how in control of my own pregnancy can I be, or do the NHS own my body now?

[himynameisfred]

I'm 20 weeks pregnant and have just had my fourth scan done privately, have spent over £350 on scans now to assure me, and I'm not rich at all.
I've gone to this trouble because of the NHS doctors. gynacologists scaring the crap out of me, talking about fetal dwarfism, saying I'm only measuring 12-15 weeks, etc.
They decided this from poking my belly a lot and measuring my belly (not the baby), and the fact that I can't digest food much and I'm anemic.
I had the same health problems 2 years ago when having my son and I went through so much stress and trouble getting to weekly consultant scans because they thought the baby was small. Every scan showed my baby was perfect, but every consultant appointment they said my baby is likely small.
They said possibly too small and weak for a homebirth.
I had a homebirth (had to fight for it) and he was 7lb13, perfect, and no health problems, all my pregnancy they caused me stress and worry saying the baby may not be getting what he needs (because of my digestive issues)

At my 40 minute (!!) scan yesterday with the private clinic they told me my baby was perfectly sized and perfectly formed.
Infact she's a week ahead for her measurements now, she's thriving.

The NHS want me under a consultant because the baby likely has fetal dwarfism because my belly is small (I litterally want to laugh and tell them to shut up now) if I was a first time mum I'd be crying with worry, thank god I know them measuring my belly is massively flawed and they shouldnt be stressing mothers out like this).
I just want to tell them to eff off this time really.

I'm happy, the gynacologist I've had 4 scans from from the private clinic is happy, my baby is certainly healthy.
Why don't the NHS just do me a favour and STFU?

They've really put me off going to any appointments when they just try and scar ethe crap out of me telling me my baby's probably not okay :(

The doctor told me my baby is too small to hear a heartbeat, I informed him I'd heard it before, he put the doppler to my belly and we heard it.

It probably is all just confusion from all the different people involved with me being faint and going to hospital for other reasons and such.

Gynaecologist is what my mother always calls the baby doctor, does it make any difference?

I think you've had a strong reaction here, I'm not sure why. It sounds like you are having very strange and potentially slapdash care. The NHS being overstretched isn't a reason for telling you that your baby might have a condition based on measuring your belly alone. Have you had an NHS scan at all?

Mixed messages and poor communication from health care professionals seems like a bad thing to me! Where is this "fetal dwarfism" coming from? I feel you need some more facts. It doesn't seem sensible to worry you given that you are stressed and have a child with SN which is presumably stressful enough (as is pregnancy for many of us).

I wonder if you just don't really know why you are high risk? I was sent to a Consultant after my 12 week scan and no one told me why or explained why I had even been referred, even when I asked. They need to communcate more clearly with you and you need to tell them this.

They've been investigating for 2 years, why I can't digest food.

I like eating when I can, sorry, we don't have a conclusion yet, but food doesn't stay in me long.

I'm going to bow out of this as I'm getting confused. By your own admission you have halth issues that require close monitoring yet you seem to think you're being villified. And at before 20 weeks, very few people would listen for a fetal heart, that is correct. I think you're takign the word 'small' here, as regards the fetus, out of context.

I can see your frustration, if they are constantly telling you that you're measuring small, and then scanning to check and saying "oh it's fine".

Would you feel comfortable simply saying "yes I always measure small, but I've been scanned recently so there's no need for a scan to check thanks so I'll be on my way now" or similar?

Yeah, it is confusing.

No NHS scan yet, as they went off of the private dating scan, then have felt my belly (during hospital admissions and such) and told me it's small, repeatedly.

Perhaps when the 'pregnancy' consultant eventually gets in touch it might be a releif to get a few things straightened out.

I don't think OP feels villified, just very very confused surely? I would be annoyed at this sort of poor communication, honestly.

yes I think so bramshott, I should just say that.

At least this time it has all happened before, so I can say it's typical for my belly not to be growing much.

Basically my digestive issues get worse with pregnany, so I lose fat more and more, even though my baby is growing my belly doesn't much.

The scans are the fun bits, but you have to sit in the waiting room for around 2 hours after for the consultant to come and sign a bit of paper, etc, then there's all the travel..

I'll just tell the consultant it's all happened before, I'm losing body fat, please stop telling me my baby might not be okay, she's fine, keeps proving she's fine in scans, etc etc
Every two weeks for a scan would be reasonable maybe :)

Thanks for your support anyway :)

Can you transfer fred? I don't know where you're based but my mum had all 5 of her dc in Kings Lynn despite being closer to Peterborough. District always did have a shitty reputation.

I could actually, transfer to Grantham, (it's nearer) do you know if they're any good? (there is a direct bus there, not 3 for each way as with pboro)

Perhaps being a smaller hospital might help.

Ahh we'll see how it goes anyway, I'm stressing myself out.