Why's this pregnancy so hard?

[twiglett]

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Oh twiglett I know exactly how you are feeling. I think it probably was just this bad first time around, but we didn't have ds and dd's to deal with as well so were able to have lots more me time, and being miserable didn't really affect them. But it will all be worth it (I figure if I can convince you I can convince myself)

I keep being told that I'm going to get to the "in bloom" stage of pregnancy soon, well I wish it would hurry up. Am also fed up of being chief grouch around here and this chronic tiredness is really getting to me.

I was hoping for a total of three kids at one point. Think I'll stop at this second... I'm not going through this again. No way.

Sorry to hear you are so low - I had the same in my pregnancy - they do say the worse the sickness- the more viable the pregnancy - it was the only comfort I found!

Hope you feel better soon.

im currently 31 weeks and ive been saying the same thing for about the past month.dont get me wrong this baby is very much wanted but this time around(2nd time)its been so much harder..i think its because your looking after other children too.i find it hard to actually stay awake after 9pm this time around and thats really pushing it.it hasnt helped that dd started preschool in september and its at the bottom of a very big hill that we live right at the top of
but seriously i cant remember aching and being this uncomfortable last time.
i said id only ever have one child after birth of dd and here i am doing it again but this time i mean it ....NO MORE!!!!

poor you twiglet panic attacks are awful and especialy when pregnant My 2nd preg was emotionally vile so know how you feel. alot of sympathy coming from me.....

Pregnancy is vile, isn't it. I hated it both times. Fortunately my sis had been through equally vile one just before so I didn't have any illusions. Hugs from here - remember you DO get a delightful baby out of it!

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I'm sure it doesn't help that it's got very wintery all of a sudden and that it's half term (all playgroups etc closed down here so much harder to entertain ds, even if I wasn't trapped here potty training him, but that's a whole new whinge!)

There must be people out there who enjoy being pregnant, musn't there?! I thought I remembered quite enjoying it the first time around (although it may just have been the attention... this time around it's "oh, you pregnant again?"

Hi
I'm eighteen weeks pregnant and until 11 weeks I felt absolutely dreadful. I too had wanted three kids but then decided I would stop at this second one. Then from 11 to about 1 weeks I felt bad but not as bad and now if I eat properly I generally feel alright though tired. It is great to be things with ds again as for about 4 or 5 weeks doing things like taking him to the park was totally out of the question. That was the worst part of feeling so awful, having to "neglect" him.
It's funny how the mind works though because now that I only sometimes feel queasy (and generally on an empty stomach) the thought of three kids sometimes creeps back into my mind (!!!!!).
Anyway, you have my deepest sympathy because I know how horrible it is - also in my case dh was not at all sympathetic which made it ten times worse, long live the sisterhood is what I say.
Also, you WILL soon feel better, I really didn't believe it in my case but here I am feeling okay (not on top of the world but that might be too much to hope for!). The worse thing for me was seeing the days creeping by so slowly, when I was about 8 weeks pregnant I really didn't know how the hell I was going to get through it.

Sorry, I meant 11 to 16 weeks, not 11 to 1 weeks!

oh you poor thing. I can totally empathize. I had two miserable pregnancies with every bad symptom in the book. And to make it even worse, my friend who was pregnant at the same time was one of these people who doesn't even know their pregnant until the baby comes popping out. And in her case it really was popping out (she was in labor for 2.5 hours with her first and he was half-way out before she even thought it was beginning to hurt a bit). The good news is that if your pregnancy is really really miserable, the sleepless nights once the baby comes out are really really easy in comparison.
I must have threatened to divorce dh at least 200 times while pregnant with my second. Luckily my mother kept reminding me that I was pregnant and probably shouldn't be making any important decisions until the baby came out. Dh improved enormously once I was no longer pregnant

Oh Twiglett ... I sooooo know how you feel! I am not a happy camper when pregnant either. I don't remember feeling like that with DS but I have worked out that with him every stage (pleasant or not) was a novelty. Now I get to a new stage I think "Oh, no! I remember this bit!"
I felt terribly sick until 18 weeks and was a real cow to DH who just didn't deserve it ... then I started to pile on weight (all in the wrong places - no bump but a huge bum and thighs and arms) and so feel rotten about myself ... and now (at 27 weeks) am at the "Oh my god ... I won't be able to cope with childbirth/new baby" stage (I off loaded in a thread last week ...)
I am so glad to see that there are others that don't like being pregnant ... but a friend recently told me that she doesn't see why people have children if they don't like being pregnant - I told her that the pregnancy is the smallest bit of having children and that being pregnant does not make you a parent and that I am pregnant because I want a child NOT because I want to be pregnant IYKWIM!!!!!
I know that at 12 weeks the rest of your pregnancy is looming ahead but it does go quickly ... I can't actually get over the fact that I am entering the 3rd trimester now ... It seems only yesterday that I was doing my pg test ....
Sending hugs {{{}}}

Twiglett - I know just how you feel. I feel like such a traitor -I've wanted to get pregnant for ages - it's been my one huge goal in life, and finally, magically it happens - and I hate it! I feel so guilty for not being able to enjoy what should be such a special time (or what I thought would be a special time). Now I just can't wait to get it out, and I'm only 18 weeks.... When dp was pregnant she was happy and radiant for the whole 9 months - no sickness, no bad symptoms - she loved it. I feel so miserable - sickness, heartburn, pains in my stomach, and just the feeling generally that it's not what my body should be doing. It's hard not to worry that as I'm down about the pregnancy I'll be down with the baby, but dp then went on to have PND, so you never can tell. Hopefully I'll be so happy to actually have the baby I'll be delirious!

Hang in there and know that you're not alone - I'm also glad not everyone floats on a fluffy cloud when pregnant - although I never would have believed it until it happened to me.

I'm not even going to relive the nightmare pregnancy I just had here, but wanted to say that I know how awful you must be feeling and send you hugs

xxxx

I hate being pregnant too! I'm 16 weeks with no 3 and it's horrible, I've been miserable most of the time and I feel guilty about it and hate myself when I should just be happy to be pregnant, especially when other people on Mumsnet are losing the babies they wanted so much.

Dot I really worried about Post natal depression too cos I get seasonal depression most winters so thought I might be susceptible but it's totally different, I actually found it much easier to be happy after the birth with a little baby than through pregnancy when I am a miserable cow.

And I HATE people saying "Oh mid-trimester, you must be entering the blooming randy phase now, I couldn't stop having sex for 3 months". NO I am tired with no libido for all 9 months.....

Yeah, sex is definitely something we only seem to do this days to get pregnant in the first place!

Some women sail through pregnancy. Both mine (16 weeks now with 2nd baby) have been hard cos of the sicknes, tiredness etc so I can say though I love being pregnant I don't enjoy pregnancy, if that makes sense.

But like Fennel, I remind myself of the heartbreaking stories of people on Mumsnet so desperate to get pregnant and count myself lucky.

Reading this thread has made me feel a lot better. I am pg with no 2 and ds is 14 months. We will have a 17 month gap between the two. Like so many of you, I have also found this pg a lot harder than the first which, on the whole, I enjoyed and sailed through with very few side-effects. This time, despite being 6 months now, I have felt exhausted throughout. I have not felt that I have bloomed yet and dread entering the third trimester as that is the time when you really start to feel tired Some of this tiredness may be down to the fact I work full-time (due to financial necessity and a completely un-family friendly employer). My ds is also getting to a stage where he likes to play energetically and I feel constant guilt about (a) leaving him at nursery full-time and (b) never feeling 100% when entertaining him. Add that to the guilt I feel every day about being a working mother and its not a good combination!
It really is the tiredness that is getting me down and am also worrying that dh and I never do anything special like going out for a meal. The evenings tend to revolve around playing with ds, getting him bathed and ready for bed and then getting ourselves a tv dinner before collapsing into bed.
Agree that at the end of the day, I am incredibly lucky to have ds and another on the way but somedays the tiredness and guilt seems endless....

Twiglett I think I could have been starting this thread next week if you hadn't got there first. I was talking to someone who didn't discover she was pg until 11 weeks (due to bleeding from low lying placenta being mistaken for periods) and I said that if I didn't know I was pg I would think I had a serious illness - I am just so tired. Really am finding it much harder this time and I'm sure that can't all be down to DS. And he is SO heavy!

LucieB, I feel exactly the same way. DD is 19 months old, and I come home from work, tell her to go play with her toys, and collapse on the couch in front of the tv. I then try to muster up the energy to prepare her food, etc. I am in my 3rd trimester now, and I hate to say that not only am I tired, but it is much more uncomfortable this time. I feel somehow that the blood is not circulating well to my feet, and I can't feel comfortable wearing anything around my waist. I just keep thinking - at least I'm not vomiting any more!

Feel a bit humble reading all of you second time mums - not surprised you're tired!

I'm on my first (26 weeks and counting) and not so much tired but just grumpy as hell most of the time although I really look forward to holding my baby.

I'm also in the 'sex? you must be kidding!' category.

Experienced mums - do these feelings go away?

jamhead, you do remind me that during my 1st pregnancy, I was very emotional and got really sad and depressed for no reason at all sometimes. This time, I haven't really gotten that way, which is nice. So yes, I think the grumpiness does sort of go away, although beware, as it may be replaced by post-natal depression or the 'baby blues'. Sorry, not happy news there. As for the 'sex' bit, clearly everyone is different - have you seen the thread where all the mums have had sex like 1 week after they had their babies!?? I'm probably like you - I wasn't eager during my 1st or during this pregnancy or for that matter, well after DD was born. So it really varies by individual. I think there will be times when you are feeling horny, and other times not so, during your pregnancy. Good luck though!

I'm glad (in the niceast possible way) that I am not the only one who feels like this. I am having a ghastly pregnancy (which I didn't even want in the first place and that in itself makes me feel more guilty than ever) and I am only getting through by consoling myself with the fact that dh is having a vasectomy in Nov so this will NEVER happen again!
I'm almost 33 weeks now and just had an operation to fix the worst of my problems - now this week I am laid up again with a UTI and I think I am getting depressed (it started at 32 weeks with ds - previous pregnancy) as I have been acting totally out of character for the last couple of weeks and crying every day. Plus I am terrified of when the baby arrives - at least at the minute I can sleep all day when the children are at the childminder (can't even look after my own kids any more ...) and how on earth am I going to cope with 3 children??? I feel a little better reading this thread - at least its not just me having a hard time of it, because it feels like it sometimes!

susanmt - sorry you're having a miserable time though it's good to be able to commiserate. I actually went to see midwife today for advice - 'try to roll with it, it won't last forever'. Didn't expect anything else really but somehow just talking about it helped. It's not nice feeling out of character but she must be right - can't last forever.

About not looking after your kids - that's what childminders are FOR isn't it? And having 3 kids, well I don't have any experience but I'd say if you've managed the 2, you'll be OK.

Susanmt, I agree with jamhead. Hang in there, and we're here to support you -and commiserate. At least the operation is behind you - sorry about the UTI.

I am 7 weeks and am so miserable - irritable, cranky, paranoid, grumpy, tearful... Hmm if I could think of a couple more it would sound like the 7 horrid dwarves...

depressed, paranoid...