Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

How will I cope? *complex situation* ;(

55 replies

Dozeyland · 03/11/2011 21:52

Hi,

I am a 1yr old DD, and nearly 12 weeks pregnant with dc2. DP & I are happy but there is another issue along side this.

DP was in a car crash early this yr and is now facing 2-3yrs in prison. effective from either this monday or in 4 weeks. (could possibly be halved)
There is lots of evidence, and its a very complex issue. in no way am i being bias, but it was a dreadful freak accident with dp was on his way to a job. the other driver died due to his vehicle being a lot smaller and not wearing a seatbelt. so my poor dp is bearing the brunt.

he is amazing, his strength astonishes me and he just makes my heart melt.

I just dont know how i'm going to cope. being alone at night (use to him being at work in the day) and him missing DD growing, and the birth of DC2. We have a great family network but i just cant bare the thought of him being in prison with proper criminals. his barrister said you're not a criminal, these things happen. but someone has to be responsible.

i am just so all over. happy but cant feel excited for DC2. how am i going to do it alone, emotionally knowing the love of my life is being punished and away from us.

;(

OP posts:
Original poster
Dozeyland · 11/12/2011 20:17

The son is pursuing this with my DPs solicitor

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 11/12/2011 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SenseofEntitlement · 11/12/2011 20:24

You poor thing. Does the prison or whatever have a family support system?

Original poster
Dozeyland · 11/12/2011 20:39

Im going to look into it. and apparently they do "family days" along with the weekly visits. i am going to see him for the first time on wednesday. had a few phone calls, but it hurts so much. hes just the most gentle person.

DD is missing him loads. I said this morning "we love daddy dont we, and she grabbed his jumper and hugged it, heart melted

I just keep crying, my emotions are all over. i sleep with his jumper with his smell on, and made a dp shape in our bed :(

I just hope to god he gets a transfer to open prison, he can go back to work in the day then and his employers said they will drive all the way to pick him up. and hopefully be able to attend the birth, or the days after? but i doubt that. but open prison may hapen in a few months

OP posts:
blueskydrinking · 11/12/2011 21:02

You poor thing. In my pregnant state I cry just reading this so god knows how it must feel to you.

I don't really know what to say but thinking of you x

purplehonesty · 11/12/2011 21:07

Sending you a huge hug and hoping that you are all ok. You are being so strong and I wish you all the best for the future.
Such a tragedy what happened and it's consequences, I hope the time passes quickly and you can get back to being a family together again. X

Original poster
Dozeyland · 11/12/2011 21:20

Thanks guys.

Me too. i want nothing more than to have our family back to the way it should be. trying to be strong, its so hard, heartbreaking. just trying my best to look after myself too as I dont want it to affect the pregnancy and labour as such (going early )

OP posts:
Mum2be79 · 11/12/2011 21:25

Isn't what she did called perjury or something? That in itself is against the law but not too sure how it stands when you're lying about family circumstances rather than the actual event.

Stay strong. Obviously family is more important to you than it is to the woman of the deceased who is more concerned about money. I'm sure 10 months will fly by.

x

SenseofEntitlement · 12/12/2011 10:00

Here is a blog by a lady whose husband is in prison - hopefully it will be some help.

lemniscate · 12/12/2011 10:14

I'm sending you all my best wishes. It sounds like you and DP are a strong unit, and it sounds like you have support from so many other people including his employer. I am sure that you will get through this horrendous time.

I don't pretend to know anything about what you're going through but may I offer one piece of advice? Please try not to think too much about the other family and what is happening there. Even if she has committed perjury, it sounds like it is more about the consequences of the accident and her trying to get compensation rather than about who was responsible for the accident itself, so any proceedings against her are unlikely to have an impact on your DP's sentence. So I think it would be wrong to focus on it or place any hope in that affecting your situation. Your energy will be much better spent looking after yourself, your DD, your baby and your DP.

Very best wishes to you and your family for Christmas and your pregnancy x

beckymcfc · 12/12/2011 11:52

This is a really sad story, I work at a criminal solicitors practice and must say see many of these cases and no matter whether the partner is at fault or not, it can really leave a huge strain on those left to face facts on the outside.

Just as a pointer if he is sentenced to a term of imprisonment, he could be eligible for release on special licence for the birth of your child, however this would only be the case if you were to have an elective section so there is a deffinate date for the birth of your child.

I would advise researching prison law solicitors in your area as soon as he gets the term of imprisonment (if this is the case) as they will go and see him and get the ball rolling to help him make the relevant application. More than likley he will be eligible for home detention curfew when he reaches the half way point in his sentence anyway, which means he will be out on tag with you.

It could be a tough journey but if you go into it knowing all your and your partners rights it may be of some help to you.

hope i've helped x

jasminerice · 12/12/2011 12:03

I'm so sorry and shocked to hear what you and your family are going through. It could happen to any one of us.

I hope your DP spends the least amount of time possible in prison. Please keep on at his solicitor to ensure this. How ild is your DD? Can she write to your DP, to maintain some regular contact whilst he is away?

Take one day at a time and lean on friends and family. I wish you all the strength you need.

Original poster
Dozeyland · 12/12/2011 13:43

My focus is my family, I have thoughts at the back of my mind about the other family and the son who is obviously feeling very distressed about actions from his step-mum, The cheek of that woman and how she is treating her family, she is a disgrace and obviously disrespecting her ex-husbands memory by trying to rinse every penny she can from his tragic death.

Becky his term of imprisonment is 20 months, and told to serve half. is that what you mean? He's applied for D-category (open prison) but they say this may be delayed as there was an article in the paper about the accident. Thanks for the info, I will research and also contact his solicitor. I just hope this terrible patch in our lives goes quickly. Its only been a week and I just am an emotional wreck.

Jasmine Our DD is 1, so she listens to him talking on our (very) short phone calls every couple of days. I wrote him a lovely poem from her so he should get that today.

Thank you all

OP posts:
jasminerice · 12/12/2011 13:50

Oh, your DD is clearly too young to write letters. Your poem sounds lovely. Hopefully your DP can reply with a picture from daddy to your DD.

This is a horrible nightmarish phase of your life. But you will get through it. I know you're emotional now, and crying a lot which is totally normal and healthy. But you will get into a new temporary routine whilst your DP is away and maybe you can plan a little for a huge party for when he's home again.

Original poster
Dozeyland · 13/12/2011 21:02

The prison staff didnt give dp his poem from dd......... they gave him the letter, but took the poem out, why would they do this, there isnt anything threatening or harmful in there?! Angry

Going to visit for the first time tomorrow, and its the first time we've not even seen each other for 2 weeks, going to be a very emotional afternoon.

wish us luck.

oh, another downer is that they are all booked over xmas for visits :( :( :(
I wanted xmas eve but nothing, so we have to wait until 28th dec :(

we will try for cancellations though.
as if it isn't hard enough

OP posts:
Chynah · 13/12/2011 21:17

Surely he can appeal his sentence?? Specially if you know the other party comitted perjury - courts don't take that lightly.

Feel for you.

Original poster
Dozeyland · 14/12/2011 11:38

The deceased's son i pursuing it with dps solicitor...

not holding too much hope but as long as the truth is knwn

OP posts:
lalabaloo · 16/12/2011 09:52

I hope the visit went well, still thinking of you and your family. Did you ask them what happened to his poem? I didn't think they would be allowed to remove it?

Original poster
Dozeyland · 16/12/2011 19:41

Hi, Thanks. He eventually received it. He loved it.

The visit went well, very emotional but well. so relieved to see him, and he was so chuffed to see DD. and she was too. showing her new teeth to her daddy all pleased with herself. :)

He's been given a tag release date :20/05/2012 but he said not to get my hoes up as he doesnt know how they work this and if it will definitely happen?... otherwise his release date is 3rd october 2012.

20/05/12... one day before my EDD. how perfect would that be the this sad story :(

I just didnt want to say bye. i kept staring at him and poking him, as it didnt seem real. we only had 1.5hours as the queue was big. :(

also looked into "family days" where we spend the whole day together, but he's not eligible as its only for enhanced prisoners and they're only every 3 months anyway :(

and even more annoying i cant seem him now until 28th. gutted. but he rings for quick phone calls each day which gets me through.

Thanks for asking

OP posts:
PenguinArmy · 16/12/2011 20:16

Oh Dozeyland what a heartbreaking situation for you :(

I wish I could help somehow

Alligatorpie · 17/12/2011 04:32

I am so sorry you are going through this. Do you have close friends or family around to support you? And spend time with your dd?
Take care.

lalabaloo · 17/12/2011 11:53

I'm glad he got his poem and loved it, and that DD was happy. I'll keep my fingers crossed for 20th May, or even hopefully sooner. Do you know when you will know more detail about the tag release? x

working9while5 · 17/12/2011 20:11

Hi Dozey, I recognise your husband's case, it makes me shudder... I don't understand why the sentence is so harsh when it was clearly an accident. I hope the time flies by for you, it could happen to any of us and I am so sorry it is happening to you xx

Original poster
Dozeyland · 17/12/2011 20:21

Are you from Oxford? it is, im still in shock but have to be strong for him, DD and bump :( x

OP posts:
PenguinArmy · 17/12/2011 20:38

Dozey I'm in Oxford area if you wanted some support/company. Only moved here a few months ago so would just as beneficial for me.