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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

"Was it planned?"

64 replies

PlinkertyPlonk · 13/11/2011 12:50

Have you been asked this? I just think it's a really rude question to ask someone, but maybe I'm being over-sensitive and hormonal

It was the response from my neighbour when I told her I was pregnant. I also thought it was pretty tactless to ask in front of my step children.

I can understand her curiosity (especially as I also told her DP and I were getting married), but to ask? It's none of her bloody business!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

HardCheese · 13/11/2011 16:24

I've been asked this, and made it clear I found it an outrageously rude question. That person (a member of the extended family whom I see once or twice a year) won't be asking me intrusive questions about my pregnancy again!

But don't even start me on the general run-of-the mill dumb comments and questions, clearly made with no intention to offend, but gobsmackingly dumb. Nobody would ask equivalently intrusive questions of a non-pregnant woman, or a man, so I fail to see why pregnancy makes it OK.

Original poster

PlinkertyPlonk · 13/11/2011 16:36

Well, I'm glad it's not just me that thinks it's a bit 'off' to ask.

TooImm - that is outrageous!

Cheddar - very pleased that it's all good news for you. No need to worry about the 2 seater, friends of mine did exactly the same and hung on to it.

ChippingIn - wedding plans are now on hold until after the baby and yes, the kids are totally over-excited about the baby and the chance to be a bridesmaid, although obviously they have lots of worries too (is Daddy still going to love me etc). Eldest DSD even said she really liked changing babies nappies... this could work out VERY well!

OP posts:

HidingInTheUndergrowth · 13/11/2011 17:10

I had quite a few people at work ask me this. I think it's because me and dp aren't married, nor do we own a house, and for round here I am on the younger side to be having a child. However, as I had been trying for over 18 months and had a mc in that time I was a little gobsmacked by the question and wasn't sure what to say.

I do think it is a little rude and would never dream of asking someone I didn't know really, really well.

hubbahubster · 13/11/2011 17:11

Yep I had this. Er, well I managed not to get pregnant for 15 years of sexual activity, I think I know how this shit works... In my mid thirties, good job, house, been married for eight years. Yep, the decision to have a baby wasn't exactly a shock was it?!

For the record, I just smiled and said, well we lost one last year so yes, we were trying again.

Xmasbaby11 · 13/11/2011 17:40

It depends who's asking and shouldn't be done in front of others as in your situation. Generally I don't mind if the person is a friend and I know it's genuine curiousity. With me it was childless colleagues who I know are interested because we have made different life choices.

Grumpla · 13/11/2011 17:43

Bloody hell that's rude!

I would NEVER ask someone that.

Deserving of a proper Death Stare / "Did you mean to sound so rude?" moment!

SausageSmuggler · 13/11/2011 20:14

I've been asked by pretty much everyone i've told but it will be quite a close age gap between the two and i'll still be at university when this baby is born. While part of me thinks 'none of your business' I know they don't mean it in a nasty way so I don't really mind saying.

cat64 · 13/11/2011 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NorthernChinchilla · 13/11/2011 20:20

Both OH and I were asked this, separately, on the same day by different people. His was a work colleague, mine was a health professional.

Both left gobsmacked at how anyone could ask such a cheeky question!

I therefore prepared the answer, "no, it was a kneetrembler in an alleyway with a total stranger and I was too pissed to think about contraception" as my return line for the next time I was asked.
Needless to say no other bugger asked me throughout pregnancy and doubt it will happen now!

Yummymummyyobe1 · 13/11/2011 20:43

I have been asked this so many times and I always say "no DP and I had been going out eight weeks and then bang. Also 2 weeks earlier we started to buy our first home together"

I think the bang is where this all starts from isn't it

louby86 · 13/11/2011 20:50

It's so rude! I've been asked this on numerous occasions, particularly by people at work who think I'm too young (I'm 25 so not really young and married!) I would never ask anyone that question!

blueeyedmonster · 13/11/2011 21:02

My FIL asked this when we announced I was pregnant with ds. It was the first thing out of his mouth............not congratulations or anything.

I was a bit taken back as I had been with dp almost 7.5 years by then

kickingking · 13/11/2011 21:06

Yes I have been asked this with both pregnancies. I am truly surprised that people think it is an appropriate question to ask. They often follow it up with "so were you trying for long"

I can truthfully say 'for about half an hour' with both pregnancies and actually did so the other day

chocoroo · 13/11/2011 21:11

I think it's rude, but generally thoughtless.

I was also amazed by the number of people who said "Ooohhh, I didn't even know you were trying". They ranged from an old uni friend to a team member at work. I thought that was really bizarre.

kickingking · 13/11/2011 22:00

"I didn't know you were trying" - been told that too. Er, well it's not the sort of thing you broadcast is it?

"oh just so you know, MIL, we're trying to conceive and I think I'll be ovulating around the 30th so we'll be going at it hammer and tongs at the end if the month..."

chocjunkie · 13/11/2011 22:03

have had this question countless times when pregnant with DC1. I was 30 years old, had been married for 6 years, we both had secure jobs and we had just bought a house (with plenty of space). this question made me really cross (circumstances aside, it is nowbody's business how my child was concieved).I used to answer back " thank you, and how is your sex life going?"

NotFromConcentrate · 13/11/2011 22:04

I too find this an exceptionally rude cquestion, unless it comes from very close friends!

The most amusing retorts I have heard have been "no, I tripped and fell on it", and "were you?"

Enfyshedd · 13/11/2011 22:27

Most people I know know that my answers can be very TMI and are more likely to embarass them. I've had "Was it planned?" a few times now (DP & I have known each other for 3 years, been together 15 months & been engaged for 10 months), and my answer's been fairly consistent as "well, it wasn't unplanned - DP & I are both aware of what happens if you don't use contraception". It works really well if you dead pan it. I also like to throw in the little fact that we were at a theme park & I was riding rollercoasters the week I conceived for added effect.

babysaurus · 13/11/2011 22:41

Am only nine weeks so not 'come out' yet, so to speak. Maybe I have all this to come!

But, and sorry for slight hijack, does anyone know why the docs / midwives or other medics ask this? I have been asked at every apt (have had several already due to medical condition) and am wondering why - it even has a box they need to tick saying yes or no on the form.

RockChick1984 · 14/11/2011 05:34

babysaurus unplanned pregnancy is one of the risk factors for antenatal depression, so they aren't just asking because they are nosy! Also, if you are trying there is more chance you have been taking folic acid while TTC which is beneficial.

pinkytheshrunkenhead · 14/11/2011 05:41

I was asked this by someone who hardly knew me in the playground when I was pregnant with number 4 - she also told me I must be mad at my age! nice. She then went on to tell me that if she had known earlier that she was pregnant with her twins earlier (they are in the same class as DD) then she would have aborted them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Given this I assume she just has her TMI switch on overload.

I am now pregnant with number 5 and have told no one outside of the family and very close friends.

rocksandhardplaces · 14/11/2011 10:01

My manager asked me, I was a bit shocked. I was 31 and had been married about a year and a half prior to that. There was nothing to suggest it was going to be a radical departure from plans!

babysaurus · 14/11/2011 10:23

Ah, thanks RockChick!

kiki22 · 14/11/2011 10:28

I got that loads plus are you happy about it and even r u keeping it from a few grr

dooscooby · 14/11/2011 10:54

I've had this from two separate work colleagues out of the blue - I barely know them, what a weird Q imo?! They both know I've been married a couple of years too. With the first one I laughed and said something like 'no, i just got knocked up' and the second one I said 'no, this has been quite a journey for us actually' and I think she got the msg and shut the hell up.

I'd love to say something like 'well I don't really like condoms, don't get on with the pill or the coil...what do you use, any tips?'

My mgr said to me 'oh, having a baby is a really big deal you know'. I felt like saying 'really, oh I didn't think about that, do you think I should go and have an abortion then?!'

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