The 'planned or unplanned' question on the midwife booking in form?

[alittlesurprise]

It's probably early days to consider this, but:

I'm 35 years old and I've just found out I'm pregnant (maybe about 4 weeks) with DC2, it's a bit of a surprise. My DH and I got carried away during the christmas holidays and I thought I was pretty early on in my cycle so threw caution to the wind. A couple of days later I realised I was ovulating and I've suspected it since then.

We're both pleasantly surprised as we had hell of a job conceiving our first child and we were thinking of trying for a second later in the year. I've just started taking a pregnancy vitamin supplement and eating healthily and hoping that side of things will be ok.

Obviously (and I know from prior experience) I may not get that far but on the form, what should I answer? Is it planned or unplanned? Technically, I know it's unplanned, but we are both so pleased it doesn't matter. What should I say when that question comes up?

Totally agree with SOH that it is to suggest that would be ok to ask a young woman but not someone in their 30s. I know of a lot of unplanned pregnancies among very responsible grown up women over 35.

I agree with SOH to a point, but my first pregnancy wasn't planned and when asked this (repeatedly) I was about to go in for emergency surgery which could have (and indeed did) cause a miscarriage. I felt like the doctors were trying to work out how hard they should try to save the pregnancy. If they'd asked that question the answer would have been 'VERY hard, do everything you possibly can to save this tiny thing that I've already started to love', but to 'Is it planned?' I had to answer 'no, but so so wanted' and see the face every time. I feared they weren't going to worry about the baby and just try to do the surgery as quickly and simply as possible and I still wonder whether the outcome would have been different if I'd lied.

Sorry, misread that, I should have said: "I agree with SOH's midwife..."

Thanks all, I may say something like 'Yes, it was planned but I didn't expect it to happen so quickly as my last one took so long to come along' and come clean about only starting folic acid etc at 4 weeks when I found out. I'm lucky that I rarely drink and don't smoke so my lifestyle is fairly clean in that respect. Just that my entire diet was chocolate at conception, as it was Christmas.

So sorry to hear your story Atruthuniversallyacknowledged. I cannot see why they would need to ask you that question in such desperate circumstances. So horrible .

Sorry, I didn't meant to make the thread all depressing! I have no idea why they asked; at the time I really thought it was to check how careful they should be (surgery was on my ovaries) but now I can look at it objectively I suspect it was just a list of standard questions they had to go through. I have to believe that doctors / surgeons would be as careful as they could be no matter what.

Anyway, your response sounds perfect & is almost exactly what I said for my second pregnancy

Oh no, don't be sorry atruthuniversallyacknowledged. I'm glad you replied to me as it's made me think of different scenarios where that info on the form may be important or not. I'm glad you've gone on to have a 2nd pregnancy, have you had the baby yet or are you still pregnant? Hope everything goes smoothly for you.

I have to say I couldn't have planned it better if I had planned it iyswim. If everything goes ok, I'll have the baby just as my DD is starting school and there will be almost 4 years between the two. Hopefully it will be born just before I turn 36 as well, I didn't want to leave it much later....I'm just sorry I haven't taken the folic acid before 4 weeks.

It's for practical reasons- so they know you're happy with the pregnancy.

I didn't find it a problem to be asked. I think I replied it was a surprise.

Unplanned pregnancy is not shameful or a bad thing. If it wasn't for 3 unplanned pregnancies neither I, dh nor DS would exist so I really can't be offended at being asked if DS was planned/unplanned. Neither reply is wrong.

I would have been offended if I was asked because I was under 30. That's rude to make assumptions.

Thanks OP. I have a lovely five month old

Congratulations to you! .

I had my booking in appointment today and the midwife didn't ask that, just whether I had been using contraception.

I was asked this question n think its something to do with assessing your mental state, that was the impression that I got. I said that my wee bub was unplanned which then made me look v stupid when my answer was no to using contraception!! lol. Had tried for nearly a year for this baby and had decided was not meant to be and decided to change my job instead, result was first month of not trying for baby and job hunting......got both It was an ice breaker into talking about how stressed I was over maybe losing my job.....all worked out n new boss couldnt have been nicer!!