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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

The 'planned or unplanned' question on the midwife booking in form?

37 replies

alittlesurprise · 17/01/2012 16:20

It's probably early days to consider this, but:

I'm 35 years old and I've just found out I'm pregnant (maybe about 4 weeks) with DC2, it's a bit of a surprise. My DH and I got carried away during the christmas holidays and I thought I was pretty early on in my cycle so threw caution to the wind. A couple of days later I realised I was ovulating and I've suspected it since then.

We're both pleasantly surprised as we had hell of a job conceiving our first child and we were thinking of trying for a second later in the year. I've just started taking a pregnancy vitamin supplement and eating healthily and hoping that side of things will be ok.

Obviously (and I know from prior experience) I may not get that far but on the form, what should I answer? Is it planned or unplanned? Technically, I know it's unplanned, but we are both so pleased it doesn't matter. What should I say when that question comes up?

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OddBoots · 17/01/2012 16:24

Whatever you like. The only medical reason I can think for asking is to know if you are likely to have had prenatal vitamins and followed pregnancy dietary guidelines, I can't think why else it would be anyone else's business, midwife included. I'll bet they hate even asking.

AntsMarching · 17/01/2012 16:25

I would say it was planned. The planned/unplanned question is to prompt the midwife to offer you counselling/further support in case of a pregnancy that you are unhappy or uneasy about

KatAndKit · 17/01/2012 16:26

I have been pregnant 3 times now and got as far as booking in all three times. I have never been asked if the pregnancy was planned - I actually think that would be quite rude.
If the pregnancy was unplanned and unwanted then a woman would be seeing her gp regarding what to do. By the time you decide to see the midwife, you've decided to follow through with the pregnancy so the baby is wanted and the question irrelevant.
I would be a bit miffed if in my 30s someone was asking me about my use or otherwise of contraception to be honest. I can understand them asking a much younger woman to ensure that she has support in place. But as I said, I've never been asked this. I've only ever been asked if I was sure of my last period date.

If you do get asked this all you have to say is that you were planning a second baby but it has come slightly ahead of the timetable!

Original poster

alittlesurprise · 17/01/2012 16:31

It was on my form last time, and I didn't mind getting asked but I think it may be a standard question in my health authority perhaps?

OP posts:

ImpatientOne · 17/01/2012 16:34

As a health care practitioner myself I would say just be honest - like KatAndKit says, they are just bothered about the lifestyle/folic acid. It's much easier to work with people who tell you everything rather than give you the answers that they think you want to hear!
If you try and 'cover up' you will just get yourself stressed in future about what to say if it comes up again...

Oh and congrats and good luck!

LynetteScavo · 17/01/2012 16:35

Blimey I wouldn't answer such a question on a form!

I didn't volunteer to my midwife that one pregnancy wasn't planned. But only because I knew she would say the right thing and not make me feel bad. (She did, she told me this would probably be the one who would mow my lawn when I'm old.)

horseynewmum · 17/01/2012 16:56

I was never asked if it was planned or not planned by my midwife but I was open and said we talked about children but didn't expect it to concieved this quick.

NatashaBee · 17/01/2012 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user59457812 · 17/01/2012 17:03

Blimey. There wasn't anything like that on my form. Does seem a tad rude...

I'd say planned, so she knows to congratulate you rather than 'counsel' you. I'm assuming they are asking in case someone was undecided about what to do so they can respond accordingly.

Original poster

alittlesurprise · 17/01/2012 17:04

Thanks all - I remember laughing at that question before as I felt like we'd been 'planning' for ages!

To be honest, I don't mind telling anyone the truth in person but I'm not sure I want it recorded for ever on a form that my potential 2nd child was 'unplanned'.

I'm also hoping for a 2nd ELCS so would they (the consultant) hold that information against me when deciding whether I can have one or not. I know they don't like giving three or more c-sections so I'm not sure if putting 'unplanned' makes me seem a bit more likely to go for more than 2 children iyswim?

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Abirdinthehand · 17/01/2012 17:06

Nothing like that on my form or at my booking in appointment a few weeks ago.

Original poster

alittlesurprise · 17/01/2012 17:09

Hopefully it will have gone from the form now, this was nearly four years ago when I was first pregnant with my first. I know I live on a border of two different health authorities and they have different forms.

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ImpatientOne · 17/01/2012 17:13

IKWYM about consultant but in my experience they never look at anyone else notes so could not hold it against you! The CS decision will should be made only on clinical need (which your feelings should influence) at the time so it's highly unlikely that it would have any bearing either way.

I think it's important to stress that you had planned to have another baby even if technically this pregnancy was unplanned!

Flisspaps · 17/01/2012 17:15

I've never been asked and if it was on a form I had to fill during the booking-in appointment, I'd ignore it.

It shouldn't make a bit of difference as to whether or not you are offered ELCS or not though :)

Original poster

alittlesurprise · 17/01/2012 17:44

Thanks everyone.

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PoultryInMotion · 17/01/2012 21:22

It was asked at my booking appt. Same scenario as you, one DC already, stable relationship, just got carried away one day rather than making the conscious decision.

When the MW asked me (with a grimace, poor thing!) I just laughed and explained exactly that. I told her to put it down as unplanned but very happy I really don't have an issue with the fact my baby was unplanned and don't mind the question at all. It doesn't mean I will love my baby less than my very much planned DD.

PoultryInMotion · 17/01/2012 21:25

P.S. About the 'recorded forever the baby was unplanned' I wouldn't worry, I was unplanned, I know my mother loves me!

Original poster

alittlesurprise · 18/01/2012 09:22

Thanks Poultry, no we are both thrilled too and will love this one just as much as our first. Just a bit stunned. Just trying very hard not to get too excited about it as I'm nervous about something going wrong. Just wish I didn't care so much if that makes sense.

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AteAWholePacketOfBiccys · 18/01/2012 09:34

My midwife gave me a form to fill in with all the usual questions but the last page had questions about if we owned/rented our house and questions like that.
I left them empty but as I was a moody pregnant woman I wanted to write fuck off you nosy shits

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 18/01/2012 09:35

I always said 'very much wanted'.

LoveInAColdClimate · 18/01/2012 09:36

This was on my form (recently - am 31+6). I just assumed it was because of folic acid/mad boozing etc? I didn't find it especially intrusive but maybe that was partly because we'd been knee deep in fertility investigations when I got pregnant so I had become immune to intrusion?

KatAndKit · 18/01/2012 09:38

Why not just ask "have you been taking folic acid?" if that is what it is about?
There was a question about folic acid on my form. And there was the obligatory question about alcohol where you lie about how many units per week you used to drink before you got pregnant

Tmesis · 18/01/2012 09:44

I think (although may be misremembering) that at my last couple of booking-in appointmemts the mw asked if I'd been taking prenatal vitamins and when I said yes she ticked the 'planned' box on the form.

LoveInAColdClimate · 18/01/2012 09:50

I wonder if there is any statistical link between unplanned pregnancy and ante- or post-natal depression (not saying there is, just wondering). Perhaps knowing a pregnancy is unplanned gives the MW a hint to be particularly vigilent for signs of depression? Total speculation admittedly!

ShowOfHands · 18/01/2012 09:59

I asked my midwife about this (we became quite good friends). She said it is to give them a broad overview of the situation. She sees lots of women who are pregnant unexpectedly and too frightened to 'admit' they have ambivalent feelings to the midwife. She says it just opens up a door to a discussion. About your feelings, about your preparation, about your level of knowledge up to this point etc. And I think she said something about contributory factors for antenatal and postnatal depression. And she said there are ways of asking. You don't just read the question out bluntly. She was extremely good at that sort of thing. See also the supportive partner, domestic abuse, employment questions they have to ask. They're trying to treat women as a whole not as a vessel for a child. I didn't mind in the least being asked. And it's a bit to suggest it's an okay question for a young mum but rude for an older one. It simply is what it is. They ask with good intentions, we have the power to refuse an answer.

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