fact you never have to see a midwife for the whole pregnancy if you don't want to. Social services aren't going to get involved under any circumstances around how you manage your current pregnancy.

Objectively, you are under NHS care that is taking your condition seriously, and in many ways that's a great thing. It would be worse if you had a range of issues and no one was doing anything about it. You have had a traumatic and stressful experience in this pregnancy and the last, so it's understandable the mixed messages are upsetting you.

However, there isn't actually anything bad happening here that I can see. As above, talk to your NHS consultant about the results of the private scans, and calmly ask why the results differ. The NHS and private consultant would have had the same training, even if they are able to take a different approach to monitoring (the NHS can't afford to do some things that can be done privately). I think you're at risk of alientating people who have your best interests at heart, even if their way of going about it is a bit alarming.

Could you not go to your first NHS consultant's appointment with a detailed note from your private consultant explaining his findings and explain the situation? That way the NHS consultant will either be convinced there is no need for further appointments (I am sure the NHS is not looking to spend money on you for no good reason!), or will be able to explain why he is still worried despite the private scan results.

no 'gynacologist' is the name of the professional seeing me in the hospital, and perhaps 'child protection' isnt the correct sname for SS I don't know.

My 4 yr old having severe autism I don't think is relevant to pregnancy.

I was 'high risk' last time because they thought the baby was small, it was a joke really, as every scan )had about 15 of them) showed the baby was fine.
They just kept saying my belly was small.

So much stress for nothing. Literally entire days spent at that hospital to catch 10 minutes witha consultant.
If you knew what affect entire days in hospital have on autistic child.. it's an incredible amount of stress, honestly

Everyone I know who has measured small has then had a scan to check have you not been offered this by the NHS?

Do you mean obstetrician? I don't see why you're seeing so many people who seemingly aren;t directly involved with pregnancy? ANd again, belly size at 20 weeks is so varied as to be negligable surely? With my ds I was huge at that point, with this one I still was in non maternity clothes. It's the fetal size that matters, not yours. I think the problem here is too many non pregnancy related professionals sticking their oar in.

Thank you, I will go to the consultant appointment when it comes through armed with all my growth scans, proving she's fine and try and stand up for myself.

It is communication issues, I'm so crap at communicating, honestly.

Actually fuckity you have a point, my midwife didn't even start measuring me until 30+ weeks. Why are they measuring you now?

yes, I measured small every week throughout the last pregnany (I was 32 weeks in size at 40 weeks)
and every week I would have an NHS scan and they would tell me he was fine and a good size).
They said all this is going to happen again, I don't mind scans but the entire days spent in hospital are the problem.

They refered to him as a gynacologist at peterborough city hospital, weird huh, the 'specialist' who sees you about anything pregnancy related because they let you leave. He informed me my baby was a midget.
I would have been devastated if I hadn't been through this rubbish before and known they could be wrong.

I see many different health people because I'm anemic and deficient of a few things because I can't digest food.

I think you're right, my GP telling me the baby (yesterday morning) only seems the size of a 15 week old fetus (after feeling my tummy) is just a bit silly really. Later that day a scan showed she's 20+5 days in size!

I'm just stressed

probably because my (own personal body) weight isn't following their charts how it should.

Well then they have cause to be concerned really. If you can't digest food then one of the things that may be affected is fetal growth. And remember, they're looking after you as well as the baby. If you can't digest food and you have a pregnancy on top of that, you do need careful monitoring, for the sake of you and the baby. It sounds to m that all the people looking after you just need to talk to each other, and you need to make it clear that the baby's size is fine, it's you that's a bit small.

What do you mean when you say you can't digest food though? Eating disorder, stomach problem? The very fact that they're weighing and measuring you seems to indicate to me that there is much more going on here.