My waters have broken too early, please help

[BadNails]

This probably isn?t the right place to post this, so I apologise, but I need to share this in the hope that someone can either help me or that this helps someone else.

I rarely post, am more of a serial lurker but haven?t name changed even though I could be identified in RL. I?m beyond caring about this now anyway.

On Friday, I had a PROM. I was 22 weeks and 6 days pregnant. I wasn?t near home and was with colleagues so ended up at the nearest hospital, lacking my notes and terrified. I was scanned and examined. Things were not good. The deepest pool they found was 1.8cm. My DD still had a strong heartbeat and my cervix was closed. No one gave me false hope, it was explained that the prognosis for her was poor.

With no contractions kicking in, I was able to go to the hospital I am booked into and my consultant took over. She only saw me on the Monday and everything had been absolutely fine. I remember that she had smiled at me and DP, saying she would not expect to see us again and wished us well for the remainder of our pregnancy.

We were told that the gestation we were at presented a difficulty in that if we had been at 17-19 weeks, they would be recommending a termination and yet if we were at 25-26 weeks, they would be fighting all the way. It was just bad luck apparently.

I had felt some tightenings and so believing that labour would start at any time, they placed us into a special room. I was so dazed that it took me until Monday to realise that this special room was where they were expecting our DD to be born and then die. I?m not sure how I didn?t see this when the sign on the door clearly stated that it was kindly donated by SANDS. We had been told that there was an 80% chance that labour would begin within 48 hours, so I would be monitored during that time for this or any signs of infection setting in.

Two and a half days we stayed in that room, situated at the edge of the delivery suite. The midwives were all truly wonderful. With no contractions, I started to regain some hope. I searched the internet trying to find out more information about loss of amniotic fluid and survival rates. I have been on the SANDS, ARC and Bliss websites. I have read about miracles and tragedies. Me and DP swing between hope and despair, but have remained strong.

But today, I think I can?t cope anymore. We have been back home since Monday evening, waiting for a further scan, to see if the fluid has replenished. I have felt DD kicking away, but usually in the area (she can?t really move now). I have prayed to a god I have neglected since my mother died seven years ago. I am drinking enough water to fill a swimming pool in the hope that this might help (I read it somewhere).

DD1 (4 yrs) lives with her dad and we have maintained the story that I am unwell at the moment which is why she couldn?t come at the weekend. Thankfully, she hasn?t asked any questions about the baby, I am only just keeping it together when I speak to her on the phone.

Apparently AFI should be 10cm or so and below 5cm is critical. So I knew that 1.8cm wasn?t good. Today, I was scanned again by the consultant. DD is well with a strong heartbeat and is cephalic and able to stretch her legs a little. There is no AFI. The consultant couldn?t even give us a deepest pool. She estimated 0.5cm. I think my heart broke when she said that.

A paediatric registrar had already explained the importance of amniotic fluid on lung and limb development. Every piece of information given to us was geared towards the worst case scenario. I don?t think I can even remember everything said to us, now I just keep thinking our DD is going to die.

We were given the option to terminate but I am 24 weeks on Saturday, that?s when it could all change. Steroids, surfactant? We won?t be terminating. At 24 weeks, it?s a 50/50 survival rate and half of the babies who survive will have a major disability. There is no way of knowing what effect her current situation is having on her and that makes me feel so terribly guilty.

I?m scared and angry and I don?t know what to do. Apparently, nothing I do will alter the situation. I am still leaking fluid and I feel despair every time it comes out. I?m sorry if this all sounds self indulgent, but I?m trying to make sense of what has happened.

Thank you if you?ve been able to read all of this.

Hi badnails, just wanted to say that you could get through this magically. The more days that pass, the better the chances, and the more positive you will feel. Your doing great so far and your obviously stronger than you may feel at the moment. Not sure if i would be the same.

Ive got one nosey question and really hoping you dont mind asking, but why doesnt DD live with you? It's so lovely she was kissing your bump, its a magical thing children accepting another sibiling.

Stay strong and positive.

xxxx

Hi Badnails. For some reason, you popped into my head while I was cleaning my teeth this morning and I remembered it was steroid day! so just wanted to say hello and pass on my best wishes. You are being so strong and that little one is hanging on in there. Just remember that professionals will always deal with statistical probabilities and will prepare you for what is likely. What is likely, however, is not a certainty and I am glad that you are both fighting on. You just never know what the future holds.

28 weeks is a good aim too. That's how long I managed to hang on with DS (different circumstances, but a similar long wait in hospital and the same counting days and holding on for as long as possible). He is now a healthy 6 year old against all the odds and despite the doctors and midwives preparing us for the worst.

I am also 24 weeks with my number 2 and every time my LO kicks I think of your little one fighting on.

Thank you everyone.

Babyborn I think that sometimes what you're capable of dealing with is surprising. Don't get me wrong, I've had some very low times in the last week and doubted if I could pull back from it, but then I pick myself up again and carry on.

As for your nosey question ... well, DD1 has lived with her dad for three years. When the time came to decide who she was going with, it was decided her dad because that was the right/better place for her to go. If she had come with me, it would have been for selfish reasons, as much as it went against every fibre of my being. It came down to who had the better support network and where exP would be living (his parents at the time) was a much nicer area than what I was facing.

It's just another one of my daily struggles! I never thought it would be possible to have decent phone conversations with a toddler, but you live and learn!

Lifeissweet it made me chuckle to think that someone was brushing their teeth when I popped in their head! I'm glad your DS came through his difficult start and I hope the rest of your pregnancy is long and boring
Sometimes I wish I did know the future, at the moment I am trying prepare for all eventualities... hmm, need to relax a bit don't I??

Just read this, good luck for your steroid injection today! So glad you reached this stage as I'm sure you will now get the support you need from the hospital. Thinking of you...

Congratulations on passing the 24 week barrier, now they will actually fight for your baby which is a whole different world! Not heard of the magnesium sulphate thing, very interesting.

Oh yes I was very jealous of people who reached 30 weeks and I'm sorry to say jealous of people who had pprommed later than I had

28 weeks was the magic goal in my 3rd pregnancy which did not prom. 24 weeks was a huge psychological barrier when I actually told people I was pregnant, then 28 weeks when babies have a decent survival chance, then 32 weeks which has a huge survival without permanent problems chance.

Hope steroids don't hurt too much and might help you relax a bit mentally, glad DD came to see you.

I'm sure consultants in third pg hated me too, like I gave a rat's arse what they thought of me. The low (high?) point was when a junior doctor patronisingly told me I had no more chance of a 2nd trimester loss than anyone else. I quoted an American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology article right back at her with the dates authors and everything . It's not like I wanted to be right but still...to have some faith in their care you've got to be sure they know their stuff imho. Alright with pprom a lot of it is random but still.

Still thinking of you and wishing you all the luck.

Just read the first page, and then held my breath throughout the remaining five.

SO pleased you have made it to the magic 24. I shall be following this closely, and am thinking of you.

Hope you managed to get your steroid injection today, Nails

Happy 24+1

Hope the steroid injection was OK and not too painful.

I went away for the weekend and did not have access to internet. I thought of you often and hoped you were still hanging in there. One of the first things I did as I came back home was to log on and read what has been happening to you over the last few days. I'm so pleased that you and DD have made it this far. Please stay positive, sometimes things seem worse than they are in the beginning. Sending you lots of hugs xxx

Hi badnails hope the first steroid injection went well today.
I totally understand you being jealous of people who get beyond 30 weeks. We are all affected by our own experiences. I'm pg again and my big aim this time is to get to 34, yet there are plenty of people who (quite justifiably) comment on their traumatic prem birth at 34 weeks. It's all relative isn't it.

I remember when I was going back and forth visiting DD in hospital passing the smoking shelter full of heavily pregnant women puffing away and just being so cross. I did everything right. I was active but not too active. Didn't smoke or drink, ate well, even making sure I got my oily fish which I hate. Took vitamins, drank extra milk etc. It wasn't that I wished any harm on these other women's babies. Just that it felt so incredibly unfair this had happened to me.

DD is doing fabulously, thank you for asking. She's actually a bit of a miracle as she was born with brain damage, and after her MRI we were told it was quite significant and she was very likely to have severe motor problems, most likely develop cerebral palsy. Yet she's 17 months and shows absolutely no signs of it. She made the physio cry when she saw her walk, and any doctors who've seen her MRI are absolutely astounded at our adventurous little girl. So, again, different circumstances, but does show that miracles can happen and the doctors don't always have the answers.

Your DD sounds delightful. And you sound like a wonderful mum to have put her needs first when deciding residency.

I hope you are well and keeping your spirits up. I hope it helps to know that all of us here are keeping you and your family in our thoughts and prayers.

Hi BadNails, I had PROM in March and had my son 4 days later by EMCS, he was born at 28 weeks gestation at 2lb 12oz. He spent 8 weeks in SCBU but is now 17lb and doing really well with no health problems that we know of.

Please let me know if there is any way I can help or offer support. I'll check back and write a longer post tomorrow but I had an early start this morning so need my bed.

I hope you are well and keeping your chin up. Xx

Well the injection nearly didn't happen. It turns out the midwife from the day assessment had either failed to sort out the prescription or she had put it somewhere so safe no one could find it. I should explain that we had to go in fairly late as the injections have to be 12 hours apart.

What really pissed me off is that my appointment hadn't even been written anywhere so I wasn't even expected! Thankfully, in spite of me being very close to raging, the midwife (who clearly has better people skills than me ) said all she would need to do is find a doctor to sign off the prescription, but we would need to wait. We nearly didn't bother given the time sensitive nature of the meds but she offered to see how free the SHO was. I nearly laughed when she said it was 'good luck' that she was free and would be about fifteen minutes. Well, I replied, we haven't had much of that this week.

To give the midwife her dues, she hadn't read through my notes at this point, so I probably looked some mad woman demanding steroids!

So the injection pinched and I have no issues with needles normally, but this felt like a nice punch to my backside. But ho hum, it's all good for DD so I'll suck it up.

Ah, nearly forgot 24+2 I hadn't realised through my insomnia.

Combine I am so glad it isn't just me that has had the peculiar 'gestation envy' thing and yes, I too feel the same about people who have ppromed later It's right what KD says though, it is all relative. Of course no parent wants their baby to be premature and it is terrifying. DP commented this evening that whilst he feels it is desperately unfair and he hates using that word, he wouldn't even wish it was happening to someone else because of how terrible it is.

I must say though Combine I will have completely surpassed myself the day I can quote medical journals complete with date and author! You must have been glowing at that moment.

Thankyou toddler I am impressed with your breath holding ability - I can't believe I'm still here and MN has been of great help.

rainy, BOO and beatrice thanks for checking in. Steroid injection number two in about six hours. I think I'll be asking for the other cheek to be done. It was a 3mls injection, which apparently is on the larger side. It didn't mean much to me but I would recommend wriggling your toes which is what I was advised to do as the fluid goes in. I'm disappointed that all I'm left with is a tiny red dot. I wanted a full on black and blue bruise for my efforts. DP told me to 'man up' typical!

KD it was so nice to read about your DD. Even just you writing about the reaction of the physio made me well up. I will keep you in my prayers for your current pregnancy, I hope you are able to enjoy it though I would imagine it will be hard at times.
I can identify with so much of what you have written. Both DP and I have occasionally ranted about those who may have smoked, drank alcohol, taken drugs, played dangerous sports whilst pregnant and like you, whilst wishing no ill on anyone's babies, it will feel unfair. I quit smoking to help with conception and I wouldn't smoke during pregnancy and yes the words, 'I shouldn't have bothered' have escaped my mouth during the last week, much to my shame.
And thank you, I don't feel like a wonderful mum. The residency issue still ranks number one as the hardest decision I ever had to make but in my heart, I know it was the right thing to do.

Hello Snowboarder another positive pprom so pleased you and your DS are well. If you don't mind me asking, although I suspect it'll be different because of your gestation, but what kinds of interventions were you offered? Did you get the steroids etc, or were the doctors fairly positive about the outcome? Did they advise EMCS, or was that the preferred course of action? Sorry to bombard you with questions!

Crikey.

Sorry to have rambled on.

Will let you know how I got on later x

Congratulations on making it to 24+2 and on having the steroids!

I've just read your thread, and have no experience of this, but I'm now rooting for your DD - she sounds like a fighter and you and your DP are her champions .

Pleased you got the steroids badnails
I'm sure the midwives have dealt with more grumpy people than you, and once they'd read your notes it would have been very clear why you reacted the way you did.

I had the steroid injections when I started contracting at 30 weeks and I remember it being nippy. I got mine in my thigh and I did have a lovely huge bruise so that's another thing you can be of me for!!

Hi again BadNails, well done for adding another day. Each day is very important at this stage so celebrate each one. I'm rooting for you.

In terms of interventions, I had both steroid shots (ouch!) and was then kept in the hospital to basically cross my legs and hang on as long as I could with my waters leaking all the time. The only reason I had DS 4 days later was because I got a massive infection and his heart rate started dropping - they decided to get him out ASAP. Had I not gotten an infection I sometimes wonder how long I could have held on.

In retrospect my consultant (I was under a consultant obstretrician at the time) says that I should have been given antibiotics when I was admitted as obviously once my waters had broken I was then open to infection. I hadn't had the infection when I'd gone into hospital as they'd tested my waters, so I obviously picked it up inside.

I have to say that the hardest thing was having DS whisked away in the operating theatre without getting to hold him, but really he did very well and although his time in SCBU was not without worries, he is now a healthy and happy almost 8 month old (5 months corrected).

I know there are no guarantees when something like this happens, but I so hope that things go well for you. It's a hard journey ahead but you can get through this.

I'm low again. I'm not sure how I missed this, but absence of amioniotic fluid is called anhydramnios. I think this is what happens when medical staff tell you things when you're too upset to actually digest anything. So yes, you guessed it, I went nuts on google and now I feel lost again.

I had a flashback to the scan on Wednesday and I have a vague recollection of the consultant telling us that there are no tests to determine the state of DD's lungs or anything else related now. Dr google has left me with reeling with some very bleak tales Someone on another forum wrote the delightful phrase of watching your baby slowly turning blue because they cannot breathe. Thanks for that one. Then I stumbled into the description of a late term termination and they check for signs of life on an ultrasound about half an hour after administering the injection.

Well. What kind of choice is that?

I know there is still hope for her, I know there is. I also know I need to stop going onto Google. I think part of the problem is that this seems so rare or unique to the individual circumstances that no one can really give any answers and I struggle with that. I imagine that most people feel the same.

Ok. Self-pity over. DD is still alive and that is what counts right now.

I had my second steroid injection today. It was far less painful And no bruising or anything, so KD, yes, maybe a little !! I must have a touch of the masochist about me!

The midwife pulled out the original prescription and waved it - she had left it clearly marked apparently, with a note in the diary saying that I was due in yesterday. She seemed a little exasperated and apologised for what had happened. What can you do?

So, more bloods taken and she will call me with the results later. DD's heartrate is still good and I'm still not exhibiting any signs of infection

I received a phone call from my community midwife today. The news has filtered through. She just wanted to check I was okay and if I needed anything/had any questions. The local team had had no updates following last weeks scan, so she was following that up. It was good of her to do that, it wasn't expected.

Honestly, though, my posts are becoming epic so I apologise for that!

Step away from the Google Badnails!

Seriously, it seems like you are causing yourself more worry by seeing bleak tales (but there are lots of happy stories too aren't there?!)

Many many congratulations for getting so far, just take it one day at a time.

Am keeping everything crossed for you and your baby

xposts Snowboarder thank you for answering my questions. I think they sent me home after the initial 48 hours because the risk of infection is a bit higher in hospital (??) One of my fears is DD being whisked off before I see her, I'm frightened that something bad will happen and I won't be there.

It is great to hear from you. But do put the google down! Google would have told you that you were likely to deliver 48 hours after PROM and you have already proved them very wrong on that one.

Do you know when they will scan you again to see if your waters are replenishing or are you still leaky?

You are doing all you can to give DD the best chance. Hang in there xxxxx

Ah Rick, I know, I know I shall make a concerted effort to stop (or least minimise..!)

Hi ncjust you are right, I shouldn't be forgetting my small victories so soon. I'm being scanned again on Wednesday afternoon and I don't mind saying that I'm dreading it. The scans seem to be the worst time. If there is still no fluid, I have no idea what they'll be saying to us

24.2, that's great! I can only imagine the scary stories on google, and how hard it must be not to read them. But there are good stories too and we are all with you willing this thread into 1000 posts with a wonderful outcome that has us all in tears of joy for you.

Thank you HeadsRolling I can't even begin to tell you how much I want that too!

To help with google avoidance have you got a good book to read? Something easy reading, you know we love Jilly Cooper on MN so they're always a recommendation!

Whatever they say to you remember it is you and dh that make the choice. They can only advise. With the advice in mind you choose what is right for you, whatever that may be.

If the power of positive thought does anything your dd will be happily swimming by the time you are scanned with all of mn rooting for you.

Every day is a little victory. Remember the odds climb in your favour for each one.