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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Anyone else just not feel like sex? At all?

36 replies

blueskydrinking · 01/01/2012 21:49

I seem to have formed the impression that all other pregnant women are horny as hell throughout their pg.

I go off it completely.

It was bad enough with DS. Physically, things got back to normal at some point after his birth, although knackeredness/various annoyances at DH along the way/breastfeeding/etc etc have meant I've never quite been my old self.

This time it's a bloody nightmare. Not only am I knackered, but physically it just doesn't work. Rude things feel about as sexy as rubbing my elbow. I'm trying to keep up some sort of sex life for DH's sake but just end up feeling resentful (and embarrassingly, sometimes in tears, which isn't ideal and defeats the object somewhat).

Also, I've been having what start out as sexy dreams but which end up really 'dark', usually involving me choking on something (not always the obvious... it was playdough once ).

Sorry if this is TMI. Has anyone else been through this? I have no idea what to do, it's really frustrating.

OP posts:

Xmasbaby11 · 01/01/2012 22:17

I have had no interest in sex throughout the pregnancy - just gone off it. Doesn't bother me - assume we'll get back to normal after the birth.

Don't worry about it! Everyone is different and I think there a lot of pregnancy myths which may be true for many women but not everyone!

sabbatica · 01/01/2012 22:26

Nope - not interested in sex at all. Completely with you!

I'm 20 weeks (pregnant 10 months after first baby) and my husband has been a saint as we've only got it on 3 times so far (pity shags I'm afraid). I'm also getting weird dreams, rather x-rated but ending with him leaving me / me falling off a cliff . Think nuts dreams are normal in pregnancy.

My husband and I have a really solid marriage so the dreams are just subconscious working out worries about being hurt or abandoned at such a vulnerable time. Could that be the case with you?

How pregnant are you and how long have since you've actually been ahem intimate?

It's a tough one as he'll be missing you and you'll be missing the physical contact. I bet you're being less affectionate as well (in case it leads to him thinking sex is on the cards)...so less cuddles and quick kisses.

I know you don't feel like it, but maybe give it a try if you can get the right setting e.g. not knackered wth a screaming baby. Don't feel obliged. Just keep in mind that you need affection and support at this time. Speak to him and explain how you feel - will he understand and take the pressure off?

You could always buy him a blow up doll ;)

sabbatica · 01/01/2012 22:27

PS As I said, also in the same boat as you so trying to follow my own advice with little success!!

ninjasquirrel · 01/01/2012 22:33

I went off sex from about the middle of my pregnancy, despite having a really easy pregnancy. Libido had a brief bounce-back, but then I found out that breastfeeding hormones have the same effect on me as well... All well now though

NewBikeForChristmas · 01/01/2012 22:40

Me too. Both pg not nookie from bfp to baby being about 2 months old.

Original poster

blueskydrinking · 02/01/2012 09:27

Thank you so much for your replies

It's SO good to know that it's not just me!

sabbatica I'm 19 weeks pg, but this is the case right from the bfp and last time, through to the end and beyond (I was bf and it freaked me right out when trying to sexy things, tbh).

Although my rational brain knows that during 'healthy' pregnancies there should be no problem with having sex, during early pg I know that I worry about that - I don't want to have a scare in order to protect the baby properly, if that makes sense?? But by this stage I really don't know quite what it is.

DH is very good and really tries to be understanding about it, but he finds my pregnant body sexy and I know it's frustrating for him... and for me!

It's not that long since we've given it a go - I think I make an admirable effort all things considered (although DH might not agree!) It's just sooooo blinking frustrating because I find myself resenting it and get really grumpy with him when he tries to instigate sex.

OP posts:

2wwmadness · 02/01/2012 10:49

Im 22 weeks and we haven't had sex sense the bfp. I couldn't bare it! Still can't. Luckily dh is a diamond and hasn't instigated it and has accepted that it ain't gunna happen. My body just doesn't feel like its mine. My skin itches, my boobs are a weird shape, I'm 2 stone heavier. Not sexy. Loadsa cuddles instead! It wont be forever. Just a couple of weeks more

flyingcloud · 02/01/2012 10:51

blueskydrinking I hear you. With DD it was ok, but still didn't feel like it. This time round I really can't bear it. When DH tries to instigate it I clam up and Just Want To Be Left Alone.

I feel like my body is doing it's own thing right now and I just have to let it get on with it.

I do feel sad though as I miss the intimacy, but no matter how hard I try I can't enjoy it once it's started. I hope this will all go back to normal post birth, as it did with DD, although it took me a while to get over the psychological effect of giving birth (not that I had a traumatic birth or anything, but giving birth seemed to totally de-sexualise that entire area).

HidingInTheUndergrowth · 02/01/2012 12:00

My sex drive has definitely reduced and a lot of the time I just can't imagine feeling turned on at all. It doesnt help that when we do have sex I often find it quite uncomfortable. However, we are having lots of cuddles and kissing, and I try to make sure that I tell him how great he is as I don't want him to feel neglected. Thankfully dp is super and never pushes hugs and cuddles onto anything more if I am not clearly in the mood, I think if he wasn't so thoughtful and understanding I wouldnt ever want to have sex at all at the moment.

sabbatica · 02/01/2012 15:37

Seems like all our partners deserve the male equivalent of a box of chocolates (beer???). If it was the other way round I'd feel rejected I think, even if I understood why I was being pushed away.

Despite that, can't seem to get over the obstacle of actually having sex. It's so uncomfortable and I totally agree with the feeling unsexual comments. Fat, bloated and trumpy doesn't set the scene!

Original poster

blueskydrinking · 02/01/2012 18:43

flyingcloud I know exactly what you mean about clamming up and just wanting to be left alone. You've also hit on what I think has been one of the main problems - that for me, the whole process has de-sexualised the areas that are supposed to be sexy. Ironic, really....

sabbatica I think it's true that I would be feeling decidedly put out if it was the other way around.

I've talked really honestly with DH about it and tried to reassure him as much as possible. I think he'd rather have his old wife back, though!!

Thanks again everyone for reassuring me I'm not alone.

OP posts:

ilianora · 02/01/2012 18:49

completely not interested in sex, and wishing my partner thought i was a big fat whale - he seems to be very attracted to my huge body.. ick...
i have no advice i am struggling with the issue myself but thought i would put my hand up and say dont worry, me too!
x

lostlenore · 02/01/2012 19:14

And me!

Totally not interested while pg last time, managed about five times since she was born (she's nearly two) and now I am pg again. Poor dh....

I feel like the beached bloated carcass of a drowned cow, so not surprised by how I'm feeling. And pretty much every part of my body hurts (am 16 weeks so getting stretching and pelvic pains).

Don't worry, hopefully things will be better after the birth!

SoFreshNSoClean · 02/01/2012 19:16

I totally go off sex when pregnant. It feels like a very hormonal thing with me. I can't control it. I dont even like kissing or being touched. I even find my (lovely, fragrant) DH's smell a turn off.

I got my sex drive back only about a year after my first child was born, but came back within weeks with my second.

Yummymummyyobe1 · 02/01/2012 19:30

I am the opposite and cannot get enough rumpy pumpy to the point my DP begs to be left alone. I wish I was less aroused than I am. I can go from a snivelling woman to man eater in minutes.

I have been really surprised just how much I love my pregnant body (I have had suffered with Anorexia). I have never felt sexier with our ever increasing bump (my DP rubbing our bump makes me more aroused) and breasts (No complaints from DP on those ) even going from a size eight to a size ten. Perhaps it is the realisation this was what my body was meant for.

Original poster

blueskydrinking · 02/01/2012 21:13

Get orf my thread

I actually rather like my pg body, particularly when it's dressed! Here are the main issues:
a) At the point at which we are toddler free, I'm knackered.
b) Baby is a wriggler, nearly always awake and active in the evening which is NOT an aphrodisiac.
c) I'm nearly always crampy, achy, or both.
d) My boobs are ridiculous; huge and leaky and sore.
e) As mentioned before, the area is desensitised and simply doesn't 'work' like it's supposed to.

Actually, reading that back it's no bloody wonder I don't feel sexy.......

OP posts:

justasmallglass · 02/01/2012 21:22

I totally went off sex with ds, and with bf feelings didn't return for about 6 months after the birth. Dh was very understanding. Now 8 weeks pg with no. 2 and feeling about as sexy as an old sock. To add, DH has just told me he is giving up smoking and blow jobs need to be a replacement....think he will be back on the fags in a week!

justasmallglass · 02/01/2012 21:24

Just read my post...obviously I meant when pg with ds and not having sex with! Oops...

Yummymummyyobe1 · 02/01/2012 21:28

blueskydrinking we can swap if you like I think my DP needs a good rest.

Original poster

blueskydrinking · 02/01/2012 21:29

ha :) Maybe DH could take up smoking instead

OP posts:

thejoanwilder · 02/01/2012 21:31

We have managed a grand total of 3 or 4 times. I feel bad, because I bought him a book for expectant dads. This assured him that by the time the 2nd trimester rolled around, I would be some kind of insatiable beast. This did not happen...! I think I feel a little bit like I am sharing my body on the inside, I want full autonomy over the outside of it, thank you very much...! So just absolutely no libido whatsoever.
Luckily poor old DH is very understanding :)

Rhinestone · 02/01/2012 22:30

I'm 11 weeks and we've done the deed a grand total of 3 times since i discovered I was pregnant 7 weeks ago!

Can't be bothered, feel completely unattractive, too tired, etc etc.

DH being very understanding and lovely about it though. Says it's 50% his fault that I'm feeling like this so can't complain. I will have to make it up to him one day!

SarahB75 · 03/01/2012 16:17

I wouldnt worry im 29 weeks and I think we have had sex once in last 3 months, logisitically its difficult and I think my hubby is a bit freaked that there is a baby in there. Plus the only two positions we can do dont do it for me, I want the closeness etc but the sex bit is just for him really which sounds awful.

I just hope it will go back to normal once baby is born.

geekette · 03/01/2012 18:56

if there i such a thing as negatve libido scales, i am definitey on it.
dh is being understanding. we had both been expecting raging hormones and got quite the opposite.

openerofjars · 03/01/2012 19:00

Three times in 7 weeks would be bloody brilliant for us. I still can't quite work out how the hell I managed to get pregnant at all.

Poor, poor DH.

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