Why's this pregnancy so hard?

[twiglett]

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OK I said paranoid twice... let's say misanthropic instead...

Hi NGPY - full sympathy. Don't suppose this will help but I'm now just over 24 weeks pregnant and just about starting to not dislike it! (i.e. I wouldn't say love it or anything, but I'm feeling much much better than I did a few weeks ago...). It's taken much longer than I expected but the sickness has gone and I'm tolerating the heartburn and finally getting used to feeling baby kick - which really unnerved me and made me feel sick for well over a month.

Hang in there - I never thought I'd get to this stage - where I'm not miserable every single day!

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Like Twiglett it started to clear up for me last week (16 weeks) although wouldn't say I'd got to 99% - maybe 80 % but still much better. I'm miles behind with Christmas preps but am really starting to make inroads. First pregnancy started to feel better sooner and didn't feel as bad in the first place.

I've found that there's a drawback to feeling better at 16weeks (as I am now) in that it's easier to overdo it. ds has got really clingy in the last few days, wanting carrying to and from nursery, carrying up stairs, etc. Plus I did a load of cleaning two days ago lugging the hoover everywhere and I'm really regretting it now. Got the crampy "feels like I've pulled something in my stomach" feeling for the last few days if I stand too long, so I've been trying to put my feet up as much as possible (when ds lets me). As a result I think I feel worse now than I did a few weeks ago.

Hello everyone

Thanks for these replies. I'm lucky - I don't feel very sick (yet, I suppose I should say), just occasional nausea easily cured by eating (have started "healthy eating plan" to avoid ending up the size of a house).

But it is the emotional side and the fatigue which are really getting me down.

I loathe being pregnant, and while I am not exactly regretting it... well, I suppose that's enough said.

I am so miserable!

Thanks for your kind replies.

I've found saying over and over "it wont be like this forever" helps in all aspects of pregnancy, childbirth and post childbirth traumas.

Awww, much sympathy!

I HATED, absolutely loathed being pregnant - although I did do it 3 times

I read all these mags/books about how your skin was supposed to be rosy, glossy thick hair and a little tidy bump at the front.

In reality, I spend most of the time being sick, face spotty, hair lank and yucky, and I was like a hippo - throw in some SPD to boot and was in a living hell

Don't be hard on yourself - if DS watches TV all day, then so what! At least the weather is getting cold and wet so a perfect excuse for just slobbing on the sofa. When it's warm and sunny, I always feel I HAVE to be outside doing stuff.

Funnily enough, if I see Teletubbies now it reminds me of when I spent weeks slobbing on the sofa - DD1 plonked in front of TV whilst I lay there trying to stop myself from throwing up

NGPY, big sympathies. It's this great fib that everyone loves being pregnant and looks gorgeous and sleek etc. Obviously you need to stay away from pregnancy magazines as they specialise in all this unreal rose-tinted piffle and it will probably make you feel queasier in any case. I thought emwi's advice was spot-on - it is a short time in the grand scheme of things. I know whereof I speak, believe me - I had the interminable, nerve-wracked pregnancy from hell which started exactly a year ago and spent much of it wondering what the I'd done. I did not bloom so much as mushroom and got very self-conscious about my appearance at only six months - so that was just another eight weeks before I could waddle off on mat leave and hide in a darkened room.
Keep your eyes on the ultimate prize and the best of luck getting there. You can always vent on here, Mumsnet is a lifeline for those less than magic moments in a mother's life.
I just scrolled down past your message and saw the rough, rough time that Susanmt was having back in October. And now she is thrilled to have her little dd...obvious, but true, like the best cliches. I am now totally in thrall to the little person who put me through nine months of emotional turmoil and hideous physical discomfort.

Thanks everyone - don't feel like saying much more now, but I do appreciate these comments.

NGPY ... sympathies to you .... those early weeks are awful ...
I hate to say ... but the last few weeks for me are pretty crap too ... and for me the middle ones in this pregnancy weren't a bed of roses either
I have spent the last 48 hours crying because I feel so horrible. I am 33 weeks ... it is boiling hot here in NZ ... hands and feet are swollen up like balloons ... am sweaty ... got nothing cool to wear ... have put on tons of weight ... can't sleep ... SPD screaming at me all the time ... tired ... can't bear to look at myself - avoid even glancing in shop windows ...

I just keep focussing on the end result (as Marina says) and know that when the baby comes I will forget very quickly about how uncomfortable I am ....

I had an m/c last year and sometimes feel guilty for not being happy in pregnancy ... but I have realised that I am just NOT one of those blooming happy mother earth types ... but once the baby comes I will be able to get on with it ...

I would love to have lots of children but there is no way that I will bear being pregnant again after this .... so looks like surrogacy if I am desperate!!!!

Hang in there ... it will go quickly ... I can't believe that I have 7 weeks to go ... it seems only yesterday I had my head down the toilet thinking 'How am I going to get through the next 32 weeks??' ....

sorry I'm resurrecting this thread, but I'm having a BAD week and need to grumble...

I've had an OK past few weeks - felt well and been happy with growing bump, but I'm 29 weeks now and the third trimester seems to have hit me in the face - bump's grown massively over the past couple of weeks and I feel so uncomfortable - walking/lying down - it's all such a huge struggle to do anything....

My nausea's back (although I haven't been sick) - so depressing when I've really enjoyed being able to contemplate food for the past few weeks, and now just feel sick/hungry/not knowing what to eat all the time.

Very tired because I can't sleep properly - aching hips are driving me insane at night. Also got this weird pain right on my pubic bone which sometimes makes me think I won't be able to take another step, it's so acute sometimes.

Aarrgghhhh..... just feeling really low and depressed again - and more so because it had gone but I feel like I've got to contend with it all again for another 11 weeks. Hate moaning so much at home - dp thinks I've been taken over by an alien and anyway with a 2 year old it's not fair to be miserable all the time.

HELP - how am I going to get through this last bit without going mad...? Counting down the days until I can finish work - 7 weeks to go....

No sympathy expected - I just needed somewhere to post a miserable post..!

Oh Dot1 - Thats rotten. I'm not looking forward to the last Trimester. I got pains in my hip and funny twanging pains in my groin last time.

Is there any way you can finish work even just a week early? I know that its not always financially realistic, but I have considered getting a Doctors line for a couple of weeks before I start Mat leave if I am feeling bad. And I certainly think your symptoms warrant it.

I can't remember now, but was it you or your partner that had your ds? If it's your 1st then the head will probably engage before 36 wks which should really help with the sickness and discomfort when you lie down.

Although I felt so laboured last time around I remember having this burst of energy and fitness at around 37wks which resulted in me painting a fence and ending up in hospital with high BP!!

So this won't necessarily be like this until you deliver. Hang in there.... it's nearly over.

thanks M2T - I'm sitting here at work feeling all tearful - and I'm in an open plan office so mustn't start blubbing.... I've actually brought my leaving date forward by a week already in my head - was going to work up to 37 weeks- March 5th - but have decided to finish at the end of February instead - psychologically it feels so much nearer!

Dp had our ds, so this is my first and I think I feel so down because I've wanted to be pregnant all my adult life, and feel so disappointed that I've been so rubbish at it.

Will stop typing now as really will burst into tears if I carry on...

lots of hugs and sympathy dot1
your hormones are bound to be all over the place right now but they could easily calm down again in even a few days - I'm 33 weeks now and have been a bit of a yoyo since 28 weeks but some days I'm still really bouncy and enthusiastic. other days it's all tears and lying around being a droopydrawers. work can be a bit of a killer though - did you have much time off over Xmas? It's killed me coming back to work after a bit of a break to be honest.
what's the doc say about the aching hips and pubic bone?

Dot1 - You're not crap at it! I had wanted a baby since I was about 16. I was always going to have children young, pregnancy fascinates me, I got SOOOOO broody and jealous when I saw a pregnant woman. So I couldn't believe it when I met DP and after a few months together he shared my view on wanting children straight away.

I was pregnant within 3 months and thought it was the best thing that EVER happened to me.... hmm.... then the sickness kicked in, and the fatigue, hormones, stretching pains, heartburn..... and so on and so on. Then, after being mother earth to everyones children and helping out with my brothers when they were babies.... I went and developed PND!!!!

I couldn't believe that after preparing for it all my life that I was so bloody miserable being pregnant and having a baby. I thought I was doing something wrong. I look back now and realise that on the grand scale of things I had an easy pregnancy and I probably enjoyed it alot more than I led myself to believe coz the minute he was born I was so sad not to be pregnant anymore!

You're feelings are IMO very normal.... pregnancy isn't a breeze and it isn't comfortable and at this stage in pregnancy I would imagine that 90% of women just want the baby OUT!

You will look back with your pregnancy with great fondness and you WILL be very proud of yourself. Honest gov!

hi dot

only a few weeks now to go...

would it help to meet some more pregnant women? I know you're new in manchester but I am here too and know other pregnant women too, if you want to meet up. my first pregnancy I didn't have any local friends pregnant or with a baby and when I first met some at about 7 months I just wanted to cry with relief I only realised then how isolated I'd been (I didn't have mumsnet then of course which would have been different)

it might help to remember that according to some studies really enjoying pregnancy is an indicator of post-natal depression while being scared and miserable about it makes you more realistic so less prone to post-natal depression. so being down now is actually a GOOD thing! as then you have more chance of it all being easier than you're now imagining.

can you take any holiday time off work maybe a couple of days to just chill out (when ds is not around maybe). I can't sleep properly either it's horrible isn't it.

awww - thanks M2T, Morocco and Fennel - I got lots of extra sleep over the weekend and feel a bit better today - trying to keep things in perspective. I don't really want to take any time off work at the moment as I'll probably need to take a few days when we move house, and I feel a real wuss at this stage for needing time, when I'm finishing in 7 weeks - feel like I should be able to get there without going off sick, etc....

I haven't talked to the doctor re: the pelvic pain - haven't seen one since it started to happen, but I'll mention it at my next midwife's appt. which is a week on Friday.

Am feeling better that this week is the last of the 20's and once I hit week 30 it's a good countdown to start...

Thanks again - I really appreciate the support and sympathetic listening to my moans!

Just glanced at this but sounds like you've got SPD, love - welcome to the club! Get it checked. And then come back to mumsnet and join the rest of us who moan about SPD.

At least you're in Manchester which is a lovely place (and presumably has lots of other lesbian mums as well, which may be useful to know).

Good luck. I hated being pregnant myself and did it TWICE. MIxxxxxx

Glad you are feeling a bit better Dot. Don't try to compare yourself to your dp (or anyone else) - every womans body reacts differently to pregnancy.
And I completely second Fennel point about having a hrd time during pregnancy being a good thing really. I have horrid horrid pregnancies (I'm 22 weeks, still throwing up and getting OC), but my dd was the easiest baby in the world from day 1. Wheras a friend who was pregnant at the same time sailed through pregnancy (I hated her at the time) and came home from hospital with the baby from hell who still doesn't sleep more than 3 hours at a time. I know which I'd rather have!

thanks - I was wondering about the SPD thing - had a look at a couple of websites last week and it does seem to maybe be that. I went to an ante natal class on Saturday and had a go at sitting on a birthing ball - lovely, but as soon as I got off - OUCH! Has definitely made the pubic bone pain worse... But I'm hoping if I have got SPD it's not too severe - it seems to be staying at the same level, i.e. uncomfortable/painful but not so much that I can't walk...
How do they check it though? I'll join the SPD thread for an answer!