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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How Early Did You Tell People?

39 replies

0FrillyKnickers0 · 22/12/2011 14:46

Hi ladies :) I got my BFP this morning and DH and I have been talking about when to tell people. I understand that it is common to wait until 12weeks and I appreciate why, however...when did you all tell people? DH wants to tell close family and close friends on Christmas Eve...but I'm just a bit scared! Honestly, the tables have turned...it used to be me that wanted to tell people straight away and him wait until 12 weeks! Is it normal to tell people when just 4weeks pregnant? I'm guessing not...This is DC1 btw.

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Original poster

0FrillyKnickers0 · 22/12/2011 14:48

Ok, he just texted me and said "Let's just tell family on Christmas day..." What do y'all think?

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Rhinestone · 22/12/2011 14:49

Personally I wouldn't. It's still very very early days and although the overwhelming probability is that everything will be fine, there's a reason lots of people wait until 12 weeks.

But it's entirely up to you of course.

VeronicaSpeedwell · 22/12/2011 14:51

I waited till after my 12 week scan and I'm glad did. It was lovely private time for me and DH, and now the news is out I feel that it was very good to have had that, and not be talking about it every time I spoke to my family, as I now am. I would certainly have told them if I'd been unlucky enough to mc, but I just felt like I could cope best with all the anxieties and tentative excitement of the first trimester if DH and kept it to ourselves. It would be much harder to cover the signs over Christmas though!

Failsafe · 22/12/2011 14:56

We told our close family at 5 weeks, 4 days after finding out!
I figured, if anything was to go wrong then i wouldn't be able to keep it from my mum/dad etc and would want their support. so we told them!
Just because you tell someone, it doesn't jinx it and cause anything to go wrong.
Do what makes you both happy!

notasausage · 22/12/2011 14:56

Something that a friend said to me and I thought was good advice was only tell people that you also wouldn't mind knowing if something went wrong. I didn't tell family until 8 weeks and everyone else after 12 wk scan and that was even with scans at 6 and 8 weeks due to previous early mc. So maybe you'd be happy telling your parents but not Great Aunty Edna IYSWIM

StuckInTheFensAwayFromHome · 22/12/2011 14:59

I would probably find it impossible not to tell my mum... (And on a practical note if things didn't turn out fine up to 12 weeks I'd also want to tell my mum for support from both her and my boyfriend)

TheBreadstick · 22/12/2011 14:59

We planned to wait til the 12 week scan, but DH got so excited that we told close family at around 6-7 weeks and asked them to keep it quiet until the scan.

Of course then each and every family member went of and said the old nugget of: "Promise you won't tell anyone but Breadstick is expecting ..." to each of their respective best mates/familes, who then in turn did the same so by the time 12 weeks came round it felt like the worst kept secret int he world!

If you tell family earlier, please don't expect them to keep the secret for you, with the best wishes in the world great news often has a way of slipping out - it's the beaming grin that gives it away!

Congratulations by the way!

annekins · 22/12/2011 15:00

I had to tell someone at work at 6 weeks as I needed to go to hospital appointments for early pregnancy pain (which turned out to be nothing). We told my parents at 8 weeks as we had literally just started decorating and all of a sudden I was floored by tiredness and all day nausea. The rest of the world found out at 12 weeks, though I could barely keep it a secret that long.

To be fair, most of the people I worked with had figured it out long before I told them as I had gone from a latte a day to running out of the office whenever I smelled coffee!

Falsley · 22/12/2011 15:00

We told close family (parents, brothers and sisters) and our close friends pretty much as soon as we found out which was about 4 weeks.
Having been through a misscariage we know that needed/wanted the support of these people so they may as well know about it when they can be happy for us too.

Original poster

0FrillyKnickers0 · 22/12/2011 15:08

Failsafe and Falsley, that's how we are thinking...I'd need the support of my family! notasausage that makes perfect sense! Ah, thank you all so much for your comments and advice. I feel a lot happier now! I think we feel that we'd need the support of our close people if things were to go wrong. Thanks to you all!! And Happy Christmas!!!

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SardineJam · 22/12/2011 15:08

12 weeks with DS1 and 20 weeks with DS2, really wanted to make sure everything was okay and with DS2 being a late announcement my pregnancy seemed to go quicker as I didn't have people asking for months on end, when was I due

KatAndKit · 22/12/2011 15:17

Our parents - 6 weeks
Other close family and friends who would have known about any possible miscarriage - 9 weeks (after an early scan)

The rest of the world - 13 weeks.

PrincessSugarPlum · 22/12/2011 15:17

We told my mum at 5 weeks (day after the BFP) and family at 6 weeks. Then everyone else at about 7.5 weeks! I am rubbish at keeping secrets!! Grateful that I've now had a positive first scan, cos wouldn't have wanted to tell everyone it'd gone wrong. But thankfully all good so far. I love sharing it with people.

Original poster

0FrillyKnickers0 · 22/12/2011 15:24

I think I'll be the same as you PrincessSugarPlum! I can't keep anything from my mum and I can't wait to tell my family!! Christmas day it is! Watch out world (well, family that is...)! Only thing is, one of my sisters is away on Christmas day soI can't tell her face to face...would a phone call suffice or should I wait or would that make her annoyed!

Is it selfish telling people on Christmas day?!

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VeronicaSpeedwell · 22/12/2011 15:26

It sounds like you have a decision, Frilly . I just wanted to add that I don't think not telling people necessarily means you don't have the same support if it goes wrong. My family are gemerally pretty anxious about MC sadly it has happened quite a bit in our circle so for me not sharing was partly a way of keeping the sum total of anxiety at a lower level all round. I didn't to articulate to lots of people all the things I was afraid of, but nor did I want to go the other way and be chatting about prams and names at a point when I still felt very cautious. Not talking at all (except to DH and one friend) was a way of keeping a balance for me. If it had gone wrong it would have been devastating, and I know without a doubt that my nearest and dearest would all have been there for me, absolutely. They would also have understood why I hadn't said anything before.

xmasmummytobe · 22/12/2011 15:27

I told my two best friends before I told DP I was terrified, don't know why as we planned it but hormones are great. I told my mum at 6 weeks and everyone else after the results of the NF Scan. DP told his best friend and his brother before 6 weeks (which was fine) and the rest of his friends by 11 weeks.

It really annoyed me to be honest. I felt that firstly, that I only wanted to tell people who I would tell if I did miscarry and secondly, he insisted on the NF Scan but then didn't bother to wait for the results before telling everyone I was pregnant.

It all worked out so I can't complain but definitely think it's a personal choice depending on how you both feel. Congratulations and best of luck!

mominamillion · 22/12/2011 15:28

We waited until after the 12wk scan with all of ours. I'm notoriously obedient though.

Congratulations though!

VeronicaSpeedwell · 22/12/2011 15:28

argh, typos galore -- 'I didn't want to articulate to lots of people all the things I was afraid of'

xmasmummytobe · 22/12/2011 15:29

Also should mention I didn't always get the response I expected... My mum was very negative about me telling her so early and pretty much until I hit about 30 weeks she's not considered the pregnancy as "viable yet" her words not mine.

Original poster

0FrillyKnickers0 · 22/12/2011 15:39

I understand Veronica, sounds like you have a great family though! Xmasmummytobe, I'm sorry but that's just AWFUL! That must've been really upsetting?!

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VeronicaSpeedwell · 22/12/2011 15:46

Have a great Christmas Frilly.

flowerflo · 22/12/2011 15:47

We didn't tell anyone at all until after the 12 week scan. Then we only told our close family (although dp's parents did blurt it out to everyone they knew shortly after - I was furious!) I then kept it secret from everyone else until I started showing at about 18-20weeks. Some people were upset I didn't tell them earlier but it was a personal thing for us and I needed time to adjust to being pregnant. Although I was happy I found it difficult to listen to others keep talking about it all the time (and touching my stomach - arrrrgh!) when I wanted to carry on my life as usual. I was very nervous (due to a number of health problems) and needed to deal with that on my own. It's really up to you and don't feel pressured either way. People found it hard to accept I didn't want to tell everyone immediately, but my baby, my life, my choice!

Lindax · 22/12/2011 15:53

we waited until 12 wk scan before we told family, but some friends guessed when I was coming up with naff excuses for not drinking alcohol, eating prawns, soft cheeses etc - Xmas is a hard time to keep it a secret..............

Crosshair · 22/12/2011 15:54

Parents at 5 weeks, mc's a few days later and had to untell them.

Parents at 7 weeks, everyone else after the scan.

Original poster

0FrillyKnickers0 · 22/12/2011 16:03

My friend and I are at a gig on New Years (DH & her DP vaugley involved) and she wants to drink and we were planning to have a few...not now I guess! Not that I mind.

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